Psychomachia (5 parts)

[Pilgrim]

Today the most incredible thing happened. Me and three other girls were transported from our world to a land of magic and wonder called Edenia. And get this! A Fairy Queen made us Guardians of the Four Virtues, and entrusted us with magical powers to fight against the…

“Hey, Takeko, what’re you writing in that book for?” The sudden sound of Jackie’s southern drawl in Takeko’s ear almost startled her enough to drop her journal to the ground. She quickly recovered and glared at the girl leaning over her shoulder.

“I’m writing down our adventure in my journal. You know, so that when we’re done maybe people will be able to read about it someday. Or at the very least we’ll have the memories of it ourselves.”

“Ugh, who’d wanna remember this? Hetchmmph!”

Jackie rolled her eyes. “Pfft, ignore her Takeko. She’s just mad because the great outdoors don’t agree much with prissy girls who’ve spent all their lives breathing filtered air.”

“Yeah, that sounds cool!” Patty bounded over to look over Takeko’s other shoulder, much to her annoyance. “Are you going to introduce all of us? Huh huh huh?”

“I…I guess!”

So I guess I should first start with introductions. First there’s me, Takeko. I’ll say a little bit about myself even though this is my journal; I’m 18 next month, I have short black hair with purple bangs, and kinda thick black glasses that I used to get made fun of for a lot. But I’d rather be able to read whenever I wanted to than be popular.

Jackie’s this really tan, athletically built girl who looks and sounds like she came here from some farm in the deep south. Low-cut denim shorts, cotton shirt, long blond ponytail; I wanna ask her if she’s a farmhand but I’m not sure if that would be racist.

Patty is kind of short, really energetic, and obviously loves the color pink. It’s sort of ridiculous actually; everything from her clothes to her hair to her nail polish. And it’s all the same shade! I’d probably find it more annoying if she wasn’t so sweet and had a personality more like…

“Hatchmmph! Hatchmmph! Hah-Ah-Ah-Atchhuumph!”

Rosaline. I know it’s bad to judge people based on appearance, but this girl gives an unavoidably strong impression of a stuck-up rich girl. She even has that one English accent, you know the one that sounds all rich and snobbish? She is very pretty though; long raven dark hair, a cream-colored outfit that probably cost more than my entire wardrobe, makeup straight out of a fashion magazine…

“Atchhuumph! Hah-Hatchmmph Hatchumphh Hatchuumph!”

Well, that’s what she looked like to begin with anyways. Her allergies are pretty bad and the pollen in these woods is so thick you can see wisps of it in the air sometimes. So now her hair is all tossed around and mussed up, her makeup’s runny, and the sleeves of her nice clothes are pockmarked with stains. I’d almost feel sorry for her if she didn’t complain about it EVERY DANG MINUTE!

“Pffttthahahahahaha!” Patty began cracking up as Takeko added this last line. Jackie smirked and looked over at their sneezey companion, who had kept her distance from them since they’d met.

“Hey, Rosaline, how’re you holding up?”

She glared at them through tearful eyes. “I take it tha-haah-Tchhmmph Hetchmmph Hatchumph! That’s your-Atchmmph! Idea of a Ahhh-Ahh-Ah-Chuumph! A joke?”

Rosaline’s sneeze is kind of funny-sounding, particularly contrasted against that elegant exterior she tries to maintain. It’s like she sort of bites down at the end of it so it makes a sound like when you blow through your lips to imitate a motorboat.

“Ah ha ha hahaha ha!” Patty waved her hand in the air as she laughed almost uncontrollably, having read Takeko’s latest entry. Encouraged, she continued on the same subject.

I think the way that she sneezes is what ensures that there’s always a lot of spray. She stopped trying to stifle them pretty early on because her hands got so messy, so they’re all totally uncovered. She keeps having to wipe her nose on her sleeves and scarf too. It was a while before she started using the scarf at all; I bet it must be expensive. She hasn’t tried to blow her nose at all for some reason, either, which is weird because it would probably stop it from being so runny and messy all the time.

“Ha, I’ll bet it’s really embarrassing-sounding, that’s why.” Jackie chuckled. “Probably makes some huge honk like a goose or something. She’s got the beak for it after all”

She does have kind of a large nose. It’s not so large it’d call much attention on its own, like Patty’s

“Hey!”

but it’s long and angular and highly compliments her “snooty” appearance.

“Okay, that joke made up for it.”

“What are you….Hatchuumph! Idiots…Atchmmph Ahatchmmph Atshhuuumph! Cackling…Ab-Abou-Atchuumph Achmmph Ah-Hatchuumph Haah-Hah-Hatshuumph!”

After her fit two long strands of snot dangled from Rosaline’s nose and hung over her lips. She waved her hands in front of her face in a panic, unsure of what to do. This sent the already snickering Patty into a fit of hysterics.

“Fffffttahahahaha, ah hahahahaha, oh your face!”

“Wha-what’re you laughing at!” Rosaline glared at her with what in another situation might’ve been ferocity, but with her mussed up hair and makeup, bright red runny nose, and of course the mess hanging from her face, she just looked ridiculous. This not only got Patty laughing harder but the other girls as well.

“GAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh aha hahahaha, I’m gonna pee my pants ahahahahaha!”

As the trio were doubled over in laughter, Rosaline shook with abject rage and humiliation. Clenching her fists, she stormed off into the woods, new tears forming in her eyes. Takeko called after her in-between laughs, but she was ignored. After the three calmed down, however, Takeko tugged at her hair in frustration.

“Darnit, we shouldn’t have done that. I know she wasn’t exactly polite but that was cruel…”

Patty and Jackie shuffled their feet in the dust in silence. But then Patty looked up brightly. “So what? We’ll just go after her and apologize, right?”

Jackie nodded. “Yeah. She can’t have gotten too far. We’ll catch right up and make sure she knows we’re really sorry!”

“Oh, I cannot tell you the degree to which I disagree with at assertion, my fair lady.”

We all turned around to see two bizarre creatures gazing at us. Well, I suppose at first we only saw the big one. He was a big tree-like creature, sort of like a large stump with arms, and he was at least a full story tall. I sketched him out a little ways down. The other one I’m sure we all saw second. A short, frumpy little man with a long white beard and one of those caps you see on garden gnomes all the time. He looked so silly compared to the big lunk next to him, at first I didn’t suspect at all that we were in for a fight.

“You see, partner? I told you I heard voices.”

“Who’re you?” Jackie asked, her eyes darting back and forth between the diminutive figure and the gargantuan one.

“Who I am, is at this particular moment absolutely not what you should be wondering. Who my associate is, however, is another matter entirely” The small man gestured towards the giant next to him. “This is Spriggan. And at this juncture in your potentially very short lives, the only thing you need concern yourselves with is how to keep Spriggan happy. Are you happy Spriggan?”

The giant shrugged.

“Reasonably so, it seems. However, I have it on good authority that Spriggan is quite likely to quickly become unhappy should you three fail to pay the traveler tax. You see, the terra firma which you have acquainted yourselves is the permanent property of Greed. And Greed does not loan out license to utilize his property free of charge. So unless you intend on procuring wings in the immediate future, I highly suggest that you fork over 10 silver pieces, or the equivalent thereof, posthaste.”

“Wait a minute…You mean one of the Seven Deadly Sins? He’s your boss?” Jackie looked at the other girls. “Well then, I guess today is your unlucky day. Because we’re the guardians of Virtue, sworn soldiers against the forces of sin. Prepare to get your butt whupped into next week!”

I still marvel at her bravery, even now. Jackie ran forward, raising her fist, and brought it down squarely on top of the little man’s head. Or, what would’ve been where his head was, if the giant hadn’t shoved its open palm in front of her, catching her entire upper body in his giant fist.

“Okay…in retrospect that was a dumb move.”

Yes it was.

