Losing Control

[princessontheporch]

I'm not a massive twilight fan.. i find the whole edward-hero-worship thing a tad lame if im honest. But this story has been knocking around in my head for a while so I thought I'd write a little introduction and you guys can tell me if you like it and want me to continue. Also, I'm aware the title seriously sucks so any other suggestions would be welcome!

Once again I marvelled at her beauty. Her long brown hair, pale skin with 2 pink spots on her cheeks, which flared red whenever I was around. Her small body, so fragile, breakable… it broke me to leave her, even for a few hours.

“She’s asleep,” I told myself. “She won’t even know you’re gone.” But I knew that even in sleep Bella was constantly attuned to me. Unhealthily so, in my opinion. I was nowhere near the perfect angel she thought I was. It made me glad, that however much I hated the dog, that Jacob Black was her friend. She needed something other than me in her life. Although I could hardly talk. It took all my strength to leave her, even in sleep.

As I prepared to jump out the window, to where Emmett was waiting below, Bella stirred and murmured something. “Edward….” she breathed, turning over in her sleep. I gave her one last kiss and saw her smile as she dreamt. Then I left before I changed my mind.

Emmett was impatient, as expected. “Jeez Edward, you’re not going to the gallows… you’re only hunting,” he joked when he saw my grave expression. I wasn’t in the mood to respond. I wanted to get this done and get back to Bella as soon as I could.

As we hunted I began to feel happier. It felt good to be able to give in to my instincts entirely, without worrying about hurting my love. Emmett, of course, was in his element, chasing after the grizzlies without a care in the world.

Eventually, as the sun rose and shone through the ever-present clouds, we returned to our home so I could change for school. We were greeted by Alice and Jasper, with Alice bounding up to us as soon as we got in the door. “Hello Edward, hello Emmett!” her bell-like voice rang out. “How was the hunting trip?” As Emmett began to describe to Jasper his successful chase after a particularly ferocious grizzly bear, Alice turned to me and said casually, “oh Edward, Bella won’t be at school today, she’s getting sick.”

Almost before the words had come out of her mouth, I had turned and ran out the door. “I knew he’d do that,” I hear Jasper sigh behind me.

I ran the whole way, as fast as I could, and arrived at the Swanns’ house in two minutes. In my haste and panic, I had forgotten Charlie. He was just coming out the door when I arrived at the gate.

“Hey Edward,” he said, surprised and suspicious. “A little early for school isn’t it?”

“Yeah I woke up early,” I lied smoothly, in spite of the panic inside. “So I thought I might as well walk over.”

Charlie still looked distrustful, but then that was his usual expression when I was around. “Right,” he said slowly, “well Bella isn’t going to be at school today, she’s coming down with a cold.”

I rearranged my face into an expression of sympathy and said “oh that’s too bad… well maybe I’ll come see her after school then?”

“Yeah, maybe,” said Charlie reluctantly. “You want a ride to school?”

“No thanks, I’ll get Alice to pick me up,” I said nonchalantly, thanking the stars for my stellar acting skills. I watched as the cruiser drove away and as soon as it was out of sight I stealthily climbed through the second floor window into Bella’s room.

She lay sleeping, a strand of hair over her face. Her breathing sounded congested and it didn’t sound like she could breathe much through her nose. How could I not have realised she was getting sick? As I lightly brushed the hair out of her face, she stirred and opened her eyes. “Edward,” she whispered, her voice just a croak. “Hello Bella my love,” I whispered back, lightly brushing her cheek with my lips, inhaling her sweet scent. Her skin was warmer than normal… too warm. “Alice told me you were sick… I was worried,” I said, sighing with relief that although she was definitely sick, it seemed to be just as Charlie said, a common cold. Bella laughed at Alice’s superb clairvoyant abilities, a laugh which unfortunately turned into a nasty cough. I quickly got her some water and she sat up to drink it gratefully. As she did so, I looked at her properly. Her hair was a mess, she was even paler than normal, almost vampire-pale, but her eyes and nose were tinged with red and she was shivering in spite of her higher than normal temperature. She must have seen my expression of worry and concern because she smiled and said, “ Edward relax, it’s just a cold. We humans get them all the time. I’ll be fine in a couple of days.” Her warm hand took mine and squeezed it soothingly. I smiled back, beginning to feel foolish at my overreaction. “ I know,” I replied. “ I just hate being away from you. I feel like something goes wrong every time I do.” She tried to reply but started to cough again. I made her drink some more water and then lie back down, which she seemed happy to do. She lay her head on my chest, grateful for my cool skin on her warm cheeks. I hummed her lullaby and we lay there in contented silence.

