The B&E

[Glowie]

The B&E

House MD, Chase, allergies.

Warnings: House ---> Chase, I guess.

Disclaimer: I don’t own House MD, or its characters. If I did, Chase would definitely be the second-to-main character on the show…

Note: This is my first ever foray into sneezefic and pretty much fanfic (aside from some rather awful South Park fics I wrote nearly ten years ago). So please be gentle; I’m a little nervous! Oh, and this fic is based very loosely around an obs from when I was about 15… Me=House, Chase=my best friend at the time.

“Okay. Foreman, go run the tests on the patient. Cameron, go… hold his hand,” House waved dismissively.

“The patient’s, or Foreman’s?” Cameron asked with a mischievous smirk.

“Either.” Cameron rolled her eyes in amusement and trailed Foreman out the door.

House turned to stare at the whiteboard full of symptoms, contemplating deeply as he gently tapped his cane against his toe. He was a little stumped by this case so far, not that he would ever admit to it. It was early days, however, and he was still expecting a call from Chase who he’d sent on a little “breaking and entering” mission about half an hour ago.

As if on cue, House heard “Mmmbop” coming from his desk where he’d left his cell phone earlier. He lurched into the office and flipped open the phone as he sat down.

“What?” he barked ceremoniously.

“I’m inside Mark’s apartment,” came Chase’s voice from the other end.

“Who’s Mark?”

He heard Chase sigh softly.

“I’ve had a look around, and there doesn’t seem to be anything particularly remarkable just yet. No crazy moulds, no corrosive chemicals. No nothing. Place is pretty clean too. Still got a couple more rooms to go, but don’t count on it being environmental.”

House suppressed a sigh of his own. He was about to formulate some sort of snarky reply when he heard a faint muffled sound from Chase.

“What was that?” he asked, as if wanting Chase to repeat himself.

“Nothing, I just sneezed.”

“Oh.” For some reason House didn’t know what to say to that, so he just waited for Chase to speak again.

“Closet reveals… nothing. Normal linen and stuff. Box of old rags – they’re clean though. Worn out blankets, nothing dodgy there... heh.. hetchoo! Maybe a little dusty though,” he said with a sniffle.

House’s throat inexplicably went a little dry. What the hell was wrong with him? He swallowed and attempted to talk.

“Anything else?” he managed, trying his best to sound bored and impatient.

“Just... huh... just the laundry room... huh-tchu! ashhoo! Ugh, sorry.”

House grunted in reply as he heard the sound of Chase opening the laundry door… followed by excited yapping. Chase cried out in surprise. House grinned to himself.

“Got some company there, Sparky?” he asked.

Chase didn’t answer. All House could make out was more yapping, some sounds of a struggle, and shallow, hitched breathing. Then…

“Huh... hushoo! ackshuu! ah-SHOO! Ha.. ha... haatchuu! ..... Atchoo!!”

House wanted to laugh at his underling, but instead felt his stomach leap at the sound of Chase succumbing to a strong fit of sneezing.

“Chase?”

“He-ISHOO! Oh God... ISHOO! The patient ha.. ha... hah-CHUU! Has a damn poodle... huh... huuSHOOO!!”

House really did laugh at that.

“A poodle?? Wow, now we know he’s sick… in the head.”

Chase sneezed again, and House heard a muttered, “get the fuck off me”. This was followed by more audible evidence of struggling as Chase tried to stop the excited pup from jumping all over him and licking his face. It sounded very much like Chase was losing the battle… House felt a strange sensation flood his entire body as he just barely made out his duckling’s laboured breathing.

“Heh.. heh... hetCHOO! Ashhoo! Hah-SHUU! Ackshu! Ha-haISHOO!! Ishoo! Chuu!.... Huh... ACHOO!”

House felt oddly helpless as he listened, which was not a comfortable feeling for him. He attempted to alleviate it by teasing Chase.

“Who the hell is allergic to poodles anyway? You freak.”

Chase was obviously doing his best to control his nose long enough to bite back, but not very successfully. House tried not to listen, but unbidden images encroached upon his imagination... Chase’s head thrown back slightly, face vulnerable as his eyes fluttered closed, shoulders hitching with each tortured gasp as he held back as long as he could…

GAH!

Cheeks flushed in a very un-House-like way, he tried again to retrieve at least a tenuous grip on normality.

“So? Anything else to report?”

“Huh… huh… House…” Chase panted in exasperation before sneezing yet again.

“What? Come on, I’m sure you’re capable of searching and sneezing at the same time. Give.”

He would not admit to himself that he was simply desperate to hear Chase try to talk between sneezes. No, this was all about the patient, Matt… Max… well, whatever.

“Huh-ISHOO! There’s nothing here, House. Ha… hah… I’m ack’tchuu!!… I’m coming back.”

House urgently cast around for a reason, any reason, to extent the phone call.

“See you... hah.. haaah... soon...”

“Chase – “ House was cut off by Chase, who hung up mid-sneeze.

“Damn it,” he muttered. He’d been about to order Chase to bring the dog in on the pretence of examining it for illness, just so he could torture the guy a little more. And enjoy watching the show…

Oh well. Chase may be a tad dense sometimes, but he wouldn’t have fallen for that one.

Maybe.

[untiluntiluntil]

This is GREAT! Your dialogue is absolutely fantastic; they sound just like they do on the show! And the sneezes were sooo adorable. "Who the hell is allergic to poodles?"--was probably my favorite bit. This was seriously just awesome. Are you thinking of continuing this story? Either way, I hope this isn't your last...

[crazy_cat_girl]

YAY, Glowie! This is fantastic! You are a great writer. Allergic Chase is definitely sexy Chase!

Thank you for writing this!

[Glowie]

Thanks so much guys. I still feel a little embarrassed about writing this, even though you seemed to like it! I guess it's just a matter of getting used to doing it.

Hopefully inspiration will strike again, and I'll be able to write another one...

[Elle]

You could always have House demand Chase go back for the poodle. *grins* Or have him "dog sit" and or "borrow" someone's dog and bring it work. Anyway...this was lovely. Chase + Allergies = HOT!