Everyone froze for a moment, except for Spriggan. It threw the comparatively small girl hurtling into the nearest tree.

“Ow! Okay, for the record everybody, invulnerability apparently does not include immunity to pain.”

I should probably explain this. See, as guardians of the Cardinal Virtues, we each have special, magical abilities. Jackie was made into the guardian of Fortitude, so her toughness is way boosted. Specifically, her skin cannot be broken by anything. It completely nullifies whatever is thrown at it, even kinetic energy.

The monster turned its sights on Patty next, slamming a huge fist down on top of her. She cringed, but before she was even close to being struck an invisible force flung the monster’s arm back.

Speaking of kinetic energy, as the guardian of Justice Patty has the ability to absorb it into her body, store it, and release it at will. Sort of like telekinesis, only it has to be charged up with force of some kind. Of course, since any force exerted on her generates at least a little energy, she gains a small amount with every step she takes.

As the monster fell backwards, landing in a heap on the forest floor, a huge cloud of pollen was shaken loose from it; so thick that it could not actually be seen through. Although Takeko wasn’t allergic to pollen, the sudden assault of yellow dust on her eyes and nose caused a reaction nonetheless.

“Hakushhew! Kushew Kushew Aksheew! Ahh-Ah-Akusheeew!”

Despite her eyes and nose running, Takeko saw an opportunity and wasn’t about to let it go because of some sniffles. Wiping her nose and eyes on the sleeve of her purple sweater, she ran forward and leapt on top of the wooden giant.

And then there’s me. The guardian of Temperance. My power is to be able to facilitate the combination of any elements or materials, so long as I can touch them. Essentially, I’m an alchemist. And lucky for me, the easiest thing in the world to create is fire.

“No! What’re you doing?”

“Making sure your buddy h-Haksheew! here never hurts anyone again!”

I wasn’t really sure whether to treat this monster as another being or not, so outright killing it seemed inappropriate. I did burn its hands and most of its arms up into withered stumps, though.

“Now, you two can run on home to your boss and give him this message: his days are numbered”

As the little man ran off, his giant friend lumbering after him, I have to admit I felt mostly like a badass. I mean, we were heroes now. We just had our first battle with evil and we won! At the same time, I wondered: how close to defeat had we really just come? Could our adventure have just been cut short right here and now? And how much harder would the bad guys hit us next time? There was a long road ahead still waiting for us. Hopefully we would be ready for it.

[count tiszula]

Excellent! And all that lovely messiness too.... I love the clear difference between the various sneeze styles, too; and more varieties to come I suspect.

I trust we shall hear more of the ladies' adventures....

[queenie]

...and what was Rosaline's virtue? Did I miss it?

[Pilgrim]

...and what was Rosaline's virtue? Did I miss it?

Nope Takeko just didn't list it at the time because she wasn't there in the fight.

[TheCakeIsAlive]

Awesome story. Really enjoyed reading this. Especially like the way you switch between what's happening and the writing.

[Blah!?]

Holy sheep! How have I missed this until now? This is brilliant sir, brilliant.

Does it reflect poorly on me if I'm already starting to draw parallels?

Takeko Sparkle, Applejackie, Roseity and Patty Pie on a quest to find the Elements of Harmony defeat the seven deadly sins.

I dig.

[Pilgrim]

Psychomachia pt. 2: The second part

After we beat those bad guys, we set out to look for Rosaline. It did not take very long for us to get totally lost once we left the trail. Nobody said anything about it though, I think because we all didn't want to make anyone else nervous. Fortunately, we eventually heard the sound of sneezing coming from somewhere off deeper in the woods. Naturally we assumed it was Rosaline, because who else would be having an allergy attack in the middle of this forest?

When we followed the sound, though, we came upon quite a surprise. There was a big village of houses built right into the trees, and a bunch of elves (I assumed they were elves. They were all very pretty and had pointy ears) dressed in clothing made from leaves and vines. But that wasn't the really odd part. Every one of them seemed to be plagued by allergies! I had never seen so many red, runny noses and watering eyes in my life, or heard so much sneezing! At first I wanted to ask what the deal with that was, but realized it might be rude and wasn't really important anyways, so instead we just asked everyone if they'd seen a girl dressed in really fancy clothes walk around. Eventually they directed us to where Rosaline was; taking refuge from all the pollen inside the local tavern. She was dressed in the same Amazonian clothing as the other elves too.

"Oh good, that's just what today needed. I suppose you've come to offer some anachronisticly heartfelt apology."

At least I think that's what she said. Her voice was so congested I could really only sort of get the gist of what she was saying.

"Geez, Rosaline, what happened to you?"

She looked like an absolute mess. I mean besides missing her nice clothes. The lower half of her face was a wild mashup of snot and running makeup. Her eyes were bloodshot and had started to swell a little bit. And her nose was bright, bright red.

"I don't want to talk about it. I know I must look awful"

That's when the waterworks started. I think she'd been sitting in that bar trying not to cry for a while. Me and Jackie were at a pretty big loss of what to do, but Patty didn't miss a beat. She walked right up to Rosaline and hugged her. She didn't even flinch as Rosaline sobbed on her shoulder, she just held her and stroked her hair. It was ridiculously sweet.

Eventually Rosaline got it all out of her system and calmed down. She blew her nose a few times into this really large leaf she had with her, took a few deep breaths, and then started telling us what happened.

"It's all this stupid king's fault! He has a tax on sneezing. Sneezing! Can you believe it?"

We could not.

"So then these goons, wearing these scary-looking masks, pulled me aside and asked me to pay up. And I told them I didn't have any money, and they said then they'd take a trade, and next thing I knew…" She bit her lip. "A-Anyways, they left me with only my scarf and sent me to this dirty little store that made clothes out of leaves and crap and told me I'd get a deal. So I had no choice but to trade in my scarf for…this." She gestured towards her outfit with enormous disdain.

Patty patted her on the back. "That's horrible! I'm so sorry. We should've never made you run off like we did, then none of this would've happened!"

Jackie and I nodded. "Yeah, we're really sorry."

Rosaline sniffed. "I hate this place. You know it's not just me. These elves don't normally dress in leaves and vines, you know. They had to trade in their real clothes so they'd have enough money to pay the tax! Their king is one cruel tyrant! Come on, let's get out of here."

"Wait a minute, Rosaline." Takeko spoke up. "If these people are in trouble, we should try to help them! Remember those robbers we fought before we came here? I'll bet this king is working for Greed too. Maybe he even is Greed!"

The others nodded. Rosaline looked dumbfounded. "Seriously? How are we even supposed to do that? What do you want to do, start a revolution?"

Takeko looked down. "Well, that's a bit extreme. But there must be something we can do. Um, maybe a good start would be to find out just why there's so much pollen around here in the first place?"

Rosaline shrugged. "Oh, I found that out already. It's because of these fairies that live in these woods. They started planting some new flower that grows right on trees. Nobody's been able to stop them because they only appear in the dead of night and they live in some secret magical village."

Jackie clapped her hands. "Then that's easy! We find these fairies, we ask them politely to plant some other kind of flower, and problem solved!"

"But if the village is secret, how are we supposed to find it?" Patty wondered.

Jackie smiled. "Easy! Rosaline's power is that she can read minds, right? So we just have to look around the forest until she picks up some Fairy thoughts."

Oh, right. Rosaline is the guardian of Prudence and she can read minds, that's her power. Just so you know.

"Wait a minute. You want me, to go back outside, and wander around in that…that pollen filled air, looking for the source of all the pollen, so that we can march right in?"

For a moment I thought she was going to start crying again. But Patty put an arm around her and said,

"Hey, we know it's hard. But think about all these people! We can't just leave them like this. They're suffering just like you. Don't you want to help them? Wouldn't you want someone to do the same for you?"

I have never seen such puppy-dog eyes flashed in all my life. I think Rosaline may have nodded her agreement in spite of herself, because she seemed just as surprised as us.

