Oh god. Awkward.

[glowstick03]

So, fair warning, this is probably longer than it should be. This is about my friend B again. He's tall and lanky with brown hair and hazel eyes, and a slightly large nose. This one only has a few sneezes, and then some awkward sneeze talk that would have been really sexy if he were my boyfriend or something like that. Meaning, it was really sexy, but I felt horribly awkward at the same time and tried to ignore it.

I think he's been having allergies lately (I haven't asked, but that's what it seems like), which is throwing me off a bit, since he usually only gets allergies in early spring. But I've been round his house and he's had these little mini-fits that go something like this:

"Hiiih...hetchuh! There it is.......hiihchuh! Oh, god...hehchuh!"

"Hiiiih hetchuh-CHUH! I've been waiting for that sneeze...hehchu!"

As I've said before, I adore his sneezes. He has this wonderful buildup because he takes in this huge breath and you totally know he's going to sneeze, and then the sneezes themselves aren't too loud (I hate big, loud sneezes!)...they're very feminine masculine sneezes if that makes any sense at all, and they're just the right amount of wet where it's not awkward but there's still a little something there.

This is what happened this morning:

I was driving him to school, because certain days we both have 8 a.m. classes and he doesn't have a car. We pull up to a stoplight, talking about something when

"Hiiihchu! Sniff. Damn it!"

I sit there staring straight ahead at the stoplight, willing it to turn green. Of course, it's like the longest red light in existence. I don't say anything because I can't bless people. It doesn't usually matter because he usually sneezes when we aren't alone and my friends are the kind of people who do weird things when people sneeze so my awkwardness usually goes unnoticed. I can sometimes do it if I'm one on one with someone, but I definitely couldn't this morning. And I knew there'd be at least one more, because that seems to be his pattern as of late...

"Hiiih...hehchuh!"

After two, I felt like I had to say something. "Don't die over there..." Oh, my god. Shoot me. Why can't I just bless a person?!

"I haven't even been outside yet!"

Still staring straight ahead at that stubbornly red light, I said something stupid like, "I mean, we're kind of outside..."

The light finally turns green, and I'm glad to have an actual reason not to look at him. He doesn't sneeze again, but he keeps sniffling like his nose is still bothering him. As if I can't feel anymore awkward, he says "I had a sneezing frenzy at Subway yesterday."

"What?" Fuck. Why? Does he do this on purpose?

"Yeah, I was making this guy's sandwich and I had to throw it away and have someone else make it because I kept sneezing."

"Oh..." WHY, WHY, WHY? God, that's hot. "I've never heard that before..."

"What? Sneezing frenzy?" STOP SAYING IT.

"Yeah..." WHY ARE YOU ATTRACTIVE?

Cue me awkwardly changing the subject.

[Emily]

LOOOOOOOL

THAT IS JUST FANTASTIC OHMYGOD

/dead

sneezing while making a sandwich :'D

[tenderwarrior]

Oh man. This is fantastic, but I totally understand how that could be awkward. I would die in that situation. But nonetheless, so good!

[VividBubbles!]

I hope you don't mind but I am totally LMAO right now. And yeah. This conversation would probably kill me. I'd be dead of awkwardness. Also, I totally get what you're saying about his sneezes. I love guys with "feminine masculine" sneezes! Ah, what I wouldn't give to have a guy friends with allergies. All my guy friends seem to be immune to everything. Grrrr. Anyway, you are increadably lucky and also hilariously unlucky. I hope you get some more sneezes (possibly with other people so it's not so awkward; you know, for your benefit ) and share them with us!

BYE!

[ithinksneezesaresexy]

God. *swoon*

[obsessed]

Aha, that's fantastic. Sorry about the awkwardness!

[elements]

SO hott. I loved your comments in your head haha

[BananaTree]

That's the funniest thing I've ever read wow. Poor you

[happybunny]

ROFLLLLL

xD oh god you had me laughing for a good while there. i love this. i love your writing xD but omg. at SUBWAY? that would have been so amazing! but im like you, i can be SUPER MAJORLY akward at times, no worries. You're not alone in this!

[smooshi]

"... we are all lucky! Hahahahah!" That's right, everyone's lucky but me...

I know it had to be horribly awkward, but since something like this has never happened to me, I can't be anything but jealous!

Thank you for sharing this, it is really good. And "feminine masculine sneezes" do make sense, mostly because they are my favourite type of the male sneezes too.

[Akahana]

LOLOLOLOL!!!! I don't mean to laugh at your awkwardness, but that was really funny!!

[sexyhankysneeze]

hahaha you're so awkward.. just say bless you ;P

not that hard

[March Hare]

Oi, "sexyhankysneeze", be nice!

Darling, thank you for sharing this REALLY well-written Quality Observation.

He sounds really... lovely... Would you like him to be your boyfriend? Or is that entirely too personal a question?

[sexyhankysneeze]

Oi, "sexyhankysneeze", be nice!

Darling, thank you for sharing this REALLY well-written Quality Observation.

He sounds really... lovely... Would you like him to be your boyfriend? Or is that entirely too personal a question?

haha sorry

it is a great obs

i thoroughly enjoyed reading it