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Leo´s bad cold


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hello everyone here is a fanfic from zinke in ecstasy. unfortunately she is not able to post stories by herself. so i´m doing it for her. all the credits go to her of course! enjoy ;)

Part 1

As I walk over to the railings of the set of the ship I feel a hand touch my arm.

“Oh hey Leo,” I say to my co star. Boy he looks rough. Really rough. His face is as pale as a zombie, his nose is raw red and there are dark rings around his lovely eyes.

“Hey Kade,” he says all bunged up.

“Gosh Leo are you sure you’re up to filming today. You sound rotten. Really rotten.”

“Oh cub on Kade I’b sure dat de bakeup artists cad fix be up.”

“I didn’t understand half of what you said Leo,” I say.

“Oh sorry..sorry-e-eh uh ah aah astshichoo!” he sneezes wetly into his arm.

“Oh gosh by outfit.”

“You’re sick,” I tell him.

“I know hun,” he says.

“I’ll tell Jim that you need a little time out and you can stay in your trailer and get better.”

“Hey ared’t you godda durse be Kade?” he asks cheekily.

“Maybe you big softy,” I say and blow him a kiss. He pretends to search it with his eyes and then get hit by it making him reel back. I smile. Boy do I love Leo.

Part 2

It’s lunchtime thank goodness. Chips just hit the spot I think. With Salt and vinegar and oodles of tomato ketchup. I bite into a hot fried potato and smile. It could do with some battered cod though but I’m British fish and chips is our staple diet. Jim walks over to me and sits down with his ever so healthy pasta salad.

“Seen Mr Dicaprio by any chance?” he asks me.

“Went to his trailer. Looks like crap.”

“Well we’re filming in 10 minutes. I’ll get his PA to call him.”

“No don’t he looks like he needs some rest.”

“Oh come on Kate it’s just a cold not the black plague. Ahh, your makeup is smudgy we’ll have to retouch it before filming. And you have ketchup on your nose.”

I giggle and wipe it away. I look up at Jim. He looks a little stressed.

“I sure hope we don’t go over budget Kate,” he runs his hands through his hair, “heck we’re probably not even gonna make it to 50,000 bucks. Titanic will be known as the biggest flop in history. It’ll sink like the actual Titanic.” Poor Jim. He looks really stressed.

“Don’t read what the critics say Jim it’s not good for you.” I touch his hand affectionately. He smiles at me. I eat another chip and get out the script to refresh my memory.

Turned out poor Leo had to drag his corpse in to film even though he looks like the living dead. He is sniffling constantly and shivering and no amount of makeup can hide that eerily pale with the panda like dark rings. I unbutton the top of my Edwardian dress slightly revealing some cleavage for Leo.

“Hey Kade,” he says, “nice cleavage. Atshhio!”

“Oh poor Leo,” I soothe, ruffling his hair with my fingers.

“Hey don’t be my mom,” he whines.

“You really do look terrible Leo,” I say.

“I know I know but hey I’m an actor I can act if I couldn’t I wouldn’t be an… an acteh…an actehh ehh heh ah itchsleugh!” A spray of warm droplets lands directly on my breasts.

“Oh Kate oh Kate I am so sorry,” Leo grabs handfuls and handfuls of tissues and dabs furiously at my cleavage.

“It’s okay Leo,” I say, aware that everyone on set can see Leonardo Dicaprio wipe sneeze off my boobs.

I know that I have had a crush ever since I was a little girl and admired him. And when I saw him in Romeo and Juliet that was the desiding point I loved him full stop. And I would give anything for him to mop my breasts but now it’s just embaressing. With tissues in hand I see his nostrils flare the beginning look of a sneeze building in his face. His nose twitches he tries furiously rubbing at it with his hand but no use it’s coming. He uses one of the tissues now and sneezes desperately and wetly into it. And again. And again. This is accompanied by a lot of gesundheits from the cast and crew hanging around.

to be continued...^^

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here is the next part :) enjoy!

