'Now What?' - The sneezy version that should have been - (7 Parts)

[Dopey]

So I really wanted to try this, not a big fan of the House season 7 premiere, thought it lacked humor, decided to do my own version of the 'Now What?' Huddy day with a sneezy twist. This is a first chapter to see if it works, if it does, I'll continue...

House held Cuddy in his arms, he couldn’t believe what was happening; his head spun gleefully as he looked beside him and say Cuddy open her eyes. It was morning now, and the events of the night before shot into his consciousness like daggers, the patient he had lost, the vicodin he never took and Cuddy coming to his rescue, truthfully he was still wondering if it was all a hallucination, he did feel a bit hazy, but as he heard Cuddy sniff and yawn and he turned to look at her, all was forgotten for a moment.

‘So now what?’ He asked her, he slid his fingers down her bare arm unto her bare back.

Cuddy sighed, ‘I got to get dressed…Go to work…’ She said and began to lift herself to a sitting position, her plans quickly interrupted by House who grabbed her arm and looked at her with puppy dog eyes. ‘House…’ Cuddy pleaded with him, ‘You got to go to work…’

Her sentence was quickly interrupted by a sudden sneeze, ‘Arrrrrrshhchhhh!’

‘as well…’ She finished her sentence as House tilted his head back, sniffed and sighed.

Cuddy looked at him suspiciously, ‘Is this an attempt to get me to give you the day off? Because as your boss I’m not buying it…’ She smiled shiftily, fairly proud of herself that even though she was now in love with House, she was still able to see through his usual scams to try and get off work. But her pride quickly melted away as she felt a tickle ride up her nose, she cupped her hands unto her face.

‘Achhhhhhroo!’

Hands still in the same position, she glared at House, who was smiling cheekily.

At that very moment Cuddy’s cell phone rang, and House grabbed it as quickly as he could.

‘Oh don’t you even think about it House!’ Cuddy warned. But the man raised his eyebrow at her and pressed the phone to his ear.

‘Hello?’ He said, Cuddy made hand sighs to him emphasizing her anger, ‘No this is Dr. Cuddy’s assistant, she’s not available at the moment, can I take a message?’ He sniffed.

‘No I’m afraid she won’t be showing up at work today, caught a bug last night, god knows from where…’ Cuddy once again rolled her eyes.

‘Oh… She also gave Dr. House the day off, figure it out…’ and with that he hung up.

He smiled at her, she looked mad. He knew it wasn’t real mad because her eyebrow always twitched when she pretended to be mad at him.

‘Arrrrrrchhhhkkkk!’ He sneezed, he then sniffed, accepting the result he was looking for- she softened back up and crawled back into the bed next to him.

He smiled, they both sniffed.

‘You gave me your cold…’ Cuddy said as she nuzzled in his chest.

‘Well, tight moldy underground parking lot gave me mine… Yours is much better…’ He kissed her, she kissed him back.

‘As for now what…’ Cuddy began to say, answering House’s question from before, ‘Let’s just try to get through this day without killing each other…’

‘Agreed’

[MyOwnPrivateSFC]

Hey, lookit! You managed something I didn't think anybody could: you made me like the House S7 premiere!

(By which, of course, I mean: Thanks! That was totally adorable and probably better written than the actual episode.)

[ID2006]

Ditto... much much better than the actual episode

[musiclover90]

Ooh, I like this! PLEASE PLEASE continue!

[Dopey]

Ha, glad someone agrees with me, the real 'Now What' Lacked humor, It was necessary to establish these two's relationship but it should have been funny as hell like their past interactions.

Anyways, chapter 2! More sneezing in later chapters if I ever write them! I promise! But this one has some too...

House made his way to the kitchen, scavenging for whatever he could find in his abandoned apartment, but mostly tea. He hated tea but since both he and Cuddy were now officially on a sick day, he couldn’t think of anything better to do.

‘Arrrkkksh!’

He heard Cuddy sneeze from the bedroom and blow her nose, her cold was obviously getting worst, he was smiling, but didn’t know if it was because he was happy for the opportunity to spend a day with her or because he was just being his usual ass self, the thought confused him. How could he possibly be happy? It’s been years, he didn’t even know if what he was feeling was happiness at all.

‘Arrrrchhhhshhhh!’ He was kind of glad when he sneezed and deprived his own brain from oxygen momentarily stopping his agonizing chain of thought.

‘Bless you!’ Cuddy said as she snuck up on him and hugged him from behind.

‘I don’t have any tea….’ House said randomly.

Cuddy shrugged, ‘Should I notify the authorities?’ She asked sarcastically.

‘Jus’ thought you would like some…’ He sniffed.

Cuddy sneakered, ‘Stop trying so hard… It’s very out of character…’ She rubbed him on the shoulder.

House didn’t say anything, opting with sniffling instead; his nose was starting to tickle him again. Cuddy was examining her now boyfriend, once employee/ official annoyer he seemed different than usual. She smiled.

‘Why are you staring at me?’ House asked, eyebrow raised.

‘You’re weirded out by this…’ She said simply.

‘Are you head shrinking me?’ House asked.

