I feel i should tell my parents about my fetish! need advice!

[42686]

so, obviously, i have a sneezing fetish. most of my friends know and they all think im weird cuz i drool over sick guys and i know my mom suspects something but i think she thinks im doing other things on the internet intsead of coming on here lol. i really think i need to tell my mom because im horrible at keeping my own secrets from my parents......but heres where it gets good.....i cant stand the sound of adults (besides hot guys of course) blowing there nose, coughing sniffling, sneezing or any of that, which my mom knows. i think that if i tell her about my fetish, shell think that im faking one of them. please i need advice!!!

[Jorm]

Well, do you want to tell her? Personally I don't see ay reason why your mom needs to know about your fetish. It's kind of none of her business. If you don't think she'll take it well, or will handle the information in ways that make you uncomfortable or unhappy then I would keep it to yourself. In the end I think there are generally more reasons not to tell parents about fetishes then there are reasons to tell them, but it's all down to the individual. If it's something you want your mom to know, go for it.

Interestingly, for having largely argued against telling your mom there, I did actually tell my dad about my fetish when I was 17 or 18 and aside from a couple of awkward conversations it's never been a problem having him know, so I definitely don't think it's wrong or bad to tell your parents, I just don't think it's necessary.

People's openness about this fetish varies immensely throughout the community. I know some people tell just about everyone they get to know about their having a sneeze fetish while other people never tell a single soul. From what I can tell neither way is particularly better than the other, so again, I really think it's all down to what you're comfortable with.

[Candy]

Personally, I have not told my parents. I love them and I'm very open with them about most things (including sexual health problems that I had in the past) but I do not feel that my fetish, or anything else related to my sexual likes and dislikes, is any of their business. I feel that it is between me and C. I have told a friend that we used to do sexual roleplays with, as well as an especially good counselor I was talking to for a while, but that's it.

On the flip side, if you really want to tell your mother, you certainly can. All I would argue is that you shouldn't feel obligated to do so...tell her if that's what you want.

[JenJen]

I've never felt like it was my family's business to know what my fetishes were. I don't think my parents need to be privy to what arouses their daughter. That just...uck. It squicks me something awful.

Imagine if the tables were turned. Would you want your mom coming out to you about a fetish of hers? Could you scrub that information out of your brain fast enough?? My god, that knowledge would haunt me forever. I say do your folks a kindness and keep it under wraps.

[Pearlised]

It truley is up to what you feel would be best. No-one else can gauge how they'll react and you know them best!

I have told my mother about the fetish. And it's been fine, we never talked of it again.

To be honest, it seems your mum already knows something's up so you wouldnt lose a lot by telling her, but you be the judge

[EmeraldThread]

I definitely see where you're coming from. I've debated over telling my mum for a while, but I always come to the conclusion that she doesn't really need to know about my fetishes. I feel weird sometimes because of it, like if I'm watching something and a character sneezes, I try to look normal so she doesn't find out. But that's just me.

You should do whatever will make you most comfortable. It could go either way. If she suspects something and you want to just get it out of the way and give an explanation, you could tell her. But on the other hand, it's not something she probably needs to know. In the end, you know what your relationship with your mother is like and that might help you in considering how she would react to finding this out.

[tma]

As a mum- I would feel divided if one of my kidlets "came out" to me about a fetish (I think that I still have a bit thankfully). I'd feel honoured that they trusted me enough to tell me and that they felt like I wouldn't judge them. However, truth be told... I'd rather not know. I can know the general without the specific. If that makes sense.

As a daughter... omg- there is NO Way on god's green earth that I would Ever, Ever, Ever tell my mum. Besides me feeling like there is no way that it is her business- she's pretty conservative and there is just no conceivable way in my mind that me telling her would result in anything good. Resulting in disaster.... that might be a possibility.

However, like Ouro, Pearl, and Elements have said; it depends on the individual relationship. Different people have had different experiences and this has helped some people because of who they are and their specific relationship with their parent(s). Maybe do a pro/con list or write her a note but not send it and ponder whether you really feel like you need to. Also, maybe think of what you might be hoping for if you tell her.

I don't know... I wish you all the best with this.

