Try

[sfyrist]

Title : Try

Fandom : Discworld

Disclaimer : No money, don't sue.

Rating : 18 -

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“Try.”

“Angua, this is ridiculous.”

“Oh, come on. You’re built like the statues of your better class of god, half the city thinks you’re a king in hiding, most of the trolls will hesitate before grabbing at you – you’re pretty much impervious.”

“I’m very aware that my life’s been privileged, but not by any of that. I had wonderful adoptive parents who taught me how to live, and when l came to the city I met people I could learn from. I’m happy here, and I have a good life. But I work and – well, work, and buy my food and write home and talk to people and try to make my boots last just like everybody else.”

She hadn’t been listed, but since they were still in bed, she knew Carrot would just assume she’d take that as read. “That’s just it. You talk to everybody . You went into the Shades every day during that outbreak of Ankh fever. You play with dribbly kids all the time. I’ve seen you pet Gaspode, and you even grabbed Nobby by the breeches to keep him from falling off Misbegot Bridge last week. I’ve seen every bit of you, and not so much as a patch of yellow, or pink cheeks, or flakes or rashes.”

“I’ve been very fortunate. I’ve always wondered if the clean living back home -”

“Even dwarves get scabies and the croup, Carrot. Face it. You have royal blood, whatever you may say about the rest of you. No submission to all those little inconveniences that plague the rest of us.”

“Angua. I don’t know if you belong in that “us.” If you’re determined to exclude me from groups, wouldn’t it make more sense for it to be “bi-morphs” or “those who can get shot in the chest and be fine a day later?”"

She rubbed her breastbone and he wrapped his arm farther around her. “Still hurts, though.”

“Maybe we shouldn’t have -”

She dropped a kiss on his shoulder. “That makes me feel better . But, see. That’s what I mean. I’m different and I know it. I’m an outsider, and an outsider sees things other people don’t. You see the differences . It lets you – I don’t know. Yes I do know. It lets you understand the ways you’ll never understand them. That helps – it’s easier to sympathize or help or whatever if you know when someone’s a product of their culture and when they’re being utter morons on their own account.”

“I prefer to look at how similar we all are, deep down -”

“Then get similar! Get something deep down in you that’s similar. If you really are just like the rest of us, it shouldn’t be hard.”

“It seems rather a serious risk to take, just to prove a point.”

“I don’t mean something like Ankh fever or Nobby’s skin whatever. Just- something little.”

“If I had to take off work- “

“Sergeant Colon says you have over a month of time off due. Come on. If you really believe you’re just like everyone else, give it a try. “

“Oh – I still think it’s ridiculous – all right. I’ll think about it.”

She grinned and rolled over and kissed him. “You’ll see. You won’t be able to. You’re an outsider, just like me.”

Carrot was still troubled by what she’d said as he was proceeding down the last cobbles before Sator Square. He’d never thought of himself as being anything other than one of the common people, occasional uncommon events to the side. Angua said she enjoyed her outsider status, but he’d always taken that for making the best of a bitter pill.

But if he wasn’t as common as he thought, was her approach more honest and useful than his own?

He was certain that he was. He would verify it for himself while showing Angua. Sator Square would he a good place to start.

It only took him minutes to find what he needed. He’d seen Mr. Sobol’s son playing badly at football the day before. One look at the apple seller confirmed Carrot’s guess.

Mr. Sobol was a little over thirty, of medium height and a hard, light build. He worked all week gathering his product from his uncle’s orchards before bringing his bushels into town. He was a serious, honest man, and only survived in Ankh-Morpork even the length of market day by having sharp eyes and no compunctions about swinging the heavy, supple stick he kept behind his stall when provoked. His reserved expression lightened when Carrot greeted him.

”Oh. Hello, Captain Carrot. Would you like some of our red Quirms? Free of charge, of course.” His face was tanned, but he looked a bit pale underneath, and his “t’s” were sounding a bit like “d’s”. As Carrot haggled over what he would be allowed to pay for the tasty fruit, he watched the man’s nose. It was faintly red around the tip, and every few seconds he would flare his nostrils several times, then sniff.