‘Well…’ She paused for a second and brought a tissue to her nose, also starting to notice a distinct tickle, ‘Yeah, I’ve known you for twenty years House, I reserve the right to analyze you, as if you don’t do it to me all the time…’

‘Arrrkkkshh!’ House cut her off with a sneeze.

‘I’m beginning to think you’re doing this on purpose…’ Cuddy said sarcastically.

‘Ahh…’ House groaned and gathered himself, ‘I’mb not’d…’ he sniffed, ‘Stop analyzing me…’

Cuddy rolled her eyes, ‘You probably analyze me all the time! Or else I would never agree to half the crazy things you make me agree with at the hospital!’

‘Arrrrrchhh!’ She sneezed freely at the end of the sentence, this was starting to get amusing, for them both really. House handed her a tissue.

‘Bless you…’ He said, ‘and the only thing I ever analyze is your ass…’ he grabbed her behind and gave her a devilish look.

‘An ass deflection?’ Cuddy laughed, ‘You, Greg House, are weirded out…’

She grabbed his hand off her behind and gave him a peck on it, smiling; she walked away, leaving him defeated.

‘I am so not!’ House screamed after her.

‘I love you regardless!’ Cuddy screamed back from the bedroom, ‘Take a damn shower will you? You stink of rubble!’

House smiled to himself, he wanted to say ‘I love you too’ but was all he managed to say back to her was ‘Yeah yeah…’

[ID2006]

this is so awesome. You have them down so well.

[Dopey]

Ok, I miss Wilson!!!

Just had to say it, and with that I give you another episode of the fluffiest story ever written as a result of the fluffiest House episode ever, and this is all very amusing to me.

Next episode after this one I am so bringing Wilson, it's not the same without boy wonder oncologist!

House came back to the bedroom to get some clean clothes, as he stepped through the door, Cuddy jumped and hid something behind a pillow, House looked at her curiously.

‘Are you trying to call the hospital?’ He asked. Cuddy looked around the room nervously, ‘No…’ She said but House gave her another sharp look, she rolled her eyes, ‘Okay fine yes…’ She pulled the cell from behind the pillow and let out a harsh sneeze.

‘Arrrrshhhhhhhh!’

‘Bless you…’ House said as he grabbed the cell out of his new girlfriends hand, ‘You need to relax…’ He continued, ‘I’ll hang on to this while you do just that and I’ll fix us a magic bath…’

Cuddy raised an eyebrow and sniffed, ‘You? Magic bath? Why does this concept worry me?’

House shrugged and pressed the ignore button as Cuddy’s cell ringed once more, ‘But it’s going to be great I assure you…’ He gave her again that devil grin that made her heart do a double flip in the air and land in her stomach, she smiled to him, and he left, cell in hand to the bathroom.

In the bathroom House grabbed whatever he could find to through in the tub, some mouth wash, old spice, toothpaste, he figured anything that smells minty might go well together, he then dialed Chase’s number.

‘Hello?’ Chase answered.

‘Arrkkkkkkkkchhh!’ House sneezed.

‘emmm… Bless you?’ Chase said with confusion, ‘House?’

‘No it’s the magic telephone sneezing ghost…’ *sniff* ‘I need you to do something…’ House said as he rubbed his nose.

‘Why aren’t you at work?’ Chase asked, ignoring House’s request.

‘Akkkshhh!’ House sneezed again, ‘I’b sick! Stop asking questions, need favor…’

‘Sure…’ Chase finally gave in, though there was something urgent about House’s tone that made him think there might be more to this. House had asked Chase to deal with a sick neurosurgeon. He didn’t explain why or if Cuddy had told him to, and where was Cuddy anyway? This was a weird weird day.

House hung up, sniffing, he took in the hot minty steams, his secret bath was ready, he poked his head out the door, and looked at Cuddy. ‘All systems are go!’

They were sitting in the bath, hugging each other, listening to a symphony of each other’s sneezes as the steam released them.

*sniff* ‘This is good…’ House said, nose trickling like crazy, ‘Means it’s workin’…’ *sniff*

‘Ashhhhhkkk!’ Cuddy sneezed. *sniff* ‘Working is an understatement…’

There was quiet for a while…

‘Hey House?’ Cuddy said all of a sudden. House turned to look at her.

‘Your secret bath is burning my lady parts…’

House gave a pained look, ‘How do you thik my anus feels?’ He whispered in her ear, ‘Means it’s working…’ *sniff* He tried once more to justify his ‘Amazing Secret Bath’ but it didn’t work.

‘Can we get out?’ Cuddy asked.

‘I was so waiting for you to say that!’ House replied and they both got out of there as fast as they could.

‘You suck at drawing baths, next time I do it…’ Cuddy said and sneezed, ‘Ashhhkk!’

‘Bless you..’ House said as he handed her a towel, ‘You smell like Listerine…’ He added. She rolled her eyes, ‘Gee I wonder why…’ She said.

Suddenly House felt a shiver run down his spine, curious, he looked at Cuddy who was now getting dressed but looked paler. He examined carefully as she let out another sneeze ‘Ashhhhhhhhoo!’ she looked pained by that last one, and House didn’t like the looks of it, he rubbed the back of his neck to try andthink and noticed he was sweating.

