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Embarrassing sneezes

jezebel215

By jezebel215
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jezebel215 Proclaimer

jezebel215

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I love the website FML.com (stands for f* my life).

All the posts follow a standard format: "Today I .... . FML" and they're tales of mundane embarrassment. I noticed that there are a decent number that include sneezing and decided to start tracking them down.

these are all from www.fml.com (from different posters)

Today, I was carrying a hot cup of noodles. I sneezed and accidentally stabbed myself in the forehead with a fork. FML

Today, I had a big meeting. Half way through my presentation, I sneezed, and continued talking. I get some weird looks from my co-worker but I didn't understand what he meant. When I finished, I passed by my boss walking to my chair, he gave me a handkerchief. Why? Snot was all over my tie. FML

Today, as I showered, I sneezed, hit my face on the wall, got shampoo in my eyes, slipped on a bar of soap, bashed my head on the wall as I fell, grabbed at the walls to stop me from falling and happened to turn off the cold water, scorching me. FML

Today, I sneezed with so much force while I was driving that I whacked my head on the steering wheel and honked the horn. FML

Today, I sneezed seven times in a row. That's the closest thing I've had to an orgasm in months. FML

Today, I sneezed while brushing my teeth and ended up with toothpaste in my eye. I haven't been able to see for two hours. FML

Today, I sneezed in the shower. When I got out, I got a text from my creepy old neighbor saying "Bless you". FML

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. After about five minutes, he sneezes violently on me. I don't know what's worse, him getting snot all over my intimate bits or the fact that the sneeze felt better then what he was doing. FML

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Giant Steps I would write 500 posts...

Giant Steps

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"Today, I sneezed in the shower. When I got out, I got a text from my creepy old neighbor saying "Bless you". FML"

Lmfao! This is my favourite. ;)

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Poppy I would write 500 posts...

Poppy

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"Today, I sneezed in the shower. When I got out, I got a text from my creepy old neighbor saying "Bless you". FML"

;) Wasn't me.

(crud! they have found out!) :wub: Just playing.

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Spider Sneezes Centurion

Spider Sneezes

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You really ought to warn a gal when things are going to be this funny- I about died laughing and my roommates were all like, "what the hell is wrong with you?" :eat:

"Today, I sneezed in the shower. When I got out, I got a text from my creepy old neighbor saying "Bless you". FML" :)

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jezebel215 Proclaimer

jezebel215

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More unfortunate-ness:

Today, I was making out with a guy I really like. Midway through, he stopped and said he had to sneeze. After waiting several seconds, he said the urge went away and we kept making out. Ten seconds later, he violently sneezed in my open mouth. FML

Today, I retook my ACT. I have been fighting a cold all week and have been very sneezy lately. Midway through the test, I got the urge to sneeze. Since it was very quiet and I didn't want to disturb the peace, I tried to hold my sneeze in. I ended up letting out a huge fart instead. FML

Today, I was trying to sneak up my husband while he was playing a computer game. As I was getting behind the chair, he paused the game and sat up straight. I stopped. He turned around and sneezed violently and blew a bunch of snot into my face and eyes. FML

Today, I was shaving and I sneezed unexpectedly. I ended up cutting myself so badly that I had to go to the emergency room. It wouldn't have been quite so humiliating if I hadn't been forced to show the extremely attractive doctor my sliced open and half shaved crotch. FML

and more:

Today, was my music recital. I was playing and sneezed really loud into my saxophone which made the mouthpiece blurt out of my mouth. I have a neck strap and as the saxophone came back towards me the mouthpiece hit me in the head. I knocked myself out in front of the audience. FML

Today, I called over my math teacher to ask a question. I have a really bad cold. I asked him about a problem and he reached over my desk to point at the diagram and explain it. Then I suddenly had to sneeze and I got tons of snot all over his hand and arm. FML

Today, the dentist sneezed in my mouth. FML

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She started panting harder and going, "AH, AH, AH..." and I thought she was about to come. Next thing I know, there's snot splattered all over my face and neck. Turns out it was a sneeze. FML

(my personal favorite)

Today, one of my three-year-old twin daughters asked, "Dad, can we get a cat?" I replied in a gentle dad voice, "No, honey, dad is allergic to cats. That means they make him sneeze and sniffle. So we can't get a cat. Sorry." After a slight pause, the other asked, "When you die can we get a cat?" FML

and eewwwww:

Today, my boss sneezed onto his hands... and then licked them (yes, really!) in front of my best customers. FML

Mod Note: Merged posts ~Mute

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Silent Sophie Proclaimer

Silent Sophie

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OMG the last one is... :)

Today, I sneezed seven times in a row. That's the closest thing I've had to an orgasm in months. FML

I love this. :wub:

Really nice topic! :nohappy:

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Coffee Mug I would write 500 posts...

Coffee Mug

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Today, I retook my ACT. I have been fighting a cold all week and have been very sneezy lately. Midway through the test, I got the urge to sneeze. Since it was very quiet and I didn't want to disturb the peace, I tried to hold my sneeze in. I ended up letting out a huge fart instead. FML

ahahahha this one is so funny!! x'D :)

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Wishing I would write 500 posts...