Finally Carrot asked, “Are you feeling all right, Mr. Sobol?”

“Ahh, sorry. Just a bit under the weather.” With it acknowledged, he pulled a handkerchief from a back pocket and dabbed lightly at his nose. “My son’s always bringing these things home.” His nose twitched again as he was rubbing it, and his eyes suddenly narrowed. He rubbed harder, then hastily ducked his head away from his display. He sucked air through his mouth in three little sibilant “hit” sounds before giving a quick “hit-eschtshuh!!” He sniffled apologetically and wiped his nose. Before he could wipe his hands on his cleaning rag, Carrot paid him, touching his hands and making sure to give a coin that would require change.

He put them in his front pocket as he walked away. Taking out an apple, he kept switching it from hand to hand as he walked, making sure to finger the coins between every bite.

He thought he was off to a good start.

The eaves under the opera house provided another opportunity. It was a damp, drizzly day, and several street vendors had backed there from the road, desultorily calling out to the hurrying pedestrians.

Carrot walked along greeting them and refusing free merchandise (he hadn’t brought much money) until he came to Ferez Abol. The tall Klatchian smiled when Carrot greeted him, but he was otherwise occupied. He had his hands cupped around his prominent nose and was sneezing fiercely through them. Carrot stopped as close as he could without intimidating the poor man and took slow, deep breaths through his nose. He thought he felt a slight tingle, but it might just be the chill.

When Abol had caught his breath, he shook his head and sniffled wetly, then proffered Carrot his right hand. Klatchian ideas about hygiene were different (the man wouldn’t have offered his left hand even if it were freshly boiled.) He’d sneezed between his hands and toward the ground, and the Klatchians had no habit of hand-clasping, so it simply wasn’t an area where the man had any guidelines. “Captain Carrot, hello! Would you care for a fig? Very fresh, my brother brought the boat in yesterday morning.”

“You always have the best figs,” Carrot acknowledged, holding onto the hand as long as politely possible. “Will tuppence do for a bundle?”

“That’s much too generous! Here, for one-pence (since you will not accept a gift!), let me find a hand of the plumpest. Here, hee- hyee-! eeehyhh-!”

The sound was sudden and loud, sharp with irritation. He tugged his hand from Carrot and turned slightly away, the muscles around his eyes tightening as he seemed to will his nose still, his hands hovering before him, at the ready.

“A moment, Cap- Hhhyeeehh – ” His lips tightened to a line. “-ain Carrot – hhyehht’hhyehht’hhyehht – ” For another moment he held his face frozen, then Carrot saw a faint trembling at the arched bridge begin easing its way down. The reddened nostrils flared slightly, then again. They gave a sudden, fierce twitch and Abol raised his hands to his face, cupping them loosely on either side. “Hyehtch!! Heeyehhtch!! Snnffehtchuh!! Snfhetch!! Snfhetch!!Hehhtchuh!! Hyehhtch – hyehhhtch!! Hyehhhuhehhtch -!-ehhtch -tshtch -tshtchtch!!! Snnffff -ahh! Huh.” The fierce, barely successful stifling had to be making his ears ring.

He shook his head and politely excused himself as Carrot blessed him. Carrot tried to hide his excitement. Even in the damp air the mist from the fierce expulsions had been visible, just at a height where he could bow his head and sniff deeply, and actually feel the moist droplets settling along and up and into his nose. As Abol shook his head again, Carrot could see that his nose was still moving slightly, subtle flexes around the nostrils that were now an angry red.

He also noted the man hadn’t wiped his hands before reaching for the figs. As soon as the produce was passed over Carrot popped one into his month and began chewing very slowly.

Mr. Abol smiled at him through what was obviously an increasingly perilous discomfort and said, “Ah, it’s nice to see someone so enjoy the bounty of the homeland.”

Instantly guilty that his haste had been misinterpreted, Carrot repeated, swallowing, “You really do always have the best figs. Could I get another clutch for the fellows at the Watch house?”

