Short Semi-Romanitc Sneeze Story (My first for the forum!)

[RoyalFlush]

Intro to ME:

Hello! I’m Royal Flush! ( I love a good flushed face!)

Anyway. This is a little story I wrote for the sake of SFF. I never thought there were people with desires like my own, so when I stumbled onto this site I just knew I had to do something special to contribute to it! I hope you like this story. I tried to add in as much sneezy detail as possible while not completely giving over to fan-service! (Hehe! I feel so happy I could explode!!!!!!!)

Please read my story (While the world sleeps…) and comment on it. I’ve never shared a story I’ve written with anyone but teachers and close family, and I’ve never shared a story I’ve written for the purpose of a fetish… so this is a first for me. I really hope you like it!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My Story:

This is an original story! Though, I haven’t read everything in the world so if it sounds similar to your story, it is a coincidence, because I haven’t read it. (I write but I don’t read often. Enjoy!)

*****(Since I plan on being a write later in life I have to put my name on the stories, but this is online, so that won’t work. So I’ve decided to keep track of all my stories(that I’ve posted online) on facebook using my name, Su. E. Sim.(I might use another place to later, but not right now.) This story is also by me, Su. E Sim (ghost writer name- Su. E. can be said as Sue ). I do this because I’m paranoid. I don’t like my story(my baby!) running around online… its scary but I can’t have my real name put with my fetish… (can’t tell anybody!). So from her on I’m Su. E Sim and Royal Flush.

Su. E Sim = Royal Flush = Real me (only ghost writer name )

But only you guys are gonna know that. so keep it on the down low! (shhh!)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A little warning and a little help?

*Warning… I have no idea how to write a proper sneeze sound… I’d love to know how to do it better! (Suggestions?)…Ahchoo is mainly what I got…

I’d really like to know how to write the difference between a held back sneeze and a relaxed one. (They sound different, the held back ones.) (Suggestions?)

I also don’t have any idea of how to write a cough, or a sniffle, I’d like to do better with that to. Also there is mild bad language, just a little, but if that gets to people… then I’ve made my warning. Please enjoy!

*Warning 2, I might not have done the best editing job, and this story is sloppy, but simple… so I hope you enjoy. Please PLEASE PLEASE read it, I’d love to hear feedback. Thank you.

(It’s a little long but I hope you’ll like it as both a fetish story and as a regular story! That’s what I want.)

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

To sum it up!

Title: While the World Sleeps

Author: Royal Flush (Su. E. Sim) (Me!)

Fandom/Orginal: Orginal- all the way

Disclaimer: The characters are mine.

Summmary: A breif tale of love. How long would you wait for the real thing?

Authors Notes:

First Sneeze story, made out of passion for the new website (new to me).

+I have a personal quality writing system, a simple 10 star system.

I've never read a true 10, that would be a perfect story, for writing, theme, purpose, tone, sound, mood, impression, and the story its self, ect. (Never read one.)

A 1 would be for litrerally crap. Like a two year olds work.

I give this story a 5, not well writen, but still has something nice about it.

(I'll do better next time.)

Now the story... Finally!

___________________________________The Beginning______________________________________

While the world sleeps…

The gentle breeze of the cool autumn air cascaded across the amber vista of the fading trees. All was quiet as the sun crept away across the horizon to sleep at the other edge of the sky. In the wake of the sun’s drowsy yawning, the sky glowed brightly with hues of violet sateen and magenta. All was at peace across the trees who themselves grew brown with the oncoming slumber of winter. All was silent at the moment of sunset across the barren park.

“Ah… AH… AHTCHOOO!”

Almost silent.

He sat at the park bench, watching the swing sets gently sway as the breeze danced with them one last time before the light vanished from the sky. His eyes glazed for a moment. They had a hue to them as well, bloodshot, from more than just the tears he had held back.

He pulled up his speckled scarf around his neck, shivering with the oncoming breeze. His body length black jacket couldn’t even keep him from the shaking that burrowed down deep enough to clatter his bones. His shivering hand reached up to rub away the cold nip at his nose… and the clear dribble from his nostrils.

He hunched his back quacking, huddling into his folded arms for warmth. His reddened fingertips clenched at his shoulders. His eyes narrowed. His brow ruffled. A few moments passed and all remained the same throughout, with the exception of the sun, growing ever nearer to its bed behind the hills.

“uh… uh...Hehhtchhooo... Damn it,” he rubbed of his nose, tissue-less, “Why am I still here…?”

He didn’t budge. He just dropped his head a little, letting his dark hair fall to cover his eyes….

