Earth Day - (2 Parts)

[zakandsara]

Okay, so. In case you're not sure how the show is set up, it's sort of a mocumentary style. So the characters talk to the camera as well as just having dialogue between them. The way I'm writing it: if the names are in italics, they're talking to the camera. If the name is followed by a colon, it's just regular dialogue. Alrighty. Now, you may enter.

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Michael: Today. Today is Earth Day! We are celebrating here at Dunder Mifflin with a small par-tay, as I like to call it. However, it will be held inside the office this year, as we are not permitted to leave the premises as a group, thanks to the "incident" last year.

Dwight: I would not refer to it as an incident. As Assistant Regional Manager-

Michael: Assistant TO the Regional Manager, Dwight.

Dwight: As Assistant to the Regional Manager, I felt it my duty and obligation to save Michael from the rabid squirrel that was attacking him.

Michael: He was not attacking me, Dwight. He was climbing the tree to get acorns. For food.

Dwight: However you may have viewed the situation, the burning of that tree was imperative for you to have kept your life.

Michael: IT WAS EARTH DAY. You burned down the landscaping on Earth Day, Dwight.

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Michael: Hey-oooo! Pamalicious. Pamanator. Pamela. Pampampampam.

Pam: ...Yes, just excuse me one moment. I'm on the phone, Michael. Can you please wait until I'm off?

Michael: Certainly, milady.

Pam: Yes, okay. Okay, well you'll be hearing from him shortly. Okay, thank you. Bye bye.

Okay, Michael. How can I help you?

Michael: Happy Earth Day to you, Pamela!

Pam: Oh, Happ-

Michael: I would like to present to you this lovely bunch-o-tulips. For you, madam.

Pam: Oh, thank you Michael. But I don't think I should keep them on my desk, I have allergies. Remember?

Michael: Well, Pam. I'm allergic to bologna. And what you just told me is bologna. I will get you a vahhhse for them. That's how they say it in England.

Pam: O-okay, Michael.

Pam: Michael insisted on me having flowers on my desk for Earth Day. It's been about...ugh, hold on- HihhtchCHOO! Pardon me. It's been about three hours, and I haven't stopped sneezing since. Michael told me I should've gotten my flu shot.

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Jim: Hey. How's your day?

Pam: How do I look, Jim? I have tears running down my fa--. My faAATCHIEW. My face.

Jim: You look great. Especially when your nose is dripping like that. I can hardly contain myself.

Pam: Shut up! Tell Michael to get these off my desk. hhhhuhTSHOOO. UGH!

Toby: God bless you, Pam.

Pam: Oh. Thanks, Toby.

Michael: Ahhhhl-right, Toby. You think you won? You think because you said "Bllless you, Paaaam", you think that makes me wrong? I'm just trying to get in the holiday spirit, everybody! I'M JUST TRYING TO LIVEN THIS PLACE UP, PEOPLE.

Dwight: Pam's a fake. She did plays in high school. I can spot her fake sneezing gag from a mile away.

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Pam: Okay, then. Alright. No he's not...heh, excuse me for a minute...HAAAATCHOO. HATCHHHOOO. HEHHH-HEHTSCHOO. HAH-xtsnk. HI-xtsssk. TTTSHOO.. Pardon be, I'm so sorry, sir. Okay, I'll connect you.

Pam: That's the fifth time I've had to put a customer on hold to sneeze. I have to sneeze right now, but I've learned to control it. I have a stockpile that I just let loose when I have the time. ...I'm going to kill Michael.

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Michael: Hey, Pammy. Still "sneezing".

Pam: Yes, Michael, I'm still sneezing. That's what happens when you're allergic to something. Can you please haa--hahhh--hand me a tissue? Quick.

Michael: Oh, come on, Pam. Drop the show. You got your attention, but we're puh-retty much over it, am I right people?

Jim: I don't know who Michael's talking to when he calls us "people". No one ever responds.

Pam: Come on, Mi--hahhhh. Michael. Please stop hiding the box behind your baa---bahhh--back.

Michael: No, Pam. I'm not going to let your lack of holiday cheer waste valuable tissues. That's money down the toilet. CHA-CHING.

Pam: Damn it, Mic--haahhhhnxgtssssk. Ah, that hurt!

Michael: ....Well. Bless you, Pam. Would you like a tissue?

Pam: Thank you.

Jim: Mike. Why don't you just throw the tulips away. She's miserable, look at her. She's a mess.

Pam: Thanks, honey. HAHHKTCHIIIEW!

Jim: Gesundheit. Anyway, why won't you believe she's got allergies?

Dwight: Exhibit A; The lovely bouquet of flowers that has been on her desk for the past two years.

Jim: Those are plastic, Dwight. You really think those flowers have lasted for two years?