‘You’re running a fever…’ He told Cuddy.

She stopped getting dressed and looked at House, ‘How do you know?’

‘Because I’m running one…’ He said, ‘Ashhhhhhkkkkoo’. ‘What do we do now?’ He asked and sniffed loudly.

‘Well, not much we can do…’ Cuddy said, ‘You don’t have anything in this place…’

‘We can have sex…’ House suggested.

‘What does that have to do with anything?’ Cuddy laughed.

‘Nothin’..’ House shrugged. ‘But we could…’

Cuddy smiled, and embraced House in her arms.

[musiclover90]

I love Huddy and all of this! Can't wait for more!

[MyOwnPrivateSFC]

Hee! At least if he was going for minty (which could, theoretically, be helpful as a decongent *is grasping at straws here*), that would explain the bottle of mouthwash I could swear I saw him put in the tub in canon!

And, you're right, this fic (and all other fic "House"-based or not) does need Wilson. I think he should get infected when he sneaks in; it only serves him right! Though, really, since you mentioned the next episode...the fuzziness from the beginnings of a cold could explain his utterly confused look when he finally found out about Huddy. As could the fact that, the way it was written in canon, it MADE NO SENSE!

[Dopey]

Hee! At least if he was going for minty (which could, theoretically, be helpful as a decongent *is grasping at straws here*), that would explain the bottle of mouthwash I could swear I saw him put in the tub in canon!

And, you're right, this fic (and all other fic "House"-based or not) does need Wilson. I think he should get infected when he sneaks in; it only serves him right! Though, really, since you mentioned the next episode...the fuzziness from the beginnings of a cold could explain his utterly confused look when he finally found out about Huddy. As could the fact that, the way it was written in canon, it MADE NO SENSE!

Sneezechick, minty bath as a decongestant was exactly what I was aiming for, aren't you clever!

And you're right! there most be Wilson! in every fic! I'm more into House (mine all mine ) But when it comes to fics I tend to like the ones with Wilson in them cuz I just love the boys together and truthfully Huddy ain't doing it for me as much as the House/Wilson bromance

Anyyyywaaysss... Wrote the last chapter when I was half awake, I'll need to take my time on the next one and work some Wilson in nicely...

PS. It was listerine House put in that bath, and that scene was EPIC!

[MyOwnPrivateSFC]

PS. It was listerine House put in that bath, and that scene was EPIC!

It WAS epic...though, at the same time, it sort of set the tone for the "humor" for the rest of the episode: sex/potty/body-part jokes and slapstick gags seemed to be the name of the game, which--while fun in small doses (like that scene)--really doesn't work for a show that usually has so much great banter and such.

[Dopey]

PS. It was listerine House put in that bath, and that scene was EPIC!

It WAS epic...though, at the same time, it sort of set the tone for the "humor" for the rest of the episode: sex/potty/body-part jokes and slapstick gags seemed to be the name of the game, which--while fun in small doses (like that scene)--really doesn't work for a show that usually has so much great banter and such.

It was epic on it's own, disregarding the rest of the episode, I agree, but hey, I got another chapter, and this is where it gets interesting and I'm gonna try to break the mold if this episode...most importantly, Wilson pays a visit, so by next chapter I hope to have lots of good laughs thanks to him...

*Ahhh-shhhchhhh!* House sneezed as he and Cuddy lay lazily in his couch.

‘Bless you…’ Cuddy said, but not a moment too soon her nose started to twitch; *Axshhhhrr!* *sniff*

House just stared at her slacked jawed.

‘What?’ Cuddy asked him.

‘Shouldn’t we do something about all this sneezing?’ House asked her. *sniff*

*sniff-sniff* ‘It’s a cold…’ Cuddy replied, ‘and I’m quoting someone I know well when I’m saying it’s diagnostically boring… You can’t do anything, nothing to solve here House, you’re a jerk, your germs are jerks, you gave me a cold…’

*Axxkkkkshhhhhchh!* House sneezed, ‘How’dyou know it’s not the other way around?’

Cuddy laughed, ‘I wasn’t the one stuck inside the rubble all night with a patient, and by your own logic it makes more sense…’ *Ashhhhchh!* *sniff* ‘and you’re right, this constant sneezing are getting annoying…’ She pressed a tissue to her nose.

Suddenly House’s cell rang, Cuddy grabbed it and looked at the caller ID, ‘Wilson…’ She said and handed House the phone.

‘Forget it…’ House said, ‘I’ll talk to him later…’ but that plan was cut short as he heard a knock on the door and Wilson’s voice echoed from behind it.

‘House! Open the door I know you’re in there!’

‘Just let him in…’ Cuddy whispered. *Aksh!* she suppressed a sneeze.

‘You sneeze like a girl House!’ Wilson commented from behind the door.

House glared at Cuddy, ‘You see what you did?’ He asked her. She was just rolling on the couch laughing silently.

‘If we ignore him he’ll just go away…’ House said.

‘Not if we start sneezing again he won’t…’ Cuddy commented.

House thought it through, ‘Good point…’ *sniff*

Suddenly his cell rang again, this time House answered.

‘Hi this is Gregory House, I cannot be reached at the moment, please leave a message after the beep….BEEEEEP.’