As I listened to her steady, if congested breathing, I assumed she’d fallen asleep again. However, suddenly, her breathing began to become uneven and she raised her head and turned away from me. “Bella?” I said, concerned. All I got in return was her shoulders trembling slightly as she continued to face away from me. “Bella,” I said again, trying to get her to turn round and face me, but she struggled away from me, sitting up now so I could see her profile. Her eyelids were fluttering, her nose was quivering and her mouth was slightly open, her lips trembling. Her breath hitched and suddenly I understood what was happening. I knew I should hand her the tissue box from the nightstand but suddenly I was paralysed, waiting for the inevitable. “Heh… heh… heh… HuhESCHOO!” Bella sneezed, her head snapping forward, covering her face with a curtain of hair.

All I could do was stare, transfixed, as she raised her head and turned towards me, blushing. “Edward can y…you ha…heh… heh… hand me a ti… ti… heh.. Heh…hehESCHOOO! HESCHOOO!” She sneezed twice into her sleeve, trying to hide behind her hair, obviously mortified. “Edward?” she said uncertainly.

I was dragged back to consciousness by the sound of my name. I jumped up at once and handed her the tissues. “I’m so sorry Bella! I don’t know what came over me there. That was very impolite of me to ignore your request.”

“It’s ok,” she said hoarsely, trying to blow her nose quietly, still looking embarrassed. “Are you alright?” I asked, gently stroking her arm. “Fine,” she said, although it came out more like “Fide”. She blushed and didn’t meet my eyes. I cupped her chin in my hand and asked gently, “What’s wrong?” She sighed and looked down. “It’s just embarrassing doing something so gross in front of you,” she said quietly, rubbing her nose.

I wanted to tell her how her sneeze had really made me feel but I didn’t know if I could put it into words. Instead I put my arms round her and held her tightly. “Nothing you do is ever gross to me, my love. It’s just a cold, I had those all the time when I was human.” Bella groaned into my shirt and said “yeah, when did you last sneeze, like a hundred years ago?” I hadn’t ever really thought about it, but I supposed she was right. But my immune system had been weak as a human and I still recalled the misery she was undoubtedly feeling. I kissed the top of her head and started moving down to her ear and neck, when I felt her stiffen and push against my chest. I loosened my hold on her and saw that she had that pre-sneeze expression on her face along with a slight hint of panic. “Ed…edwa… heh… heh….” she struggled to hold back the sneeze and break free from my arms which were still round her.

I knew what I was supposed to do. I should have let her go and handed her the tissues. But from the moment I saw her sneeze the first time, something had erupted inside me and I couldn’t help myself. I had to watch her face as it contorted as the sneeze came to fruition, feel her body tremble and hear her breath hitch as she struggled to keep it at bay. “Ed…edwar…heh…heh!” she gasped, fighting harder now although I could see she was losing the battle.

I couldn’t help it. I lost all control and pulled her to me, kissing her fiercely, urgently. “Huh…?” I heard her gasp with shock and surprise as I refused to let go. It seemed to have worked, her breath was no longer hitching and she seemed to be surrendering to my kiss. I inhaled her beautiful, mouthwatering scent and pressed myself harder against her. She moaned softly, her lips moving on mine lovingly and desperately. However, suddenly she pulled away, and with no time to try and break free, she sneezed forcefully, directly onto my chest. “Heh…hehESCHOOO! HEASCHOOO!! Huh… huh… huhASCHOO!”

I was brought back sharply to my senses as I flung myself across the room away from her. I couldn’t believe how I had just acted. I looked at her as she blew her nose and looked back at me in shock and, did I detect, fear?

She was afraid of me. I always knew it would happen. I would lose control and she would see me as the monster as I was. “ Edward,” she whispered, “I’m so sorry…” She tried to continue but was overcome with another coughing fit. When she was done, I said dejectedly, “I’m the one who’s sorry. I lost control with you. I am a monster. I don’t deserve you.”

She just stared at me, her face pale. Then she began to sway. I leapt across the room to catch her before she fell.

More sneezes to come! And Jacob may make an appearance.

[ilovesneezing]

Awww I love twi-fics. I ADORE Alice...I wish we could make her sneeze.

I'm enjoying this so far, even though I'm not a Bella, Edward or Jake fan

[princessontheporch]

Me neither I don't even know why this story kept popping up in my head lol... if I had to pick anyone to sneeze it would be Jasper but I don't know how I could work him into this one really.

[Butch]

princessontheporch - I'm not a "massive Twilight fan" either, but this is a really sweet story so far. Will you continue?

[Alexandria]

Could you please continue thi story? I really think it's good!!!!!!!! : )

[count tiszula]

Like others, I only know Twilight from sneezefics, but this is really excellent. The title seems entirely appropriate, by the way, and seeing Bella sneeze from a male "I" pov is delicious. I hope she'll get less embarrassed in the next bits....

[smiles15]

You should definitely continue this.

[NoV]

I'm not even a fan of Twilight but I enjoyed reading this a lot. Look forward to reading more...

[swann_ee_song]

The characterisations are brilliant. And... of course, the fetishy stuff is exactly what I ordered. Wait, did I order a Twilight fic? =P

Excited for Jacob to come into the story soon too!