WolfsBane of His Existence (M, HP, allergies)

[Dusty15]

WolfsBane of His Existence (CRAPPY PUN ALERT!)

Just a little Remus/Tonks drabble that I wrote in response for an old request for an allergic Remus who gets taken care of by Tonks. Enjoy!

“It should be just up over the crest of the next hill there,” Tonks said, consulting a map and then pointing in the distance towards the rising trees. Pausing a moment, she rotated the map and turned around, looking back towards an equidistant rise.

“…or there. Bugger. Remus?”

Remus Lupin glanced at the map and pointed.

“It’s there,” he said gently, indicating the first hill. “The compass guide points there, see?”

He tapped his finger on the map’s magical compass indicator and it wobbled slightly at his touch.

“Lead the way!” Tonks said, relinquishing the map to his care. “You’re the senior Order member, anyhow.”

“I wish you wouldn’t use the word ‘senior’,” Remus said dryly. “I’m well aware I’m an old man. No need to condescend.”

Tonks giggled and poked his side as they walked.

“Do you think they’ll be any action when we get there?”

“Snape’s reported they’ve abandoned the place but we might find a straggler or two. And we’ve got to deal with anything they’ve left behind, of course.”

They were on their way to an old country home the Death Eaters had occupied for a brief time before moving on to more secure quarters. The place was far in the hills of Wales and they’d taken precautions, apparating to a distant spot and hiking to the home from the rear. They’d been assigned to check out the location and to be on the look out for any clues as to the Death Eaters’ next move.

“Have you got your canteen?” Remus asked as they mounted the hill that wound up towards the house, located across a meadow still out of view.

“Yeah,” Tonks said, extracting a small vial from her pocket that magically expanded into a water bottle. “You okay?”

“Throat’s tickly,” he said, taking a swig and nodding gratefully as he handed it back.

“You’re not sick?” she asked, hesitating as she raised the bottle to her own lips.

“No, no,” he said. “Probably allergies.”

“To what?” she asked in between sips.

“Dunno,” he said, rubbing at his nose in irritation. “Ugh. I don’t get them often. This is a bit off.”

“Probably something new out here in the woods,” she remarked, untying the kerchief that she wore in her hair and handing it to him. “In case you need it.”

“Just in…hehh…”

He broke off, putting the cloth to his nose and inhaling sharply. His brain recognized the familiar scent of her shampoo before the sneeze took over and he pitched forward.

Ehh’tttshhtttt!

“Ugh,” he groaned, straightening back up with a sniffle and clearing his throat.

“Bless,” Tonks offered. “C’mon. Let’s get you up the hill and out of these woods.”

They continued their march, Remus trailing Tonks ever so slightly and punctuating the silence with small sniffs and irritated throat-clears. Nearing the top of the path, Tonks stopped upon hearing a new sound behind her. A slight wheeze now came from Remus and he’d stopped a little further back, clutching the handkerchief at the ready.

Ehh’tsht! ‘Tehhhshttt

He sneezed twice, loudly, with a distinctly irritated sound. And then, he doubled over, coughing.

“Remus!” she said, hurrying to his side and putting an arm on his back to steady him. He wheezed shakily and fought off the coughs.

“Sorry,” he gasped, his nose running a little down his lip. “Must be something in the trees. I’m okay.”

“Here,” she said, picking up a leaf and tapping it with her wand to transfigure it into another handkerchief. “Tie it over your nose and mouth. Might help keep the pollen out.”

He secured the bandana across his face and Tonks giggled at the sight.

“You look like a wild west outlaw.”

“Wonderful,” he said dryly, though she could see the crease of a smile around his eyes.

“Lead on, Jesse James.”

Hii’kxht!!

Almost immediately, another sneeze overtook Remus and a damp spot appeared on the bandana covering his nose. Tonks took his hand and guided him to the top of the hill.

“Almost out of the woods,” she said soothingly.

They climbed over a tangle of tree roots and up onto the meadow. Blinking in the sunlight at the top of the hill, Tonks heard a wheezing gasp come from her side, followed by a rather sharp series of hitching breaths before –

Tshhh’khhht! Ehh’tschii!

Remus’ palm pressed the bandanna tightly to his face as he bent over, eyes squinted shut.

“Shite!” she heard him say before another sneeze came forcefully, sounding even more urgent and irritated than those before it.

Tchhhxt!

Tonks tucked an arm around Remus’ waist, steering him to sit on a nearby rock.

“Wolfsbane,” he managed to croak, struggling against her grip. “The field. It’s wolfsbane, in bloom. I’m very…ahh….ahhler….allergehhhh…‘Tschhh!”

Tonks’ eyes widened at the revelation.

“Bugger. C’mon. We need to get you out of here. In the house should be better. Let’s just hope it’s safe.”

Leaving Remus for a moment, she took a tentative step into the field and looked down at her trouser leg. The blooms left unmistakable trails of yellow dust as she passed.

“You can’t walk through this,” she told Remus. “I’ll side-along apparate you across and we’ll get inside as soon as we’re sure it’s okay.”

Eehhhhh-tkhhht!

Nose now dripping and blossoming red-hot, Remus practically fell into Tonks’ arms, eager to get the hell out of the torturous field.

“Ready when you are,” he said, sniffling.

“Don’t sneeze,” she warned, closing her eyes to concentrate and spinning on her heel. They were instant sucked upwards and into the ether, reappearing across the field alongside the old house.