Dwight: Okay. My mistake. Exhibit B; I will now hold these flowers up to her nose. I know Pam, and she isn't that good of an actress. She will break and come clean. Ready, Pam?

Pam: Dwight, please don't do this. I can hardly breathe already. TSHHHHIIIIEW

Dwight: A-HA! Resistant. Surely, she is a fraud.

Jim: Okay, if she does this, will you please take them away?

Dwight: Certainly.

Jim: Alright, we're in.

Pam: Jim!

Michael: Alright, ready.....GO!

Pam: Why do I still work here?

Dwight: Come on, Pam. Resist the urge to fake your sneezing. It's no use anymore, you've been found out.

Pam: I ca-ahhh. I can't sto-hahhh. Stop them, DwiiiiiiiiHHHHHHHTSCHOOO! HEHKHOOO. HAHHSTCHOOO. HEHSCHOOO. AHHHGSHOOOO! Oh my go--AHHHHHTCHOO! HEEHHHHnkxxkkSHOOO!! Ow!

Jim: OKAY, OKAY. That's enough, Dwight. She's clearly made her point. Give the flowers to Michael.

Dwight: Fine. But Pam, my dear. That performance was Oscar worthy. Here, Michael.

Michael: Thank yooo- HARRRRRT-SCHOOEW!

Pam: God bless you.

Michael: Uh-oh.

[zneeze]

Geez.

I should watch The Office before writing a The Office fic. Now I completely get how it goes.

On a related note, this was incredibly hot. Thank you so much for writing!

[Animeeze]

This was a great write up! I actually haven't been able to watch The Office lately, but now I really want to again. Great job!

[wishiwassneezy]

Haha, yay! This was really good. Michael and Dwight would do that...especially Dwight . Too bad it's not a real episode.

[tFM!]

Gah! SOOO awesome! I love Pam with a mad passion, and this fic is amazing =)

[Blah!?]

Great work! For some reason, it would never have occurred to me to write the story in the same format as the actual show. Everyone is completely in-character. Better than any fanfic I could hope to write. I hope to see more from you in the future!

[count tiszula]

This is absolutely brilliant! I liderally lolled at the last bit. It is spot on, as they say. The actress who plays Pam in the American version is , of course, very good at this sort of thing; as in her crying scene; so the whole thing is only too easy to visualise.

I suppose there can't really be any more; or can there?

[Zee]

As a big fan of The Office, Pam and sneezing, this was truly incredible. Thank you!

[Niceguy]

Great job! Would make a fantastic episode!

[zakandsara]

Thanks, everybody! It always helps boost the the process when encouragement is offered.

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Pam: This is the second year in a row that Dwight's been called into Human Resources on Earth Day. TTCHHHEW. **sniff** They're in the conference room with him for questioning. He told Jim to "Give the Mrs. my love." Dwight is single.

Michael: Alrighty, everyone. Back to work. There is no longer anything to see here, Pam's just coming down with a little something.

Pam: Actually, Mich-

Michael: Pam, is that the phone? You better get that.

Pam: The--the phone isn't ringing, Michael.

Michael: Wha-it's not? BRRRRRING, BRRING. I think I hear it now, why don't you get that.

Pam: HehhhTCHieww. Huhh..HUHchhhuhmmm. Ughh.

Jim: Hey, guys. Whatcha talking about?

Michael: Well, Jim, if you must know, Pam was just telling me how she thinks she feels a cold-a-brewin'!

Pam: I didn't say that. Michael. But you've got to take a call in five minutes, you should go get ready in your office.

Michael: Right-o, mate! I'll be baack. HaHa! Like The Terminator? I'LL BE BAAACK.

Jim: ...Okay. So, what do you wanna do tonight, babe?

Pam: I'm not sure. I think I just want to go home and relax. NxkkgCHOO. Ow.

Jim: Oh. Alright. Maybe we'll watch a movie or something.

Pam: Sounds good. TCHHHieww.

Jim: So, I'm gonna get back to work, then.

Pam: It weirds me out that Jim never says 'bless you' when I sneeze. It makes me feel awkward. HiiitchTSHOO. ..........Now I feel awkward.

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Pam: Angela? Can you come here a minute?

Angela: Hello, Pam. What can I help you with?

Pam: Did you ever notice that Jim never says 'bless you' when you sneeze?

Angela: Oh, I don't sneeze in the office. It's a disgusting habit. The only people who have seen me sneeze are my cats, because they don't judge me.

Pam: O-Oh...okay. HaaahTCHshooo. ...Excuse me.

Angela: Ew. I've got to go.

Pam: I'm honestly starting to believe that I'm the only sane one in this building.

[*GOR*]

I like this, its cute and funny. You're a very good script writer, except there are not any actions included. Why not comment on such things, such as he never says bless you because she never covers her mouth...

[InLivingColor]

Awesome story, love the way you wrote it.