should i tell my girlfriend ?

[cprlaw08]

so if youve read some of my previous posts in the obs section you should know about my girlfriend S nd what an amazingly nice sneezer she is (well im bias ) and ive been with her for coming up 4months but have known her for about a year but in these 4 months i might sound a bit soppy saying this but she genuinly is the one for me i mean ive never been in a relationship so enjoyable and trusting as this one i mean we are just perfect together and make each other really happy but as happy as i am with her and no matter what we do together theres always guna be that little niggle at the back of my mind thats not as satisfied as it could be and plus i feel bad for keeping this love for sneezing a secret from her even though im properly scared of what it might do to our relationship cos i really dont want to loose her, if she thought it was ok and played on it my life would be complete has her allergies mean a unlimited supply of sneezes but if she didnt think it was ok and left me then i duno what id do lol

any advice would be much appreciated

thanks

[Kiwifruit]

I'd say tell her If you're happy and comfortable and know you can trust her, then go for it! You've known her a long time certainly, so you should definitely be close enough that it's not an issue. Also, if she is the one, surely she'd accept it as part of you and not have an issue with it!

Sounds to me like you have a fantastic relationship, so why not ;P

[Pearlised]

Do what you feel is right, but from the looks of it, from the way you've writen the thread, you want us to agree with you spilling the beans to her I think you've made your mind up already right? go for it!

[thesneezingbeauty]

As Dr. Seuss once said, "Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." So if she takes great offense to your fetish and dumps you, she's not the one. And if she is the one, she'll love the chance to make you happy.

[cprlaw08]

i guess so ill just spend sometime building up my courage

[Chanel_no5]

Do it gently, don't just break it to her. That's the only advice I can give. And be understanding if she says she feels a bit weird about it in the beginning. Good luck!

Edited July 12, 2011 by Chanel_no5

[chalkdust]

I told a GF of mine once. It was about a yr into our relationship and I was kinda starting to think that it was going to be very serious. In bed one night I started out smething like 'I want to tell you something I like. Its embarassing a little bit to me, but its no big deal...' and she was totally ok with it. I never asked for her to sneeze for me but sometimes I would pinch her nose when she said her allergies were bothering her, lol. We ended up having a kinda bad breakup, but she never told anyone about my fetish so that was a cool thing on her part.

In other words, if you feel comfy with her and she is a nice person then go for it and tell her

[Pilgrim]

Long Version: Pascal's Wager is a philosophical assertion that if the result of losing a gambit are sufficiently terrible, then it isn't worth making the bet no matter how good the odds are or how awesome the winnings would be. For example, if a slot machine had a 99% chance of giving you a thousand dollars and a 1% chance of murdering you, you wouldn't take that gamble because even that 1% chance isn't worth your life. Similarly, in this case you have X chance that your relationship with her will grow to a new plane of awesome, and a Y chance that it will be torpedoed into oblivion. By not taking the risk, you can still continue to enjoy the relationship perfectly well on its current plane of still pretty awesome.

Short Version: nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooope

[zneeze]

From what I can gather from your post, you sound very happy with your gf right now. she sounds like an amazing girl all-around. I agree with the above post (about the murderous slot machine) on principle, but it sounds to me like your situation has a <<<<<1% chance of being dumped and even if you are, unlikely as it seems, that just shows you that she wasn't the one after all. I say go for it, and best wishes

I am in a similar situation, in that I am also in a relationship (a relatively young one, and my first ) where she doesn't know about the fetish yet. I am not nearly as comfortable in my relationship yet as andy sounds like he is, so I personally am going to wait. (translation: I can tell others to tell but I'm sure as hell not going to ) Case-by-case basis, that's all

[chalkdust]

Long Version: Pascal's Wager is a philosophical assertion that if the result of losing a gambit are sufficiently terrible, then it isn't worth making the bet no matter how good the odds are or how awesome the winnings would be. For example, if a slot machine had a 99% chance of giving you a thousand dollars and a 1% chance of murdering you, you wouldn't take that gamble because even that 1% chance isn't worth your life. Similarly, in this case you have X chance that your relationship with her will grow to a new plane of awesome, and a Y chance that it will be torpedoed into oblivion. By not taking the risk, you can still continue to enjoy the relationship perfectly well on its current plane of still pretty awesome.

