Technically Speaking

[matilda3948]

So I've never written a sneeze fic with Morgan so I hope this is okay. This will be in two or three parts. The next part will have the Tech Goddess

“Morgan, I swear, if you don’t call Hotch, I will,” Prentiss said. “You’re no good on a stakeout if you’re having an allergy attack. What are you going to do, sneeze on the unsub?”

Morgan grabbed another papertowel off the roll and blew his nose. The team was tracking a serial killer in DC who was murdering wealthy, senior women in their homes. They identified the woman that they though would be the next target so, after moving her to a safe-house, the team was taking turns staying in her house waiting for the unsub to show up. Prentiss and Morgan took the first shift; Hotch and Rossi were going to take the second. The plan was for the two agents to stay in the upstairs bedroom and wait until the unsub broke into the house before apprehending him. Unfortunately, this woman seemed to be determined to preserve everything in her house with mothballs. Morgan and Prentiss hadn’t been in the house for more than an hour before Morgan felt his eyes begin to burn. After another hour, his nose began to run. After listening to him sniffle for ten minutes, Emily sighed and went down to the kitchen and brought back a roll of paper towels.

“Thanks,” he said.

“You know what’s causing it?” she asked.

“I think it’s mothballs. My grandmother used to use them and I always reacted this way.”

“Want me to have Rossi or Hotch come swap with you?”

“No,” he said. “I’m fine.”

That was two hours ago. They were alternating twelve hour shifts and they still had nine hours left. Emily looked over at her partner. There was no way he was going to make it. He was sitting on the edge of the woman’s bed, leaned over, with a balled up paper towel in his hands. He took a few shallow breaths before jerking forth with two sneezes Hahhtchhh!!! HAHtschh!!! Emily rolled her eyes and pulled out her cell phone.

“Bless you,” she said. “Hey Hotch, it’s Prentiss. Sorry but I need you or Rossi to come trade places with Morgan. Yeah, now. He’s allergic to something in the house. There’s no way he’s going to make it all day.”

“Prentiss, I’m fine,” Morgan growled. Hahhtchheww!!

“Why yes, Hotch, that was Derek claiming he was fine and then sneezing.” She smiled and held the phone out to Morgan. “Hotch wants to talk to you,” she said. The two men spoke for all of twenty seconds before he hung up and gave the phone back to Emily. “Who’s coming?” she asked.

“Hotch.”

“You know you pout when you lose,” she said.

Hahhtchhh!!!

“Bless you.”

Morgan was waiting downstairs as Hotch pulled up. They didn’t want to leave the SUV in front of the house for ore than a minute or two in case the unsub happened to be nearby. As they passed on the sidewalk, Hotch reached out and grabbed Morgan’s arm.

“You okay?” Aaron asked.

“I’b fide,” he answered. Hotch frowned.

“You don’t sound fine,” he said simply and walked inside the house.

By the time Morgan got back to the BAU, his nose was running uncontrollably. The one ragged paper towel he took with him was nearly in shreds. As he rode the elevator up to their floor, he tilted his head back and tried to take a few deep breaths. He found Rossi waiting for him when the doors opened.

“You look like crap,” he said.

Hahhtschhew! “Thanks.”

Rossi smirked and handed him his handkerchief. Morgan rolled his eyes even though he was secretly grateful.

“Garcia needs to see you,” Rossi said.

TBC...

[Anonymouse]

Ooh I like it so far! I've started watching this show a lot more and I love all the characters. I definitely don't mind Morgan sneezing this time, he's pretty cute. These guys are so stubborn though, I can't believe he was actually planning on staying in that mothbally house for nine more hours.

[matilda3948]

WooHoo!! More sneezey Morgan

“Garcia needs to see you,” Rossi said.

“Hey, Baby girl,” Morgan said as he walked into her office. “Rossi said you had something for me."

“Ah, indeed I do my chocolate Adonis,” Penelope said. She took Derek by the arm and spun him towards the futon she kept in the corner of her office for late nights. “All for you.”

“You’re giving me your futon?” he asked, absently scratching his forearm.

“Absolutely not. You are going to camp out here until your eyes return to their normal, seductive mocha—sans the red rims, and you can breathe through your nose again, and—”

Hahhhktcsheew!

“And you stop doing that,” she added.