‘House…’ Wilson spoke into the phone, ‘Get the door…’

House continued, ‘If this is Wilson, I am okay, not suicidal, coping well with the death of my patient so feel free to go about your day…*Akkkshhhhhhchh!* eh…BEEEP’

‘Bless you? Why are you sneezing?’ Wilson asked.

‘Being stuck under piles of rubble for a whole night does that to a guy…’

*Arskkk!* this time it was Cuddy who sneezed. House gave her a glare.

‘Why do your sneezes sound like you swallowed a rubber ducky?’ Wilson asked.

‘Because I did…bbye now!’ House tried to hang up.

‘Wait! Wait!’ Wilson scram into the phone, ‘What’s Cuddy going to say about you not showing up for work?’

*sniff* ‘Gave me the day off…and tomorrow too…’ It was Cuddy’s turn to gaze at House, ‘Okay maybe not tomorrow, I’m fine…Go away…’

And with that House hung up and smiled at Cuddy proudly.

‘He’s going to be back…’ Cuddy commented.

‘I know…’ House said, ‘But in the meantime…’ He leaned over and kissed her.

‘House…’ Cuddy broke from the kiss. ‘I think I hear someone breaking in…’

House nodded, and Cuddy went to the bedroom. He shot to his feet and made his way to the kitchen where he found half of Wilson peaking through his kitchen window.

House smiled, ‘You’re an idiot…’ He helped Wilson in.

‘You sound congested, are you on drugs?’ Wilson asked.

House stared meanly at his best friend, ‘Why would I be on drugs?’

‘Well, your pupils are red, you haven’t used Vicodin for a year which could mean it’s suppressing your breathing… You say you have a cold, I say everybody lies…’ Wilson said shiftily.

House smiled, ‘That’s actually my line…’

Wilson pointed at House, ‘And you’re smiling! You’re happy! You just lost a patient, you were a mess last night! Vicodin made you happy!’

‘Or…’ House said and paused, his nose twitched, *Arrrrchhhhhskkkk!* *sniff* ‘Or I am happy because I just had sex with my girlfriend…’ he gloated.

Wilson raised an eyebrow, ‘You got a prostitute in there?’

‘Do I ever refer to prostitutes as girlfriends you moron? Her name starts with a C and ends with UDDY…’ House said.

Wilson chuckled nervously, ‘House, how many did you take?’

‘I didn’t! Come on…’ He limped to the bedroom and sighed Wilson to follow him.

‘Cuddles! We have guests!’ House shouted jokingly, but when they walked into the room it was empty.

The two friends stared at each other for a moment, shocked.

‘I’ll ask again… Slowly… How many did you take?’

House shrugged.

Back in the living room House was sitting on a bar stool. Wilson was shining bright lights into his eyes.

‘Well your pupils look normal if not a bit bloodshot, your heart rate is normal, do you know you’re running a slight fever?’ Wilson asked.

House raised his eyebrow, ‘I have a cold…’ he sniffed loudly to emphasize it, ‘I already told you…’

Wilson thought it through, ‘You told me, but you were lying about Cuddy… Something is off here, maybe not Vicodin, you’re on something…’

House rolled his eyes, ‘Come on! I’m the diagnostician! What drug can possibly cause cold symptoms and absolutely no high?! And further more, why the hell would I take it?’ *Akkkkkshhhhchhh!* ‘Eh… really? Why?’ House made a miserable face.

‘So you can be miserable…’ Wilson said, ‘It’s in the dictionary next to your name…’

Suddenly they both heard a sound from the bedroom.

*Ashhhhhhchh!*

House looked at Wilson, ‘Does this drug also cause squeaky sneezy sounds to appear from my bedroom?’

Wilson looked confused.

‘Or am I just hallucinating again?’ House joked.

*Atshhhhhh!* Another sneeze from the bedroom.

House half smiled, ‘This is some hell of a drug…’

Wilson still looked confused.

‘He heard you! Come out before he admits me to Mayfield along with his own sorry ass! You’re scaring him!’ House shouted to the bedroom.

Moments later Cuddy was standing in the living room, wearing nothing but House’s shirt, sniffing and recovering from her sneezing fit.

‘Hi Wilson…’ She said.

Wilson was just sitting there, wide eyed as can be.

Weird weird day…

[MyOwnPrivateSFC]

HEE! Oh, I love you so much! This was absolutely 100% perfect! I shall hug you and squeze you and call you George...or anything else you want to be called!

*wanders off to reread until more gets posted*

[Dopey]

Ok another chapter is ready! Took a while for me to think about this one cause I really was waiting for my funny bone to wake up, this is totally different then the episode itself and more of a parody of what could have been...ENJOY

House and Cuddy just stood there, they did that for about two minutes, Wilson glared, Cuddy sniffed, House sniffed, Wilson still glared. House finally sighed and rolled his eyes at his best friend, a clear message that he should open his trap or get the hell out.

‘I’m not buying it…’ Wilson finally concluded. Cuddy and House exchanged frustrated looks once more.

House tried to kiss Cuddy, she took a step back.

*ashhhkkkk!* She sneezed.

‘Yeah that’s convincing…’ Wilson stated.