Part 3

I suppose that Leo brings out the maternal instinct in me. I can picture cavewomen doing this to their husbands thousands of years back. Leo’s PA has apparently fallen ill with whatever Leo has and has called in ill. Wow Sandra way to take out the personal from personal assistant. Jim suggested getting a new PA but I said I’d nurse Leo. I feel so sorry for him. Tonight we’re shooting the running through the ship scene where Billy has to shoot at us. Well his character does. All that cold water won’t make Leo’s snuffly nose any better. In fact he may get worse. I just hope that me and Jim don’t come down with whatever Leo’s got. Well I hope Jim doesn’t fall ill cause I won’t. I’m covered. I have Zinc, Echinacea and Vit C on my side. I knock his caravan door.

“Cubbidd,” comes a zombie like voice from within. Oh gosh, his blocked nose is back. I brace myself for what I am about to see. I open the door. And it’s like a scene from a horror movie. I almost scream. Tissues (very snotty) litter the floor and several nettipots are left steaming, strewn about. I feel like gagging. There are no windows open so the nettipots are making it like a sauna. Goodness knows how many pathogens are circling the area and re-infecting Leo. And then he emerges. The creature from the lagoon. Then I really do scream. He looks hideous. I don’t even recognise him. I think it’s a joke.

“Oh come on Sandra. Nice makeup and stop impersonating your client.” Then it talks.

“UHHHHAahhhhgreahhhhhhh,” it says. I scream again and pass out.

All I remember is straggly wet hair plastered to a chalky white forehead. Groans emitting from chapped, barely visible lips. And a raw red nose, leaking pale green slime like a bloody waterfall. Not that it was bloody thank goodness. I see blackness and hear a throaty grating wet cough. And a few sneezes. I groan and I see I’m on the floor. I hear a long wet sniff. I open my eyes and see the twisted form of my dream boat leaning over me. Twisted form is harsh. He is still my gorgeous little Leo. Then I realise I’m on the floor lying on all his snotty tissues. I squeal and leap up.

“Yuck,” I say, pulling a disgusting greenish gloopy tissue off my arm. I’m so glad I have Zinc on my side.

“Sorry, I was gudda put ya on da bed but Ib dot dat stro’g.” He is having trouble speaking. I shush him by putting a finger to his chapped lips. He has put the kettle on.

“I’ll do it Leo. Go back to bed.”

“Thangs Kade,” he says gratefully, grinning in his chapped lips.

“Oh Leo you look like total crap,” I soothe.

“I do right. S’more dan a cold innit.”

“Sure is. I think it’s flu Leo.”

“Uhhh,” he groans.

“Cuppa soup?”



“Uhuhh.” He curls on the bed in his jammies, sniffling away. He looks so much like a child, curled up and miserable. Oh I love him so much for being so brave. And then the hot flushes kick in. He goes red and starts sweating even more and panting. He groans and lies there. Too weak to do anything.

“No…food…thangs…Kade,” he mumbles. I switch the kettle off. Instead I go and fetch some peas from the freezer. I apply it to his forehead and he sighs in pleasure. I can see he is just drifting off to sleep but then the chills kick in. He pushes the peas away from his forehead with the little strength he has left, groaning. I brush his forehead with my hand, affectionately. Then I draw it away in disgust. He is freezing cold. His nose looks even more red.

“Astrhuiew,” he sneezes. I have to get him warmer. I put him under the covers. He is shivering so violently. He sneezes wetly.