“I appreciate your concern, gorgeous, but I’m fine.”

“Yeah, except that you’re so not. Now your options are sitting down or lying down. You may take these adorable little pink Benadryl with juice, water, or coffee. I will bring you the beverage of your choice in either my blue, sparkly insulated cup, or in my black and pink skull and crossbones mug.”

Hahhtchshh!! Hahhxtchshh!!

“I have placed a box of my extra-special lotion tissues next to the futon. I normally only break out the good Kleenex in case of romantic comedies, break-ups, and hormonal imbalance, but you are totally worth the splurge.”

“Garcia, I’ve got to get back to work.”

“No,” she said.

“No?”

“No. I am ordering you sit down.” She pointed sharply towards the corner.

“Mama, you know I love you, but you’re not my boss.”

“Oh, but that’s where you’re wrong.” By now, her hands were resting on her hips. Both her nails and her lips were painted a bright shade of red and she had that look of devilish glee that always made Morgan slightly nervous. She had been playing nice, but that was obviously about to end. “I received a phone call from one Supervisory Agent Aaron Hotchner. You know—your boss? He gave me very clear instructions and you’re not going back to work until I’m satisfied that you’re better. So, technically speaking, I am your boss. Got it?”

“Baby girl, I—”

“Don’t you ‘baby girl’ me,” she said. “You are going to park your beautifully sculpted ass on that couch right now even if it means I have to tie you up.”

“Didn’t know you were…hahh…hah…Hahtscheew! sniff…Didn’t know you were into that.”

“Okay, when the sneezing interrupts our verbal foreplay, you are officially not well.”

Hahhgktcheew! Hahh…hah…Hahhktscheew!!

“Bless you,” Garcia said. She softened as she watched him struggle to hold back another sneeze. After a few seconds he lost and doubled over with an enormous HahhAHHTCHSHH!! “Morgan, my love, please go sit down,” she said. He ran a hand over his face and sighed.

“Fine, but I’m not taking those pills. They make me tired,” he said. Derek scratched at his arm again.

“Do you have fleas, too?” she asked. He gave her a confused look. “You’ve been scratching at your arm since you came in here.” She reached over and rolled up his shirt sleeve. “Morgan!” she gasped. “You’ve broken out in hives.” Before he could even answer, she pushed him backwards. “Go. Sit. Now. I’ll be right back.”

[katia]

YAY!!!

So sexy. I am so in love with all of the men on that show. Thanks so much for writing stories about them sneezing!! This was great.

[ID2006]

I'm with Katia... all men on that show are awesome and Morgan... oh yum yum.

p.s. You do Garcia so well

[krazykat]

Thank you!!!! You really do write a perfect Garcia

I'm getting back to your fic tomorrow I promise... I've been away on business since Tuesday and took today as ME time!

[matilda3948]

Aww...thanks guys I have lots of fun writing Garcia. Here's the last part.

“Morgan!” she gasped. “You’ve broken out in hives.” Before he could even answer, she pushed him backwards. “Go. Sit. Now. I’ll be right back.”

One of the good things about working at an FBI Office was the fact that there was always an incredibly well stocked first aid kit. “Bunch of stubborn, pigheaded, children with badges refusing to get medical care when they need it,” Penelope muttered to herself as she walked to the kitchen. She got the kit down from the top cabinet and began picking through the continents. She grabbed a tube of hydro-cortisone cream, and a couple benadryl pills. She closed the first aid kit, looked inside the refrigerator, and spotted a bottle of Morgan’s favorite sports drink. She always found that her best ideas came to her in moments of unexpected inspiration. Penelope only paused for a second before deciding it was an excellent idea—she twisted the cap off the bottle, broke the pills into a few small pieces, and dropped them inside the drink. She gave it a quick shake and headed back to her office.

“Okay, my sniffly love,” she said as she came back in and closed the door, “I’m back.” She snatched the case file out of his hands. “Bad Morgan!” she said. She twisted the cap off the sports drink and handed it to him. “Here. Drink this and roll your sleeves up.” She rolled her desk chair over and sat down in front of him.

“Gorgeous, I promise that I’m fine. I think I just needed to get out of that hou…hahh… Hahhgktcheew! HahhAHHTCHSHH!!”