‘What?! She had to sneeze! That doesn’t count!’ House argued, he turned to Cuddy, ‘Come on just one kiss to get him aroused a little…’

‘I’m not…’ Wilson started to say defensively only to get cut off by House.

‘Not you!’ He yelped, and turned his gaze back to Cuddy, who didn’t like this game at all, needless to say, but she gave House a small peck nonetheless.

Wilson paused and thought, ‘I’ve been more passionate with my great aunt…’

‘Mable!?’ House croaked and lifted his arm, ‘Up high!’ only to be interrupted by a sneeze that yanked him into a curled position, ‘Ashhhhhkkksh!’

While House’s entire body shook, he felt a hand reach for his crotch area, looking up quickly and gathering himself, he saw it was Cuddy, she raised her eyebrow at Wilson.

‘Are we done here?’ she asked him. House stood there with a smog look on his face, sniffling like a daft moron.

Wilson processed. ‘This…’ He was smiling now, ‘This is fantastic!’

Cuddy let go of House’s crotch.

‘I know! I think she straightened my limp!’ House said.

‘Wilson…’ Cuddy cut them both off, ‘Please don’t tell anyone at work yet, I would like to keep it private until…’ *Ashhhroooo!*

Wilson laughed, ‘It’s going to be incredibly hard for you guys to hide this with identical colds…This is hilarious by the way…’ he pointed out.

‘He’s right…’ Cuddy panicked, she looked at House, ‘What the hell are we going to do?’ *akkkkkkshh!* She let out another harsh sneeze and sniffled into a tissue.

House thought about it for a moment, the light bulb in his head going off like lightning, ‘We give the cold to Wilson…’ He said as if it was the most genius plan ever.

‘What what?!’ Wilson protested, ‘I’m just an innocent by stander! I don’t want your damn love sickness!’

Cuddy processed, ‘That might actually work…’

‘Are you freaking kidding me!? What did he do to you!?’ Wilson argued.

‘Now calm down wonder boy…’ House insisted, ‘If all three of us have the same cold it’s more likely everyone will just think there’s a bug going around…’

‘No no no! Not happening…you guys are insane! I am out of here…’ Wilson said. He tried to reach the door when he heard Cuddy call from behind him.

‘If you don’t do this then you’re fired!’

Wilson froze in his spot.

‘Abuse of power…’ House observed and smiled at his girlfriend, ‘I like it!’

Wilson gave them both a ‘you just wait and see’ look, as he strolled back to the living room defeated.

An hour and a half later Cuddy, Wilson and House were all sitting on the couch in the living room, Wilson was the only one though who was shirtless and had his feet dipping in a bowl of ice water. Cuddy and House made no effort what so ever to cover their sneezes and coughs, and as for Wilson, he just couldn’t believe how weird this day was.

*Ashhhhkkkkkkkchh!*

‘Bless you House…’ Said Wilson.

*Shhhhhkkkshhh!*

‘Bless you Cuddy…’ He said again.

*Ashhkkkkkttchhh!*

‘I hate you both…’

It was three hours later, when Wilson was shivering madly and his two lover friends fell asleep on the couch snuggling each other that he decided to make a run for it. He got up slowly from the couch, eyeing House and Cuddy, he thought these two demon seeds looked much cuter when they were asleep, snoring with congestion and drooling on each other, it really was kind of sweet and unbelievable to see them together like that.

Wilson almost made it to the front door when he felt a tickle ride up his nose.

‘No no no way…’ He commanded his nose to stop but it was too late.

*Ashhhhhkkkkkkkchhhhrr!* ‘Damn it!’

‘Hey it worked…’ House croaked and smiled in his sleep.

‘You’re a genius…’ Cuddy replied, not even opening her eyes, she kissed House on the forehead.

Wilson eyed them as if they were maniacs, ‘You two deserve each other…’ *Ashhhkkkshh!* sniff*

‘Bless you Wilson…’ Cuddy said, smiling in her sleep, she nuzzled into House’s chest.

‘Yeah…what she said…’ *sniff* House propped himself back on a pillow.

Wilson threw his hands in the air with frustration let out another sneeze and left the two love sickos to enjoy their nap.

[MyOwnPrivateSFC]

YAY! I am so in love with this, I can't even explain! You brought the whole "telling Wilson" scene in! (I ADORED that scene, even in canon.) Aww, and now poor Wilson has the bad, bad cold, too.

One thing I must admit, though...

‘If all three of us have the same cold it’s more likely everyone will just think there’s a bug going around…’

Well, I suppose. But if I were the kind of person who'd think that identical colds meant that House and Cuddy were sleeping together, I'm pretty sure I'd assume that if House, Cuddy, and Wilson had identical colds, it'd mean they were having a threesome.

Looking forward to more (and more and more and...oh, fine, I know I should stop being so greedy).

[Dopey]

Well, I suppose. But if I were the kind of person who'd think that identical colds meant that House and Cuddy were sleeping together, I'm pretty sure I'd assume that if House, Cuddy, and Wilson had identical colds, it'd mean they were having a threesome.

oh god i was thinking the exact same thing...