“I don’t think that Fenrir or any of his associates ever spent time here,” Remus quipped, rubbing allergic tears from his reddened eyes.

Tonks peered into a dusty window.

“Looks empty. Hominum revelo!”

She directed the spell inside the house and no sign came back to indicate anyone human was inside. Despite the suffering it brought to Remus, she was thankful for the wolfsbane because it meant that no werewolf was hiding inside either.

“C’mon,” she said, circling to the door and kicking it in, wand still raised. Inside, the house was mostly trashed, with broken furniture strewn about and remnants of meals left on plates in the sink. There was no sign of a rushed departure either, as all signs of magical activity were gone; no cauldrons or spell books or owl cages left about.

More eager to tend to Remus than to investigate, Tonks led the way to the study and sat her boyfriend down on a dodgy-looking couch.

“You’re not allergic to dust, are you?” she asked.

“No,” Remus said, scrubbing miserably at his nose. “Thankfully. I’d’ve had a rotten time in the Shrieking Shack if that were the case.”

“Okay, good,” she replied. “Relax. I’m going to see if I can find some medicine in the loo or something.”

She went to investigate, digging through the medicine cabinet while the sound of Remus’ insistent sniffles echoed in the deserted house.

Hehht’shht! Ehh….hehh’tsht!

His sneezes sounded more tired and wet now, as if his nose were simply giving over completely to the allergens.

She came up with nothing in the loo, save for a clean hand towel which she wet and wrung out so that it was cool and still damp. Returning to the study, she sat alongside Remus and patted her lap.

“Lie down,” she said. He obliged. She took the cool cloth and pressed it over his eyes, hoping to soothe the itchiness there. Taking the spare bandana he’s worn over his face, she carefully and lovingly dabbed away a bit of congestion from his nose and then ran her hand through his hair.

“Any better?” she asked gently.

“A little,” he sniffed. “Merlin, I feel miserable.”

“I’d think so,” she said. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone have such an allergy attack. Has this happened to you before?”

“A few times in potions class when I was a boy,” he replied, voice thick with congestion. “You don’t have to be a werewolf to be allergic to wolfsbane but it’s pretty rare for anyone else to be affected by it; the pollen it produces is minimal. But I managed to cover for it…once by basically fleeing the room and claiming la…ha….hat’shiii T’shhiiii!”

He sneezed a ticklish double, head bobbing on Tonks’ lap. Luckily, she had the handkerchief at the ready and caught the sneezes, carefully tugging the cloth over the tip of his nose to help clear away the irritants.

“Sorry,” he said, coughing lightly. “I was saying that I claimed I’d felt sick to my stomach, and the other time by pretending it was an allergy to another plant we were using and got out of there pretty quick.”

“I can only imagine you’d have to,” she said. “Speaking of which, we should just get you home. Who knows how poorly insulated this place is- the stuff could practically be leaking in through the walls. Let me do a sweep and we’ll go.”

“I can he-” he began but his eyes fluttered shut. “I can help…he…ehhh’txctt! T’shtttttt! T’cxhttt!”

“I think you ought to just lie here and keep your poor eyes closed,” Tonks said sympathetically, lifting his head from her lap and transferring it to a pillow. “Here.”

She handed him the handkerchief which he dutifully blew his nose into, sounding a rather wet and productive honk.

He lay on the couch, eyes still sheltered by the cool washcloth, sniffing every few seconds to prevent the congestion from running down into his throat. His nose itched so badly and he scrubbed it with his palm, rubbing circles up and down. After what seemed like an eternity of sniffles and sneezes, Tonks returned, crouching at his side.

“C’mon,” she said, taking his arm. “It looks fine, but I’ll have Shacklebolt come back later to take a second look. I can’t bear to listen to you suffering over here. Let’s go home.”

“My nose is overriding my sense of pride and duty here,” he said, clearing his throat with an irritated cough. “But I have to say that I can’t think of anything better at the moment. Home it is.”

Hooking her arm in his, they Apparated back to the flat they shared.

“You’re lucky,” Tonks remarked as they headed for the bedroom. “I’ve got allergy potion from the last time I had to go deal with that case involving that illegal cross-breeding of horses with unicorns. I’m deathly allergic to horses.”

She located the bottle and poured him out a dose.

“Thanks,” he said, swallowing the blue-ish liquid with ease. It tasted of mint and soothed his throat a little on the way down.

“Better?” she asked, kissing his brow.

“Yes, much,” he replied. “I should shower though- get all the extra pollen off.”

“Oh, good point,” she said. “I suppose I should too. Don’t want to cause you more suffering.”

“Well, shall we?” he said.

“You think I want to have a shower with you after you were a sneezy, sniffly mess just a few minutes ago?” she teased.

“I guess not,” he replied.

“Well, you guessed wrong.”

[stargazer]

Very cute. Thanks for sharing.

[Hawkeye]

That was amazing. Not only do you have Remus/Tonks, which is among my favorite HP pairings, you have sneezy allergic!Remus which is totally and utterly just

Wow. Thank you. I greatly enjoyed that.

And I just love the idea of a werewolf being actually allergic to wolfsbane...it makes so much sense!

[VoOs]

Ahh, Remus. <3

Beautifully written, this. Thank you for sharing.

[Spoo]

Remusssss! Your HP fics always make me so happy. You write these two so well! I really like the dialogue between Tonks and Remus - especially in the beginning. The whole 'old man' bit had me giggling. It's the little things, haha. Thanks for posting this!