So off we went into the woods. Of course Rosaline's allergies started up again the instant we were outside, and they only got worse the more we walked around. After what can't have been more than ten minutes, she was a wreck. She couldn't inhale without sneezing; harsh, goopy "Harrshuumphs!" that made her double over they were so strong. Her eyes had actually begun to almost swell shut, though they were still open enough that they could squeeze tears out, which ran down her dirty cheeks to further engorge her horribly red, raw nose. She had been blowing her nose into leaves she'd pick off the trees, but they were coarse and roughed up her nose even more so she'd use them as rarely as she could. Plus they didn't have much durability, so a lot of mess ended up on her hands anyways. To be honest, I'm surprised she lasted as long as it did before she decided she couldn't go any further.

"I Hatschhuumph! Can't Atchuumph Atschuumph Atschumm! I-I Aatschuumph Hah-Atchuumph Hatschuumph Ha-Atschumph! Have to Ahh-Ah-Atshuumph Atchuummph Haah-Hatshuumph! Stop…Ah-Shuumph!"

"But if we give up now…"

"No, she's right Jackie" Takeko cut her off. "We can't push her like this. Look at her! She can't even properly blow her nose. It's too much."

We both looked down at our feet, disappointed and frustrated. Patty, though, seemed to have suddenly gotten an idea. She walked over to Rosaline and whispered something in her ear. She looked back at Patty with surprise and, after a pause, nodded. Patty then turned to us with a very strange expression on her face.

"Hey, guys, do you think you could give us some privacy? Just for like, a minute? Please?"

We looked at each other, and quickly ascertained that neither of us had any clue what was going on.

"Um, yeah, sure. You want us to like, turn our backs or…?"

"That'd be great, Takeko. And if you could maybe walk a little ways into the woods? Just like, walk forward while counting to fifty, and then wait until I call you, okay?"

"Umm, alright? Come on, Jackie. One…two…"

We did as Patty asked us and ended up just out of sight from them, though we could still clearly hear Rosaline's sneezing.

"What the heck is this about? What do you think they're doing?"

Jackie seemed a little annoyed that Patty didn't see fit to include us in her plan. I decided to try to reassure her, figuring the last thing we needed right now was more tension.

"I'm sure she has a good reason for not telling us. She seems to be building some rapport with Rosaline so I think we should trust her."

Jackie thought this was sensible, and nodded. Before long we heard Patty calling us back. When we returned, Patty looked extremely uncomfortable, but Rosaline actually seemed a little cheered up. Her face was a little cleaner now, and she was holding some bright pink frilled lacy cloth.

"Patty! Did you have a handkerchief on you this whole time?" Jackie exclaimed.

Patty blushed. "N-not exactly…"

"Wait, does your dress even have pockets? Where would you have…" Takeko wondered aloud. Patty blushed further.

"Hey wait, that's kind of shaped like…"

"Hey! Jackie! We have fairies to find, right?" Takeko noticed that both Patty and Rosaline were bright pink now and decided to force the subject to be dropped.

It took some time but eventually we did manage to find the secret village. It was hidden behind an invisible gateway disguised as a tree, sort of like "Platform 9 and 3/4" from the Harry Potter books. After we got in, Rosaline wasn't in any condition to speak she was sneezing so much, so I ended up doing most of the talking. After demonstrating our powers and proving ourselves to be Guardians of Virtue, we were allowed an audience with the Fairy Queen. She was beautiful and had more wings than the others, just like the Queen that welcomed us to this land and gave us our powers, though she was not as tall and had long green hair instead of rainbow-colored. After I had some free time I drew a picture of her. She listened politely to our story, though it clearly upset her.

"This information is…troubling. You say the elves are allergic to our new flowers. But, it was their king who specifically requested that breed be planted. He offered us a handsome sum for it."

We were shocked. Other than the persistent (and progressively more intense) "Hatchuumphs" from Rosaline, everyone, including the queen's guards, fell into a stunned silence.

"That rotten slimebucket! He's extorting his own people!" Jackie stomped her foot. The queen nodded slowly.

"It does seem that way. If what you say is true, then there is no doubt in my mind that King Gesellschaft has become a servant of Greed." The queen shuddered. "I will have my subjects begin harvesting the flowers immediately. In the meantime, you four had better find a way to reach the king. If he's now an agent of Greed, he'll have powers of his own. His own subjects, or at least the ones he hasn't corrupted, won't be able to beat him themselves."

Takeko nodded. "You can count on us!"

"Excellent. For political reasons, I cannot officially endorse an assault on Elven royalty, particularly in case it turns out that you are wrong and he is merely malicious and not yet turned. However, I can provide you with an escort, and should that escort become involved in your endeavors, well, I could hardly be blamed for that." The Queen smiled mischievously. "I shall lend you the use of my captain of the guard. Flutterby!"

I think we were all blown away by the Queen's offer. None of us were really expecting any help in our quest, and here we were getting a professional fighter! The fairy who stepped forward from the line of guards beside the Queen was short, only about four feet tall I think, like all of them, with long bright pink hair and bright gold-plated armor. She didn't seem like she'd be much good in combat, but then no Fairies really did.

"Pleased to meet you, miss!" I saluted her, not really sure what the appropriate greeting was. This seemed to please her.

"Haha, no need for such formality. So, shall we go teach this rotten king a little lesson in virtue?"

"Hatshuuumph! Hatchuumph! Oh, yes, haaah-Hatshuumph Hah-Atchuumph! L-Let's do. Atshuumph!"

[Blah!?]

A new addition to the team. This pleases me.

Onwards! Oh, um, if that's okay with you...

[doggo]

Oh dear, yummy messiness! Especially the... hands... sleeves... just wonderful.

[doggo]

A whole village of sneezy, tortured elves blowing their cute little elven noses into leaves???? This story is so cute, funny, and wonderfully evil.

[Pilgrim]

Psychomachia pt.3: Flutter vs Gesellschaft

Get Ready! FIGHT!

"Hey there, we're here to beat the ever-loving heck out of your king!"

Jackie's attempt at diplomacy quickly failed, though to be fair I do not think he was really trying. It didn't matter much; after all the hiking through the woods Patty had stored up enough kinetic energy to take down a herd of rhinos. She blasted through any guards that Jackie didn't take down herself. Me and Rosaline mostly just hung back with Flutterby and left the grunts to them. But I think all of us were ready to face this evil king.

"Haatshuumoh! HA-Tchuuumph Atschuumph Ahh-Shuuumph!"

Particularly Rosaline. The visit to the fairy village really did a number on her, and she was in terrible shape to begin with. After breathing in about as much pollen as air for the past few hours, her nose had become swollen and was constantly streaming down her face when she wasn't caught in the middle of a sneezing fit. Her eyes had swollen closed to the point of being barely visible behind the tears pouring out of them. Between handling her nose and eyes the handkerchief substitute Patty had given her was already soaked twice over. She had nothing else to use though, so she kept blowing her nose into it even though I think it actually got more mess back onto face.

Anyways, eventually we made it into the king's throne room. He was wearing a huge black cloak so we couldn't make out what he looked like, but we could tell from the giant gold throne that it had to be him.

"Oh no it's the Guardians! Whatever shall I do?"

He exclaimed in what was pretty obviously sarcasm but I think Jackie took seriously. I guess she expected bad guys in a fantasy land to talk like they were really from a storybook.

"That's right! We're here to stop your evil ways! Surrender, or prepare for the smackdown of your life!"

"Yeah, that's not happening."

He tugged on a rope hanging near his throne and we all heard a *shunk* sound above us. We looked up and got a face full of pollen. And much to our surprise, we all had an allergic reaction to it.

"Hakusheew! Haktcheew Ha-Akutcheew Hah-Ah-Ah-Akusheew Haksheew Kusheew Hakusheew!"

