realisation.

[retrofan191]

I had a girlfriend who found out about the fetish. She... Didn't take it well. She was REALLY creeped out and also felt the need to tell me how she cried over it. Well, not too much later she broke up with me. She didn't say it was a reason but I couldn't help but think it had somthing to do with it. Or at the very least, it didn't help. I was really depressed for a while. I felt like I needed to try to make myself more "normal" if I was gonna have a decent chance at a healthy relationship. I tried so hard to supress this "abnormal" part of my sexuality. Eventually I came to the conclusion though that it could actually work to my benifit. An open minded mentality, I came to realise, is probably one of the most important things I want in a partner. If a person doesn't have this, chances are we arnt on a similar enough conceptual wavelength to be compatible long-term. The reaction of the fetish can actually be used as a way to filter compatibilty. That may sound a bit extreme. But I've come to realise that this type of mentality is really that important to me.

[EmeraldThread]

I don't think that sounds extreme. I think it sounds perfectly reasonable to want someone you're trying to be so close with to understand this part of you. If you have to tailor yourself to meet someone else's desires to a level you're not comfortable with, then they're probably not right for you. I don't have a ton of experience in the romantic field, and I realize that sometimes you have to meet in the middle, but there are limits. If an open minded person is important to you and the fetish is a big part of your life, then this isn't a bad way to go about finding that person, I don't think. If it works in a way that's beneficial to you, then why not?

[Sawdust]

That is very mature of you to realize what you truly want. If the person cannot except who you really are, is it a relationship worth staying in?

[Blah!?]

I totally agree, man. If I do ever end up having a girlfriend, I will want to tell her about this fetish stuff eventually, once we're comfortable together. She doesn't have to be willing to indulge me at my every whim or anything extreme like that, but she has to be accepting of it, just as I should be accepting of any kinks she might have.

I have to say I've never felt a need to make myself more normal though. I always just thought I'd keep looking until I found someone willing to be accepting. Though it could be that I've never been dumped by anyone over that. I've had to deal with rejection, but it was never because of anything fetishy, since there's no way I'd bring it up until we were alread in a solid relationship. I've never been through a breakup though, and now that I think about it, I feel like it would traumatize me enough to change my opinion of things. xD

Not sure where I'm going with this anymore, but yeah. I think being open-minded toward your partner is essential, as is having them return the favor.

[March Hare]

Good for you. That girl was narrow-minded, and you don't have to take anyone's narrow-mindedness personally. It does not reflect on who and what you are. I take my hat off to you for getting to know yourself a bit better and accepting this as part of who you are. GOOD for you.

Edited June 8, 2012 by Maru-chan

[JenJen]

She found this site and cried over it? She sounds like a vanilla bore. XD

[Kiwifruit]

^ My thoughts exactly, JenJen

[mysterysneeze]

RETRO!! :( I'm so sorry this happened , but this: "An open minded mentality, I came to realise, is probably one of the most important things I want in a partner. If a person doesn't have this, chances are we arnt on a similar enough conceptual wavelength to be compatible long-term." is what I admired most about what you said here. That is very, very true. ...Are you ok?

I wish the best of luck to you. I know that someday, maybe even someday soon, you will find a girl that will accept all of you. Sure no one is perfect, and of course she will do some things that may annoy you and you will annoy her with some things, but the important thing will be if both of you will be able to get through those things and be a boyfriend/girlfriend couple

[Gypsy]

Wow. No offense, but that girl sounds like she had more than a few problems. Sexual deviations are...well, normal. A reaction like that is really rare and really exaggerated, in my opinion. Congratulations on starting to move on, and please, please don't feel like we--and you, specifically--are the weird ones here. It's natural and it's a part of life, and you deserve to be accepted with it or without it.

[count tiszula]

What a terrible experience; and I suspect far more common than is ususally admitted here.

I am taking it that she found out without your knowledge, rather than that you told her; it just shows that one has to be terribly careful and not adopt the "tell everyone" policy so common here, which I often feel will prove disastrous for many of us.

