Learning to own myself and getting weird

[•.*°•☆. Q .☆•°*.•]

So for a lot of my life, I've had this problem, which is that I'm kind of insecure about being myself. (I swear this is going to be relevant in a couple paragraphs, I'm going somewhere with this.) It's a weird concept because who am I if I'm not being me? But the answer is that I'm not really being anyone, I'm just trying to blend in and not make waves. I'm WAY better at being myself online, like here and tumblr, where I can hide behind a screen and type and sass back if I get grief for being me (something I'm not yet brave enough to do in person).

The thing is I'm not happy. I'm actually kind of miserable just trying to be acceptable all the time. I was to a point once (when i lived on a college campus) where I lived with my very best friend, and I was starting to not give any effs about what others thought of who I am and just being me, because she was good for my confidence, and I LOVED it and I felt a lot better daily, but since then I have moved back in with my parents because I ran out of money. My parents are not good for my confidence. The are not good at accepting me. They are good at trying to make me acceptable.

Well. I have decided that I need to reclaim myself, own who I am, and start using my voice. ...slowly. I'm too scared to just do it over night like ripping off a bandaid. But, the internet is helping me. When I'm myself so much all day online, it's easy to forget to blend in when you go afk, so I'm slowly becoming more who I am. Granted, I'm not yet to the point where I can proudly and casually interject "I like sneezing more than sex" into conversation (when relevant), but I am getting weird. Which is good. I *am* weird. I like being weird.

I picked up a quirk again that I had in childhood. I think this is a step in the right direction. It's unusual and silly, but so am I. Today, I was hanging out with my mom, and she was using some mouthwash bc she has like a gums issue or something, and we were chatting and she says "oh, now I'm gonna sneeze."

...

So I bolted from the room yelling "Don't do it, don't do it!" and disappeared into my closet. I was surprised at myself for, like, actually doing that out loud. But I guess also I'm kind of proud of myself. One tiny step further in the direction of being who I am and giving no effs.

[Joal 555]

I'm WAY better at being myself online

I suspect this applies to a large number of us

Having met you in the chatroom, I can vouch for the fact that the "online you" is pretty darned awesome! You are probably a lot more awesome offline than you realise but I think it's inbuilt in some of us to constantly doubt ourselves rather than accept who we are and have more confidence in ourselves.

I am still very insecure about many things but with the passage of time, I have grown far more comfortable about other things and I'm sure that gradually you will develop your own confidence more and more. In the meantime, be happy with your "online persona" and know that the future is bright for you!

[•.*°•☆. Q .☆•°*.•]

thank you, carlos Joal <333

[marv77]

Good for you! Being quirky is awesome