Defeating Diana (F)

[Chanel_no5]

This is a story I thought I'd never write. Fanfiction. Never written it before, never read it. Never liked it. But I've been watching the "V" series lately, and Diana quickly became a favorite victim. I've looked for a fanfic where she sneezes, but couldn't find any. So. I just scribbled this down now this afternoon, decided to post it if anyone wants to read. Hope you like it. It's set around the time of "V - The Final Battle"

Defeating Diana

Diana had one particular problem with her human disguise; its nose. Every time she was on Earth, even if it was just for a few minutes, her human nose started to tickle. No. Not tickle, tickle wasn't a strong enough word. It itched horribly. She supposed there was something about the Earth atmosphere that was irritating their nasal passages and thought nothing more of it, until one day she commented on it to another officer on her ship. He gave her a nervous glance, as they all did if they were about to disagree with her, and she felt a twinge of annoyance and insecurity when he said that no ma'am, he did not know that sensation and he had not heard anyone else complain about it. The light, of course, but not the air to breathe. Diana hadn't known what to reply, and had simply given him a superior stare and then left the bridge, but she was positive there was something that made her nose itch like that. If she stayed long enough, the itch spread to her eyes and throat and also made her feel as if she was about to sneeze.

Diana knew sneezing. She had always been a sneezy lizard. But this terribly maddening itch was something unknown to her. It made it difficult for her to sort her thoughts and control herself, and those who knew her also knew that her self-control was her greatest pride – and the hardest thing she ever did. Her temper had gotten her into trouble before, and this constant annoyance wasn't helping.

She had been down "negotiating" as they wanted to call it, and she was feeling the urge to sneeze so bad. She hated this stupid planet and its stupid inhabitants. She was daydreaming of simply blowing it up, when she caught a glimpse of something moving outside. It was Donovan, it had to be. She didn't excuse herself, she just ran out to intercept him, but she was a little bit too slow; he looked over his shoulder, saw her and ran into a field of yellow flowery things. She followed him.

But dear Gods, as she ran into the sea of yellow, the itch in her nose exploded. It was unbearable; she had never experienced anything like it. Her eyes watered and felt as if she got sand in them, her throat felt prickly but it was her nose and its highly inappropriate reaction that got to her. She had to sneeze. More than that, she couldn't STOP sneezing! She tried to keep running, but after a few sneezes she stumbled on something as she couldn't see where she was going, and fell to the ground, ripping up some of the plants as she fell. A yellow cloud soared in the air above her.

"AeSchh! AaESShhh! AAAhSSCHH!"

Mike stopped dead when he heard the outbursts from behind him. He first thought it was a trick, but he quickly shook that thought away. No, there was too much desperation – too much fury – in the sound to be fake. He almost started laughing. Was Diana allergic to ragweed? It certainly seemed that way. Her furious sneezing fits seemed to indicate an acute allergic reaction to something anyway. He smiled to himself and was quietly making his way back. With her all caught up in a sneezing hurricane he could capture her.

Diana was desperately trying to get to her feet again, but the tiny spores worked their way into her nose as she sniffed; and she couldn't keep from sniffling. She sneezed helplessly into cupped hands, only vaguely aware of the fact that something about this field turned her into this mess. Her nose was blazing with a fire that she didn't know existed. She could barely catch her breath in between the violent fits.

"UHaSSSCHH! AaESShhh! AESShuh! Hah! AAH-hah-AESSCH!"

Mike put his knee in her back as she was about to get back up, and pushed her down again. She fell face down into the yellow plants and got more pollen right up her sensitive human nose. She was fighting him and she was fighting her overwhelming reaction, but she was failing on both. It was a child's play to tie her hands behind her back.

"Bless you, Diana. Not a good time for hayfever, now is it?" he muttered in her ear. Hayfever? She was positive this field wasn't consisting of dried grass, and she most certainly didn't feel feverish. This stupid human was playing tricks on her. Must be. She wasn't sure what he meant, and she hated it.

When he dragged her into their headquarters, she had stopped sneezing but her nose was still itching. It was completely congested and she couldn't breathe through it. Her eyes were puffy, swollen and it was difficult for her to open them entirely. She wanted to take her human disguise off, but couldn't do anything. She had been sneezing openly and her face was wet from the moisture that had trickled down her upper lip, and the saliva that had sprayed from her mouth in uncontrollable cascades. Julie stared at them.

"Mike? Oh my God!"

"Better get some ragweed plants".

"What?!"

She thought he was crying, but when she looked closer she saw that he was actually trying to suppress laughter.

"Diana is allergic to ragweed".

Julie just looked at him, speechless. He nodded.

"She is. She was hunting me into a field of ragweed, but look who was captured. She sneezed so hard she knocked herself over".

"I wouldn't be so sure of byself if I were you, Dodovad", Diana spat out and sniffed wetly. Mike smiled kindly at her, and something in his smile made her recoil in sudden fear.

"Oh Diana, I could say the same thing to you. Ragweed isn't hard to get hold on, it's a weed, and I think we could mess you up pretty bad without even having to lay a hand on you. I think you will cooperate".

Diana looked over at Julie, who had only been outside for two minutes but already carried a whole bunch of those yellow plants. Julie raised an eyebrow, questioningly.

"Will you?"

She shook the bouquet lightly in front of the lizardwoman's face, and Diana gasped.

"Doh, don't… AaESShhh! HahAAsSSChh!"

Julie looked at Mike with a delighted smirk.

"You were right. She's really allergic. What a turn of events, huh?".

"HAAtSSCHHH!"

The ferocity of the sneeze made Diana bend over. Tears streamed down her face and she was mad at her stupid body; how come it betrayed her like this? Oh, the sting in her nose was just too much, she wanted to get rid of it and she wanted nothing more in her life.

"I bill cooperade, I sbear! Just get that poisod abay frob be!"

Never had Diana surrendered this easily before. But never had she suffered this much before either. She kept sneezing for ten minutes after they removed the plants, but then she had to talk. If she didn't, they would release that poisonous substance into the air once again. And her nose couldn't endure yet another one of those excruciating sneeze attacks. It felt as if it was burning up, her sinuses and eyes alike. Anything. She would go along with anything, as long as she didn't have to sneeze any more.

The invasion would have to be called off.

[count tiszula]

/Terrific! There's nothing quite like using sneezing to defeat a fierce enemy; and it always helps if the enemy is a powerful yet vulnerable female. In fact, the wickeder she is the more she can be tortured!

I don't think I've ever seen this; but you've certainly demonstrated that you have mastered [or possibly mistressed] the genre...

And I love "she'd always been a sneezy lizard". What is it that makes that so exciting?

[Chanel_no5]

Thank you! Yeah, that is my favorite kind of sneeze victim too; wicked, powerful female.

The alien race in "V" are lizards wearing human masks. And Diana is one of the most powerful and evil lizards. Behind the mask of course. Wearing the mask, she's a very attractive woman.

[Chanel_no5]

Just adding a pic of Diana, for those of you who haven't seen the series.

[aquadyne14]

for someone with no intentions to write fanfics all i can say is wow! that was great chanel - and i've never even seen the show and thanks for the pic too - that makes things that much more..erm, interesting...heehee