His face was nothing but a weary smile, “I should have worn a hat….”

Wiping his eyes he looked up, and gasped for a moment. He fell silent at the sight, as if the act of breathing would make it disappear. It was a girl sitting in the swing, a girl with long black hair. She sat looking away from him, concealing her face. His eyes widened in watch. They widened even more as his nose began to twitch.

“… …. Umm… Hhhtchoo!”

She turned with a quick whip, flinging her hair, “David?” She was no mirage.

She ran over, teeth bearing brightly in the whitest of smiles she could make. Wiping her eyes she approached him but quickly stopped a short distance away. The smile withered as if carried off by the cool breeze. She slowly stepped near the bench and took a seat next to him.

All was silent. They both stared off at the swing, which was still swaying from the girls departure, and they continued watch it… until it was completely still. And then some. And then some more….

“…You… just got here right?...” The girl finally asked, voice somewhat shaken.

“You said you’d show up…*sniff* … at 7 o’clock.”

“I know…”

“AM…”

“I know…” her voice trailed off, “You look horrible.”

“I know…,” he replied,”… but I feel worse…”

She looked at him, finally, seeing him up close. All the color of his face seemed to drain into his nose and cheeks, leaving the rest of him the sickly hue of white paper. Besides the fact that his checks looked like they’d been slapped and his nose burned red from the tip to the nostrils, the only other part of him that was hue of fire was his fingertips and the whites of eyes, those bright blue eyes. They were like deep blue crystals set in a scratched pink pearl. His eyes begged and plead for the sweet relief of being closed, having only the power to remain half open. A dark shadow rested beneath them as a signature of the agony of a restless night.

His gaze kept away from her face, looking only at the stillness of the swing set. The lines of his brow grew deeper.

She turned herself to him, gently moving his bangs and placing her hand on his forehead.

“You’ve got a fever!... You’re really burning up…”

“It’s *sniff*… nothing for you to be concerned with.”

She took her hand from his head, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“What do you think…*sniff*”

“… I know… your right… I’m sorry…”

“Why did you come here *sniff* after all this time?”

“… I don’t know… for the same reason you waited here… all this time…,”her eyes darted down to her lap.

“You couldn’t possibly be here for the same reason*sniff*… if you were you would have been here hours ago…”

“… Your right… I … I can’t say anything really… I don’t know what to say.…”

“… The truth…*sniff* would be nice.”

“… I don-… huh… I don’t know what say…”

He began to cough into his fist, “Please…*cough, couch*… try….” He finally turned to meet her eyes; they begged him, pleading. “At least do me that courtesy…,”he sternly stated.

She cast her eyes down and he returned to watching the sway of the swing set.

“I can’t make an excuse. I had my bags packed. I cleaned out my bank account. I even mailed a letter to my mom… I told her everything. But when it came time to leave, he…”

“He… didn’t hurt you did he,” he turned to meet her gaze, but she would not see him.

“I wish… I wish he would have… that would have been better…,”she gripped her hands and bit her lip, “He woke up at night… and saw my closet cleaned out… and he just stood there at the door, looking at me.... He just stared at me. I thought he was gonna beat me senseless and lock me the bathroom or something I didn’t know… but he did me one worse. He fell.”

She took a deep breath and exhaled a puff of white fog from her lips, “I really did love him you know. I know… it seems strange, having a man like that…to think a man like that could love anyone… that a man like that could be loved… But we all have mothers… and fathers… and somehow men like that manage to maintain a heart behind their cold eyes…. I’d never seen him cry before… not even when his brother died. I’d never seen him cry….”

Nothing moved, all the world seemed still at the dawn of twilight. The golden shadow of night cast across the world as a final farewell to the day. The man was the first to stir after a long salute of silence.

He stood from the bench, “I understand…”

“No!” She jumped up to his side, “You don’t… you can’t understand….” She grabbed his arm and made him see her face, tears rolled down her cheeks, “I still haven’t told you… why I came here.”

He looked at her, silently, and sat down on the bench, hanging his head, she sat beside him. They turned toward each other in silence and she took his hands into hers.

“…Your hands are sweaty… you must really be sick…”

He didn’t respond.

“I bet you want to go home and rest.”

He turned his eyes away from her.

“…But you stayed here… for me…,” she squeezed his hand, “and I know why…”

He kept his cheek to her, gazing at the swing.