My glasses kept most of it out of my eyes, fortunately, but it didn't stop me from inhaling a lot of it in a gasp of surprise. I felt like I was choking on my sneezes; they were coming so fast and fierce I could barely catch a breath between them. It was horrible! I was sneezing so much I couldn't even see how the others were doing.

I certainly heard them though. Jackie was letting out great big "Harschuuuhs!" that sounded thick and wet, one right after the other. Patty sounded like she tried to stifle or hold them back at first, with a couple of desperate-sounding "Hehh-Heh-Heh-Hetchnngks!" but she quickly gave up and let out a steady stream of "Etcheews!". And Rosaline? Her "Haatchuumphs!" were literally constant; I don't think she could breath between them!

"Haha, oh man. Do you know how much it cost to have the fairies develop a flower that all humans would be allergic to? Not nearly what it was worth. Bahahahaha, you should see how ridiculous you all look! Oh, you're all so helpless, my guards'll make mincemeat outta you when they get here, powers or no powers! Ahaha, Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!" The king threw back his head and laughed, not realizing that Flutterby was charging straight at him, her shortsword drawn.

"Your tyranny comes to an end, villain! Right now!"

She brought it down on top of the startled king, who on reaction raised his arm to block it. To her surprise, she cut into hard metal.

"Ohhh, that's right. Fairies can't be allergic to any kind of nature. Guess I'll have to deal with you the old fashioned way"

I was too overwhelmed by sneezing to be able to see it, but apparently the king removed his cloak revealing his skin to be completely made out of gold.

"Becoming a servant of Greed has its advantages besides obtaining the means to become filthy rich. He granted my body the ability to steal the properties of anything solid that it touches."

The king stepped forward, and as his bare foot touched the stone castle floor his skin turned to stone as well. He then sent a kick directly into the center of Flutterby's armor, sending her flying backwards.

"Now, prepare to feel the wrath of Gesellschaft!"

"D-don't Ehh-Etcheew Etcheew Hetcheew Heh-Etcheew Hehh-Ehhh I'll g-gettcheew Heeh-Tcheew Hetcheeew!"

We later found out that what she was trying to say was that she would get him, which would explain why she suddenly started hurling telekinetic blasts wildly in front of her. By this time I had blown my nose straight into my sleeves (I know, it's gross, but we were in the middle of a battle! I couldn't just wander around blind) and was holding my sleeves to my nose so I'd inhale less pollen. I was still sneezing a bunch, but I could at least look around in between them. The pollen in the air visibly shifted as her psychic shots of force flew forward in the sort of general direction of Gesellschaft. He avoided them by stepping leisurely to the left, though even if any had hit I doubt they'd have hurt his stone body much. As he tromped forward towards Flutterby, who was just starting to pick herself up off the ground.

"Look-Kusheew-Out F-flutter Ktcheew!"

I guess the others heard me, because Jackie suddenly charged forward in the direction of where the sound of rock stomping on rock was coming from and Patty suddenly started hurling her telekinetic energy in that direction. Unfortunately, more blasts hit Jackie than the king and she crumpled to the ground like she'd been punched in the gut. It seems telekinesis really hurts!

"Hahaha, I can't believe this. You guys are more of a threat to each other! This is too rich."

Flutterby raised her sword and began backing away from the steadily approaching stone elf while swinging it wildly in front of her.

"S-stay back monster! I'll cut you to pieces if I have to!"

The king laughed and brought a rock-hard fist crashing down on top of the fairy warrior. She only just barely managed to kicker herself backwards and fly up and away in time.

"Oh, a game of keepaway is it? Come now, don't prolong the inevitable!"

It was at this point that I looked around at our group. Jackie was kneeling on the ground clutching her sides and still letting out huge "HARASCHHUUUHS" that now seemed to be giving her pain, probably from where she was hit with who knows how much PSI of force from Patty. Her nose, turned red solely from the ferocity of her sneezing, was dripping several strands of snot all the way down to the floor, probably extended so long from the force of her sneezes. Hey eyes were bruised, swollen, and crying rivers down her cheeks. She was clearly suffering on a variety of levels.

Patty was no better. Her nose was as pink as her dress, and running down over her lip. She'd wipe at it with her hands but the slightest disturbance of her nose, anything from a rub to a sniffle, seemed to send her into yet another rapid-fire fit. Her eyes didn't seems as swollen though they were definitely as teary, and clearly they itched as well because she would go straight from rubbing her messy nose to scratching her messy eyes.

And Rosaline? She hadn't stopped sneezing since the pollen fell, and even as she sprayed snot everywhere she was scratching at her entire face as if bugs were swarming over it. Which was understandable, since it was so swollen and pink that it must've been maddeningly itchy. And her eyes and nose were flooding down her face together in a thick, goopy mess that got all over hands as she scratched away.

To put it short, we were helpless. Helpless, miserable, and disgusting. Our faces were covered in our own snot! And that's when I had my idea. Well, my idea that lead to my other idea.

"Patty! Get ready to throw him on my mark! Flutterby, can you mover her into position?" Takeko cried out. Flutterby sensed there was no time for questions and zoomed over to Patty.

"Whatd'you think you're doing…" The evil elf king stepped forward towards Takeko, more puzzled than concerned.

"Tossing your sorry butt straight out the window!"

Ordinarily I wouldn't have bothered answering that question, but it provided a convenient way of relaying to Flutterby where I wanted Patty to be positioned. I dashed over to Jackie and scooped up a handful of snot from under her nose (just have to say right here: EEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW THIS IS THE GROSSEST THING I'VE EVER DONE) and charged straight at the king. When I got close enough, I hurled it straight at him, just as he was raising a stony fist to attack me. As I'd hoped, he transformed into a humanoid-shaped pile of slime.

"Patty NOW!"

Also as I'd hoped, Flutterby had managed to get Patty aligned. She sent a full-force blast that lifted the (considerably lighter) villain clean off the ground and sent him flying backwards out the window of his own chambers. And I went chasing after him. As soon as he made contact with the breaking glass his shaped shifted again, this time into a pure glass form. And I dove out the window to grab him, hoping my power would trigger before his.

It did. As he howled in surprise, I disintegrated him into sand, the core component of glass (thank you chemistry class!). Of course I didn't have any time to celebrate; as I hurtled head-first down into the castle moat I extended my hands like a diver to keep myself from splattering into the water.

"Icannotbelieveyoudidthat ohmygosh IthoughtyouweregonnaDIE"

Patty was pretty upset and also pretty happy. As soon as they got downstairs she rushed to hug me and would not let go. Jackie was clearly trying to be cool, but also clearly very concerned. She beamed at me with this big stupid grin. Flutterby seemed to be in a kind of shock. I was sort of afraid she was going to start hyperventilating. Rosaline, on the other hand, just dove straight into the moat and started washing her face and blowing her nose right into her hands. I don't really blame her, honestly, she must've been completely tortured.

"Eheh, hey come on now guys…"

"Takeko, you were INCREDIBLE!" Jackie finally gave in and joined the hug. "I can't believe how brave you were! You just took down an evil monster king!"

Flutterby joined too. "You really were amazing." She said in a cracking voice.

Takeko blushed. "Hey, come on guys, we all helped beat him. I couldn't have done it if you all weren't there."

It was a pretty awesome moment. Right then I felt like we really were a rag-tag bunch of heroes, ready to take on the world! Nothing was going to get in our way!

And then Rosaline emerged from the water.

"That's it! I QUIT!"

Well, it was a nice feeling while it lasted…

[Blah!?]

The fellowship is broken? D:

It seems we need the Element of Loyalty Virtue of Companionship Camaraderie Being Friends with Each Other something to get them back together!

And I can't help but wonder if Rosaline is going to get screwed this badly in every single chapter. xD She hasn't caught a single break so far.

