The Trouble With Ewoks (Secret Santa: for 27jaredjensen) - (5 Parts)

[MusicaDiabolos]

Oh, Sam. Poor baby. I think I'm going to get him some Benadryl, an oatmeal bath and some nice Ewok-free sheets.

Yeah, me too...I feel so evil...but don't worry, they will have their revenge on the Ewoks.

Sam’s eyes snapped open, to see his brother’s face looming over his own. He shoved himself back into the headboard with an audible *bam,* then immediately dissolved into a sneezing fit.

I feel awful for liking that image, but the idea of Sam waking up to see Dean and reacting by jumping backwards is pretty funny ...

This is some good, good stuff! I do feel bad for him, though. And the Impala ... But your writing is so worth it.

Thank you so much! This is my first story of this kind, so I am so glad you guys like it

[ID2006]

This is hilarious. I love it... and the Ewoks

[27jj]

“Freakin’ Ewoks!” Poor, poor Sammy…nightmares and allergies and Ewoks….good thing that Dean is such an awesome brother! I love that he vacuumed out the Impala for Sam:)

Sam’s eyes snapped open, to see his brother’s face looming over his own. He shoved himself back into the headboard with an audible *bam,* then immediately dissolved into a sneezing fit.

I feel awful for liking that image, but the idea of Sam waking up to see Dean and reacting by jumping backwards is pretty funny ...

I also really liked that part:) And when they finally realized what Sam was allergic to. And your sneeze spellings are amazing....the whole story is amazing!

Of course, nothing can ever go easy for the Winchesters, can it? I am loving this so much!!!!!!!!!!!

[iluvsneezes]

Aww, poor Sammy. I am truly loving this story!

[obsessed]

Awww, Sammy.

Does he want a hug?

I love these Ewoks, they're driving the plot well and I'm sooo amused.

NOT MY BABY. NOT THE IMPALA.

...

[ooo]

This fic is so much fun! Sneezy allergic Sam is so hot, and I LOVE 'Freakin' Ewoks!'. And also the 'tanti-whatsit ratios'. Hee!

(Also, obsessed, you are maybe the most helpful person on the planet. Thank you!)

[MusicaDiabolos]

Ta-da, final part! I am actually quite pleased with this story, my endings are normally a bit messy but this one managed to funny/angst itself out of trouble, I hope. Also, 101 posts! Hooray for me!

Thanks for all your support, Merry August Christmas, 27jaredjensen

“Dean, seriously, you have to calmb downd. You loogk like you’re aboud to bursd out of your skin.”

“Like the Incredible Hulk?”

“Yeah.” Sam still had his hands clamped tight over his face, but apparently it wasn’t enough. Dean saw his eyelashes flutter, than his head was pulled forward with the force of the sneeze. “Krrrptsssh!”

“That’s enough!” Dean shouted, and Sam jumped a little. “You know what? I AM angry. I am so friggin’ tired of those stupid little teddy bear things coming after us and eating children and wrecking my baby and most of all, making my kid brother look like pretty much the most pitiful thing I have ever seen -”

“Hey!” Sam protested, before stifling two more sneezes, rapid-fire, into his elbow.

“Gesundheit. Goddammit, Sam, I am going to find that nest and torch me some Ewoks if it’s that last thing I do!” He paused. “And then after that, I promise we’ll find you some Claritin, all right?”

Sam finally gave it up as a lost cause and stuck his hands in his pockets, sniffling all the while. “Dean, how are we supposed to find them? They may be annoying, but they’re – hih – not exactly stup – hih-Heh-HETSCH!”

“Bless you.” Dean was already rummaging in the trunk of the Impala. “Well, Sam, hate to break it you, but we do have a surefire tracking device.” He raised his eyebrows meaningfully.

Sam sighed, sniffed piteously and stared at his shoes. “I don’t wanna be a tracking device...” he said hoarsely.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

“That’s it, big breath of air.” Dean cringed. “Sorry, Sam.”

