Time and a Half

[matilda3948]

A little sneezy Dr. Cuddy goodness was requested so here's a little something I put together. For the record: I don't own any House characters (sighs).

Dr. Lisa Cuddy sat in the parking lot at the hospital with her car idling. She flipped down the vanity mirror and pulled out the silver compact that held her pressed powder. She took the puff out and dabbed some of the makeup over the dark circles beneath her eyes. Then she swiped some over her red nose. Then she put a little more under her eyes. She looked like hell—hell in a nice suit with impeccable hair.

She should have stayed home—she wanted to stay home but between her budget meeting, teleconference with the trustees, and a morbidity and mortality that evening she knew she had no choice but to suck it up and go to work. Plus, it was just a head cold. “Hahhchhew! Cheew! Hahhh…HahhhCHEW!!CHHEEEW!!” Just a miserable, awful, wretched head cold.

House was bored and a bored House was a dangerous House. He’d nearly made Cameron cry by picking on her. Nearly made Chase quit for harassing him. Nearly made Foreman punch him and actually managed to get Wilson to yell at him. Wilson’s so unreasonable: All House did was interrupt another breast exam Wilson had been conducting. Killjoy, House thought to himself. His only logical option at this point was to go bother Cuddy. As he walked towards her office he smiled in anticipation: the outfit she’d chosen today made her a sitting duck for his ridicule. Gray pencil skirt leaving very little to the imagination, black heels, and a black blouse that was low-cut even by Cuddy standards.

“Must have a budget meeting today, huh?” he said as he limped into her office.

“Did you steal my calendar again?” she asked and started rifling through the files on her desk in an attempt to locate her planner.

“No it’s just that with that outfit you’re obviously angling for some man to give you something. Now, in my personal opinion, I think you’re underestimating your ample assets if all you ask for is a new MRI machine or PET scan. I mean with a getup like that you could easily get a—”

“House, I am not in the mood today,” she said.

“That blouse says otherwise.”

She opened her mouth to respond but was overtaken by a tickle in her nose. She turned away from House and sneezed into her cupped hands. “HahhCheew! Chheew! Ahh…HahhCHEW! CHHEEW!!” She snatched a couple of tissues from the box on her desk and gave her nose a wet blow. She looked up to see that House was leaning over the edge of her desk, looking at her with an unreadable expression.

“You’re sick,” he said.

“I’m fine,” she replied but she could hear the stuffy tone in her voice.

“No, you’re sick.”

“House, it’s just an allergy or something. Really, I’m fine.” She got up from her desk and started to walk over to her filing cabinet when she felt House grab her forearm and pull her towards him.

“You are sick,” he repeated. “You only sneeze like that when you’re sick.”

“Sneeze like what?”

“Two sets of doubles with that annoying little high pitch squeak at the end.”

“I knew there was a reason we kept you on staff here,” she said sarcastically. She tried to turn away but House kept hold of her arm. She gave him an exasperated sigh as he felt her forehead. Once he was sure she didn’t have a fever, House just looked at her, almost is if he could diagnose her just by staring.

“You should go home,” he said. He didn’t tease. He didn’t mock. He didn’t even try to look down her shirt and suddenly Cuddy thought maybe she had come down with something far more serious than a head cold. House didn’t usually show the dying such courtesy. She looked at him suspiciously and he finally let go of her arm.

“I can’t go home,” she said as she walked back to the filing cabinet. “I have meetings and a teleconference and M and M tonight and somewhere in between I need to fit in some clinic hours because we can’t all just ignore the clinic.”

“Bless you,” he said.

“I didn’t sneehhhh…AhhCHHEW! Chheww! AhhhChhew! CHHEW!!”

House took a handkerchief out of his back pocket and handed it to Cuddy who, based on her ragged breathing, was not done sneezing yet.

“HahhCheew! Chheew! Ahh…HahhCHEW! CHHEEW!!” She let out something that sounded suspiciously like a whimper before blowing her nose and collapsing into her desk chair.

“Now correct me if I’m wrong,” House said, “but you are a doctor, right?”

“Last time I checked,” she said.

“And as a doctor what would you recommend to a patient who presented with sore throat, fatigue, sinus congestion and sneezing?”