“It’s because… you feel the same as I do. When I’m not with you, I want to be. When I’m with you, I want to be close to you...,”she tightened her grip, “I see myself with you and I know… everything will be fine… as long as your there…. I… I can’t help search for you sometimes… hoping to run into you in places I know you’d never be…just because I want to see you… and worry about you… when I know there’s nothing to be worried about… David... I… don’t know how to say it….”

She swallowed, “But… I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you… and I just know… that I never will again, and I’d never want to… I was just scared that… if I had you…. If I finally had you… everything would be over… because… I’ve never had a dream come true before… I was scared… that I’d wake up…”

He gripped her hands, she gazed up at him, and their eyes met, both sets streamed with tears.

“David, I’m sorry!”

They embraced, holding each other tightly.

“No… ,” he whispered into her ear, “I’m sorry… I doubted you… I was scared that my dream was over, I couldn’t just leave… because I knew I could never get it back…”

“But you stayed…,”she cried.

“And you came…,”he pulled his head closer to hers.

“That’s all that matters right!”

“I love you Anya….”

“I love you too.”

“Even when I look like this…,” He released her so they might meet face to face, faintly trying to smirk through the sobs.

She rubbed her eyes and smiled, “Of course,” she moved up, closing her eyes and pressing her lips to his, becoming one for just a moment, “even if you had no legs or arms, I’d still be with you.”

“You’ll get sick.”

“That’s ok… you’ll take care of me,” she stood up from the bench, smiling.

He stood up with her, still holding onto her hand, “As long as you take care of me first… I feel miserable…”

“Poor baby,” she smiled… “Let’s go home…”

“What…, Whose?”

“Yours of course… my soon to be ex will likely not let me back in the house. Good thing I brought my tooth brush.”

He stopped for a moment, mouth dropped, “Anya…”

“I might be late, but… I did make a promise….”

The held each other tight, for a brief moment as the wind whipped across them, unable to stir them in the least.

+++

The sun finally made it bed beyond the horizon, leaving a sprinkle of stars in its wake upon the peaceful black canvas that stretched across the sky. All was quite. As was still as the two silhouettes, hand in hand, strode off beyond the park. All was at peace.

“Ah…Ah… AH hAHTCHOO!”

Almost.

-----------------------------------------------------------------The End------------------------------------------------

Okay! That's the whole thing! sorry about all that. Only 4 sneezes... what a waste. (So sorry) But I hope you liked it anyway.

I was flustered and freaked while doing all of this, so I appologize if its rough around the edges. Please comment!

[Anonymouse]

This is very good for a first sneeze fic! I don't know about other people, but I love the plot just as much as the sneezing, and this story was really interesting. It kept me in suspense for a while, because I wasn't sure who they were and what their relationship was, and the ending was kind of bittersweet because I really felt for Anya and her situation.

The sneezes were cute though! If you want to learn some more variety just look around at the observations and stories on this site and get a feel for the different kinds of sounds people come up with, or just listen to real-life sneezes/imagine sneezes in your head and try to spell them out. I personally read my sneezes back to me to see if they actually sound like sneezes, but only if there aren't other people around.

This post has some good examples.

For stifles/held-back sneezes, I usually do something like "Hhxgt!" or "Hhnksh!" It depends on how the person stifles, some people can just stop the sneeze in their tracks while others make a kind of squelchy or squeaky sound.

[RoyalFlush]

To me, I never really feel like the characters names are as important as they characters themselves, so I don't like to use names in short stoies unless there needed.

I tried to stick with a theme as well. Like the world was sleeping, and all these event had happened without it. (The girl escaping her wife-beating loser husband, the moment the two lovers met again, the sunset and the general setting of the story,ect) and I tried to give the (cold/flu) illness that he had a purpose... like he wanted to go to sleep as well, but he had to 'stay awake' for the sake of his 'dream'... the 'dream' of them being together, of running away.... (all this was implied... but not stated...)

Anyway... that's what I tried to do... and failed at... ... uhgg... uhgg..... UHGGG... oh well. I tired.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm so glad some one read it... i was like... freaking out... what if I got no replies... what if no one could sit though it... what if they hate me for making them wait for nothing! i freaked! But, I really like to write stories that make me feel good, and although writing a sneeze makes me feel good, I want to write sneezes that flowed into the story... so I didn't have that many >.<... I'll try better next time, so sorry to waste your time.... so so so so so so sorry.

I talk too much... also... making excuses and give reasons... so so so so so sorry. Sorry... so sorry. >.< ... >.< !!!!!

Anyway thank you for everything... i'll do better.

(uhgg... no talent... uhgg... feeling like s____ uhgg... crawling into corner... uhgg....)

