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Winter Statistics (my first sneeze-fic ever!)


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Hey guys - this is my first sneeze-fic ever! I enjoy creative writing in general, but this is my first foray into anything resembling erotica. I hope it turned out okay...

Also, I don't actually have the sneeze fetish, I'm more of a fever-oriented person (so, naturally, I'm incapable of writing anything about that at all, let alone in a place where other people could read it yay.gif ) HOWEVER, I wanted to try my hand at the sneeze-fic genre, as a gesture of affection to all of you, who make this the wonderful community I feel so grateful to be a part of! I hope that I've gotten a solid enough sense of what you guys enjoy by now.

Sooo.... it would be great if you could let me know how I'm doing!

Ok here's a quick synopsis: Girl likes guy. Guy is Teacher's Assistant (TA) for girl's Statistics class in college. Guy has cold. Sneezing ensues. Hurt/comfort ensues. All original characters and setting. The rest I'll let you read, if this sounds at all interesting to you.

Here goes!:


I didn't go to the problem sessions for my Stats class because I needed help in Stats. I went because the T.A. was Derek Carmichael. Derek was one of those people who are devastatingly beautiful without seeming to know it - the kind of people who must have been overweight as children, or had a horrible speech impediment: that was the only logical explanation. He had piercing blue eyes, athletic shoulders, lips that curved like a girl's, and an elegant, aquiline nose that I thought made him look distinguished. Daphne Walker always showed up at the problem sessions in low-cut V-necks and high heels. She'd flip her highlighted hair behind her shoulder and offer him sticks of her cinnamon gum, but he never took them. I would never try anything that bold, even though my heart pounded like a jackhammer whenever he made eye contact with me, and when he said my name, my arms would prickle with goosebumps. Sometimes, when I was alone in my dorm room, I let myself pretend he was there, with his head in my lap, where I could tangle his dark, silky hair between my fingers.

On the night before the final exam, I showed up in the Science Center at 9pm on the dot. I knew that by that point, it would have made more sense to keep studying on my own than to go to the session, but I couldn't pass up one more opportunity to see Derek before winter break started.

I expected a full house that night, but the room was filled with empty desks. Maybe everyone else had also realized that they could maximize their studying time on their own. The only sound was the soft whispering of chalk against the blackboard. It was Derek, copying our study guide problems onto the chalkboard. A draft passed through from an open crack in one of the windows, and I couldn't tell if it was the cool breeze or the realization that Derek and I were alone in the room, that made me shiver.

The door slammed shut behind me, blown closed by the wind. Startled, Derek turned to look at me.

"Hey," I said shyly.

He gave me an odd, questioning expression, like he couldn't remember who I was or why I was there, and my heart started to race with panic. Then he raised his arm slightly and squeezed his eyes shut. His nostrils flared and quivered.

"He-tzch!" he stifled frantically into his shoulder.

"Bless you," I said. Thank God he just had to sneeze! I thought, relieved that he hadn't forgotten who I was.

"Thanks," he said quietly.

He turned back to the board and continued writing. I took a seat in the middle of the second row and carefully hung my bag on the back of my chair, removing my Stats notebook and a mechanical pencil. I watched Derek's back as he wrote, observing how his angular shoulder blades moved beneath his shirt. They seemed a little more hunched tonight than usual, though, as if he'd been carrying a heavy weight on his back. As I shrugged off my coat, I caught sight of his backpack on a desk in the corner, and next to it, a box of tissues. He must have a bad cold, I thought. Poor guy. He must have had to trek all the way up from his dorm in the cold to get here. And he must have his own finals to study for. I imagined him staggering up the walkway, pressing a tissue to his dripping nose.

Derek glanced up from the textbook he was copying from and looked around the room, as if realizing for the first time that it was nearly empty. He was wearing a small pair of glasses I had never seen before, and that made him look even more attractive than usual. But from my desk, I could see that he was exhausted. His skin looked pale in the wan, fluorescent light. Dark circles ringed his eyes, and faint creases had appeared near the corners of his lips. His nose was tinged with crimson. All in all, he looked miserable.

