Waka Laka

[Pilgrim]

Susan...no, wait, that wasn't right anymore. She wasn't just as 27 year-old woman with an unused teaching degree anymore. Now she was Ms. Kim, a kindergarten teacher about to hold her first class.

Ms. Kim twirled a lock of her long black hair around her finger anxiously as she sat in her chair waiting for her twenty-one students. She wondered what kind of kids they would be. Would many of them be shy? Would they all get along? Would there be more brats than not, or would the majority of them be well-mannered? She let go of her hair and started smoothing out non-existent wrinkles in her black cotton shirt and pants. She'd gone through what felt like years worth of teacher training, read mountains of pages on teaching theory, and attended dozens of seminars on child psychology. She was ready for class to start. She felt ready for anything.

And yet she was taken completely off guard within ten seconds of the first student's arrival.

The little boys and girls began pouring in through the front door, giggling and shouting, as is expected of small children. What was less expected was that all of them, every single one, carried a little bunch of flowers with them. And what was even more surprising is that they all rushed around her desk to shove them into her face.

"Here you go Ms. Kim!" they chorused.

"Hetishieew!" Ms. Kim responded with a sprayfull sneeze that misted over the children closest to her. Embarrassed, she brought a hand to her nose to catch another set of three "Heshiews!" while she snatched a tissue out of her box on her desk. After blowing her nose, she attempted to speak while her breath continued hitching in response to the sudden surge of pollen in her airways.

"Why...hehhh-Heshieew Heh-Eshiiew Hetshieew!...are you all...heh-hehhhh giving me....Eh-Etishieew Etshieew Eh-flowers-ehhhh Hehh-Hetishieew Tishieew!!"

As she sneezed into her tissue and then, upon its disintegration, her cupped hands, one of the boys answered her cheerfully.

"Mikey told us too! He said girl teachers all loooove flowers, and that you'd definitely like us all if we brought you some!"

"Do you like them Ms. Kim? Huh do ya huh?" another boy added, in a tone that Ms. Kim could only find obnoxious in her current predicament.

Doing her best to contort her grimace into a smile as more children rushed into the class room to heap flowers on her desk, she nodded and reached for two more tissues. "They're lovely." she said, blowing her nose. "Why don't we put them on that shelf...ehhh-Etshieew! Over there, by the windows...Hetshieew Hetishieew Eh-Etishieew! On the other side of the room...Heh-Eh-Heshieew Hetchiieew Etchieew! Where they can...uh, get light."

The children nodded and scooped up the flowers to place them ceremoniously on the far shelf. As Ms. Kim struggled to contain her sneezing, blowing her nose and wiping at her pinkening nostrils when there was enough of a pause in between sneezes, she noticed a blond boy in a red shirt who brought in a particularly large flower in a potted plant. She walked over towards the throng of children, holding a handful of soon-to-be-used tissues over her nose to protect against the pollen emanating from the shelf, and addressed him directly.

"Let me guess. You're Mikey, aren't you?"

"That's me!" he exclaimed. "I brought you a potted flower so that it wouldn't die and you could keep it in the classroom forever! Pretty cool right?"

She looked the grinning boy up and down. There didn't appear to be any malicious intent behind his action. Ms. Kim sighed. Of course there wasn't. It wasn't as if he knew how allergic she was to pollen. It was foolish to think that deliberate sabotage was his intention. He was just trying to be nice.

"Yes, yes it is." Her nose was starting to run into the tissues she held over it, so she clamped her nostrils shut and asked all the students to move to the rug in the center of the room where they would all sit in a circle on the floor and get to know each other. She sat down with them after grabbing the box of tissues from off her desk.

Though she sniffled almost constantly throughout the student's introductions, she was able to keep herself from any further fits, although the occasional "Hetishiieew!" did slip by. However, by suppressing her sneezes she also suppressed the only efficient way her nose had of expelling the pollen still lingering in it, creating a bothersome itch that persisted no matter how much she rubbed at her tingling nose. Another student, one girl with a blond ponytail and thick black glasses, sneezed squeakily the entire time. This got a fair number of giggles from the rest of the class, though they didn't particularly acknowledge Ms. Kim's sneezes. Ms. Kim had the circle pass tissues down to her periodically until it was finally time for recess. The students all rose and went outside to make use of the various play structures and toys in the playground outside the classroom. After blowing her nose several times, Ms. Kim followed them outside, where there was actually less pollen due to the lack of flowers.

A few shyer kids, including the girl with allergies, returned to the classroom early, but other than that recess was uneventful. When it was time to call recess to a close, however, Ms. Kim returned to the classroom to an unpleasant surprise. The girl with allergies was sitting beside the tissue box, a small mountain of used tissues beside her. Judging by the redness of her nose and the massive size of the pile she'd created in such a short time, she'd been wiping her nose over and over again without ever blowing it. Ms. Kim strode forward and picked the box up off the floor, placing it back on her desk with a groan as she felt the lightness of it. She then scooped up all the tissues and placed them in the trash. Before she could give the girl a lecture about the importance of proper tissue usage, she received a tug at her shirt behind her.

"Hey Ms. Kim! You never smelled my flower!" He had retrieved it from the shelf and was thrusting it forwards at her. "Here!"

Ms. Kim's reflexive gasp caused her to inhale a substantial amount of pollen from the offered flower. She turned and began sneezing almost uncontrollably into the crook of her arm.

"Hetchieew Heetchiew Heh-Etchieew Hetchieew Hetshieew Hetchiiew!! Heh-Etshieew Heshieew Heeeh-Hetchieew! Eheh-Shieew Eh-Tishieew Etschiiiew!"

It wasn't long before she'd completely soaked her sleeve, and her nose showed no signs of letting up. Still sneezing, she rushed to her desk and fumbled for more tissues. However, she was only able to retrieve two from the box before it was empty, and those were dissolved by her ongoing fit before she even had a chance to blow her nose with them.

"Ehh-Etschieew Hetishieew! Hehh-Heh-Hetshieew Heh-Eshieew Tishieew! Heetchiiew! Hehh...Hetchieew Heshiiew Hiitisheew Heh-Heshieew! Heeeh-Tchieeew Hetchieew! Ehh-Eheh-Shieew! Heh...Hetchieew!"

Eventually her fit began to die down, though she was still incredibly congested and her nose still itched horribly. She used her sleeves to stem the tide pouring out of her nose, and sniffling between every other word she managed to get out "Extra...recess..." before having to attend to her nose again. As the kids all raced back to the playground, Ms. Kim dashed out of the room to quickly see if any of her neighboring teachers had spare tissues.

[Chanel_no5]

*happy sigh* Oh, what I wouldn't have given for a teacher with allergies like that...

[Fantasneezer]

This story is awesome! Care to continue it?

[HappyDays]

I'd love Ms. Kim:) please would you continue?

[Anonymouse]

Oh my, this woman is amazing. I love that she's totally out of tissues now. I'd suggest maybe using some toilet paper from the bathroom, but I kind of don't want her to find anything. Her sleeve will do just fine.

I agree with everyone else, I'd love to see more!

[Blah!?]

Most excellent doesn't even begin to describe this. I love all the little bits of random character development. Even when it doesn't have much to do with the story at hand, it's still nice to see.

If you've got the inspiration, I'd love to see a continuation too.

[Pseudosneeze]

And that, children, is where sneeze fetishes come from.