What Kind of Weird (Doctor Who: 10th Doctor)

[matilda3948]

Okay, so I've recently gotten into Doctor Who and wanted to try my hand at a sneezy 10th Doctor fic. I just love him so much Although Martha seems like a natural choice because she's a med student, I just kinda don't like her...so I wrote it with Rose. I'll try one with Donna later, but I just started watching her episodes.

Anyway, I hope it's in character and I hope I the accents translate alright. I'm going to post in pieces as I write it.

“You know, no matter how many times I do this, I still get all tingly and weird,” Rose said.

“Weird? He asked, grabbing her hand as they walked down a crowded street. They were on a planet 10,000 years in the future. The inhabitants looked like a cross between humans and trees, rooting themselves to the ground when they stood still and stretching long, leafy limbs towards the sun. They glided down wide avenues in a beautiful rustle of leaves. For Rose and the Doctor it was like wandering through a densely packed forest.

“Yeah, like…I don’t know, just weird.”

“Like good weird, or crazy weird, or—”

“Wonderful, wild, and ridiculous weird,” she said, flashing a wide grin.

“Alright then. As long as it’s wonderful, wild, and ridiculous.” They turned a corner and wandered down a street lined with cafes and shops.

“What do tree people eat?” she asked quietly.

“Well, they’re not really trees and they’re not really people,” he said. “I mean, they look like a cross between trees and humans, but they’re actually a completely unique species. In fact, they don’t share genetic information with either the human race or any known trees—well, trees as you humans know them anyway. They do share some evolutionary history with—”

“Doctor,” she interrupted.

“Right. Sorry.” He ran a hand across the back of his head and gave her a lopsided grin. “I think you’re really going to love the food here, Rose.”

“As long as it’s better than that stuff we had on Zepath 7,” she said.

“Hey, that was a delicacy.”

“It was wretched.”

“Yeah, it was rubbish wasn’t it?” he asked.

“Made my eyes water,” she said.

“Well you shouldn’t have any problems heehh…HehhAHHtssschhhOOO!” He turned away from her suddenly, sneezing into the bend of his arm.

“Bless you!”

“Thanks,” he said, shaking his head slightly. “Well that was brilliant. Love a good sneeze.”

“Do Time Lords sneeze?” Rose asked.

“Just did.”

“You know what I mean,” she said, punching him on the arm.

“Yeah of course Time Lords sneeze. Hadn’t done it in this body yet. Was a bit curious what it would be like. The last one had a terribly unsatisfying sneeze—all quiet and sort of pinched sounding. Which is odd when you think about the size of my nose. I would have thought I’d have a huge sneeze with that thing, but no.” His voice trailed off slightly and he paused. Rose watched his eyes flutter shut as he took a single deep breath before sneezing into his elbow again. Hehh…HAhhhssschhhOOOO!

“Bless you. Well you certainly have a loud enough sneeze now.”

“Whew—that was fantastic,” he said, straightening up and taking a deep breath. “Wonder what my sneeze would sound like if I was ginger. Did I tell you I always—”

“Wanted to be ginger. Yeah, you’ve mentioned it once or twice,” she said.

“Never ginger. Not once. I mean, what are the odds of that, really?” he asked. The slight sniffle and brushing rub of his nose did not go unnoticed though.

“Doctor, you all right?” she asked.

“I’m fine. I’m always—”

“Fine. Yeah I know you are,” she said. “We’ve been travelin’ for months and I’ve never seen you sneeze before. Now I’ve seen you do it twice in five minute.”

“Threehh…three times…” Hehh AHHktchshhhhOOOO! This time he actually dropped her hand and sneezed into his hands, bending forward at the strength of it.

“Bless you.”

“Thanks.” He sniffed and ran a hand through his unruly hair. “Huh.”

“Huh?” she questioned.

“It’s a bit weird, but it always takes a while to learn the quirks of each new model,” he said patting his chest.

“Good weird? Bad weird? Should I be worried weird?” she asked.

“Nah, nothing to worry about.”

“You know something always happens as soon as you say that,” she said.

“Ah, but that’s the fun,” he said with a grin. “Come on Rose. We’ve got a planet to explore.” She tugged his coat sleeve to keep him from running off.

“Doctor? You sure you’re okay?” She bit her bottom lip—something she only did when she was worried.

“Just a couple sneezes. Well, technically three is more than “a couple” but just barely. I mean, by definition a couple would only be two so—”

“So you’re fine then?” she asked, smiling and rolling her eyes as he launched on another tangent.

“Brilliant.”

TBC...

Edited January 4, 2013 by matilda3948

[silentdreamer789]

Sneezy 10? What a way to start the New Year!

[Akahana]

I am loving this so far, I can't wait to see what you do with it!! Great job!!!

[Purple]

HELP

I'VE FALLEN IN LOVE WITH THIS AND I CAN'T GET UP

No, but seriously, though, this is fanTAStic. Possibly one of the most realistic, believable portrayals of the 10th doctor that I have ever read.

I cannot WAIT for more! Eeeeeee~~!

[TheCakeIsAlive]

Oh, that silly not-a-ginger. I missed his ramblyness. Can't wait to see where you go with this, absolutely... brilliant.

[LovelyLinda]

Awwwww I love youuuuuu!!!

I've been waiting AGES for a good Ten fic, I just love him <3

The talk about 9's nose made me giggle, I thought 9 had the hottest nose of all the Doctors... *_*

You got the characters down perfectly, it's cute how they keep interrupting each other!