[Anonymouse]

OHMYGOSH was this entertaining. What a creative story. I knew they were going to turn him into snot! I liked the description in the beginning, of her blowing her nose into the handkerchief or whatever it was but it was so wet it was just getting snot back on her face. Rawr and the desperation of their fits.

[TheCakeIsAlive]

Awww, poor Rosaline. She's not getting a break is she? Well, perhaps with the quitting... ... what Blah-San said.

Awesome story.

[Balmora]

Dude. This story. This story is the awesomeness. For realz!

[Pilgrim]

Psychomachia pt.4: Models of Virtue

Alternative title: I won $5 from my mom betting on the winner of Project Runway!

An epilogue is going be up a little bit later tonight, so keep your eyes open for that maybe.

We tried our best to convince Rosaline to change her mind, but it was no good. Honestly I couldn’t really blame her for wanting to quit. But it turned out not to be an easy thing to do. Shortly after Rosaline made her intent clear the Fairy Queen who gave us our powers to begin with appeared and told us that she didn’t have the power to send her back to our world. However, if we made a deal with a Demon (that is, one of the minions working for the Sins) then they would be able to help us. I didn’t really understand how it worked, something to do with different kinds of magic and divine rules and contracts, but we decided to try finding one of these Demons. Fortunately for us, it turns out they sell them at certain stores. In bottles! Pretty crazy, huh?

“ALLLLLLLRIGHTY THEN!”

The bottle burst into pieces and a green-colored phantom with a great toothy grin emerged from it, growing in size until he was as large as a man.

“Ahhh, it’s good to finally be out of there! I was ready to talk that shopkeeper into making me half-price! So, what can I do for you girls? Need help finding a boyfriend? Learning how to play the piano? Snagging some fine jewelry?”

“Uhhh…actually our friend here just wants to go home” Jackie leered at the demon.

“Oh really? Well that’s going to require some doing…hey wait a minute…”. The demon peered closer at the four of us. “Aren’t you the new Guardians of Virtue?”

“Um, yeah.” Patty shifted uncomfortably under his gaze. Despite his apparent good nature, I definitely felt like there was something sinister about him. I mean even beyond him being a demon and everything.

“Oh! Oh ho ho HO! Oh, that is too good!” He threw back his head as he boomed with laughter. “What’s the matter, job get too tough for ya? Protecting truth and love not turning out like all its cracked up to be? Expecting a cakewalk were you?” The demon sneered. “Well, I can get your friend home, alright, but I’m going to need something in return.”

We let out a collective sigh. The Queen had warned us about this. Demons were willing to just about anything, but they were guaranteed to ask for something in return. Something dastardly, devious, deplorable, or devastating…

“I want you all…to be models in a fashion show!”

Or totally innocent, apparently?

Jackie regained her ability to speak first. “You…what?”

“Think of it! The Guardians of Virtue, and their uh, sidekick?” He eyed Flutterby and shrugged. “All on display in high fashion glory, for the mere price of admission. We’ll make a killing! Ha ha! I love it!”

The four of us shrugged. This didn’t seem like a particularly evil plan, for a demon, but decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth.

“Yeah, alright, sounds like fun!” Patty actually sounded like she was mustering genuine enthusiasm for this idea. Rosaline seemed to brighten at the concept as well. We all nodded our agreement, and the demon clapped in excitement.

“Excellent! You do this show for me, and I’ll get your friend back to your world. We have a deal”. The demon sprouted a number of extra arms and shook all our hands at once. I felt a strange tingling sensation, like someone tickling my palm with a feather. “Hahahaha, I’ll see to the preparations immediately!”

With that he transformed into a whirling tornado of green light, tearing up trees and sucking in clothes straight out of nearby houses as a huge auditorium began to seemingly construct itself at the epicenter. In less than a minute a runway surrounded by chairs and leading up to a large stage in front of a small building had been built, with a huge billboard over it announcing, “For 1 Night Only! The Guardians Of Virtue walk the runway!” above a list of our names written in some kind of glowing ink. I have to admit, seeing my name in lights was pretty exciting. And I’d never really had much of a fashion sense, so I was starting to get kind of eager to look all dressed up and pretty. Maybe demons weren’t so bad after all?

Okay, scratch everything I wrote earlier. Demons SUCK. We just finished the stupid show, and I think I’m going to need therapy for the rest of my life. This is probably the most embarrassed any of us have ever been.

So apparently making some extra cash wasn’t really this demon’s intention. What this whole setup was actually for was humiliating the pants off us (in some cases literally) in front of a humongous audience, I’m guessing to lower people’s faith in us as their Guardians so the Sins would have an easier time getting to them. Devious.

As soon as we saw the outfits we were supposed to wear, we knew we’d been tricked. We also knew there was no way we were getting out of it, though, even if we wanted to go back on the deal. We were magically bound to our obligation to participate in this show. So we all just silently fumed while we got dressed and lined up to get on the runway and embarrass ourselves in front of what had to have been hundreds of people outside.

Rosaline was up first. She was wearing a colorful dress made (and I don’t know how that demon managed this) entirely out of flowers woven together with ivy, and a tiara decorated with big bulging blooms. You can probably predict what the pattern’s going to be already, right?

When Rosaline emerged from behind the curtain, her eyes and nose were already streaming. Visible wafts of pollen drifted down from the flowers adorning her head, filling every breath she took.

“Hetschmmph Hah-Hatchummph Hetschmmph-Etchmmph-Chmmph! Hah-Atschummph Heh-Shuummph Ah-Atshuumph Atchummph Haaah-Shuuumph! Heh-Heh-Etchmmph Ahhh-Shummph Atchuumph Ahh-Ah-Atshuumph!”

There wasn’t even a second’s pause between her sneezes. The crowd laughed at the allergy-stricken girl as she struggled to walk forward across the stage without being able to see through her swelling, tear-filled eyes. In the short time it took her to get to the end her nose was running down past her chin. She brought her sleeve up and wiped at it, not thinking of the fact that the clothes she was wearing were made from the very source of her allergies. Immediately her nose exploded in a messy fit of sneezes, desperately trying to expel the new rush of irritants invading her nose. Disoriented and frustrated, she began ripping the flowery dress off and retreating back behind the curtain, while the audience erupted in more laughter at the comic scene.

As soon as Rosaline’s turn was over, I was up. I had been given what was essentially a giant pepper-shaker costume (which of course was 100% see-through, as if it wasn’t embarrassing enough), with another smaller one as a hat. And in case you couldn’t guess, yes, the stupid thing was filled to bursting with pepper. It shook out with even the slightest movements that I took. I’d been doing a decent job of only breathing through my mouth in short bursts, but that wasn’t protecting my eyes, which soon started itching and watering like crazy. Shortly after I stepped out on stage and had to deal with that on top of seeing all those people staring at me, I involuntarily gasped and well, you can guess the rest.

“Haaah-Hah-Hakusheew Hakutcheeew! Hah-Haksheew Haksheew Ksheew Aksheew Ah-Ah-Aktcheeew! Haahhh-Hah-Hah-Haktcheew Hakusheew Haktcheew Haah...Haaah-Hakutcheew Haksheeew!! Ahh-Aksheew Akutcheew Ahah-Akutcheeww!”

Each one of Takeko’s sneezes shook her enough to dislodge more pepper from her costume, so that she soon was at the center of a thin black cloud as she jerkily made her way across the stage. She made no attempt to cover her sneezes as she normally would, opting instead to rub at her itching eyes and nose. She became so preoccupied with getting the slightest relieve from the itch that she lost track of her step and tripped over her own feet, falling face-first onto the stage floor. In addition to enhancing the audience’s amusement at her plight, this knocked out almost all her costume’s spicy contents onto the ground along with her, resulting in much of it going straight into her face.