[Salamander]

Mmm, I come down strongly on the "don't tell" side. Take my advice with a pinch of Salamander salt, but my thoughts are I don't see what would be a good reason for doing it.

WHY do you want to tell her?

-"I feel I should" is not the same as "I want to"

-as I've said before, I'm sure you know, but the fetish is not bad or wrong, just unusual. A lot of people do very unusual things in bed, but that doesn't mean they are obligated to tell their parents or anyone else but the person they're sleeping with. It isn't hurting anybody or yourself, you don't need help, it shouldn't be a trauma or a burden to bear.

-the fetish IS sexual (for most people, or if you use the word fetish your mum will likely take it as sexual)- do you feel your parents need to know the details of your sex life. Bear in mind that if you are not sexually active yet, you probably will be one day, and your mum will STILL know.

-Is it because you feel you're hiding something? Again, I don't like to play the "you're young and inexperienced" card, but I'm going anyway. As you get older you will be hiding a lot of things from your parents. Not bad things, just information that is yours as an adult that they don't need to know. You may not want to tell your mum when you become sexually active, and if you do tell her you most likely won't want to tell her every detail of what you do it bed (trust me, she won't want to hear it!) You are going to start having a life outside of your parent's knowledge as you come into your own as an adult. Your fetish may well be part of this life. You are 14, you're growing up. You don't have to tell your parents every single thing.

-You are not "lying to your parents." Keeping personal information to yourself is not lying. I bet you don't tell your parents every time you masturbate or whatever, and don't feel like your lying. The fetish is unusual, and not assumed, but it's the same deal.

-Would you want to know what your parents are into? What they do in bed?

-When you tell her you can NEVER take it back. EVER. What about when you bring boyfriends or girlfriends home and they are sick or sneeze. What about when YOU get sick?

-The way you relate to the fetish will change and grow with you. What seems like a harmless disclosure now may be something you regret as an adult. If you decide to tell her, there will be plenty of time. There's no rush. You get to figure out the role the fetish has in your life and how important it is to your identity or otherwise, and you can always tell her later on.

What kind of reaction do you WANT?

I just don't see how the benefits (being open, no longer feeling like your are keeping a secret) outweigh the potential negatives.

Edited May 25, 2012 by Salamander

[nolongeractive]

If I were a parent, I would rather not know that about my kid. The only reason my sister and I really discuss it is because we're so close and have the same fetish, so it's interesting as twins to compare. But I would never tell my parents, I don't really think it's their business and I feel like they wouldn't benefit from knowing at all - in fact they would probably feel strange about it. But you know yourself better than anyone. In the end it is your choice about what you should do.

[everest]

I know that I personally don't want to tell my parents, for pretty much all of the reasons mentioned above. I see this fetish as something that is extremely personal, and I'm not planning to tell anybody, not even my closest friends, about it anytime soon. However, it's clear that you are a lot more open about it than I am, and that's totally fine. Like everyone else said, if you actually want to, then go for it.

I do also have something else to add: maybe you could sort of find a happy median. It's true that your mom may not want to know this sort of information about you. But if she asks you about it, she's showing you that she does want you to tell her, so maybe you could just resolve to tell the truth if anything like that ever happens.

[NoV]

I suppose it depends on the type of person you are. Some people feel the need to share every aspect of their lives with family and friends, and find that through sharing it actually enriches the experience. However, I have always been a fairly private person, who likes to keep things like fetishes and the like to myself - something just for me to know about

I would just ask yourself whether telling your parents would enrich your enjoyment of what is, at the end of it, a rather harmless fetish as they go.

[Dye]

I, personally, have told my mum and my dad. Even my sister. I'm very open with them, and they're fine with it. They joke about it sometimes, often at my expense, but we always make fun of each other, and I know that they mean no harm by it. The comments are never malcious, though.

But, as others have said, tell them if you want to, it depends on what you think her reaction will be.

[count tiszula]

Don't do it! Everything Sal says is right. And, to paraphrase Judge Judy, in five years' time you will probably not even remember the names of your friends you have unwisely told, and so you will have been able to distance yourself from the persecution you have got from them during your schooldays. But your family you are stuck with for ever. They will still be making the same taunts [as Daisoku describes] in ten or twenty years.

