Calm and Collected

[Mercury]

Fandom/Orginal: Smallville

Disclaimer: If I owned Smallville then 'sneeze' would have been a season, not just an episode.

Authors Notes: This is for Chavah, who requested sneezy Lex This is only Part 1, but updates will slow due to exams and life. Enjoy

Part 1

Lex popped a pill, and chased it down with scotch. His head ached incessantly, and his nose was running, but he couldn’t get sick, and not just because he didn’t have the time, which he didn’t. Lex had already missed his morning meeting once already when he’d slept through his alarm clock.

He fixed his purple tie over his blue shirt in the mirror. He was pale, which wasn’t unusual for his skin tone, but his nostrils were rimmed pink, and his lips had dried out from having to breathe through his mouth. He sniffed and turned from the mirror. There was a small box of tissues on the bedside table, so Lex used one to wipe at the underside of his nose, not wanting to blow and add more colour to the appendage.

He tested his nose, sniffing warily. He wanted to find that it had blown over, that he had only been congested from the night air in a cold castle; but it was false hope.

He held the tissue in his cupped palm and pressed his nose into the soft paper. “Heh’TCHHH”

Lex bent at the waist from the harshly short sneeze, one hand leaning on the small table for support. “hiihhh... hehhh...” his breath hitched, but nothing came of it. He folded the tissue and scrubbed at his nose until the remaining tickle disappeared. He sniffed again, and used another tissue.

This wasn’t good, but hopefully the cold/flu pills would keep him going through the meeting; at least now he didn’t feel like he was about to fall over.

He was running late again, but he took the time to wash his hands, knowing he’d feel self conscious about germs if he didn’t, and they’d be able to smell the blood in the water, so to speak.

Lex ran a hand over his head and headed out to the hall, and pulled himself together into a picture of composure, straightening his shirt and tie again and running his tongue over his lips, trying to soften them.

Down the staircase, Lex walked the halls, his shoes clicking on the hardwood floors. He cleared his throat before throwing open the office doors and strengthened his stride into a cocky walk.

“Sorry I’m late, Gentlemen.”

The two men were sitting at Lex’s desk, looking appropriately annoyed. “Let’s just get this over with, Luthor” said Suit #1.

Nodding, Lex approached the desk, walking casually to let them know that he was setting the pace for the meeting, and was unfazed by their annoyance. He cleared his throat before seating himself opposite the two men.

The meeting that followed was as boring as every other meeting. Occasionally Lex would give a small sniff, a reflex he was barely aware he was doing. It gave him no relief, but Suit1’s eyes would flash with annoyance and mild disgust each time; Suit2 remained professional. While only half paying attention, what Lex understood about the meeting was that in the past two months there had been an unusually large amount of workers at the plant taking sick days.

Apparently the accounting department was concerned about forking out the sick pay. Lex tried not to roll his eyes.

“Gentlemen, I appreciate your concern for the health of my employees, however, I don’t thii...hhiiih...” Lex pressed a finger on the underside of his nose for a moment before removing it and attempting to continue, fighting embarrassment but determined to continue like his breath hasn’t caught. “think it’s anything of concern. After all, it is flu season.”

Lex leant back in his chair, trying to look casual despite the twinge in his nose. “A lot of peehhh... hehhh” he sniffed, “... people working closely, viruses are bound to spread.”

“Not like this.” Suit2 passed pages of statistics over.

Lex passed over the numbers to look at the graphs, knowing he wouldn’t be able to focus. He could feel his nose twitching, and he pressed his tongue to the roof of his mouth, desperate to quell the sensation, but he had been hitching for too long. Flinging the papers onto the desk, his lips parted, and his eyelids fluttered shut.

“Hih’ESSHHO!” Lex’s body flung forward, shuddering as the sneeze ripped through him and into his cupped hands. “HESHHHOO”

Because he had been hitching for so long, the sneezes were too strong to stifle. He took a moment, hands still cupped to his face, to catch his breath. He sniffed liquidly, twice, and moved so the back a hand rested against his nose. He rose.

“Excuse be.” He said with as much confidence as he could. The suits nodded, clearly uncomfortable about what they have witnessed. Lex shouldn’t have taken comfort in their embarrassment, but he did.

Exiting the office, he made a b-line for the nearest bathroom, where there would be tissues. On the way, he passed one of the castle’s butlers, which he stopped.

“Could you blease dell the two ben in the office thad the beeting is over. If they call by office they cad rededual.”

The butler nodded and shuffled uncertainly, “Are you ok, Mr Luthor?”

“I’b fine.” Lex snapped. He didn’t like people pitying him. They didn’t need to treat him like he was weak, even though all he wanted was to curl up in bed. He tried to rein his annoyance, composing himself for what seemed like the thousandth time that day. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay, Mr Luthor, I understand. I’ll deliver the message.”

The butler walked away, and Lex sighed as best he could. He didn’t think he could look the two suits in the eyes after what they had witnessed, and he knew they were going to just end the meeting as soon as he got back anyway. At least this way, Lex could guarantee it ended on his terms.

After blowing his nose, Lex looked at himself in the mirror. It was worse than the last time he checked, but his condition was not incredibly noticeable. Yet.

He sighed; this wasn’t going to be easy.

... TBC...

[obsessed]

Oh I can't wait to see where this goes!

[Lethe]

Oh my god, this is heaven There just isn´t enough sneezy Lex around (this is only the second story I´ve ever seen). Can´t wait for updates.

[Hai]

Yes. It took me THIS long to find this story.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Thank you so so so so so so soooooooooo much.

I know you've probably abandoned it by now, but if you get the aching for it, I wouldn't mind a continuation. Much hugs. Much loves. <3 <3 <3 <3

*jigs*

Okay. I'm happy now! And today was quite miserable. So thank you.

[coldcure08]

This is the first time I have seen it as well!!! I love this story so far... If the marvelous author would see fit to resurrect this fic, I can promise virtual cookies and my undying gratitude. :hugs:

[Mercury]

Woah. I'd completely forgotten that I'd written this... I had a plan for it too, but I can't remember that either...

I'll try to recall where I was going with this and if I can then I'll continue it, but no promises.

[LovelyLinda]

Awwww...But you HAVE to!!!

Otherwise I'll die over here o.0

It's simply amazing!!

I'm sorry it took me so long to find this...

But it's like a little piece of heaven, wrapped up in silver fancy paper and served on

a golden plate with a choire of angels humming along...<3

(I'm not exaggerating at all.)

And I don't even know the fandom o.o

[27jj]

Ohhh wow. Never before have I even considered a Lex sneezefic before, but now...*giggles madly* I have missed out so much on life. This was just too good:) I didn't even realize how ridiculously sexy the idea of sneezy!Lex would be. Rowr. Thank you. Please let there be more??

[Hai]

I love the idea of Lex having these incredibly powerful sneezes like you've written. I'm just gonna keep reading this over and over. And keep thanking you. Over and over.

[murphy dee]

This. Was. Perfect. SO PERFECT.

The talking and the hitching breaths and false starts... And his sneezes were so powerful! I should've expected that from Lex. Always a showman.

Makes me wonder what Superman's sneezes would be like...