“Id’s fide, I ged it. Heh-KERSSSH! Heh-ISHOO! Id’s worse over here, behind the model.”

“Which would explain why you got so much worse when we got to the room. Sorry, Sam.”

“Et-schewww! ETSCHUGH!”

“You think maybe in the woods back here somewhere? They burrow down, don’t they?”

“Y-yes...heh-etsch!”

“Okay, let’s try a bit over this way...sorry, Sam.”

His brother sniffed. “No, it’s about the same over here.”

“Okay, um...sorry, Sam. Let’s go a bit deeper in.”

“You don’t have to keeb saying thad.”

It was only a few minutes later that Dean spotted it; an old abandoned house with solid concrete foundations, but nevertheless a large conspicuous-looking hole in the side where the basement probably was...he dragged his brother forward, whose eyes were watering so much he looked to be crying.

“Sorry, Sam. What do you think?”

Sam took a tentative breath of air, then immediately fell into his worst fit yet.

“HutshCHOO! Etchugnh! Heh-hetchsh, ishoo – Oh God – Ishooo, Heh-kipsssh, Hutschooo! It’s here, Dean, it’s the worst h-here...hih-HETSCH!”

“Sorry, Sam! Okay, try not to breathe, don’t want to wake them...”

They crept forward silently, Sam with his mouth tightly closed even as he felt another sneeze building behind his itching eyes. He pinched his nose shut with one hand as they approached the hole and knelt down.

At first the brothers were lost for words. The strange, violent creatures had been hard at work in their concrete home; Sam could see the rough formations of buildings in the piles of stone and broken concrete, houses and meeting areas and communal fires over which (he hoped) small rodents were roasting on spits. Nearly everything was coated with (he knew, because his sinuses and eyes protested harder than ever) their shedded fur, probably acting as a kind of comfortable carpet to sleep on. Amidst all this, at least a hundred of the tantillus pilosus esuritio built, played, but mostly slept in the late hours of the morning.

“Holy crap,” he murmured. “Dean, look at the detail. This is - ”

“To be honest, Sam, I don’t really give a damn how strangely advanced they are. We’re burning them all.” Dean glanced at his brother, whose eyelashes were fluttering madly again as his eyes slid out of focus, hands forgotten at his sides. “Goddammit, Sam, don’t you dare breathe!”

“Hih-hih -”

Dean abandoned all decorum and pounced on his brother, covering his mouth with one hand and ramming his index finger under Sam’s nose, cutting off his air. Sam stared, wide-eyed, at his older brother for a few seconds, than nodded to say he was under control again. Dean emptied his pockets and quickly put together his invention.

“Sorry, Sam. Don’t want them to wake up for another minute or so. Gotta keep’em all in there.”

“Dean, it’s not gonna burn, it’s all concrete...”

His brother snickered.

“Nah, IT won’t burn...but THEY will.”

He tossed his creation into the center of the miniature city.

“RUN!”

Dean grabbed his brother’s hand and dragged him upright and forward, just as a huge BANG sounded below them and a giant fireball arose, consuming the basement and a good portion of the abandoned house. He glanced at his brother as he sprinted; Sam looked to be choking. He pulled one of his brother’s arms around his shoulder and hustled all the way back to the motel.

He dumped Sam beside the Impala and burst through the door to grab their duffles. By the time he returned to his brother’s side the air was thick with ash and dust and most likely burning Ewok-hair; Sam was sneezing non-stop, barely able to draw breath between explosions.

“Heh-etsch, Ishoo! Hih-hih? Heh-Ktssssch, etcchnngh, huh-huh-etsch...”

“Come on, Sam, you can make that record another time, just get in the car, come on...” Dean ushered his suffering brother through the passenger side door into the Impala, where he could sneeze to his heart’s content. He dove behind the wheel and slid the car smoothly into reverse, then back onto the highway with as much speed as he could muster with at least two punctured tires.

“I’m so sorry, baby, I’ll fix you soon,” he crooned, as the Impala bumped and bounded up the road loudly and erratically. He glanced at Sam, who was still sneezing and gasping helplessly.

