Spring is evil

[DogLover]

As some of you may know, I have hayfever. Because of this, every year spring for me means endless sneezes, ridiculously itchy eyes and nose and drippiness. I probably go through like a box of tissues a day.

The thing is, this year in March (beginning of allergy season around here) my immune system suddenly decided not to overreact and attack the innocent pollen that was floating around. Well, yippee! I was cured! Or so I thought...

It turns out that spring is evil and was just trying to lull me into a false sense of security and then sneak up on me at the worst possible time. Like today. When I went hiking with my friends. And, foolishly believing I didn't need to, brought no antihistamines. Or even tissues. Worse (or better, depending on your perspective ) yet, it waited until we were an hour and a half into the hike, when I couldn't turn back, before launching its attack.

We'd taken a trail down a dry streambed at the bottom of a valley and were stopping to rest for a bit before climbing out of the valley. It was then, as we sat in the shade and shared snacks, that the dark, twisted season made its move.

It started as a tiny prickle at the back of my nose. Since I hadn't had any trouble at all with my hayfever this spring, I decided to ignore it. This was made difficult when the prickle, which was only hitting one small point in my nose, spread and intensified until it became an itch that took over the back of my left nostril. I swiped my hand under my nose, wishing it would go away, not daring to believe that my luck was that bad and that spring was incapable of mercy.

Unfortunately, it was. Rubbing furiously at my nose did no good, the itch spread with fiery determination to my right nostril and proceeded to drive me insane. I fiercely ignored it and repacked all the stuff I'd taken out into my backpack. The pressure built in my sinuses.

As the group started its trek up the trail, the sneeze escaped me. It built up slowly because of my furious attempts to squash it, not letting it out and forcing the buildup to continue. Spring was torturing me and thus fulfilling its evil, twisted desires.

"hehh...hehh! hh--huuhhh...hah?...hahh!...ahhh...hiihhh-hih'KTSCHH!" the sneeze was harsh, desperate and wet, the prolonged irritation having given my nose time to produce excessive amounts of clear mucus, the spray directed at my shoulder.

"Bless you," I heard a voice say behind me, and turned to find my boyfriend struggling not to smile.

"Thanks," I said grudgingly.

I should explain that my boyfriend knows about my fetish and has sneezed for me several times, so seeing me sneeze "for him" amuses him.

***

We continued up the trail. As we climbed I became acutely aware of each plant that we passed, spewing its pollen in the air and making my nose itch and run. Spring's evil minions.

"hih'KTSCH'shsh! huh...ahhh! hah'KTCH'shuuh! KTSCHH! ...hehh...hehh!...hiihh-KTCH'chshsh!" they burst out of me, harsh and uncontrollable, directed openly at the trail in front of me, which was beginning to climb upward steeply. I desperately wanted to wipe my nose, now running profusely, or at least have something to sneeze into.

I moaned as I felt the itchiness return after the momentary relief brought by the sneezes. I pinched my nose as my breath started to hitch.

"Here," said boyfriend, handing me a bandana. I rolled my eyes at this but accepted it with good grace. He always brings a zillion bandanas with him on hiking trips. He says you never know when they'll come in handy. I suppose he's right.

"heh...ahhh...hh'KKSHshuu!" I sneezed into the bandana. It was soft and comforting as I used it to wipe my still runny nose, but I worried that it wouldn't be enough.

I was right. Another spectacular fit followed less than a minute later.

"heh'KTSCH! hah'KSCHH!! ahhh...ah-KSCH'shuh! KSCH! KTSCHH! heh'KTCH'yew!" I clamped the bandana to my face with one hand, using the other to make sure I didn't overbalance on the steep slope. Gratefully, I leaned into my boyfriend as he caught me from behind.

"Whoa," he said softly into my ear. "Are you gonna live?"

"I'll manage," I said stoically.

An hour and thirty-one sneezes later I was beginning to have doubts about that. My boyfriend gave me another two bandanas.

Two hours and sixty-five sneezes later I not lay out no longer believed it. I was exhausted and ready to go home, exactly according to spring's evil plan. My boyfriend whispered lots of encouraging words in my ear. And gave me another bandana.

Three hours and one-hundred and eleven sneezes later, I was passing out in my boyfriends arms from the exhaustion of sneezing pretty much nonstop for the past half hour. He was passing out from the exhaustion of hauling me up the mountain for the past half hour. Fortunately that was when the hike ended. We passed out on the ride home. And now I'm here, popping antihistamines and going slightly paranoid with my theories about what spring's up to now.

Edited April 10, 2012 by obsessed

[mysterysneeze]

"Spring's evil minions". I'm sorry that your allergies got so bad...but WOW! This is a really detailed observation you wrote ^^. It's beautifully written and having that bad of luck...Spring got you good didn't it?

Glad that your boyfriend was there to help you through this attack. He must really care about you to haul you that far! (Good boyfriend you have there ). Thanks for sharing this!

[Pilgrim]

Days like this I wish more people hiked with video cameras Beautifully described, you need not ever worry about going into too much detail. I'd gladly read even more, particularly about how your nose was doing throughout all that 0.0 Thanks so much for posting!

Oh, and mad props to your bf. Preparedness is the best trait in a person once you get more than a mile outside civilization.

Edited April 10, 2012 by Pilgrim

[DogLover]

Hey, thanks guys. I'm glad someone enjoyed themselves

I response to your comments: my boyfriend is the best. Ever. Period. <3

Oh, and in response to Pilgrim in particular: added nasal descriptiveness

My nostrils escaped the worst of chapped-ness for a while thanks to the soft bandanas. However, it was still pretty red and sore by the time we were done. I would guess from the way it felt throughout the hike (as I didn't get a chance to look at it in the mirror) that it started out softly pink and damp.

By the time I wrote about in the "one hour later" paragraph, so two and a half hours into the hike, it felt more inflamed, probably bright pink and pretty runny. An hour after that it was sore and complained furiously whenever I touched it, which was often as it was constantly dripping. My eyes were starting to feel dry and puffy.

By the end of the hike it was bright red and felt dry, sore and chapped despite the constant stream of mucus flowing from it, caught in the much over-used bandana. My eyes were ridiculously itchy and my boyfriend kept telling me to stop rubbing them.

This morning I got up and felt like my eyelids were glued together. I spent a good five minutes trying to get rid of all the gunk. I also sneezed. A lot.

[count tiszula]

All those lovely details; quite wonderful! Tickles, spray, nasal loveliness....all you have to do now is learn to love the spring and embrace its tickly joys.

Oh, and tell us all about its next dastardly attack...

[sneezies]

Wow that was amazing and your boyfriend is so sweet. Great writing and descriptions! I really enjoyed reading them.

[sneezomania]

Indeed, a wonderful description of the joys of spring. Thanks a lot for posting and going so much into detail!

[March Hare]

That was a really excellent observation. The beautiful, well-written detail! I do hope you're not too miserable for too long. Summer okay for you?

[sneezefan]

Very nicely written and lots of details. Bless you...hope you will be feeling better soon.