Then I remembered that this is not a slash story and that this explanation might work...well... It ain't perfect but it gets me from a to b in the story

Anyways, I dunno if this fic will last forever, I really got to wrap it up nicely soon cuz 'now what' was after all an episode about nothing and so this fic is about nothing.

I will be glad to write more HouseXWilson friendship stuff if you have any ideas, I'm so bored, I could use something good to write to pass the time, feel free to throw some plot bunnies my way! It will be greatly appreciated.

[polychrome]

I really like the first part you brought Wilson in, it felt the most real to me and was a lot of fun to read and visualize.

[MyOwnPrivateSFC]

Well, I suppose. But if I were the kind of person who'd think that identical colds meant that House and Cuddy were sleeping together, I'm pretty sure I'd assume that if House, Cuddy, and Wilson had identical colds, it'd mean they were having a threesome.

oh god i was thinking the exact same thing...

Then I remembered that this is not a slash story and that this explanation might work...well... It ain't perfect but it gets me from a to b in the story

Hey, I'm not saying you have to WRITE House/Cuddy/Wilson (or however you might picture that set-up), just that IF I were going to see "identical colds" as a clue, Wilson also having one wouldn't necessarily convince me that I was wrong. (Because, really, I can't imagine that House's team--old, new, or otherwise--has never wondered whether House was doing Cuddy, Wilson, both of them, or neither of them.)

That said...I find it interesting that WILSON'S mind jumped to "identical colds" = "sleeping together"...in all the years he and House have lived together, shared (or stolen, or had stolen) food, and generally lived in each other's back pockets, have they really NEVER gotten sick at the same time? (And, since colds do generally have incubation periods of some amount, why also would he assume that he, too, hadn't already been infected, and was just fighting it off so far? Especially since he HADN'T been taxing his body at the disaster scene.) Maybe he (subconsciously?) WANTED to catch House and Cuddy's cold, and do all the things he associated with it.

(And, also: I know opinions may vary, but to me, it's not slash if there's at least one party of each gender involved. )

[glitter]

OH MY GORRRRRRRRD!!!!!!!!

I don't think I've ever enjoyed a fic this much before ever.

I love you for bringing this into my life!!!!!!

[Dopey]

OH MY GORRRRRRRRD!!!!!!!!

I don't think I've ever enjoyed a fic this much before ever.

I love you for bringing this into my life!!!!!!

ha, glad you like... Hey I've been swamped this pass week and didn't have time to keep writing i will soon though

[Dopey]

NEW CHAPTER FINALLY! next chapter after this one is a bonus House/Wilson conversation, which I think was missing in canon after Cuddy went home, plus we all wanna check on sneezy Wilson and see that he's okay don't we?

“Hey…” House whispered and shook Cuddy gently, she winced like a child who didn’t want to wake up for school, it made him smile, “Hey, come on, I’m bored, wake up…”

“Play with yourself…” Cuddy grunted in her sleep trying to shake House off.

He smiled, “I don’t do that anymore, got a girlfriend to play with me…”

Cuddy opened one eye, seeing House smiling; she couldn’t help but to smile herself.

“Besides…” House added cheekily, “You snore like a tractor…”

“Entirly your fault…” *SSHHHHkkkshh!* She sneezed as she rose up, “For giving me this cold…”

House gave her a small kiss and looked in her tired eyes; “Will it make you feel any better if I tell you I also feel like shit?” he sniffed.

Cuddy made her notorious ‘thinking face’ , “I know you’re my boyfriend now, and I should worry and care if you’re sick, but yes, you did this to me and you suffering along with me makes me feel better, so screw you and thank you…” She smiled and kissed him back.

“That’s the vengeful Cuddy I know and love!” House said, but his smile faded away quickly, did he just say the words ‘love’ and ‘Cuddy’ in the same sentence? he didn’t mean to, but he did, *Akkkkkkshhhrrr!* he sneezed and shook it off, looking back at Cuddy nervously, he let out a small cough and wondered if she noticed what he said.

She smiled softly at him, wondering why he was so tense all of a sudden, “What do you want to do?” She asked, trying to change the subject in hope it will relax the mood.

House smiled again, he was smiling a lot today, which made Cuddy happy, he pulled out something from a drawer, “Game on!” He said, presenting a game of Boggle. Cuddy smiled, only House could make her smile like that, only House could convince her to play a round of Boggle at her age, she loved that, he made her feel like a kid in love all over again.

They were both sitting in the living room, across from each other, sniffling sneezing messes, House looked at Cuddy’s answers, “You’re really good at this… 7 points…” *Attttchhhh!* he said and sneezed. He felt his nose block from the forceful sneeze, as he tried to sniff and correct his breathing but he didn’t manage to do so.

“You didn’t see the word ‘love’?” Cuddy asked him all of a sudden, House looked confused, “Are you suggesting’d by boggle skills are a direct reflection’d of by life?” he replied, annoyed at how congested he sounded.

Cuddy shrugged, “Well, you saw all those big words and you didn’t see love? Why is that?” she asked. *Atttkkkkshh!* and sneezed.

House’s eyes squinted, his lips forming a crooked smile, “I didn’t see it, ‘cause I didn’t have the letter V’d…” still congested, he found it hard to even sound the letter, pulling out of his back tiny blocks spelling “I-LOBE-YOU”.

