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She's Going To Kill Us (Homestuck) (Dirk Strider) (little bit of Dirk/Jake)


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Hi, okay, trying to be less shy. They say you should force yourself to write even when you're uninspired and I've had writers block for almost a year now. So this is just a little drabble I guess (and the first time I've ever posted any of my writing). Since the fandom is Homestuck it's been written in 2nd person (it can actually be a lot of fun to write like such). And because of the nature of the webcomic there is profanity.

So, uh we have Jake English and Dirk Strider (the one who's doing the sneezing). I guess a brief description for those not in the fandom, Jake has dark hair, rectangular-glasses, I always saw him having more body hair, tanner complexion (since he did live on a tropical/sub-trop island). I also like to picture him a bit taller than Dirk, who would be blond, very pale and freckled. Uh, anyways this would take place in a post-Game AU (Just Alpha kids who would be 18-19) Game resets post-scratch world and Dirk and Roxy were sent back to the years they should have originally lived in with Jane and Jake. Roxy remains in NY. Dirk up to WA and shares an apartment with Jane (who I've always felt could be like a mother/grandmother to dirk) and Jake does a lot of traveling (but visits). Not really sure what else about that.

Blah sorry that's a lot of lame description. I wrote this on my iPod, like I do most of my writing (apologies about grammar and spelling issues that arise).


> Be The CoolKid.

She'll kill him. You're fairly certain of this. She'll kill Jake first and then you because "you should have known better." That's what she'll say and you know it.

Right now is one of those moments you sort of wish that maybe you didn't go commando on a regular basis. The damp mud is squishing against your jeans and skin and it does not feel very amazing. Jake looks back at you with his eyebrows furrowed and hair stuck to his face and glasses. He opens his mouth to speak but doesn't for a few moments, the rain and the two of you walking is all you can here.

"I'm sorry mate."

You're partially relieved he didn't put some dumb sounding adjective in there. Carefully you try to pull up your pants. He comes to a stop and so do you.

"Yeah, I know Jake. Can we just--get back to the car? It's more than a little nippy out here."

He looks down and frowns a little as you quote him from earlier with unpleasant attitude thick in your tone. You sigh heavily and straighten up.

"Look, I'm just not looking forwards to hearing her lecture us, mostly me, on this disaster."

"I'll be sure to tell Miss Crocker that all the blame falls on me."

You both begin to walk again.

"You know that'll do shit."

"I'm sorry."

"Jake if you apologize one more fucking time, so help me, I'll--"

You stop and flair your nostrils. Shit it's already starting.

"You'll what Dirk?"

You inhale suddenly and shakily as the nagging itch grows in the back of your nose. Jake doesn't seem to be taking notice to the hitch in your breath and begins approaching you.

"Are you quite alright?"

The urge fades and you exhale loudly into a slump.

"Yeah. Just thought I was gunna s--ahHKSHHHUH! Fucking--never mind."

"Bless you."

You sniffle heavily.

"I think I have some tissues in the car."

"How about a towel."

"Is a blanket okay?"


You sniffle again and feel your ears clog up.

"You should have brought a jacket Dirk."


"Really, what kind of doofus comes out hiking with those sort of clouds with no jacket."


"How'd you even get out the door without Jane stopping you with no jacket."

"Ja--hehATPCHHUUH!! Snff Jake."

"Did you put one on and then toss it away the moment she shut the door behind you?"


"Maybe she's the one that needs to be lectured about reminding you to wear a jacket. Though you really aught to do that on your own."

"Jake, my jacket got soaked and it's around my waist."

He turns around.

"Oh. Yeah. Cause you slipped down that hill and tripped into the stream."

"...I did it to make you feel better about tripping over that fallen tree."

"Mate that happened after you slipped and fell."


When the two of you reach the car Jake heads to the trunk and grabs the blanket. You drag your feet there and he wraps the heaven sent article around your quivering frame before pressing a kiss you your cheek. You hate to admit it but your teeth are chattering as well. When you take your seat on the passengers side you immediately begin trying to pry your shoes and socks off with your feet. Jake gets in on the other side and starts the car, making sure to turn the heat up.

"She's going to kill us Jake."


It's really shot... Yeah. Blah. I was trying to get myself to start writing again. I don't know if I'll continue this or not. It depends on if I could get myself to continue it with my lack of motivation/inspiration. So uh... yeah.

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  • 10 months later...

God this is so perfect. Perfect perfect DirkJake. I really hope to see more at some point, maybe Jake sneezing? <3

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