ridiculous much???

[bballgirl86]

so my bf has the fetish, and i am very supportive...personally i think its pretty cool... but i m just curious about something bc sometimes he gets ... ehh a little over the top

i induce, i tell him about my sneezes, have taken care of him when he is sick and have even written him some fiction... but i just feel so lacking sometimes, because he says (when hes cranky) that i make him feel like a freak when i dont talk about it enough, or when i m not able to induce that day bc of too many people around or being so exhausted that thats not the #1 priority for the day

he starts fights with me when i dont do it because.... why i dunno is it like this for everyone else who has told a mate?? hes never told neone else b4 and is still really skittish about me thinking its wierd... i mean its been a while since he told me is this ever gonna stop???

HELP lol i feel like i keep hiting myself over the head

[Shay]

Well I don't know all the details, but from what you've said, it sounds like he's acting like a jerk. I mean if he can't just enjoy your company without constantly needing you to induce or talk about sneezing, then he really needs to grow up and maybe he's not the right guy for you. Sorry if this sounds harsh, just that from what you've said, the way he's behaving is very close to what people on this forum might consider sharky behavior if that makes any sense.

My SO and I both have this fetish, but we have many other things in common. We actually can have conversations that don't involve sneezing and we just enjoy each other's company. So yeah it's not like that with every relationship with a person with this fetish.

[Demon327]

Granted we have a very small amount of information here. Based on what we do have however, I have to agree with Kythe. You should not be his sneeze slave. I have been ocussed of being over the top with this fetish, but I have never started a fight with a SO because they did not feel like inducing or telling me an obs. If he really cares about you he should care even if you never induce for him again. Talk with him (when he is not cranky) and tell him how you feel. Communication is key.

Good luck

[Guest 2gunruth]

to me, this doesn't really seem like a fetish issue at all

in fact, you could take out the whole sneeze fetish part of the equation and insert any sexual desire or - just anything that someone does for their significant other in a relationship.

if you ask me, sounds a bit bratty. it definitely is not the norm, i told my girlfriend about it and i actually try to do the opposite of that and not pressure her a lot because i could see how it could get to become an awkward/uncomfortable situation which is exactly the opposite of what i want. so, on the same lines as the two great replies above...take out the sneeze and insert anything...you should not be his slave of any kind, you are not an object that is just there for his pleasure and he needs to compromise and communicate with you just as you need to do with him. if something sexual like that is making you uncomfortable or getting too intense then it isn't healthy and it needs to either be changed or stopped...sexual activity is supposed to be a good thing for all parties involved and should not create anxiety, if it does - it is time have a talk when both people are in their right states of mind. just make sure he knows how you feel, like in many relationship issues, communication is paramount and often the best medicine. and if he doesn't think that you should not be treated like an object of sexual pleasure then....different talks need to be had

not to badmouth your boyfriend or freak ya out. sometimes it is easy to get a bit carried away and he might just need a talking-to.

good luck!

[daystar428]

I completely agree with what was already said so far. He should feel lucky that you didn't freak out, some poor people on here have had very upsetting experiences when they finally tell their secret. You seem to be trying but if he doesn't get it thats his problem, not yours.

It becomes your problem because you're in a relationship, but since I believe it shouldn't even be much of a problem (since he should be thanking his lucky stars you've been trying) you guys might want to talk over your relationship because there are more underlying problems than the fetish. I wish you luck and send you lots of "chill-pills" for your bf. I hope it works out but don't make yourself upset over it, thats my best advice.

[chui]

i agree with everyone else here too... he may really care about you, and really want to share this with you, but he seems to be putting a bit too much of a focus on it. it might help if you can sit him down and talk to him about it, telling him how the pressure is getting to you, and just be honest. This is the kind of pressure that if it doesn't ease up, you could very easily grow to resent this part of the relationship. which i can guarantee you he doesn't want. he may just not realize how much he is putting on this one thing though.

also be sure to point out that yes, you do enjoy sharing this with him, and that you do not think he is weird or anything because of it. it sounds like he has a significant amount of anxiety about this, and that he needs for you to accept this about him. i know it may seem like you have told him this again and again, but well, insecurity has a way of making people doubt. he may think that while you used to feel it was ok, that maybe today is different, and today you might think its weird. talking to him can help to alleviate his fears, and in turn can help lighten the pressure he puts on you.

i would recommend, if he is a member here, that maybe he try to talk to someone about how he feels about the fetish himself. many of us have dealt with anxiety and worry about acceptance from others, and it might help him. You can reassure him every day, but until he has come to full terms with this, he will always have lingering doubts and some insecurity.