"Do you think anyone else is coming?" he asked dejectedly.

I shrugged. "Maybe not."

Usually Derek had an attitude that was strictly professional, like a professor in training. Even when someone's phone had gone off during a problem session once, and the ring tone was "Sexy Back," and everyone else burst out laughing, Derek hadn't even cracked a smile. All he'd said was, "Alright, guys. Just turn it off."

But tonight he didn't seem to have that stone-faced cool; there was something different about the way he spoke and carried himself. It was like the shell of his professionalism had cracked. That cold must be really unbearable, I thought.

He sighed. "I knew people weren't going to come for this," he said. "They never do right before finals."

I looked at him sympathetically. "Well I'm here," I said. "Thanks for coming out."

He smiled, and the warmth in his eyes made my heart melt. I thought I might dissolve into a puddle on the floor.

"No problem," he said. "So which question do you want to work on?"

"Uhh...." I flipped through my notebook frantically. "How about, um, number thirty-six? On the study guide?"

"He-TZCHAO" he sneezed explosively.

"Bless you!"

"Thanks. Ugh, sorry," he said, blushing faintly. "I just can't seem to shake this cold." He went to the corner where his backpack was and grabbed a tissue. He blew his nose, making a quiet honking sound.

"Don't worry about it," I said. "Really."

He finished wiping his nose, crumpled up the tissue, and stuffed it in his pocket. Then he went back to the board and picked up his copy of the study guide.

"Okay, you said number thirty-six?"


"Let's see. So it looks like you have to calculate the standard deviation of the car widths first." Regaining some of his former professional composure, he wrote a "w" on the board for "width." "Then we'll have to find the z-score and combine it with... Eh... ha... with.... heh.... ah... Ye-SHIEW!"

He sneezed desperately into his hands, bending double from the force of it.

"Gesundheit," I said. "Are you okay?"

He was standing at the board, slightly hunched over, looking at his hands. In one of them he still held the piece of chalk, which had been coated with spray.

"Yeah," he said weakly. "I'b fide." He sniffed and rubbed his nose against the top of his sleeve.

"Here," I said, standing up. "I'll grab a tissue for you."

"Oh, doe. Thad's dot decessary," he said, but I was already pulling a tissue from the box and putting it in his outstretched hand. Briefly, his fingers touched mine, and a tingle ran down my spine. I stood at the board next to him while he blew his nose. From here I could smell the fresh, sweet scent of his aftershave, and I felt like I would give anything to wrap him in my arms.

He gave his inflamed nostrils one last wipe and straightened up. He looked at me, and for a moment we both stood there in front of the board. It was like he was seeing me for the first time.

"Id's Laura," he said. "Right?"

A thrill passed through me, like a small gust of wind, hearing my name in his soft, baritone voice, congested as it was. Goosebumps rose along my forearms and the back of my neck. I nodded and glanced away, unable to reciprocate the intense gaze of his lake-blue eyes.

Suddenly, he turned sharply away. There were tears in the corners of his eyes, and his breath hitched, quivering, in his chest. His irritated nostrils twitched and flared. He leaned back, bringing his hands up toward his face.

"I'm... I'm going to... sn... s... ha..... heh... huh...hya-SHOO!"

As he sneezed, he lurched forward violently, launching his glasses from his face. They shot about ten feet away and skittered across the floor, finally landing underneath a desk.

He sighed deeply, and his whole body rose and fell like an ocean wave. He looked on the verge of collapse. I went to where his glasses had landed, crawled under the desk, and picked them up.

"Don't worry," I said, standing up. "They're a little scratched but not broken." I brushed the dust from my hands and wiped the lenses of his glasses on the hem of my shirt before I passed them back to him. He took them silently and put them back on, then wiped his scarlet-tinted nose across his sleeve. Another draft passed through the room, and I caught him shiver. I watched him with concern.

"Let me close this window," I said. I went to it and placed my hands on the edge, using all of my weight to press it down into the sill. Derek slumped onto a desk at the front of the room. The circles under his eyes looked even deeper than before. He picked up the study guide and held it in front of his face, staring blankly.