“Yes, clearly you’re fine,” she said. “Here,” she pulled a few tissues from the box she’d left out for him. He reluctantly blew his nose and drank some of the sports drink. Garcia took his left hand and pulled his arm so it was lying across her lap. She pushed his sleeve up and sighed as she saw the angry, red welts starting at his wrist and spreading almost up to his elbow. “Oh, sugar,” she sighed. She squeezed a little bit of the anti-itch cream on her index finger and started to smooth it across his skin. She nearly yelled at him when he jerked his arm away, but then saw he was getting ready to sneeze again. Hahhtchshh!! Hahhxtchshh!!

Hahh…hahh…Hahhgtchhew!! Hehh…HehhAHHktschheew!! He sighed and pulled a handful of tissues from the box and blew his irritated nose. This set him off again: Hahhmpgtshhh!! Tschhh!! Hehh…Hahhxtcshhh!! She winced in sympathy. “Bless you, my pet,” she said.

“Sorry,” he said and put his arm back in her lap.

“It’s okay, my sexy, sneezy G-man.” She patted his arm. “Give me the other one,” she said. He pushed his sleeve up and gave her the other arm. It wasn’t nearly as bad as the first—just a few places on his forearm. She worked carefully and after a few minutes said, “There, all done. Any other places?” He shook his head no.

“Thanks, mama,” he said. “You’re the best.”

“You have no idea,” she said with a wink. She wheeled her chair back to her desk and went back to work. Derek downed the rest of his drink and leaned his head back, content to rest for a few minutes, when Garcia’s phone rang. “High Mistress of Digital Information. Speak mortal,” she answered and put the caller on speaker.

“Garcia, we’ve got him,” came Hotch’s voice. “We’re bringing him to the local precinct for questioning.”

“Hotch, I’m on my way down,” Morgan said.

“Not until Garcia says so,” Hotch replied. Derek shot Garcia a glace.

“Sorry, hotness. You’re still scratching your arm.” Derek looked down and saw that his hand had drifted to his left arm again, as if by its own accord.

“We’ll see you when we get back,” Hotch said and hung up the phone. Morgan was angry—that was easy enough to see. Garcia braced herself for his tirade, but he lost much of his authority when he doubled over with a sudden sneeze. HAHHKTCHHEW!! It took all her self control not to laugh.

“Not a word,” he warned and dropped back onto the futon.

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” she mumbled.

Hahhhtcshhh!! Derek caught the sneeze in his open hands and felt a wave of dizziness wash over him. “Hey Garcia?” he asked.

“Yes, handsome?”

“Did you drug me?”

“Only a little,” she said.

“You sneaky little vixen,” he mumbled, already growing incredibly drowsy.

“You might have to spank me…teach me a lesson” were the last words he heard as he fell asleep.

Two hours later, Garcia heard a knock on her door. She turned around and found Hotch standing in her doorway with his arms crossed.

“How is he?” he asked jerking his head towards Morgan’s sleeping figure.

“Oh, he’ll be fine sir,” Garcia answered. Hotch knew Derek was a light sleeper; he was a little surprised the younger man hadn’t woken up when he knocked on the door.

“You drugged him, didn’t you?” he asked. Garcia looked at Hotch and found his face unreadable. She felt herself flush under his gaze, suddenly glad she’d never had to endure an interrogation by Hotch.

“Well, boss, it’s like this…I didn’t want to, but he refused to take anything and he was sneezing like crazy and his eyes were red, and I tried to reason with him but you know how stubborn he can be. And did I mention the hives? He had hives, Hotch all up one arm—”

“Penelope,” he interrupted and held up a hand to stop her rambling. “Why do you think I sent him to you?” She paused.

“Oh.” Perhaps it was her nerves, but she could have sworn he smiled briefly before he turned to leave.

“Good work, Garcia,” he called over his shoulder as he walked down the hall.

[ID2006]

This was great. I'm sad it's over but that just means you can get started on another wonderful fic. *wink wink, nudge nudge*

[LovelyLinda]

Aww, I'm not familar with this fandom,

but this is very well written!

Thank you so much

I love the part where she drugged him

without him knowing^^

Oh yeah, will there be more?

*wink wink nudge nudge*

(@ ickydog: That was an allusion to Monty Python's Nudge Nudge sketch, wasn't it? Luv it.)