[Anonymouse]

I didn't mean to make you feel like shit with my comment. I actually got some of that sleeping imagery. It's really cool how many layers you gave the story. It's more that I just didn't pick up on it enough to comment it because I'm an idiot, not because you were back at conveying it.

Props to you for writing what you want to write. You'll find that if you continue to do that more people will start reading your stuff because it'll be the best stuff you write, rather than if you decided to write about something you weren't that passionate about just to please a larger crowd. And definitely don't forsaken plot for sneezing if the sneezes don't fit comfortably into the story. The sneezes were woven into the story very well here!

I'm sure more people will read it. I usually don't get story comments for a couple days, because not every member who'd be interested in the story is on right when you post things.

[doggo]

Hello RoyalFlush and welcome to the forum. This is such a sweet story. And don't worry about how many sneezes you have in a story - while some people like a lot of sneezing, others prefer a more realistic touch. Variety is the spice of a forum.

I like your screenname, btw, as I adore a nice feverish face too!

[starpollen]

Lovely! Very well written. I would love "part 2" when she gets him home and takes care of him...

[Dye]

This is so cute! Can't wait for the next instalment, that is, if there is one!

[Candy]

Very sweet, an excellent first fic

[RoyalFlush]

I didn't mean to make you feel like shit with my comment. I actually got some of that sleeping imagery. It's really cool how many layers you gave the story. It's more that I just didn't pick up on it enough to comment it because I'm an idiot, not because you were back at conveying it.

Props to you for writing what you want to write. You'll find that if you continue to do that more people will start reading your stuff because it'll be the best stuff you write, rather than if you decided to write about something you weren't that passionate about just to please a larger crowd. And definitely don't forsaken plot for sneezing if the sneezes don't fit comfortably into the story. The sneezes were woven into the story very well here!

I'm sure more people will read it. I usually don't get story comments for a couple days, because not every member who'd be interested in the story is on right when you post things.

Oh no! You didn't make me feel bad at all!... I just felt stupid after posting it cause most people probably won't like it >,<

or if they say they like it they might not be genuine... (people have to be nice right.)(>,<)

So I was just feeling stupid. I do that a lot.

I really liked your comment, and I like this one too. Thank you very much for taking the time to read my story and comment nicely like you did. I apperciate it very much. Thank you (and for the help with the sneeze typing- I saw that... very useful, thank you!)

-(I guess what really makes me feel bad was that I read that one story of yours and I really loved it (so funny!) and I was like OH NO AnonyMouse read my story... mine's sucky in comparison... oh... so sad! Hahaha don't mind me I'm just werid... I say weird stuff all the time! lol )

anyway thank you for your nice comments!

Thank you everybody else who read it as well!

[VividBubbles!]

Hey hey! Sorry I haven't posted here yet. I got kinda busy. But anyway I saw that you were asking for advice on stiffled/regular sneeze sounds and I think I can help. I can't really help you with the coughing and sniffling stuff. Usually I just write that the person had a coughing fit for so long or sniffled and a describing word such as liquidly or congestedly. And I haven't been on the forum as long as AnonyMouse but I have read quite a few stories and I hope I've picked up a few tricks that I can pass on to you so... here it goes.

1. AnonyMouse is right when she says that everyone's sneezes are different. For instance you can have someone who sneezes long and loud or short and quite. It's always a good idea to vary on your sneeze type so it doesn't get to boring for the reader. And it's always a good thing to throw in a stiffle or two!

2. I don't know about you but I have always liked it when people write out sneezes with bold and italic in them. So, instead of having a Hiii'iih... Heh'tchxshiuu you get a Hiii'iih... Heh'tchxshiuu. I personally think it describes the sneeze much better.

3. See, now stiffles are kinda tricky. You can do a regular Tssh! or a more discriptive Hngxt! I really think it depends on the person your writing for.

So... I guess that's all I can tell you. I'm still learning myself. You should ask Scion or jaredjensen27. They're the real sneeze fic masters. You have great potential grasshopper. Use it well.

BYE!

[RoyalFlush]

Bubbles!-?????????????????????????????

I'm sorry... thanks for the comment and advice... Bubbles...... had the random desire to see the comments for this thing...

and i saw your name... and i instently thought about my best friend... who's name is Bubbles (ex-best friend~!!! GRrrrrRRRRR!!!)

Anyway... I instently got mad from that... weird right... so sorry >.<

Thanks for the helpful hint, sorry for the random...ness....

not that you'll see this comment ... you might... but you might not... thank you either way.

Thank you for posting!