“House—”

“I’m just making sure all that administrative work hasn’t dulled your doctoring skills.”

Cuddy put her head down on the desk and her let her hair flop all around her face.

“I’m waiting,” House said.

“I’d tell them to rest and drink lots of fluids,” she said

“Very good, Dr. Cuddy.”

“House, I can’t just cancel all my appointments, she said , still not raising her head from her desk.

“Why not? And bless you.”

”Because I have commitmehhh….Hahh…AhhhCHHEWW! Chheeew!! AhhhCHEEW!!CHHEEW!! Because I haaahhhh….AhhhCHHEEW!!CHHEEW! Hahhh…HAHHHCHHEEW!!CHEEEW!! Excuse me,” she sighed.

“You’re not done yet,” House said. Even as Cuddy wondered how he could possibly know she was going to sneeze before she knew she was going to sneeze the tickle in her nose convinced her that he was right. She grabbed the handkerchief off the desk and sneezed another eight sneezes into the soft cloth. Each sneeze seemed to be harsher and wetter than the one before and by the time she was done she had to sit with her eyes shut for a moment and focus on catching her breath. She only opened her eyes when she heard a surprisingly non-hostile, possibly even gentle, House say,

“Cuddy? Come on.” She looked up to find him on her side of the desk holding her jacket and purse. She sighed and pushed herself up from her chair. She slipped into her coat and took her purse from House with an embarrassed smile.

“Thanks, House.” He nodded. He held her office door open for her and walked to the hospital entrance with her.

“Because I am such a good humanitarian I will even volunteer to cover your clinic hours,” he said.

“Am I hallucinating?” she asked.

“Of course I want two hours credit for each hour that I or Chase or Cameron actually work.”

She rolled her eyes.

“Come on, it’s a win-win situation here,” he said.

“I’ll give you time and a half but only if you work them,” she said, cracking a smile.

“Agreed.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow, House,” she said.

“Actually, you won’t be back until Wednesday.” Somehow she didn’t doubt him.

[Fantasneezer]

Thank you so much matilda! Sorry I didn't see your post asking for specifics, but you did a wonderful job! If you ever feel a tendency to elaborate I wouldn't mind a few stifles. Other than that, thanks again and great job!

[Sternuto]

Well done, indeed. You captured House FANTASTICALLY! (sp?) Where he blesses her BEFORE she sneezes. When he says "Your sick". I can just hear him saying that!! Very nice.

On the constructive criticism end.....

Dont write "she sneezed another eight times". We are sneeze fetishists here. Write them all out!

[silentdreamer789]

I too loved how House blessed her before she sneezed; I can just see that! Really enjoyed this, and chance of a sequel? I mean, all that sneezing...House is bound to catch it...

[High on Lullabies]

I had a few ideas about how I might write this when I saw the request for it. I didn't, because I don't think I've watched enough House yet (still stuck midway through S1 ) to get the characters down correctly. But now I don't even need to because you've captured perfectly pretty much exactly what I saw as being the way I'd take this on . Thank you!

[matilda3948]

Awww...thanks for the feedback guys! I wouldn't rule out the possibility of a sequal but I never make any promises because you never know when the writing vibe is going to work and when it's going to be a dysfunctional pain in the butt

And sorry, Sternuto, next time I will not leave any sneezing to the imagination

[count tiszula]

This is wonderful! And there are so comparatively few Cuddy fics; or indeed f House fics generally; I don't know why; again you're surrounded by ill people and none of them sneeze; but I ramble.

I love the fact that House recognizes the sneeze-pattern; he could almost be one of us, but sadly it's probably that damned diagnostic expertise; as with the fact that he knows she's going to sneeze before she does; will we discover how?

I hope for more; Now the cold has entered the hospital, anything could happen, and I think we could all do with a few Cameronian sneezes...

[Pseudosneeze]

That was really good. It's so nice to read a House fic with female sneezing for once. Keep it up.

[Guest upturned_palms]

I love Cuddy and House, and I especially love Cuddy! Thank you so much for writing this! I think a follow up or sequel is needed. Definitely

[Jules]

House is so great with Cuddy! Love the blessings before she sneezed, too. Thank you.