"Are you sure you're okay?" I asked again.

He sniffed hard and let his hand fall into his lap along with the study guide. He looked me straight in the eye. "Laura," he said. "I feel biserable. Is it okay if I go hobe?"

A tenderness welled up inside me like wine filling a glass. He looked so small and sad sitting on the desk like that. Still beautiful, but so different from how he usually was.

"Of course," I said.

"Thags," he said sniffling. "I really abbreciated it." He smiled, and the warm expression he'd had on before was back in his eyes, making me blush.

He started gathering his things together, stacking textbooks one on top of the other and piling them with papers.

"Do you need me to go back with you?" I asked. I glanced away quickly. "You know. To help carry your stuff?"

He smiled again and shook his head, hugging his books and papers close to his chest. "I thig I god i... ah... hah - HE-CHUH." He sneezed uncontrollably, blowing spray and papers everywhere. The papers glided down through the air and landed around our feet. We both looked at them on the floor.

"Bless you," I said finally. And then, because I couldn't control myself, and because the giddiness of being alone inside a closed room with Derek Carmichael was finally going to my head - I started laughing.

He looked at me like I was crazy, and that only made it worse. "Whad?" he said, eyes watering. "Is this fuddy to you? Ab I so pathedic thad you deed to ridicule be?" But he was smiling too.

"I'm sorry," I said, trying to catch my breath. "I'm really sorry."

"Doe worries," he said. "I doe I soud ridiculous. Ad I look disgusdig."

"You'll never look disgusting."

I had said it automatically, without thinking. We exchanged a look of surprise. Then I dropped to the floor and started sweeping his papers together in my arms, clenching my eyes shut. Why did I have to say that? Why?

I clutched his papers and started to stand up. Derek reached down and took my hand. I looked up at him in awe. He pulled me to my feet with more strength than he looked like he had. And he smiled at me.

"Laura," he said. "Could you actually carry these books bag with be? It would be a huge help." He had a sort of sparkle in his eyes.

"Sure," I said, not quite believing what I was hearing. Was this a dream?

He picked up his backpack and placed the box of tissues inside. He held the backpack open while I fit his papers in, nestling them between his notebooks. Then he zipped it up and hefted it over his drooping shoulders. I put my notebook back in my own bag, put my coat on, and picked up Derek's textbooks to carry them out with me. In the doorway, I switched off the lights.

"Hatchoo!!" he sneezed desperately into the crook of his coat arm, swaying slightly into the door frame.

"Bless you," I said. I tentatively wrapped my arm around his shoulder to steady him.

"Thags," Derek said sniffling. He put his arm around my waist, and I smiled uncontrollably.

I closed the door behind us, and we walked out of the Science Center, into the frigid air of winter.

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Awwwww!!! This is really good! You should definitely continue.

BYE! :bleh:

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Sweet mother of yes. heart.gif

ETA: I just watched Buffy S4 and I kept picturing him as TA!Riley. Happy times!

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Two things of on my "Top Ten" list.... hehehe... teacher-type males, and glasses. *grins*

Plus... I loved how it had a very natural feel to it. Those are my *fav* sf-fics.

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Oooh, lovely! Thanks for posting, this is adorable! I do hope there's more!

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Oh my goodness, this is so adorable! I love your descriptions, and the way you write sneezes. I hope you continue this one, but if not, I hope you post more of your stories here!

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  • 3 weeks later...

My god this is really good!!! I love it and you have a very clean style of writing, easy to understand and gets the point across finely. I must praise you on your work~ <3333

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Thanks so much, everyone!! I'm so happy to hear that you liked it :D This has been a very encouraging experience wub.png

[And if ever you guys feel inspired to write fever-related fics, I say go for it! lolol]

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oh gosh! that was great!! and i can really relate with her. Ive been in similar situations. haha

this is so amazing and un to read!! i hope you can update soon!!

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  • 3 weeks later...

I was hoping that this was going to be one of stories that I find and love. Then I scroll down to find annother chapter. And I die of happiness.

...It wasn't.

I'm sad.

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