"The Black Hankie"; a tale for Pirate Day...

[count tiszula]

In honour of today's being "Talk like a Pirate day", I thought I would import the little bagatelle I wrote two or three years ago in another place. If not enough people comment, I shall go on importing old stories until they do....

"'Tis forty year I've been a snuff-taking man," said the old seadog Billy Bones, " but never I saw a sneezier cove than old Sneezy Pew. Arr, Jimlad, beware the man with the runny nose; or any other visible physical impairment, for that matter." he added, profferring his old snuffbox, "Arr, it be scrimshawed out of a landlubber's knucklebone, and set with pieces of eight", he kept telling me. We sat in the snug of the Admiral Benbow, while my mother toiled at washing the pewter tankards in the corner.

The wind whipped off the sea and howled round the house, but above the noise came a distant "Achooo!"

"It be him," cried the Captain, watering eyes starting from his head with sneeziness, "a-coming for I! Bar the door, Jimlad, me hearty." I hastened to comply. In the silence, the sneezes grew nearer; "Achoo! ACHOOO! ACHOOOOOOH!"

"It be Sneezy Pew!" whispered old Billy, somewhat otiosely, really. Silence resumed, then from without the door came a mighty rushing noise, like the last trump as it seemed.

"He be a -blowing on his nose, " glossed Bones hoarsely.

"Hah-hah- ACHOOOOOOOH! I doe you be id there, Billy Bodes." came a terrible voice. "You'll dot escape this tibe, be soddy."

The letterbox banged, and we heard the sound of Sneezy Pew's sneezes receding ; "AchooooH!" into the tenebrous distance. "Achooo......Achoo"

A small packet lay on the doormat.

"Arr, fetch us a bottle of rum, Jimlad. And bring me that fardel." I did so. The old seadog took a huge draught of the Jamaikee from his solid gold tankard, carved with a Jolly Roger, which I had never thought to ask him about., then tore open the packet. Within was a large silken square, the colour of night.

"'Tis all up, " said the Captain." They be tipping me the black hankie, Jimlad. And whosoe'er sneezeth into the Black Hankie be doomed, Jimlad, doomed, I be a telling on you!"

"Stuff and nonsense, Cap'n, "I cried. "I shall sneeze into the Black Hankie, and it will have no effect on me." I took a pinch from his skeletal box, and sniffed in ecstasy. I placed the Black Hankie against my breastbone, and waited for my boyish sneeze, already inevitable, so tickly was the snuff, to reach enormousness.

"Nay, Jimlad, though I is a black-hearted rogue, I cannot let ye take the hankie that is meant for me. We be shipmates, lad."

" But cap'n, you just said "is" other than in the combination 'tis' ! Are you ill?"

"Haharr, hahharr, nay lad, " he gave a great catarrhal laugh. "In pirate talk, the indicative in landlubbers' talk be used as a subjunctive, thus in concessive or conditional clauses , or indeed any locution that am not a statement of fact." He tried to take the Black Hankie back, but I knew it would be impolite to sneeze without catching my spray in a hankie, and pulled back.

"Huh-huh-huh..."I began with a triple hitching breath, after the old manner. and at that moment, while I was unable to move because of the uncontrollable sneeziness, the Captain grabbed the Black Hankie and pressed it to his nose.

"HAH-TIIIIISHOOOOO!" I sneezed uncovered, spray flying all over my companion.

"Bless you, my boy!" His bluish nose, like Flint's, as he always said, took on a horrified look, and "HARRRASCHOOOOOOH!" he sneezed, directly into the Black Hankie. Just as his face was overcome by a rictus of ecstasy, he gasped, and fell to the floor, a dead man.

[Candy]

Commenting to tell you that I enjoyed very much, and hoping that the comment will not deter you from importing more old stories

[TheCakeIsAlive]

You are aware this might have the opposite effect as some might have to refrain from commenting in awaitment of more old stories being imported. Therefore you should not regard this as a comment of any sort and I will have to regretfully refrain from saying anything about the story to add to the not-a-comment-ness of this post.

[Vetinari]

No comment!

[countless]

where are that old stories ? ;-)

C