[bballgirl86]

u know chui i think u said it the best.... we do have a great relationship, i mean so much so that i m the only one in the world who knows about this.... which i think freaks him out more than nething to be so .... vulnerable i think

i try to tell him every day that i love it and actually enjoy doing this... and i think that is important, because all the miss communication over the whole subject stems from that insecurity that is "freaksih" or what have u

my main q was if that insecurity goes away ... eventually

[count tiszula]

I suspect he is just going over the top because it is the first time he's had the opportunity to. You seem to be incredibly cooperative ; obviously you can't constantly induce in public, infact I'm quite surprised you've even tried.

I suspect that things will soon calm down, especially if you discuss it. I think the thing to aim for is that it should be perfectly normal for sneezing to come up in conversation; and I think a bit of humour helps. So if you make a joke about say someone on tv sneezing. But this is also difficult because it could seem like making fun of such a very serious topic. Hmm, how difficult life is....

[Jemmabean]

I feel like I have to add my reply here as well...

He should not be putting pressure on you to induce for him, or really, to indulge his fetish in any way. Something like that should be freely given - pressuring people into it speaks to me of disrespect. Especially in the case of pressuring someone who already gives freely... that, to me, is the worst. Someone comes along who cares for you enough to take this special interest you have into account, and even enjoy it with you, and you bitch and moan that it's not enough and constantly want more? Not cool, man. Not cool at all.

I would definitely talk to him about this. Sooner rather than later, because it's not a question of it being something that stops - it's a behaviour pattern that is currently developing. Don't encourage this kind of behaviour... it should be something nice that you do for him because you care for him, not something that you do because he expects you to, and he needs to realize that fact pronto, or it will get worse rather than better. It sounds like he has some security issues with the fetish and perhaps in general, so definitely try to be supportive and understanding and kind, but you have to make sure the fetish doesn't become the focus of your relationship, because that is always a bad road to go down...

I hope this doesn't come across as out of line... this is just an issue I feel strongly about... there are too many fetishists out there killing golden geese. People need to stop taking Good, Giving & Game people like yourself for granted.

[Lynne]

Frighteningly enough, I've actually dated three people I met on this site. With the first guy, it was all-encompassing. In person, it was almost ALL about the fetish, and it was mostly one-sided (mainly because I was more eager to please than I was demanding of my own gratification). With the second, it was nice plus to a great friendship, and while the friendship has stayed, the relationship didn't, which is fine With the third (and current) one, it's a very minor part of our relationship. Of course we indulge each other and enjoy it, but it's nowhere near the basis for our relationship, nor is it ever discussed unless we're engaging in it at the moment.

If anyone ever had the nerve to complain to me that I either didn't induce enough for them, or that I in any way made them feel like a freak for NOT giving in enough? Yeah, buh-bye relationship. I don't need that kind of crap in my life, nor do I need some obsessive jerk projecting his insecurities onto me. Now granted, I'm not in your relationship, so I don't know if he's being jerky about this or not, but that's how your description is coming across. I want to know that my boyfriend loves me regardless of whether or not I ever sneeze again (and fortunately, I am confident in that knowledge).

My ex-husband used to make me feel inadequate because I wouldn't indulge his particular thing (anal sex) more often. Okay, it was physically painful and horribly uncomfortable, and I didn't like it. I thought he should feel damn lucky I indulged him at all, but he was always annoyed that I wouldn't allow it more often. *sigh* who needs that kind of needy crap?

[King_of_the_ruins]

i agree with basically everything that has been said so far, and most of all with TYS. I have told SOs about it, but Jodi is the only one i have ever had indulge me with the fetish. it's just a part of who i am, not my entire being if you will. While some days i may not get as much as i want indulgence wise when jdoi chooses to indulge me, i don't make a big deal of it. I know there will be other times for that. Also as mentioned for others in their relationships, it is not a required part of the relationship, it's icing on the cake. I definitely think from the sounds of things it will probably get worse if you don't have a conversation with him about it. Hopefully it won't be something that ruins what sounds like an otherwise great relationship.

[sneezybreezy]

Relationships do not run on fetishes, instead they run on communication, honesty and compassion. The best thing to do is to tell him that you love him but you feel like he's taken this fetish too far by taking advantage of your niceness. If he does not want to work everything out and change, then he's not worth your time. It shouldn't be expected, instead it should be up to you when you want to please him.

[chui]

if he really does have an issue with the fetish, and all of this stems from insecurity...then yes, this can go away, if he works at it. It won't go away on its own, and honestly, your support alone cannot make it go away. This is a part of him that he, himself needs to accept, and until he can say with certainty "the fetish is part of who i am, it is not abnormal, nor does it make me in any way weird, and it is something that i can tolerate, and eventually embrace" he will need constant reassurance. this is the same as insecurity about anything else in life. for example, people who are worried about how they look. you can tell them a million times that they look great, but until THEY beleive it, it will fall upon deaf ears. It certainly doesn't hurt for you to reassure them, in fact it tends to make the transition easier for them... but it cannot replace inner confidence.