“Guess we’re not stopping for breakfast. Let’s get the hell out of here!”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Sam and the Impala were both still utterly miserable when they reached the next town, and Dean pulled over at the first gas station to change the tires (he always kept two spare underneath the back seat.) He dragged his poor sniffling brother into the convenience store, which luckily had a small pharmaceuticals section. He wasn’t gasping for air any more, an excellent sign; Dean’s heart rate slowed down out of panic mode. He grabbed the first five boxes he saw with the “allergy” label, paid the smiling old lady at the candy counter, and ushered Sam back to the Impala once more.

“All right, man, time for some drugs!” Sam’s movements were listless, so Dean grabbed a blue box and pulled out the silvery blister pack. “Couple of these, and you’ll be back to your geeky, emo self, little brother.”

Sam stared at the blue pills, shaking his head.

“No?” Dean said incredulously.

His brother coughed and cleared his throat.

“Those are drowsy ones, Dean.”

“Well, yeah, that’s kind of one the perks,” Dean continued cautiously. “I really think you could use sleep, man, you look like you just ran a marathon where the winner got to go ten rounds with Chuck Norris.”

Sam kept shaking his head, stifling another sneeze into his fist.

“Sam, I think you’re going to have nightmares whether the sleeping is drug-induced or not,” Dean said, more gently.

“But this way I can wake up.” Sam’s voice was barely above a whisper; he wouldn’t look at Dean, staring avidly at his denim-covered lap as if it were the only thing worth seeing.

“Before she starts screaming.” His voice dropped even more. “Before I can’t save her anymore. I need to be able to wake up.”

Dean swallowed hard, the silence stretching between them, dense and impenetrable. He became conscious of the four years they had so recently spent apart, years in which Sam had grown up and changed. Learned to hide things.

He could only hope that Sam would understand that he was still there to listen, no matter what it was.

Sam awkwardly popped open the DayTime Claritin, swallowing two pills wordlessly, still not looking at Dean.

“All right, little brother,” Dean whispered back.

The silence remained for a full hour before he dared say anything. Every so often he heard Sam breathing deeply beside him, as if he were relishing the feel of the clean air; he was no longer sneezing, but Dean saw him swipe at his eyes with one hand.

“Sam?”

“’S just allergies,” his brother murmured.

“Yeah,” Dean said. Then, in a desperately cheerful attempt, “So, man, guess you’re really allergic to Ewoks then? That just sucks.”

“Yep,” Sam replied tonelessly.

“Guess I can’t call you Luke Skywalker anymore, I think he really liked the Ewoks.”

Sam actually looked up. “The Ewoks were the worst part of the series, Dean, worse than the prequels. And when have you ever called me Luke Skywalker?”

Dean glanced sideways, saw the hint of a smile on the corner of Sam’s mouth, dimples in full effect. “I dunno. I was definitely planning on it.”

“Really?” Sam huffed a sigh. “Based on previous experience, I thought you would have called me Chewbacca.”

“Nah, you’re not cool enough to be Chewbacca. Luke was the annoying one with the emo hair.”

“So does that make you Han?”

“Deadly warrior, space hero and pilot of an awesome ship, constantly on the run? Damn straight I’m Han.”

“It’s because he gets the girl, isn’t it?”

“What do you think?”

THE END

Double spaced. (: ~ obsessed

[obsessed]

“That’s enough!” Dean shouted, and Sam jumped a little. “You know what? I AM angry. I am so friggin’ tired of those stupid little teddy bear things coming after us and eating children and wrecking my baby and most of all, making my kid brother look like pretty much the most pitiful thing I have ever seen -”

Soooo funny.

And so hot.

I loved this. <3

[ID2006]

yay. Sad that it's over, but very nice ending. I'll miss the little Ewok things though. You described them so perfectly.

[MusicaDiabolos]

“That’s enough!” Dean shouted, and Sam jumped a little. “You know what? I AM angry. I am so friggin’ tired of those stupid little teddy bear things coming after us and eating children and wrecking my baby and most of all, making my kid brother look like pretty much the most pitiful thing I have ever seen -”

Soooo funny.