Wishing

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OMG the last one is... :)
Today, I sneezed seven times in a row. That's the closest thing I've had to an orgasm in months. FML

I love this. :hug:

Really nice topic! :nohappy:

Haha, I love that one! They are all brilliant though, I think I will have to check out that site myself. Thanks for sharing! :wub:

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Giant Steps I would write 500 posts...

Giant Steps

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"Today, I was shaving and I sneezed unexpectedly. I ended up cutting myself so badly that I had to go to the emergency room. It wouldn't have been quite so humiliating if I hadn't been forced to show the extremely attractive doctor my sliced open and half shaved crotch. FML"

Ahhhh!! I cringed so much!!! :bleh:

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Celeb Obsessed Centurion

Celeb Obsessed

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Today, I sneezed in the shower. When I got out, I got a text from my creepy old neighbor saying "Bless you". FML

Lmao, that neighbor is probably one of us! :twisted: Not too subtle there. :cap:

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. After about five minutes, he sneezes violently on me. I don't know what's worse, him getting snot all over my intimate bits or the fact that the sneeze felt better then what he was doing. FML

Haha, this one's good too!

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jezebel215 Proclaimer

jezebel215

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More FML:

Today, I was giving a class presentation, when I suddenly sneezed so hard I wet myself. FML

Today, I was walking out of Starbucks when I sneezed, causing coffee to burn my nose. I screamed, dropped it, and sent scortching coffee all over my legs while dropping everything else I was holding. FML

Today, I was walking into the building I hoped to work in someday with my resume, ready to be interviewed. As I walked through the doors I had to sneeze, so lifted my hands and sneezed a huge bloody booger right in the middle of the cover page. Turns out future employers don't like that. FML

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on when I realized I had to sneeze. Not wanting to sneeze on her, I tried my hardest to hold it in. When I climaxed, I couldn't hold it in any more and sneezed all over her face. FML

Today, I went to a karaoke bar that my girlfriend works at. I'm a halfway decent singer, so I picked out a song we both liked and decided to give it a go. Halfway through the song I sneezed, tripped, fell off the stage and knocked myself out in front of my girlfriend and fifty bar patrons. FML

Today, I was sitting in my bed drinking Yoohoo from a juice box. I decided it would be fun to see how much I could fit in my mouth. As soon as my mouth was full, I sneezed. FML

Today, after the most stressful two weeks of my life, I finally found a few minutes to sit down with a relaxing cup of tea. I went to take a sip, sneezed, smashed the mug into my nose, and dumped scalding hot tea all over my face and cleavage. FML

Today, I decided to lay out topless in my fenced-in backyard. For about an hour, everything was going great until I sneezed and my creepy, middle-aged neighbor said "bless you". From my bushes. FML

Today, I took my girlfriend to the movies. She's pretty conservative and I decided after four dates to give her her first ever kiss. As I leaned in she violently sneezed and hit me in the nose with the hand she brought up to cover her face. I broke my nose and got blood down her cleavage. FML

Today, my nose was itchy. As I reached towards it to itch it, I sneezed ridiculously hard. I punched myself in the eye and now it's all purple and puffy. FML

Today, I competed in a ballet competition and made the finals, while I was on stage awaiting the results, I sneezed really loudly and snot went flying all over the stage. When I went to accept my award the woman presenting it refused to shake my hand. FML

Today, my brother's best friend spent the night and was changing with the door partially open. He's super hot and as I was watching him change, he sneezed. Forgetting he didn't know I was watching him, I said bless you. He called me a freak, slammed the door in my face and told my parents. FML

Today, I thought it was a good idea to go number two while smoking a "cigarette". My ash tray was over by the sink so I decided to just ash in the toilet. While ashing between my legs, I sneezed and now I have a extremely uncomfortable burn on my man member. Smoking is bad. FML

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Silent Sophie Proclaimer

Silent Sophie

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Today, I was sitting in my bed drinking Yoohoo from a juice box. I decided it would be fun to see how much I could fit in my mouth. As soon as my mouth was full, I sneezed. FML

*roll on the floor laughing* :(

Today, I thought it was a good idea to go number two while smoking a "cigarette". My ash tray was over by the sink so I decided to just ash in the toilet. While ashing between my legs, I sneezed and now I have a extremely uncomfortable burn on my man member. Smoking is bad. FML

:( Aw poor guy... :)

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Paradise I'm being vetted

Paradise

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"Today, I was trying to sneak up my husband while he was playing a computer game. As I was getting behind the chair, he paused the game and sat up straight. I stopped. He turned around and sneezed violently and blew a bunch of snot into my face and eyes. FML"

I actually laughed out loud at that one. haha that's so disgusting.

I was thinking along the same lines as cheech... there seems to be an awful lot of people "getting it on" and sneezing on whoever's face. People really should learn to cover their mouths!

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