sneezes Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 Laura was prone to catching colds, and she always got them bad. She was 22 and living at home and it was christmas eve. She had been out most of the morning and afternoon, and had got increasingly sniffly as the day had gone on. She got showered and changed as family were coming over for a few drinks. her nose had been starting to build up with congesion, throughout the day, but she just sniffled and got on with it. She kept rubbing her nose, but eventually gave in. She tore off some toilet paper, and gave a snotty, gurgly blow. She tore off another bit and done the same thing, she flushed the paper down the toilet, sighed and sniffled. She cleared her throat and went into the living room. She had a sip of her drink and sat on the sofa. After 5 minutes or so, she let out 3 sneezes into her handshashoooo, hashoooooooo, hashoooooooooo........she sniffled and rubbed her nose. A few minutes later, her family had turned up. She was getting a headahce, and her nose was getting more and more, congested, and her thorat started to hurt. She let out 3 more sneezes... hashooooo, hashoooooooo, hashooooooooooo....Throughout the evening, she kept going off to blow her nose but didnt want people to notice. As the night went on, she started getting achy and really felt rough, she did not wana be ill for the next day. Link to comment
sneezes Posted July 31, 2011 Author Share Posted July 31, 2011 part 2:The next morning was christmas day, and she woke up feeling the worst she had felt for a long time. She woke up, with a red, streaming nose nose, which was dripping, her head was pounding and her throat hurt and she was achy all over. She rubbed her nose with her hands leaving her hands drippy as well. She sighed, sniffled and groaned. She dragged her achy body out of of bed, and into the bathroom, where she gave her nose a snotty congested blow. She sniffled, and tore off a lot of toilet roll and took it back with her to her room. She laid in bed, sniffling and sneezing, and felt awful.i no this is only a little bit, but can someone tell me whether this is any good please? Link to comment
obsessed Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 I think you're definitely on the right track! The only two things I have to suggest are longer chapters, and perhaps spice it up with another plotline:) Link to comment
Stimuli Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 your writing style is very simmilar to mine, your English is better than mine thought Link to comment
sneezes Posted August 16, 2011 Author Share Posted August 16, 2011 obby do you no what i can write for another plotline? Link to comment
obsessed Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 obby do you no what i can write for another plotline?Heya sneezes!Well, perhaps more characters for your main character to interact with? I don't really know what you write, so you'll have to let me know! I'd be happy to help you brainstorm. Link to comment
sneezes Posted August 16, 2011 Author Share Posted August 16, 2011 obby do you no what i can write for another plotline?Heya sneezes!Well, perhaps more characters for your main character to interact with? I don't really know what you write, so you'll have to let me know! I'd be happy to help you brainstorm.lol i would love to let u no but i still cant pm people Link to comment
obsessed Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 obby do you no what i can write for another plotline?Heya sneezes!Well, perhaps more characters for your main character to interact with? I don't really know what you write, so you'll have to let me know! I'd be happy to help you brainstorm.lol i would love to let u no but i still cant pm people I believe I have your email, so I can message you there if you'd like.In any case, PM privileges will come in due time! I'm sure you're acquainted with the process. Link to comment
sneezes Posted August 16, 2011 Author Share Posted August 16, 2011 yes could you email me please?i would be intrested in hearing some of your ideas Link to comment
obsessed Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 yes could you email me please?i would be intrested in hearing some of your ideas Sure!I think you should recognise the email easily. Link to comment
sneezes Posted August 16, 2011 Author Share Posted August 16, 2011 replied curious to hear suggestions Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.