Cuddy smiled back at him, thinking it was highly appropriate and clever actually, if House would to say he loved her right now, it would probably come out as LOBE from the congestion, but he didn’t say it yet, not the way she wanted him to say it, and though she was smiling and giving him the benefit of the doubt, she quickly grabbed her pen, “Lobe?” He said raising an eyebrow, “2 points House, you get 2 points…”

………………………………….

It was a few hours later, a few games later, a few talks, a few laughs, and plenty of sex later, that Cuddy went to the bedroom to get dressed and go back to her home, leaving House alone in the living room with his thoughts, a thinking Greg House was a miserable Greg House, as Wilson pointed out on numerous occasions, and now away from Cuddy reality finally hit home, maybe it was his stuffy nose and foggy head that caused him to think these bad thoughts, no… He thought again, it’s not- He has always been miserable, this day doesn’t mean anything, he’ll always be miserable, he can’t even bring himself to tell her he loves her, he cupped a sneeze in his hands and thought of ways he could screw this up, his leg might hurt real bad one day, he can snap on Cuddy, then she’ll realize, as Stacy did, that he is nothing more than an intolerable cripple. Another option was his big mouth, he’ll say something to her at work, something about her skills, he’ll say something eventually, call her a second rate doctor, tell her people only take her seriously because she has nice boobs, he’ll say something, and one day it won’t be funny anymore and she won’t forgive him.

His head pounded, *ArrrCHhhhkkk!* he let a sneeze escape, his mind was reeling, he didn’t want to lose her, he didn’t want her to go away ever.

Cuddy came out of the bedroom, now fully dressed and out of House’s PJ’s, she looked at her boyfriend with worry, “What’s up?” she asked him as she sat next to him and caressed his cheek, “You look pale, are you feeling alright?”

House nodded, “Yeah, its fine…” He whispered. Cuddy sensed he worry in his tone, he was everything but fine.

“Tell me…” She told him simply and softly.

“This isn’t going to work…” House said, avoiding her gaze.

Cuddy opened her mouth in shock, looking for something to say, she couldn’t think of a single thing though, she wasn’t sure herself as for their futures, so what the hell could she tell him.

She settled for, “What…?”

House took a deep breath and coughed into his fist, “We both know how this is going to end, I’ll say or do something stupid, and you’ll remember all the horrible things I have done to you…” *Arrrrnnkkchh!* He sneezed and sniffed, “I always did horrible things for you…” He croaked, “I gave you this cold and I was happy about it, I’m still a manipulative jerk… and it’s a matter of time before you grow sick of it…”

Cuddy smiled *Atttnchchh!* and sneezed, “I am sick of it…” She joked.

House couldn’t help but to sneaker a bit, “I didn’t mean literally…” though he was smiling, his eyes still looked sad, Cuddy didn’t want to leave him like that, not after the day they had.

“Hey…” She said and looked at him, “Listen, whatever happened before, just forget it okay? You are the most amazing man I have ever met, and you always will be…Now if you don’t mind, I’m going to leave now, if you’re not breaking up with me…” She smiled, House looked still kind of shocked and pale, Cuddy couldn’t tell if it was from his cold or because he was having trouble processing what she was saying. What House did next answered her question. He grabbed her hand and held it as tight as he could, looked up to her with his big glassy blue eyes, “I love you…” He said, and it was simple as that.

[Dopey]

BONUS CHAPTER

House parked his car in the same spot he used to park his bike while he was living with Wilson. He stepped out and grabbed the plastic bag from the back seat, *Attttdhchhh* he sneezed at the cold night air, limping slowly to the front door, this is why he hated riding in a car, always made his leg feel uncomfortable. He grabbed the keys from his jacket pocket, not bothering to knock, he opened the door.

“Arrrrrrrrmmmmmpphh!* A loud sneeze that echoed the whole apartment was the first thing he heard, he shook his head and laughed to himself, poor Wilson fell as a victim in Cuddy and his devious plan, and was nursing his cold at the moment.

House proceeded to walk and stood in front of Wilson, who was propped on the orange couch, his nose red like a Jewish Christmas reindeer, he sniffed into a tissue and sighed, “What do you want House?” He looked up at his tall best friend, “Didn’t Cuddy as your doctor proscribe loads of sex to nurse your cold?” he sniffed, even his sniff sounded sarcastic.

“I brought you some Nyquill…” House said and threw the bag unto Wilson’s lap, he then jerked some pillows around and made some room for himself on the couch, pushing Wilson’s legs off. *Arrrrtttchhh!* He sneezed, Wilson handed him a tissue out of the endless supply that was on the coffee table, “D’tanks…” House said, “Where’s Sam?” He asked.

*sniff* “She has a big job tomorrow, didn’t want to take any chances on catching this cold so she’s staying with her best friend just for tonight. *Attttchhhkka!* Wilson let out another forceful sneeze, “She told me to tell you she hopes this cold kills you by the way… and that you’re an ass for giving it to me…” *sniff*

House rolled his eyes, “Must you tell your ex-wife / Girlfriend everything Wilson?”