The itch in her nose and eyes became an intense burning that moved like lava through the entirety of her airways. Being barely able to breathe between the sneezes that followed, she began frantically thinking for a way to relieve her assaulted sinuses of the intrusive spice. She ran back to the curtain and buried her face into it, blowing her nose and wiping her eyes as the crowd’s laughter grew louder. Embarrassed, she removed her face from the curtain so she could navigate behind it, revealing her bright red eyes and nose, both dusted in pepper that was clinging to the wetness around them. The crowd laughed her off the stage.

After me it was Flutterby’s turn. Now, it turns out that while Fairy’s aren’t allergic to anything natural, they have severe allergies to pollution. So of course she was forced into a pantsuit made entirely of…well, garbage, essentially. It was like a patchwork of rubber and cheap meta stripped from who knows what and painted with grime and grease. If I were her I would’ve been worried about getting some terrible disease from it, but apparently fairies can’t get sick? She certainly looked pretty ill, though; her nose was already running and sniffling like crazy. When she started sneezing I was amazed at how loud her little button nose was capable of being.

“Haaah…Hah-Ah ATCHUUUUHH! Hah-Tchuuh Hatchuhh Haashuuh Atchuuh Atshuuh Ahhh-Ah-ATCHUUUH! Hah…Hashuuh Hatshuuh Hah-Etschuuh HETSHUUHHH! Hah-Schuuh! Aah-Tchuuh! Haaah-Hatshuuh Hatchuuh HAATSHUUUH!”

Flutterby kept walking across the stage, spraying her sneezes left and right without the slightest attempt to restrain them or even wipe at the growing mess beneath her nose. She hurried to the edge of runway as fast as she dared, pausing periodically to scratch at her swelling eyes, and then hurried back. The audience calmed down slightly at her less comedic performance, but they soon began roaring with laughter again once Jackie made her entrance.

Jackie’s sneezes, on the other hand, were just as raucous as I’d expected them to be. I heard them loud and clear even though I was far in the back room, helping Flutterby out of her costume before she collapsed. Jackie’s attire for the evening was an overcoat and skirt fashioned out of feathers, which I have to admit got my nose tickling just from looking at it. Of course, since Jackie is actually allergic to feathers…

“HARAAASSCHUUUUH! Huhhh…Haaaah-HARTSCHUUUH! Haraschuuh Harschuuuh Harschuuh! Hah-Ahh-AAARRSCHHUUUH! Atchuuuhuh Ahh-Ah-Atshuuh Ah-Harrschuuuh Haraschuuuhh Ha-Ha-HARTSCHUUUUHH!”

Jackie didn’t even make it halfway down the runway before she began tearing feathers out of her costume to lighten the load on her nose. She’d already been suffering backstage for some time and had rubbed her itching red nose to a raw red. With each step she took brushing the feathers of her coat’s oversized collar up against her nose, it wasn’t long before she was fed up. However, she didn’t have the best understanding of the nature of her own outfit’s construction, and after one too many feather pulls the entire thing began falling apart. The instant she realized her wardrobe malfunction, she began retreating away from the stage as fast as she could, feathers trailing behind her.

As bad as Jackie got it, though, I think Patty was worse off. She’d been put into a long gown made of mint leaves. To most people that’d be no problem, but to someone with a nose as sensitive as hers she might as well have had a box of sneezing powder tied beneath her nose. And since she was going last, she’d already been sneezing herself silly before she even stepped foot on the stage.

“Hiiii-Hii-Hiitcheew Hiih-Tcheew-Tcheew-Itcheeeww! Hitcheewww! Heetchieew Hiii-Itcheeww Itcheww-Tcheew Itcheew! Hii-Tchiiew Iitchiieew Eh-Hitcheew Etcheew-Tcheew-Tcheew-Tcheew-HiitCHEEEW!”

Patty didn’t barely got a chance to breathe, much less open her eyes, in between sneezes, so she naturally couldn’t really see where she was going. The audience continued their laughing, which was reaching a deafening crescendo by now, as she wandered in semi-circles around the runway and unknowingly tangled her gown around her legs. When she finally stumbled she stepped on the tail of her gown and tore the bottom half of it clean off. The audience gave her a standing ovation as she collected it off the floor and held it in place as she ran backstage, humiliated. There she was met by the others, who had all changed back into their normal clothes and were rubbing at their still-itching, runny noses.

“Well, that was officially the worst thing that has ever happened to me.” I said, glaring at the pile where we’d thrown all our clothing.

“Hey, it could’ve been worse. We could’ve not been wearing anything underneath those stupid things.” At hearing Jackie’s remark, Patty went turned from an embarrassed pink to a shade of red I wasn’t aware humans were capable of, and quickly pushed past us into the changing rooms. That’s when our demon popped up, now adorned in a tuxedo.

“We’re a HIT! This has got to be the most successful show I’ve ever performed! Pride is going to be sooooo pleased with me, ahahaha! Heck, Greed might not even care that I double-dipped a little, this worked out so well. Don’t suppose there’s anything you girls would be willing to deal for an encore? No? Right then, wave goodbye to Rosaline everybody, because she is outta here!”

Rosaline stood and turned to all of us. “Before I go, I just want to tell you guys that I-“

That’s when that insufferable demon waved his hands and Rosaline vanished in a puff of bright green smoke.

“Whoops! Too slow! Sorry girls, but I’m on a bit of a schedule. Now that our contract’s up I’ve got to go keep another appointment. I trust you can all see yourselves out. Toodles!”

I think he could see that we were all ready to beat the living daylights out of him, because he disappeared in the same fashion as Rosaline right away. We all screamed in frustration together. This whole adventure was just one frustrating disappointment after another. Oh well. At least Rosaline got to go home…

[Blah!?]

The plot thickens...

You really do have a very interesting concept going here. Something tells me that Rosaline isn't really back home, but I suppose I'll just have to wait and see.

Perhaps I'll also update my series to part 4, just to steal part of the spotlight...

[TheCakeIsAlive]

Very nice update. I agree with Blah-San... Rosaline didn't actually get sent home did she?

Thanks for sharing.

[Pilgrim]

And by "tonight" I obviously meant: whenever! Here's that epilogue:

"Haah-Hatschuumph Hatsschmmph Atschhmph Atschh Atschhuumph!"

Rosaline had no idea what was happening. Suddenly she just started sneezing so hard and fast she couldn't even look around her. Fortunately, the demon had apparently come along with her and was more than happy to explain her situation.

"Wow, you guys are really dumb, huh? Oh, we'll just make a deal with this demon without any specifications or details! What could possibly go wrong?"

"Hetschuumph Heh-Hetchmmph Etshummph Etschuumph!"

"I mean I could understand not thinking to say "And don't shrink me down to six-inches high and teleport me back to the real world inside of a flower" but how did it seriously not occur to you to even be like "bring me back to the same place I left from" or "bring me back exactly like how I am" or even just "bring me back away from any kind of harm"? Have you just not read any stories with a Genie in it or what?"

"Ahhh-Ahh-Atshuumph Atchhmph Ahh-Atshhmmmph Aha-Tchuumph Atchmmph!"

Although every sneeze cleared some pollen out of her nose, every breath she took in between inhaled even more. Instead of gaining relief her nose became itchier, stuffier, and runnier with every one. She brought her hands up to her face in a desperate attempt to protect her airways, but there was no escape from the pollen. All she managed to do was generously spray her hands and reflect much of the mess back on to her face.

"Well, fortunately for you I do in fact have better plans for you than to just abandon you here. See my boss thinks it would be super cool if we turned you against your friends, y'know, screwed with their heads a little. So I'm going to make you a new deal. You come back to my world as a demon, and when your friends have stopped their ridiculous quest to overthrow the Sins, I'll bring you back to where you came from, just the way that you came from. Sound like a deal?"

Rosaline could barely breathe, let alone respond. The pollen was everywhere, getting in her nose with every gasp, getting in her eyes when they opened in between sneezes. Her face was so swollen and itchy, she felt like there was pollen underneath her very skin. She scratched and rubbed at her eyes and nose, spreading the growing mess beneath them in her mostly futile attempts to obtain relief.

