need help/advice

[Guest chyna619]

So, J & I had out 1st mini 18+ conservation last night about being intimate w/ each other. We've been going out for a few weeks & I don't know if I should or how/when I should tell him about my beloved fetish I'm really scared as to how he would react, but his allergies & sneezes drive me crazy. So, pls help me as I have never told a BF about this & am really freaking out!!!!

Thanks, chyna

[chui]

I guess that would depend on how "mini" that conversation was.... (keep in mind that if you want to give details, or talk about this in depth, it will have to be done on the Adult Board) I would recommend feeling him out a bit, and seeing what things he is/isn't interested in as far as a physical relationship. If he seems open minded and receptive to most of the things you mention, then it might be a good thing to go ahead and tell him about the fetish, especially if he seems eager to please you. From there, just be honest, and tell him that you have something you really like, and would like to try if he is willing.

[lk]

Everyone is different, and every relationship is different too, but I have to say, a few weeks doesn't sound like very far into a relationship to reveal something that you've never revealed to a partner before, and that obviously is so personal for you (otherwise you wouldn't be freaking out, right?). So I would suggest taking some deep breaths and thinking for a bit about what you want the outcome to be, and then about how confident you are about the outcome with this guy. If you feel good about that, then chui's idea of a gradual way of broaching the subject seems like excellent advice.

When you think about outcomes here, I think you need to think about more than just the obvious ones: he'll accept me and my fetish, he won't think I'm strange, he'll want to play with the fetish with me. You also might want to think about how he will deal with this intimate piece of knowledge about you. Will he understand what it means to you? Will he talk about it with you (or keep it private) in the way that you want? How will both of you deal with sneezing in non-sexual contexts? And how would you feel about his knowing about your fetish if the relationship doesn't work out?

Those was a lot of cautions, but really you should relax, because if it's only been a few weeks, and it's going to be a strong relationship, then there is plenty of time. Like chui says, just get to know each other more, and then if it goes well, it will feel natural and right to take this step.

[Guest stacyk]

I would take it easy and try to find out with some little comments what he might think of it. Then as already mentioned before, just be honest - it is nothing bad, it is just the way it is and you can just hope that he'll understand!

[Morningsmith]

I would say that this decision should depend on two variables. First, is he sexually open-minded? This doesn't have to be a point of judgment, and isn't the same thing as asking if he's a generous lover or something. Some people just have fairly traditional or set views about what sex should be. This would be something you'd want to know if you're looking for a positive reaction. If you stay with him in the long-term, you'll probably want to tell him anyway, but at this point, I imagine positive reaction is important to you.

Second, and more basically, do you trust him? I think all of us can understand the anxiety of having sexually personal information treated with less discretion than it deserves. If you can't trust him, you probably don't want to tell him at all. But then, you might not want to be with him for long anyway...

I would think you want to be very sure of these things, so I echo excellent advice others have given already about taking time. But basically, remember, you're telling him something good, something you like about him (his allergies), something that turns you on. Try to phrase it that way when you do tell him. Finaly, on a personal note, I've told 3 people about this thing and it's never been less than a rewarding decision. Good luck!

[Candy]

I told my boyfriend about my fetish very early on in the relationship, simply because he was incredibly open with me about his desires, even the not-so-typical ones. He's an incredibly open-minded person, especially in the area of sex, so I felt that he'd understand.

You should try to gauge how open-minded your lover is, and imagine what his reaction might be before taking any steps to tell him. If you think he'd be accepting of the idea though, I highly recommend it

[Guest SneezyB]

You should and if he cares about you he will do what pleases you. You have to be honest to who you are and to the people that you love.

[Guest danky]

try starting by finding the right moment in a conversation to ask him if he has any fetishes or unusual tastes regarding that sort of thing. Gauge his response. Hopefully this should break the ice for you to tell him. As for his response... well, here's hoping you have good taste.

Good luck!

[*~Blue~*]

I say, if you think you are ready for it, go for it. Chances are good he won't be weirded out but in fact really curious. And if he is weirded out by in then, pardon my honesty, but if he can't accept ALL of you, he shouldn't be having ANY of you.

Blue

[12 to 6]

from experience on this...there are two stipulations that come to mind...the first one is that it might change the relationship, leaving you with a feeling of shame or embarrassment, which in my opinion is unlikely to happen due to you being together for this amount of time ( if he/she really cares about you, the fetish will probably not ruin anything)

and my second stipulation is,

life is way to short to hold anything in...talk about it, and if he/she reacts negatively towards it, theyre not the right person for you!

hope this helps, it worked for me with my gf, but what do i know

[Umeko]

I told my bf before we even got serious, just so he is aware of that when he sneezes I might act weirdly, he did not laugh or anything evev though I was shy as all hell