Wilson laughed, “I give it a week House, one week and Cuddy will buy you a leash and some chew toys…”

“I do like those tennis balls you can get for 99cent at Petco…” House joked.

“House…” Wilson said, “Seriously, I’m happy for you…” he smiled sincerely.

House sighed, “I got to go get my bike from Trenton, it’s been towed…”

Wilson raised an eyebrow, “Why are you changing the subject?”

House shrugged and sniffed.

Wilson cooed, “What did you do House?”

“I told her I love her…” House croaked, he didn’t look at Wilson to see his reaction, so he couldn’t see he was smiling.

Wilson on the other hand, was inspecting House, he was looking down, but a small twitch in his lip suggested he was smiling, or trying not to smile, Wilson even thought there might be a slight flush on House’s cheeks, the good kind, the kind you get when you’re thinking about something nice.

“You want me to go with you to Trenton to get the bike?” Wilson asked, knowing House didn’t need a reply to the last thing he said, he just needed to let it out.

They both sneezed at the same time.

*Arrrtttchhhhhh!* *Ashhhhhkkkkshh!*

“Nah…” House said hoarsely, “I’ll just get a new one…”

They were both smiling, Wilson got up and went to the kitchen, returning with two small shot glasses, he placed them on the table, opened the bottle of Nyquill and poured some of the green syrup into each shot glass, and handed on to House, and grabbed one himself.

“To the good days…” Wilson said and lifted the Nyquill shot.

House smiled, “Just the good days…” He said.

And they both drank their shots.

-THE END-

[glitter]

Nawwww. I love this.

[MyOwnPrivateSFC]

Dawww! I adore this! Thank you so much for updating it again, AND with a "bonus" chapter!

Now, because I love specifics...

1) I find it interesting that you didn't include what I thought was the ONLY "true" line in the first episode (and, without really spoiling anything, what I personally think tonight's episode proved in myriad ways): when House pointed out that he is "an insane choice for a woman with a kid." Oddly enough, I'm actually glad you didn't, because it lets me keep this story in my fantasies, rather than--like the actual episode--forcing me to yell "Then why are you persuing this, you morons?!"

2) Did you make that reason up for why House was/is getting a new bike? Or was it stated in canon at some point (that I clearly missed) what happened to the bike he had? Because I didn't hear a reason at all, and so was very confused when he was in the bike shop (and, really, even more confused that Wilson was with him, considering how clearly Wilson has demonstrated his dislike for House riding a motorcycle ever since the day he found out about it).

3) I like the way you've portrayed Sam here: even though you wrote her as kind of cold, I think she is, and I'm glad that you didn't write her as a clingy, care-taking kind of person, because even though I can see that as a possibility (though even then, I think she'd be very passive-aggressive), I can see your version much more easily. Not to mention that it gives the perfect excuse for House and Wilson to be alone together.

[Dopey]

Dawww! I adore this! Thank you so much for updating it again, AND with a "bonus" chapter!

Now, because I love specifics...

1) I find it interesting that you didn't include what I thought was the ONLY "true" line in the first episode (and, without really spoiling anything, what I personally think tonight's episode proved in myriad ways): when House pointed out that he is "an insane choice for a woman with a kid." Oddly enough, I'm actually glad you didn't, because it lets me keep this story in my fantasies, rather than--like the actual episode--forcing me to yell "Then why are you persuing this, you morons?!"

2) Did you make that reason up for why House was/is getting a new bike? Or was it stated in canon at some point (that I clearly missed) what happened to the bike he had? Because I didn't hear a reason at all, and so was very confused when he was in the bike shop (and, really, even more confused that Wilson was with him, considering how clearly Wilson has demonstrated his dislike for House riding a motorcycle ever since the day he found out about it).

3) I like the way you've portrayed Sam here: even though you wrote her as kind of cold, I think she is, and I'm glad that you didn't write her as a clingy, care-taking kind of person, because even though I can see that as a possibility (though even then, I think she'd be very passive-aggressive), I can see your version much more easily. Not to mention that it gives the perfect excuse for House and Wilson to be alone together.

I love specifics as well, shall we begin?

1. Tried to include as less of the mooshy lines as I possibly could, I can see House telling Cuddy it wouldn't work cuz he's an ass, can't see him going into the kid thing just after less than 24 hours. Hence the lack of mooshy conversations in this fic, well there are some but tried to keep it to minimum.

2. No explanation was given in canon but House left his cane in Trenton and took an ambulance ride back to PP at the end of "Help Me", so by him and Wilson going to the bike shop we can assume he never went back to Trenton to pick the bike up, so either it was demolished in the rescue efforts from the crain collapse or it was towed away. I thought it would be a great way for House to avoid a Huddy conversation by bringing this up to Wilson I love their little man talks.

3. Sam is an independent person, she's even kind of fun, and by conversations she and Wilson had in season 6 you can tell she speaks her own mind, I couldn't see her nursing Wilson to health if it meant putting her own at stake, I mean, it's not like he's dying- it's just a cold.

and besides... How would I have Wilson and House taking shots of Nyquill if Sam was there? had to get rid of her, the Nyquill shots at the end are my favorite part of this fic

I'm so glad you enjoyed this. and again, ideas would be accepted, I love writing House fics, sneezy ones are even better.