Short Version: nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooope

Pilgrim, if you take that attitude about interpersonal relationships to its logical extrme, then you would never discolse ANYTHING personal about yourself to others for fear of losing them. That leads to a lonely existance. Oh, I want to call this concept the Governor Tarkin Wager: "The more you tighten your grip, Tarkin, the more star systems will slip through your fingers."

[Pilgrim]

Long Version: Pascal's Wager is a philosophical assertion that if the result of losing a gambit are sufficiently terrible, then it isn't worth making the bet no matter how good the odds are or how awesome the winnings would be. For example, if a slot machine had a 99% chance of giving you a thousand dollars and a 1% chance of murdering you, you wouldn't take that gamble because even that 1% chance isn't worth your life. Similarly, in this case you have X chance that your relationship with her will grow to a new plane of awesome, and a Y chance that it will be torpedoed into oblivion. By not taking the risk, you can still continue to enjoy the relationship perfectly well on its current plane of still pretty awesome.

Short Version: nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooope

Pilgrim, if you take that attitude about interpersonal relationships to its logical extrme, then you would never discolse ANYTHING personal about yourself to others for fear of losing them. That leads to a lonely existance. Oh, I want to call this concept the Governor Tarkin Wager: "The more you tighten your grip, Tarkin, the more star systems will slip through your fingers."

Not ANYTHING personal, just certain things. Which does not in fact have to lead to a lonely existence. After all, it's not like you would share absolutely everything about yourself with another person you were in a relationship with anyways. For example, if you were into star wars but they weren't, you wouldn't express your strong feelings about the quality of the new trilogy versus the original in great detail (well, maybe you would, but that wouldn't make it a good idea). In any relationship, no matter how interpersonal, we pick and choose what to share and what not to based on what would benefit it and what would strain it (crossing the entire spectrum of possible damage from disclosing secret fetishes to admitting you think that new dress they bought makes them look like a hipster). And the relationship is better for it, not worse. True, maybe having to keep certain things secret might lead to a little loneliness at times (oh, if only there were a forum somewhere full of people who shared the same interests that could be easily accessed whenever those times came!) but my sources tell me that something that absolutely leads to a lot of loneliness is being dumped.

[chalkdust]

What I was jokingly trying to point out is that until we actually tell someone, we have no idea what about ourselves someone may or may not like and we have no idea if something we like (or something that makes us who we are as a person) will cause another person to reject us. For Pascal's Wager to apply, you have to know all the possible outcomes of your wager. In this case there is no way to know what the possible outcomes will be (unless you assume that ALL outcomes are possible, including things such as her revealing she is also a sneeze fetishist, or that she is so disgusted she punches him). Human Psychology shows us that people we are close to tend to find our attitudes about things neutral to somewhat positive; this is because people we are close to are somewhat pre-selected to be amicable to our attitudes and ideological leanings. So, how would we choose what personal things to share and with whom? I think it depends more on our comfort levels with the person than any potential outcome of the telling itself.

By ending up with a lonely existence, I was referring to the fact that the more one acts from fear of losing someone, the more their actions tend to push the other person away.

I am not much of a romantic, or adhere to the idea of 'one true love', yet I do feel that the kind of romantic relationship I want is one where I can share everything about myself with the other and vice versa.

Ok, now this is starting to sound too much like an ideological dissertation

[Pilgrim]

Ok, now this is starting to sound too much like an ideological dissertation

The only kind of dissertation worth having! After all, without a good selection of developed ideas, how is someone supposed to make an informed decision?

[chalkdust]

Very true. Hopefully its not too far off from what Andy was looking for, lol.

[David]

One thing I've noticed is that if you tell your SO, it's not that they'll dump you or anything over it. It's just that (depending on their personality) they'll sneeze less around you or it'll be a little awkward. That's just one more thing to consider.

Good luck in any case!

[Kiwifruit]

^ Orrr, it could be like my relationship, where he made an effort to sneeze more in front of me and induced for me I <3 my boyfriend...lol.

You're never going to know until you try.