"Hatshhuumph Hah-Tchmmph Tchummph Atchmmph Tchmmph Atshuumph!"

"Gonna take that as a yes. Oooooh, this is going to be so much fun! C'mon, Rosey, let's make some magic happen, ah ha ha ha ha ha!"

[Blah!?]

Ah, rocking a little discord, I see. Most excellent.

Make sure she names her giant rock "Tom."

[chalkdust]

I just wanted to say that I really like this whole storyline, especially the begining! Great job! Thanks!

[Pilgrim]

Psychomachia pt.5: Get Your Game On

Quick character descriptions can be found in my two posts here.

Throw Down A Facedown

So to recap: me and my friends were chosen to be the saviors of a parallel world and given mystical powers by a fairy queen. The world is being threatened by avatars of the Seven Sins, and so we are charged with becoming champions of the Four Virtues to stop them. We’ve already had a lot of adventures, and one of our number, Rosaline, has abandoned us. Now the fairy queen has gone to find a replacement for her, telling us to meet up with her at Varrigan City. On our way there, however, we ran into a demon ( a servant of one of the Sins) called a Troll who refuses to let us pass unless we beat him in a game. Ordinarily we might try to find another way bridge across the river blocking our path, but we didn’t want to leave our potential new ally stranded in that city. And apparently he has some kind of magic that prevents anyone from crossing his property unless they can defeat him in a game where they wager all their valuables! Fortunately, he picks a game I know how to play…

“Which really raises the question, why exactly do you know how to play this game again?” Jackie looked at Takeko incredulously as she rummaged through her backpack, looking for her deck of trading cards.

“You’ve never heard of it? It was really popular when we were in like, middle school. Well, among people who watched the show, anyways…”

“There was a show?”

“Yeah! They only aired the first two seasons in America though, you had to get the rest online. The cards kept getting released as they came out in Japan for a while longer, of course the last couple sets would have to be imported. Speaking of which, hey Troll guy, are we allowing multi-lingual cards or English only?”

The Troll shrugged. “I will be honest, I did not expect you to know this game and I sort of figured we were going to just have to do the riddle contest. So sure, whatever you want.”

“Okay, then we’ll do multi-lingual house rules with the standard format. 2011 Forbidden and Limited list, single round game.”

Jackie continued to stare at her friend. “You are a little bit of a nerd, aren’t you Takeko?”

“Is nerd the word for Spirit Champion in your world?” Flutterby asked, her eyes wide in admiration. “For that is what we call people in our world who have mastered the game of Spirit Conjurer.”

“Oh, heck, I’m no master. Intermediate level, at best.” Takeko blushed as she shuffled her cards. Jackie rolled her eyes.

Patty however, was exuberant. “I don’t know what this game is, but I know you can beat him! Kick his butt!”

Takeo grinned. “Thanks, I’m glad to have you cheering for me! Okay Troll, are you ready to play?”

“The name is Steve, actually. And yes, let’s do this. I have not been beaten in a game of Spirit Conjuring yet!” The Troll placed his deck into a convenient holster worn on his wrist and drew five cards from it. Taking a moment to look them over, he then held one up and shouted “I being by conjuring Spore Bomb, in Guard mode!” The card dissolved in his hand, and a fungus-like being the size of a dog with a giant dandelion growth on top appeared on the ground between him and Takeko.

“What in the name of Hades?!?” Takeko leapt back in surprise.

“Oh right, you don’t know about that. In our world, the cards actually come to life. Allow me to demonstrate: Next I play the Magic Spell, Growth Spurt! This allows me to conjure two additional copies of my Spirit from my deck, although they will be destroyed at the end of the turn.”

“What’s the point of that, then? You can’t use your Spirits to attack on the first turn!”

“That may be true, but whenever a Spore Bomb is destroyed for any reason, it deals 600 points of damage to my opponent’s Health!”

As the Troll spoke the new newly-conjured Spore Bombs exploded, and their dandelion-like spores flew at Takeko, sending her into a spasming fit of harsh, wet sneezes.

“Haktchh! Hakshh Hahh-Kshh Ktchhh Aktchh Akshh-Tschhh-Tschheww! Ahh-Ktchh Hahh-Atchh Aktchhh Ahatchhh!”

“Oh no, those spores must be toxic!” Patty stepped forward instinctively to help her friend, but Flutterby stood in her way.

“No, it is against the rules to approach a Champion during a game of Spirit Caller. If you try to help her in any way, she’ll lose by default!”

“D-don’t worry-Atchhh-about me-Tchhh, Patty! My health points may-Atchh Atshh Hatkshh-be down to 8800, but I still have full barrier gauge if I get in any trouble!”

“Okay, am I the only one here who doesn’t understand a word of what’s going on?” Jackie wondered aloud.

“My t-Tchhh-turn now! I’ll conjure the powerful Stormwind Hunter in Charge mode, and attack your remaining Spore Bomb!”

The half-bird, half-man charged forward and sliced the spore creature in half, causing it to explode as well.

“Very well; since it’s in Guard mode I’ll take no damage. But that’s another 600 points of damage for you!”

This time Takeko had her free hand clamped tightly over her mouth and nose so she wouldn’t breathe in the spores. “Maybe so,” she said in a muffled voice, “But since Stormwind Hunter destroyed a spirit in Charge mode, it will get to attack your health points next turn unless you protect them with a spirit!”

“Or unless I destroy your Hunter. Don’t think my deck is purely defensive just because I have Plant monsters. This world is the original home of the Spirit Conjurer game, so I have cards you’ve never even heard of! It’s my move. I conjure Thorn Crawler in Charge mode! This powerful spirit requires a point of my Energy Meter to attack, but for the level of power it has it’s well worth it. Go, destroy Stormwind Hunter!”

As the centipede-like plant monster charged towards Takeko’s spirit, she threw a card forward out of her hand.

“I counter with a Burst card straight from my hand, Feather Flurry! This will cause your attack to miss, and allow me to draw a card from my deck.”

A blizzard of snow-white feathers sprang from the card, enveloping the Hunter and allowing him to escape the clutches of the Troll’s monster. However, while the feathers were beneficial for the Knight, they were having an adverse effect on Jackie.

“Haaah-HARUUSSCHHH! HARRSCHUUUH! Haahh-Hah-Haaatschuuh Ah-Aaatchuuuh ARASCHUUH!”

“Jackie! Are you okay?”

“Yeah I’m just ah-ahhhh-SCHUUUUH! Aarrrshuuuh! Ahh-ARASSHUUUCH! I’m ah-allergic Ah-AAASCHHUUUH Ahhh-HARAASCHUUH…feathers...HASHUUUH!”

“Oh! I’m so sorry, I had no idea!”

“Don’t worry…HARRSCHUUH! K-keep going…”

“Erm, right. It’s my move. I conjure another Avian to my field, Stormwind Soldier! Then I play the magic spell Following Wind, which powers up all my avian spirits for this turn. Now my Soldier will destroy your Crawler, while Hunter attacks you directly, for a total of 3000 damage!”

“That means it’s time for my own Burst card, Energy Conversion! On a turn when my health points are attacked, I can gain one point of energy for every 600 points of damage! Hrngh…”

The Troll winced as Takeko’s powerful spirits assaulted him, but smiled menacingly as his turn came up nonetheless. “To begin my comeback, I conjure Wall of Thorns in Guard mode. Next, I play Scattering Seeds, which allows me to conjure a Seed Plant token for every point of Energy I’m willing to spend. They can’t do any damage, but next turn I can use them to conjure the same number of Plant monsters directly from my deck!”

“Those seeds are completely vulnerable on Takeko’s turn, though!” Flutterby smirked as five of them sprouted up from the ground. “She’ll be able to wipe them out with her own spirits!”