And so hot.

I loved this. <3

Thanks so much! And thanks again for all your miraculous hope, with luck I will be a member soon and not be quite so dependent

yay. Sad that it's over, but very nice ending. I'll miss the little Ewok things though. You described them so perfectly.

LOL, yeah. Just watched Return of the Jedi for the first time the other week (terrible, I know) and just thought they were so ridiculous I had to put them in Supernatural

[BlueRandom]

Ahhh, kind of sad this is over!! I loved every minute? line? -- whatever, it was awesome!!

So many hot Sam images ...

Aaaaand I just looked up what an Ewok is. Wow, those things are ridiculous! You did a really good job with them!! And it makes it funnier with Sam all allergic to them ...

[27jj]

This part was brilliant and angsty and full of so much hot sneeziness and it was perfect:)

I love how pissed off Dean is in the beginning, and Sam trying to tell him to calm down even though he’s a pitiful, sneezy mess himself. Ahhh and the tracking device part!! Loved that! It reminded me of the episode “Yellow Fever,” when Dean was all, “I don’t want to be a clue!” hehe:)

Of course, Sam would be fascinated with the Ewoks advance/detailed living space… Ohmygod and how hot is the part where Sam is going to sneeze and Dean jumps him to stop him from sneezing? SUPER hot. This whole chapter is full of hotness.

Awww, and then the end, it was just so SAD! Poor Sammy:( But the ending was perfect, with the whole Luke Skywalker/Han Solo conversation:)

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!!!!! I am insanely happy right now!! I hope you have a fabulous vacation in Hawaii (which island are you going to??) and when you get back, I hope we see more fic from you!!!!!

[Lady Blessington]

Using Sam's allergies as an Ewok detector was freaking brilliant. Sam's reason for not wanting to take the blue pill was really sad but really credible. Well done!

[shygreeneyes]

I agree, Dean's "That's enough!" speech was a treasure!

What a fun story to end the day with.

[TheCakeIsAlive]

Okay, I'm just going to quote my favourite parts from the last part (if that makes any sense).

Love the story! The Ewoks lured me to it!

Sam finally gave it up as a lost cause and stuck his hands in his pockets, sniffling all the while. “Dean, how are we supposed to find them? They may be annoying, but they’re – hih – not exactly stup – hih-Heh-HETSCH!”

“Bless you.” Dean was already rummaging in the trunk of the Impala. “Well, Sam, hate to break it you, but we do have a surefire tracking device.” He raised his eyebrows meaningfully.

Sam sighed, sniffed piteously and stared at his shoes. “I don’t wanna be a tracking device...” he said hoarsely.

(...)

“To be honest, Sam, I don’t really give a damn how strangely advanced they are. We’re burning them all.” Dean glanced at his brother, whose eyelashes were fluttering madly again as his eyes slid out of focus, hands forgotten at his sides. “Goddammit, Sam, don’t you dare breathe!”

“Hih-hih -”

Dean abandoned all decorum and pounced on his brother, covering his mouth with one hand and ramming his index finger under Sam’s nose, cutting off his air. Sam stared, wide-eyed, at his older brother for a few seconds, than nodded to say he was under control again. Dean emptied his pockets and quickly put together his invention.

(...)

“Nah, you’re not cool enough to be Chewbacca. Luke was the annoying one with the emo hair.”

“So does that make you Han?”

“Deadly warrior, space hero and pilot of an awesome ship, constantly on the run? Damn straight I’m Han.”

“It’s because he gets the girl, isn’t it?”

“What do you think?”

Pure awesomeness.

[SweaterWeather]

*is to stunned for words*....... I loved this! I loved this so much that I think it's illegal!!! (Well, maybe in some places ) Excellent work my friend! Just excellent!!!

[iluvsneezes]

Great ending, I loved it!!