“Of course! Let me – ah – a moment – ah hyih- devils take this itch – ehhhtchoo!!” His nostrils had been flaring wildly through the last half of that sentence, and Carrot silently complimented his self-control even as he bowed his head slightly in preparation to breathe in the cloud that was soon escaping from the cupped hands. They were harsher this time, as if angry at having been prevented from escaping with their earlier siblings, and Abol’s attempts to minimize them were soundly unsuccessful. “Hyehehhtshoo!! HyehtchTSHOO!! HhyehhhtchTSHOO – hyehtch!! Hih- heh- HyehhhtchTSHtssh – tchTSHH!! TshhtchTSHOO!!! Heh. Eh- heh- ” he panted for a moment, and Carrot breathed in deeply and rapidly, exhilarated that his attempt was going so well. He could feel the condensing vapor all through his nose, up into his sinuses. He found himself glad he was getting so much exposure to Abol’s more sneezy cold, hoping the germs from this one would settle in deeply and overwhelm Mr. Sobol’s contribution, and didn’t notice what a strange thought it was.

Abol raised his head slightly, gasped a breath and gave a final, “Ah! Heh! Hehehheh- Hyehh! … Heh- hyeushhtshhuhhtshhtshhh!!HYEUTSHuh!!” He straightened, sniffling wetly, and Carrot quickly pressed the extra penny into his hand, with as much skin contact as possible. Abol smiled and began choosing figs. Carrot noted the first one he touched, and took it for his sample.

Abol smiled, gratified, and wished him health as Carrot shook his hand again and proceeded on, sniffling carefully to avoid the loss of the most valuable thing the vendor had offered, a bit ashamedly hoping Abol’s gods weren’t listening.

In bed that morning, Angua didn’t ask any questions. He finally asked her, “How long does it take before you know if you’ve caught a cold?”

She stretched and rested her head on his shoulder. “I’m not sure. A day or two, I think. Why? Have you decided to try to catch one?”

“It seems the easiest and least harmful thing, that would mean the least time away from my duties.”

“So you’re already decided?”

“I’m already trying.”

She gave him her slow, enigmatic grin again and kissed him before they settled down to sleep.

Angua had been increasingly curious about whether there really was something slightly more than human about Carrot. About a week ago she’d decided on what to put him up to that would satisfy that question with no way for her to lose. They’d been in a granary down by the docks, and he’d suddenly stopped dead in front of her, darted a confused look around him, and given a single, quiet sneeze. And in the next moment-

She’d never seen him sneeze before. The effect had been unexpected and intense. She really, really, wanted to see him sneeze again, to watch and listen while he did it longer and harder and louder, and hopefully over and over again.

She’d dreamed about it, her imagination providing details, and woken up almost wild for him. There was just something about his face, his expression, the way the muscles moved. And if he couldn’t manage it, at least she’d know, and he might stop denying that he was something other than a perfectly ordinary human-shaped dwarf.

She’d noticed that he’d been touching his nose a lot ever since she’d broached the subject, as if he were trying to coax some proof from it on the spot. That time in the granary had been the one and only time she’d ever heard him sneeze. She wondered if it might be the first time he ever had. It would definitely be the first time he’d had a cold. Somehow, her imagination could do even more with that bit of information. She took all those imaginings into sleep, and had very interesting dreams.

The next morning wasn’t so pleasant. For one thing, she was waking up. For another, she was much less pleasantly naked, with a stone wall at her back instead of Carrot’s warmth. There were also manacles involved.

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Let me know what you think?

[littlesneezer18]

Very nice! This seems to be the begining of a great story. Can't wait for the next bit!!!

[Weirdo Girl]

Very nice! This seems to be the begining of a great story. Can't wait for the next bit!!!

Same here!

[swann_ee_song]

Holy moly a Discworld story!

With Angua and Carrot!!!!

........

Man, I hope there is some contagion happening soon. and just plain MORE MORE MORE!!!

[sfyrist]

Thanks! I'm glad you guys liked it. I'm afraid the next section is 18+, though, and the third section isn't finished yet.

I was just hoping this bit might be fun.