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Poker Face


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Title: Poker Face

Fandom: The Office

Disclaimer: I don’t own the office, though I do own 12 episodes on my computer thanks to my friend’s program of questionable legality.

Setting: The day after Booze Cruise in season 2

Summary: Pam and Roy finally set a date, and it’s upset Jim so much that Pam’s worried.

Bunny: 2



“God bless you!” Kelly, passing on her way to the break room, exclaimed. “Wow, that’s like the twentieth time you’ve sneezed in the last hour. Are you okay?”

Jim sniffled and wrinkled his nose. “Yeah, super. Thanks Kelly.”

“Okay, if you’re sure…” She looked hesitant. “Just, um, don’t come back near my cubicle. I have a date tonight and can’t afford to get all sick and icky.”

“Your concern is overwhelming,” Jim retorted.

She shrugged. “Every girl for herself.”

Pam glanced over at Jim for the twentieth time in the last hour, as Kelly had put it. Jim was upset with her. She didn’t know why, but he was and probably

didn’t want her concern.

Hetchoo! Ugh..”

“Need a tissue?” she called. He looked up at her, surprised. He hadn’t realized everyone in the office was listening to him sneeze.

“Uh yeah. Thanks. That’d be great.”

He got up and walked over to her desk, but when he reached for the tissue box, she pulled it away. “Why are you mad at me?”

“What? No, of course not. Why would you think that?” He sneezed again and rubbed his nose with the back of his hand roughly, wincing with irritation.

“That!” He looked at her blankly. “You sneeze when you’re upset.”

“When did I tell you that?”

“Christmas party.”

How the hell did she remember that? Jim only vaguely remembered, but he had been pretty drunk. Roy and Pam had been getting all snuggly by the tree and it grated on his nerves until he had turned to the relief of alcohol.

“I’m not mad at you,” he said honestly, but turned around and sneezed into the crook of his elbow. “Hectchhho!” He turned back around and looked pointedly

at the box of tissues.

“Bless you. Then why do you keep sneezing?”

“I’m sick?”

“You don’t look sick.”


“You don’t have allergies.”

Why was she so worried about him? “Hatchooo!” He ran his hands through his hair. “I’m not mad at you, but I would be even less mad at you if you let me

blow my nose. Pretty please?”

She handed the box over, and he took a couple out and returned to his desk to work. A couple minutes passed without incident as he let himself fall into a

pattern of thoughtless busywork, but the phone rang and Pam’s voice greeting the caller shook him out of his trance. “Hetchoo!”

“What are you upset about then?” Pam demanded as hung up after transferring the call to Michael.

“Nothing,” he replied in a voice traced with congestion. “There’s just something in the air that’s bothering my nose. Maybe it’s the beet residue on Dwight.”

Dwight glared at him. “There is no beet residue on me. Beets aren’t even in harvest this time of year, everyone knows that.”

“Something’s bothering you,” Pam pressed, uncharacteristically doggedly.

“No there isn’t. Stop worrying about me, I’m fine,” he assured her, blowing his nose in the last of the tissues he had grabbed.

“I’ll stop worrying about you when you stop sneezing,” she replied, tossing the entire box at him. She missed, and it hit the floor a few feet in front of the

reception desk.

As Jim bent down to retrieve it, he pondered the situation. It made sense that Pam was worried, he hadn’t tried to pull a prank on Dwight all day. But he

couldn’t think of anything but the fact that Pam was now getting married on June 10th to a man that wasn’t him, and bothering Dwight just didn’t seem to

trump that.

But if she would stop worrying if he stopped sneezing, he would stop sneezing.

For the next hour, Jim didn’t sneeze. He pinched his nose shut every few minutes when a stray thought of Pam and Roy together invaded his thoughts, and a

throbbing headache began to develop behind his eyes from the pressure, but he didn’t sneeze.

Then Roy came up to eat lunch with Pam, and in the corner of his eye Jim could see him lean over the desk to kiss Pam, and Pam happily returning it.

That did it. His hand immediately clamped around his nose again in an attempt not to sneeze and continue the conversation he was having with a potential

costumer, but it was no use. The center of his face was a mass of itching and the twinging nerves weren’t going to give him relief until he sneezed out the

nonexistent irritation.

“We offer a fiihhhh-fteen percent discount if you buy a duhhhhh-son ream-reams Hetchoo! Excuse me, I hahhh have to HaActchoo! Dwight!” Jim tossed his phone on Dwight’s desk and walked quickly and as nonchalantly as he could from the room, sneezing uncontrollably.

Pam and Roy watched as Dwight picked up the phone and asked the customer what she had been interested in purchasing before her salesman had had

a “nasal emergency,” as he put it.

“Well that was weird,” Roy commented, chuckling, as everyone who had watched Jim’s struggle returned to work.

“Yeah, it was,” Pam replied with a sinking heart, knowing it wasn’t weird at all. “I’ll be right back.” She kissed him on the cheek, and grabbed her and Jim’s

jackets and the box of tissues he had left at his desk.

He was sitting in front of the building, leaning against the wall and breathing heavily.

“Bless you,” Pam offered, startling him.

“Pam? I…Hatchoo!”

“It’s okay,” she told him. “You don’t need to say anything. Are you going to be out here long? It’s cold.”

“I needed some fresh air.” He looked down at the sidewalk, not meeting her eyes.

Pam nodded. “Well here’s your coat so you don’t actually catch a cold and die, and the tissues.”

Jim couldn’t help but smile. “I thought I told you to stop worrying about me.”

“Stop sneezing and I’ll stop worrying,” she said again. “Feel better. I need someone to play pranks on Dwight with me. Sitting there and worrying about you

all day is boring.”

“Okay Beesley. Thanks.”

“Is he alright?” Roy asked when Pam went back inside and she and Roy settled down to eat.

“Yeah. He’s fine. It’s just… a cold.”

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I decided to take a break from an essay that is driving my crazy. And I'm glad I did! This was very enjoyable. Thank you!

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Great as allways.. Glad you came back to the office idea, you do the charactarisations so well, even though this was a little different from your first!! :consoling: Thank you!

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Very cute!! I've seen a few episodes and the dialogue seems really On. Thanks for sharing. :innocent: Oh- btw- love the avatar. :consoling:

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