[ooo]

Oh, my gosh, the allergy Ewok detector, you are so brilliant. And Dean pressing his finger under Sam's nose to stop him sneezing... Poor Sam with the drowsy pills, that was a really great moment. Thanks for the awesome fic!

[scarlett_ohara2]

His brother sniffed. “No, it’s about the same over here.”

“Okay, um...sorry, Sam. Let’s go a bit deeper in.”

“You don’t have to keeb saying thad.”

Hilarious! (And if you didn't actually mean that part to be funny... um, my mind kind of... ah, leapt into the gutter, and, well...)

“Guess I can’t call you Luke Skywalker anymore, I think he really liked the Ewoks.”

Sam actually looked up. “The Ewoks were the worst part of the series, Dean, worse than the prequels. And when have you ever called me Luke Skywalker?”

Dean glanced sideways, saw the hint of a smile on the corner of Sam’s mouth, dimples in full effect. “I dunno. I was definitely planning on it.”

“Really?” Sam huffed a sigh. “Based on previous experience, I thought you would have called me Chewbacca.”

“Nah, you’re not cool enough to be Chewbacca. Luke was the annoying one with the emo hair.”

“So does that make you Han?”

“Deadly warrior, space hero and pilot of an awesome ship, constantly on the run? Damn straight I’m Han.”

“It’s because he gets the girl, isn’t it?”

“What do you think?”

I had to quote this whole part for sheer awesomeness. Fantastic job!! Hope to read more from you soon!

[MusicaDiabolos]

Ahhh, kind of sad this is over!! I loved every minute? line? -- whatever, it was awesome!!

So many hot Sam images ...

:heart:

Aaaaand I just looked up what an Ewok is. Wow, those things are ridiculous! You did a really good job with them!! And it makes it funnier with Sam all allergic to them ...

Thanks so much! Yeah, I freaking hated those things in the movie, and I really wanted Dean to torch them...

This part was brilliant and angsty and full of so much hot sneeziness and it was perfect:)

I love how pissed off Dean is in the beginning, and Sam trying to tell him to calm down even though he’s a pitiful, sneezy mess himself. Ahhh and the tracking device part!! Loved that! It reminded me of the episode “Yellow Fever,” when Dean was all, “I don’t want to be a clue!” hehe:)

Of course, Sam would be fascinated with the Ewoks advance/detailed living space… Ohmygod and how hot is the part where Sam is going to sneeze and Dean jumps him to stop him from sneezing? SUPER hot. This whole chapter is full of hotness.

Awww, and then the end, it was just so SAD! Poor Sammy:( But the ending was perfect, with the whole Luke Skywalker/Han Solo conversation:)

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!!!!! I am insanely happy right now!! I hope you have a fabulous vacation in Hawaii (which island are you going to??) and when you get back, I hope we see more fic from you!!!!!

Thank you so much! I am very pleased you enjoyed it I am currently in Kau'ai, which is a lovely place where I can relax before school gets all hectic. I may have perhaps thrown all my sneezy ideas into one basket with this story (hehehe) but I will do my best to contribute to our lovely Supernatural community

Using Sam's allergies as an Ewok detector was freaking brilliant. Sam's reason for not wanting to take the blue pill was really sad but really credible. Well done!

Thanks, that was one of my favourite parts! Oh, and all the angst...well, it's just unavoidable for me. I loved Season 1 Sam for that reason.

I agree, Dean's "That's enough!" speech was a treasure!

What a fun story to end the day with.

Thanks for reading!

*is to stunned for words*....... I loved this! I loved this so much that I think it's illegal!!! (Well, maybe in some places ) Excellent work my friend! Just excellent!!!

I feel so flattered that my writing may be illegal Hopefully not in Canada. Thanks so much for reading and commenting!

Oh, my gosh, the allergy Ewok detector, you are so brilliant. And Dean pressing his finger under Sam's nose to stop him sneezing... Poor Sam with the drowsy pills, that was a really great moment. Thanks for the awesome fic!

Thank-you And thanks for setting all this up and inspiring to finally write something for the site!