[cprlaw08]

well the other night she was just leaving mine when she suddenly sneezed and they werent like her normal cute powerful HESHOOs but more of a stifled 'cough sneeze' just like huh-xnz and was only a single where as she normally does 3 - 6 in a row, so i said 'well that sneeze was a bit rubbish' and she was like 'what do you mean' and then i just came out and said that i liked her normal girly sneezes and that i thought they were really cute. - so she knows i like her sneezes now and didnt really have a problem with it so its a start lol. i might wait a little while and just keep casually reminding her i think her sneezes are cute everytime she sneezes and then tell her the REAL story behind why i like them

[chalkdust]

nice

[Hankysneeze]

If its going swimmingly i wouldnt rock the boat, but hey its upto you mate!

[Prodigy]

well the other night she was just leaving mine when she suddenly sneezed and they werent like her normal cute powerful HESHOOs but more of a stifled 'cough sneeze' just like huh-xnz and was only a single where as she normally does 3 - 6 in a row, so i said 'well that sneeze was a bit rubbish' and she was like 'what do you mean' and then i just came out and said that i liked her normal girly sneezes and that i thought they were really cute. - so she knows i like her sneezes now and didnt really have a problem with it so its a start lol. i might wait a little while and just keep casually reminding her i think her sneezes are cute everytime she sneezes and then tell her the REAL story behind why i like them

I think this is a great way to go about it! The biggest mistake so many people make is by using the buzz word "fetish", which immediately makes folks think of disturbing sexual deviants who'll lock you in their basement until they've had their way with you!

Play the "cute" card for a while (it's probably easier for you to admit than to fully confess that you have a deeper interest in sneezing) and I'm sure she'll make the connection after some time. By then, she'll probably ask you what the deal is.

[Bombast]

Wrong move dude. So the first thing you say about her sneezing is negative, with a fumbling attempt to explain it away. Now she'll be more self conscious if anything. Even if she tries to sneeze the way you want from now on, it'll never have that natural quality that attracted you in the first place.

[daystar428]

As Dr. Seuss once said, "Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." So if she takes great offense to your fetish and dumps you, she's not the one. And if she is the one, she'll love the chance to make you happy.

Couldn't have said it any better and I love your Dr. Seuss quote!

[sneezefetish]

I say tell her. It's part of who you are, and she probably wants to know all there is to know about you. Maybe she has a secret that she's afraid to tell you, and she'll open up more once you do

[Lalena]

I realize that being female with a male partner may make a difference because guys will generally be more open minded to quirks girls may have to get them off, but I have told more than one SO other and it has always been a success.

I generally start with what you are doing, telling them I like their sneeze. I tell them it's cute, sexy, fun, etc. I will usually do this just to test the waters and see how he reacts. I've done this with 3 partners and have only felt comfortable enough to tell 2 of them, based on their reactions.

The first guy I told actually told happened while we were on the phone and he sneezed. I said, "God, I really like your sneeze." He kind of chuckled and said, "So you've mentioned!" For some reason at the moment I felt like I needed to go further. I then said to him, "No, I mean I really like it ... like it kinda turns me on ..." His voice perked up quite a bit when he said, "REALly? That is some very good information!" He asked several questions about it, which I answered, but I didn't tell him about inducing. As the weeks went by, though, he figured out how to induce for me as a "surprise" and would definitely use that to his advantage.

The second one I told is Jay, the guy I'm currently dating. I told him when we were cuddling on the couch watching TV and he sneezed. At the moment I felt very bold and I said, "Your sneezes make me horny ..." He laughed and thought I was joking. I explained to him that I was serious and that his sneezing was a sure way to get me turned on. I also taught him how to induce. He is very open to the idea as well.

Both times I never used the word "fetish." Because I didn't want them to think it was weird or that it was the only way I could get off. I also didn't want them to feel like they HAD to indulge me (which they both did, so it's awesome how that worked out.)

The reason I am sharing this in your thread is because I think the idea of sharing your fetish with someone you love and care about, and hopefully loves and cares about you, sounds scarier than it actually is. At best she will want to indulge your fetish for you and at worse she may develop a small mental block for a while. If you two honestly have a strong enough connection I do not think telling her will be a bad decision.

BTW - The third guy was between the other 2 and I could tell by my comments about his sneezes I wouldn't be able to trust him with my secret. With this realization I was able to annalyze our relationship and ultimatly find that there was nothing substantial between us. The fetish made me "save" several months of my life that I may have stayed with him.

In the short, I say go for it!

[Stimuli]

It'd be funny if she turned out to be one of us