Imagine your 18th birthday; for the first time ever you are allowed to masturbate while inducing your head off; will you really want to tell your mother how you are going to spend the day? Worse still, will you want her to raise the topic with you first because she knows precisely what you're going to do? And if at present you still think this will be all right, just think about it, and the views of those who are in a later stage of sexuality.

And this is assumong your family respond well. What if they forbid you to sneeze altogether, or to visit this site? What if they send you to a therapist to get "cured"?

[smooshi]

It is all about your level of being ready to tell her. My parents don't know, but I had some moments in my life I wasn't to carefull.

Still, it is more akward than telling your mother you got, for example, a menstruation for the first time (which can be very tricky) because, all healthy woman should get it before or after, and such fetishes aren't that common.

If you really think you should tell them,you should be carefull. Explain that your fetish doesn't make you much different from other people of your age, also explain you lived with it for quite a sometime and the fact you told them doesn't change anything about that. You should tell them you told them about it because you trust them, which will make them happy.

[Salamander]

Explain that your fetish doesn't make you much different from other people of your age, also explain you lived with it for quite a sometime and the fact you told them doesn't change anything about that.

Exactly why telling makes me feel squicky. More power to the people who told, but the idea makes me shudder. To me, it would be like going to my parents- "hey mum and dad, guess what porn I like to watch? I just LOVE xyz 18-rated things, they turn me on so much! How was your day?"

I just don't see *why* your parents need to know. If people who have told can explain to me, I'm genuinely interested in the reasons behind it.

[Vetinari]

Explain that your fetish doesn't make you much different from other people of your age, also explain you lived with it for quite a sometime and the fact you told them doesn't change anything about that.

Exactly why telling makes me feel squicky. More power to the people who told, but the idea makes me shudder. To me, it would be like going to my parents- "hey mum and dad, guess what porn I like to watch? I just LOVE xyz 18-rated things, they turn me on so much! How was your day?"

I just don't see *why* your parents need to know. If people who have told can explain to me, I'm genuinely interested in the reasons behind it.

You know, while I have no desire whatsoever to tell my parents, and nor do I have any great desire to know what my children are into (though I certainly wouldn't make a big deal of it whatever any of them told me) I would love to have one of those families one or two people on here have described (TYS being an obvious example), where sexuality is no big deal and everything is acceptable. There are so many of us here who are petrified of the whole telling/finding out thing, even sometimes with boy or girlfriends and I am aware that the lack of openness (from both sides) was a major stumbling block in the early part of my marriage. Wouldn't it be much easier just to be relaxed about the whole thing and for it to be no big deal?

And to answer the original question, Glue09, whilst I said above I have no great desire to know, I would be really quite pleased if my children felt close enough and trusted me enough to want to discuss that stuff, even if whatever they discussed was unexpected, especially if it was something they were worried about for some reason. It does depend on your parents though, how open minded you think they are in general. Unless your parents are generally very respectful of you and willing to accept the unusual, it could be a negative experience.

[Salamander]

And to answer the original question, Glue09, whilst I said above I have no great desire to know, I would be really quite pleased if my children felt close enough and trusted me enough to want to discuss that stuff, even if whatever they discussed was unexpected, especially if it was something they were worried about for some reason. It does depend on your parents though, how open minded you think they are in general. Unless your parents are generally very respectful of you and willing to accept the unusual, it could be a negative experience.

You know, I'd never really thought about it like that. Thanks for weighing in, Vet.

I have, however, told my partner and quite a few of my friends, so it isn't like I'm harbouring this as complete secret. It's just that of the friends I have told, a few of them had fetishes themselves, and the others were friends with whom I discussed other sexual topics in depth. Friends I swap sexual tips and concerns with. I guess because I don't come to my parents for advice about, say, anal sex, it wouldn't occur to me to talk about the fetish with them either, but maybe if I was in the kind of family where those topics were on the table then I'd feel differently. That said, the modus operandi in my family is teasing and heavy sarcasm, which I enjoy and can dish right back out, but I think teasing on this topic would just cut me too deep.

Now it's making me question what kind of parent I want to be. I'd want my kids to feel they could tell me anything, but I still would NOT want to know their fetishes. Lucky I have a few years to figure this out first. Hmm...