A ficcy snippet (M)

[doggo]

Ok, I'll try something new this time. I often write down scenes that could belong to a story, but never post them thinking that I need to write the whole story first... and then the snippets just end up buried on my computer in the "unifinshed fics and other crap" -folder. But this time I thought that, well, I'll give it a shot and see if someone likes to read this sort of thing. It's just a scene that's been on my mind lately, with bad sort of fever.

--

I had requested we made a fire but everyone else was firmly pitted against me – too dangerous, they said; we will be noticed, they said. He was lying under a blanket by the east wall of the run-down shed where we camped for the night, only a tuft of dark hair and the tip of his nose peeking out from under the covers. And he was coughing. It had became weary and drawn-out, the fits that used to sound so violent had collapsed into themselves, like he didn't try anymore, as they would come again anyway.

“We agreed on this when we left. To make a fire every night. It was my condition to leave.”

“Can't help it. Too dangerous,” Varga shrugged.

“Better just to put him out of his misery,” someone murmured. “I can't listen to it anymore. That cough, it's like banging death's door. It gives me the creeps.”

Whoever it was I wanted to swat them, yet felt too tired to take on another argument. Instead I only hissed with disgust, someone laughed tiredly, it was better to go to sleep anyway. I walked to Jaros and crouched down. He was shivering

“Do you want to drink?” I whispered.

“No... just cold.”

I frowned. “I know. I couldn't make the others agree about a fire. I think they are very frightened.”

He nodded slowly, a barely contained cough shaking his chest, but luckily deciding to settle down this time without escalating to one of those awful fits.

“You did good today again. Just a little longer.” A little? I felt like such a liar. “Look, it's not much but I'll come next to you to share some warmth,” I said. I took off my coat and spread it over the blanket to give his shoulders a bit more cover, and crawled under. Without a second thought he grabbed my arm and pulled himself tightly against me, feeding on the warmth of my body like a starved fox on a carrion. It made me a bit uneasy, I think he was half unconscious.

“Oh look at that...” someone mumbled. “Soon we have two corpses to bury. I wouldn't go near him even if...”

“Shut up,” Varga snarled. “Her choice. You sleep unless you want to go and keep watch.”

Another violent shudder ran through him. In the moonlight that crept in from a window high above I could see his pale brow glistening with sweat. There was nothing more I could do. At least he didn't cough now. I drifted back and forth on the edge of sleep, exhaustion and fear dominating in turns. Still two days march. Could he make through it? A sharp edge of his shoulder was pusnhing against mine. Another shudder shook a barely audible, hoarse whimper out of him. Please sleep.

[VoOs]

I'll tell you right away: I love little snippets like this. Knowing that one might never get to read the whole story somehow makes the reading experience more intense. It's like peeking through a keyhole, only catching glimpses of a much larger world on the other side. It's frustrating, intriguing and wonderful, all at the same time. The most powerful fuel for the imagination.

Your language, as always, makes me furiously happy:

Without a second thought he grabbed my arm and pulled himself tightly against me, feeding on the warmth of my body like a starved fox on a carrion.

...damn, woman. Thank you for posting this.

[Sitruuna]

OMNOMNOMNOMNOM... It's beautiful and I almost started to write in Finnish... Oh, but I don't have anything inteligent to say after getting my brains melted by the adorable, hot guy in this lovely snippet...

[doggo]

Thanks for commenting! I was actually really hesitant to post this so I'm happy to find out that at least a couple of people enjoyed reading it. I'll keep this in mind next time.

[Salamander]

Argh this is so lovely. It works just great as a snippet, it feels like the beginning of a novel but the fetishy stuff is already right there. You made this fan of the bad sort of fever a very happy lady!

[Skiffy]

It's like peeking through a keyhole, only catching glimpses of a much larger world on the other side. It's frustrating, intriguing and wonderful, all at the same time.

I completely agree. You write beautifully. I would love to see more snippits into these incomplete worlds.

[Vetinari]

Did I really not post in this when I read it before? How very odd. You'll have to whip me later.

Anyway, oh, I don't really know what to say except that this is utterly beautiful as ever. I can picture the scene perfectly. I'm so glad you posted it.

[RoyalFlush]

Ah...yes. You rock. I love this. I've read little things like this before in books... (I don't read often) and after reading it...I felt like I couldn't finish the book. Why bother...I got what I wanted...why read more than that. LOL...snippets. take out the leg work in reading. LOL

I love it...is what I'm trying to say. I should probably write more myself... But I'll just get embarrased about it later >.<(Cause I tend to suck lol...huh ')

Thank you very much for sharing!