“Ashiier.” Oh no. His nose is leaking even more. I pick a clean tissue and blow his nose. He slowly drifts in an out of consciousness. Jim comes in grimaces and says Dicaprio can have the week in bed. To avoid contagion. For the rest of the evening I am by his side, faithfully. He gets weaker and weaker. At some points I wonder whether he is going to die. He lies so still there than I have to take his pulse just to see if he is alive. I know its neurotic but I still have to check. Think motherly cave woman in cave. Her husband barely alive. Sick and weak. In ancient times they didn’t know what cause sickness. The next day is even worse. I made Leo inhale steam in his nettipot but he goes to sleep and sleeps for the rest of the day. The day after he sleeps constantly, only getting up to go to the loo and gets dangerously hot. I panick. The day after that he nearly sneezes his guts out. He is really hungry.

“Soup please Kate,” honestly at his death bed and still so polite. His head throws back.

“Aii…AIII AUUU….ARCHUUU!” Snot flies everywhere.

“Tshhu…ehhsuuu…kchuu.” The last sneeze was so cute I nearly died.

“Ka—a-ay-Kaaiiicuu! Stupid sneezing. Kate can I have a …a…” He pauses mid sneeze. A look of irritation passes his face. Struggle. A tickle. He rubs his nose. He’s trying to force the itch out. But it won’t budge. Then he throws his head back and lets out an almighty “ACHHLUSHUUUUUU!! Oh fuck it Kate can I have some fucking soup?” Aww. He looks so cute post sneeze. Hair fluffy and bedraggled nose pink and sniffly. He’s starting to look less like the zombie creature from a lagoon and more like the cute little adorable Leo that I fell in love with. I poured boiling water into a satchet of chicken sented powder. I feed him because he’s still too weak to even lift a spoon. Or so he says. Afterwards he goes hot and buries under the covers. He drifts in and out of conciousness, groaning and moaning. He looks up at me.

“An angel,” he murmers and passes out again.

more to come!^^

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her is an update from zinke^^ enjoy!

part 4

I’m not angry at Sandra for coming in now. I see that she has probably got a fluey thing that Leo has. Leo is feeling a little better now. He is in a sneezing and sleeping stage but at least the flushes and chills have gone. I wonder if Rose would ever nurse Jack like this. She says in the script that her hands were meant to be put for good use or something. Surely nursing a sick Jack would be something. I’m scared of revealing any boobage now in fear of them being drenched by nose spray. I told Jim that Leo would be fit to go back tomorrow. The cast is missing him. Jim is very stressed at this sudden illness and insists that everyone films the bits without Jack and Rose. My thoughts are interrupted by a sudden sneeze. I turn around and sigh at my cute little guy. Mmmm post sneeze DiCaprio hair. Enough to make a grown girl go weak at the knees.

“Hello Mr Fluffy head,” I say to him. He sniffles and his face is filled with pre sneeze agitation.

“Who are callin’ Mr Fluffy head, ginger?” he cheekily retaliates and then sneezes cutely and runs a finger under his pink nose. I hated dying my hair ginger when doing this film but Jim insisted that Rose was a redhead.

“You’re hair is really fluffy. After you sneeze your hair flies about and gets in your eyes. It’s very long,” I tell him.

“Jack never cut his hair,” says Leo. Whatever Mr DiCaprio.

The next day Leo is ready for shooting. He feels a little weak but can manage alright. We shoot the scene where Billy shoots at us. And some in water shots. Afterwards I hear a peculiar noise. It’s very deep and groaning. It rises and feels more desperate. It quavers a little and I think I can hear some breaths and then I hear a very loud shouting wet noise. I whip round and see that Jim has just sneezed!

“ARRIICHUUUUU!!!” he sneezes very powerfully. “ARCHUUIIIY! ARCHUUUU!” Two more times. Oh great looks like its Leo all over again.

more to come...

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  • 2 months later...

zinke in ecstasy wants to start a competition. She wants that somebody carry on the story of James being sick and either Kate or Leo nursing him and it can be from james´or Kate´s or Leo´s perspective. The prize is a fanfic no matter how many pages long based on any kind of TV show or chracters written by her. Are you up to this competition? If yes start writing here! thanky you!

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  • 2 months later...


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