“Not with the effect of my other card, Alluring Scent, applied to my Wall of Thorns!” The Troll laughed. “This card will force your spirits to attack my Wall whenever they choose to attack. So my seeds are safe.”

“Hmph, we’ll see about that. I conjure…oh, um…” Takeko looked anxiously at Jackie, who was still sniffling back a steady stream from her nose and brushing feathers from her clothing. When she notice Takeko’s gaze she returned with a blank stare at first, then realized what was wrong.

“Oh! Um, go ahead, Takeko. Don’t hold back on my account!” She said between heavy “snurrrfs”.

“Al-alright. I conjure the combination spirit Living Polymerase! And I use its ability, Polymerization, to fuse itself and my Stormwind spirits together into the recombinant spirit: White-Winged Chief Stormwind! And that means its special ability is triggered as well: removing the effects of all your magic spells from the field!”

The arrival of Takeko’s new spirit on the field also summoned a whirlwind of white feathers, whipping up the fragrant spell attached to the Troll’s monster and scattering it away, along with many of the feathers of Takeko’s avian spirit.

“HAAATSCHUHUUUH! AAH-ATCHUUUH! HHAARAARRRSHHUUUH! Hehh Huhhh…” Jackie’s already running nose exploded further, and she stood with her hands held up halfway to her face, powerless to contain the force of her spraying sneezes. “Huuutschuuuh Huhh-HATSCHUUUH!! HATCHUUH HAAH-HATSCHUUUUH!”

“Heetchew Heetchew Heeh-Hetchieew! Hehh-Heh-Hee-ETCHEEW!” Meanwhile, Patty’s sensitive nose was reacting violently to the sudden sweet scent that had filled its nostrils. It twitched and shuddered beneath her knuckles as she tried to rub away the itch that had sprung up along with the powerful odor blown about by the wind. “Heeetchew Hetcheew Heh-Heh-Hehhh-Tchiieww Etchieew Etchhhew Ehh-Eh-TCHIIEEEW!”

“Sorry you guys! I didn’t have a choice!”

“It’s alright, just win this game! You can’t worry about your friends now, you have to focus! The game is almost yours!” Flutterby’s wings buzzed as she rapidly bobbed up and down in excitement.

“R-right. My next card will be Flock Together, which lets me conjure all the Avian spirits in my hand for one turn. So now Eagle Eye Gryphon, Stormwind Guardian, and Hyper Phoenix join my Chief for an all-out attack on your spirits! And because my Eagle Eye Gryphon is in Tactics mode, it will ensure you still take damage even when your spirits are in Guard mode!”

“Hmph. You still won’t get rid of them all. But I’ll reduce my Barrier Gauge by 50% to stop one of your attacks, and ensure that three of my seeds still survive!”

A forcefield of green energy formed around one of the seedlings, and Takeko’s spirit bounced harmlessly off it.

“I don’t understand…If he had just used the full gauge he could’ve protected himself from all attacks for the turn!” Flutterby muttered.

“True. However, if I had done that I wouldn’t be able to play my Burst card, Poison Pollen! This card deals 500 damage for every Plant monster I lose this turn due to an opponent’s actions, and ensures that you won’t be far from defeat!”

“Hakusheew! Haktcheew Aktcheew Ahaktcheew!” Takeo responded angrily.

“That’s right! Even with that play, she still has the lead in health points, 6600 to 3600!” Flutterby translated.

“For now. But now my three remaining seeds grow into three Dreadroots, which not only have incredible power on their own, but also can increase their power by draining nutrients from my destroyed plant monsters once per turn!”

Three leafless trees with wicked-looking faces sprouted from the ground, the cracks in their bark glowing a vile green.

“And right along with them, I play Magic Planter! This card will increase the power of all my Plant monsters by 300 times the number of Plant monsters I have on the field during my turn, putting my Dreadroots at a far more powerful level than your Stormwind spirit! And now they’ll wipe it out, putting me in perfect position to win this game on my next turn!”

“Not yet, I’m afraid. I activate the Burst card, Winds of Change! This switches all spirits on the field who are in Charge mode to Guard mode, and vice-versa! And since your turn is over, you won’t have a chance to change them back!”

“Bah, it’s of no consequence. Even if you destroy one or two of my Dreadroots, the remaining one will just grow in power next turn of those same spirits’ remains!”

“Ah, but you’re forgetting that with your low health points, you can’t withstand much more damage. And damage is what you’re going to be taking thanks to the power of my Eagle Eye Gryphon! Now, Chief Stormwind will take out your defenseless Dreadroot, along with you!”

“I think not! I negate your attack with the last of my Barrier Gauge!”

Once again the forcefield of green energy surrounded the Troll’s spirit. It cackled menacingly. “That was your last chance! Your gryphon isn’t powerful enough to take me down, and you don’t have any more attacks this turn! You’re finished!”

“Not so. Or did you not notice my Energy Meter is maxed out?”

“Wh-what? When did that happen?”

“While you were busy using up your energy to pay for your card effects, I was storing it up as my spirits built energy from their attacks. And last turn, my Hyper Phoenix gave me the last bit I needed to fill my meter, allowing me to now perform a Max Cancel!”

“But that means…if you cancel your attack before I block it…”

“Then my Chief Stormwind gets a second chance. And since your Barrier Gauge is at 0%, all the damage it deals is doubled. You lose, Troll!” Takeko shouted triumphantly. “Go, White Wing Chief Stormwind! White Gale Force!”

The half-bird warrior flapped its wings and summoned a humongous gust of wind, sending the Troll flying off into the distance.

Just wanna note that I felt like a total badass here. Okay, that’s all.

“Ohmygosh YAY you did it!” Patty ran forward and squeezed her friend tightly. “Do you have any idea how much I had to hold back from hugging you so many times during that fight cause Flutter said you’d get disqualified? You’re so amazing!”

“Gak…can’t breathe…”

“Haaah-HAAARASSCHHHUUUH! ATSCHUUUH ATCHUUH HAAAH-HARRTCHUUUH!” Jackie was having trouble breathing herself. The final attack had sent a copious amount of dust, feathers, and by extension dusty feathers, flying everywhere. Jackie was helplessly doubled over by the force of sneeze after sneeze.

"Oh, geez, Jackie, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean for that to happen..." Takeko shuffled nervously. Once Jackie was able to talk again though, her mouth broadened into a smile beneath her pink nose.

"Don't worry about it! You whipped that troll like an egg yolk in a souffle. You might have to teach me a thing or two about that game."

“Yes, Takeko, I think I could use a lesson from you as well.” Flutterby smiled.

And so we spent the remainder of our journey to Varrigan discussing the basics of the game of Spirit Caller. Little did we know that the challenges which lay before us were going to be less lighthearted…

[Anonymouse]

LOL Steve the troll. <3

Also mmm, spores. I love Takeko's sneezes.

This is so creative and exciting to read. And SO many allergens floating around. Spores, feathers, that smell, dust.

“Hakusheew! Haktcheew Aktcheew Ahaktcheew!” Takeo responded angrily.

“That’s right! Even with that play, she still has the lead in health points, 6600 to 3600!” Flutterby translated.

! That was cute.

[TheCakeIsAlive]

*snickers* Steve....

“Hakusheew! Haktcheew Aktcheew Ahaktcheew!” Takeo responded angrily.

“That’s right! Even with that play, she still has the lead in health points, 6600 to 3600!” Flutterby translated.

D'awww. Love that line.

[Blah!?]

Dude, this ROCKS! I reminds me a lot of your old Yu Gi Oh series, which was equally awesome.

I really hope Rosaline isn't really gone. xD I'm sure she's still around somewhere and somehow, but I guess I'll just have to wait and see. I also can't wait to meet her replacement. I have a feeling I know who it's going to be, but I can never really assume...