My rules are to be almost paranoically careful not to reveal anything , unless you can be certain that you can implicitly trust the person you are intimate with, if I dare so put it, because certainly there is no reason to tell anyone else. Even these rules have caught me out in the past, and of the people I have told only a couple have been as positive as to achieve feigned interest or even indifference.

As you imply, the crying is really unacceptable, or the insistence on talking about it. But then, many girls seem to cry about more or less anything, and of course some enjoy it and use it as a weapon. I don't quite know how one would be supposed to respond to such an announcement; I suppose to swear that whatever thing cried about would at once be extirpated.

Anyway, congratulations on coming through this intact; and I agree that it does rather indicate the importance of a generally tolerant outlook. Quite apart from encountering persons who may also have unusual sexual [or other] tastes [though it is difficult to imagine an interest as harmless and quotidian as ours], the same applies to any difference; I know that some people choose partners on a purely political basis, for example. But really.........

[Natto]

That's...really awful. No one should have that kind of reaction. While the fetish can be hard to understand at first, someone who really cared about you would try to understand, and wouldn't think badly of you because of it. Some people cry in response to any emotion, but telling you about it and trying to make you feel guilty for part of you are is just unacceptable. I'm glad that you ultimately took something positive from it. You shouldn't try to change yourself so that you can have a relationship, the relationship won't be worthwhile if you have to lie through the whole thing.

[tepig41]

Ok, from the partner's perspective... My boyfriend recently told me about his sneezing fetish, after a little over a year together, (which is why I'm now a member of the forum) and I was very surprised. I'd never heard of such a thing before and didn't know what to think at first. Then I thought about it. He's still the same person. I still love him. I can't imagine how it must have felt to tell someone something so personal and risk being rejected like that. It's been a few days now and I'm at the point where I'm no longer going OMG and I'm just happy that he trusted me enough to tell me. Also, I think of it like this - just another thing that makes me sexy to him, especially since I have allergies and apprently I'm the "sneeziest person" he knows. It's going to work out well for us I think. My boyfriend and I are now keeping track of my sneezing so he knows how much he "owes" me

Anyway, my whole point is that you will find someone who is OK with your fetish, more than OK even. Just give it time and don't settle for less than what you deserve.

[Anonymouse]

It was nice to hear from someone on the other side.

Your fetish shouldn't run your life, but to suppress it would be suppressing a significant part of who you are. I'm glad you had this realization! I'm sure many people haven't and are unhappy because they have to hide something about themselves from their partners.

[The Dude]

Excellent post.. I agree 110%. An open mind and sense of adventure goes leaps and bounds beyond any physical attributes or shortcomings a person may have.

On a sidenote, I've found that once you really become 'OK' with this fetish and find ways to use it to your advantage, a whole new world opens up.

[SneezeDoc4u]

If the person is not willing to accept you for who you are then you do not want to be with them. I advise not to tell someone until the relationship is months in and is fairly well established. I told my Fiance after being together for 6 months and she had a great reaction. She texts me, calls me, makes videos/wavs, and indulges in all ways possible. If the SO loves you enough this will not be a deal breaker. My Fiance actually sees the sexual parallel to an orgasm and now she actually is developing it herself and my own sneezes are arousing to her. Hope this helps!

[Hollow]

Yeah, if the girlfriend is narrow-minded, you probably shouldn't be with her... That's at least how I feel.

[tk2927]

Wow man, that sounds like it was an awful experience. I'm sorry to hear that. You seem to have come away from it with a good outlook, though, and there were many replies to this thread that I think completely hit the nail on the head, so to speak.

Wow. No offense, but that girl sounds like she had more than a few problems. Sexual deviations are...well, normal.

Totally normal! Doesn't everyone have some? In my opinion, if she's implying that she has nothing quirky about her like that, she is A) Lying, Boring,C) Both

I can't imagine how it must have felt to tell someone something so personal and risk being rejected like that.

Seriously, dude... ugh. That was just plain painful to read,and must have been even worse to experience.

Anyway, my whole point is that you will find someone who is OK with your fetish, more than OK even. Just give it time and don't settle for less than what you deserve.

This girl is awesome and there are others out there like her. Hope you find one

(hahaha, hope I find one too, come to think of it!)