Yay, I'm also glad you chose Rose and not Martha. Nothing against her, but I love Rose better!

You're brilliant!! Thank you so much =D

I'm eagerly awaiting more sneezy 10 goodness!!!

[hails]

Yesyesyesyesyes!!! 10! Yaaaaay!!!

[tma]

Awwww!!! SO adorable- I absolutely love it! :wub: Especially the different types of weird. *grins*

[Jorm]

I think I love you... I mean... Um... That wasn't awkward or anything, right?

This is... YUS. FOREVER YUS. And I was just jonesing for a good 10th Doctor fic too! It's like you read my mind! And it couldn't be better written I can hardly contain my excitement for the next part of this!

And in closing: SQUEE!

[a-tissue]

Oh, this is delicious. And if anyone wants to know EXACTLY how sneezing Ten would sound, here's a video.

[•.*°•☆. Q .☆•°*.•]

I have been waiting FOR FIVEEVER for an in-character 10th Doctor fiction. THIS IS BRILLIANT! Thank you, thank you thank you thank you!

[Rogue_infinity]

There's a lot of Doctor who fiction up here, and a lot of it is very good I should know because I've searched it all out XD

But this. This. Is my favourite.

And that's saying something given what already exists

In short:

[Vongola Undicesimo]

Multiple squees. Many of them in fact. Oh god 10, why are you so cute?

[matilda3948]

Wow! Thank you all so much--I'm overwhelmed by your responses. Hope you all enjoy this part as well.

“All right then. Let’s get to it,” she said. He shoved his hands into his coat pockets and she looped her arm through his. They wandered through a couple shops, the Doctor running a constant narrative explaining what each little trinket was. The ceilings of each building were tall enough the trees could stand up straight and it was an odd mix having the tall leafy trees packed inside a closed structure. “I could watch them walk all day,” she said, nodding towards one of them. When they walked across the floors, their roots spread out like spider legs, fluttering across the floor in a fluid movement. He smiled.

“Thought you’d like it here,” he said.

“Every time I think I’ve settled on my favorite place you take me somewhere that tops it.”

“One of my many talents.”

“What’s your favorite place?” she asked.

“Oh, I couldn’t pick a favorite,” he said.

“Seriously? Don’t have one planet you’d ranked above the rest?” she asked. His smile dropped a fraction of an inch and he picked up a random item off the shelf in front of him, pretending to be interested in it.

“I did once,” he said. “Not anymore.” Rose knew that tone. It crept up on him every now and then. Sometimes she’d press him for more and others she was content to just let it drop. Today she decided on the latter. She laid her head on his shoulder and hugged the arm she was still looped through.

“Sorry,” she said. He put the trinket back on the shelf and glanced down at her, his smile returning to its full force.

“You hungry?” he asked. She grinned.

“Do you even have to ask?”

“There’s a little place I thought we’d try up the ways a bit.”

“Lead the way,” she said. He ushered her outside and began an impromptu history lesson about the last political conflict on the planet.

“You know, I’ve traveled the whole of space and time and some things are truly universal,” he said. “Always a power struggle. Always one group wanting more than the group next to them. Some things don’t chaahhh…HAhh EHHHSCCHHooo!”

“Bless you.”

“Thanks.”

“Why do you keep doin’ it then?” she asked.

“What? Sneezing? No idea. Probably just—”

“No. Well yes, I mean that’s weird, but I meant travelin’. Why do you keep doing it if it’s all conflict and struggle?”

“Aw, ‘cause there are a lot of other things that are universal too, Rose. Even when there’s conflict there’s always a group willing to fight for what’s right. No matter where I go that desire, that drive for love and connection. There’s art and music. There’s this unstoppable desire to survive and thrive—to leave their world better for their children.”

Rose smiled. This was her favorite of his many tangents—the unstoppable life force talk. Sometimes she got him started on it because she needed a reminder. Sometimes she did it because he needed a reminder.

“I mean, it doesn’t matter if I go 50,000 years into the future or 50,000 years into the past, everywhere I go I see species of all walks of life working to make their lives and their time better. It’s inspiring when you think about it. It—” He stopped suddenly as he got almost no warning from the impending sneeze. HAHHHT’STCHHHooo!

“Bless you. You’re not startin’ up with that again are you?”

Hehh HAHHK’tschhhOOO!

“Bless you, Doctor.”

“Sorry ‘bout that,” he said.

“So clearly Time Lords sneeze. Do they get sick? She reached up and put her hand on his forehead. “You don’t feel warm,” she said.

“How do you know what a normal temperature is for a Time Lord?” he asked. The thought hadn’t occurred to her.

“It’s different than humans?” she asked.

“No actually, it’s exactly the same, but you didn’t know that,” he said, pointing a finger in her face for emphasis. She gave him a light shove.

“Oh shut up. So you’re the Doctor. What’s with the sneezin’?”

“No idea.”

“It’s weird though isn’t it?”

“A bit,” he said.

“But you’re not worried?”

“Not really. I am hungry though. Ah, here we are,” he said, steering her towards a small restaurant…or what she assumed was a restaurant. There were no chairs, just tall tables scattered throughout the room where trees would stop and root themselves to the floor for the duration of their meal. They were greeted by a thin willow-looking tree.

“Nutrients for two?” she asked.

“Yes, please,” the Doctor said.

“We have shorter tables in the back,” she said. “We do sometimes have smaller, un-rooted guests from time to time.”

“Aw, that’s lovely. Thanks,” he said. They were taken to the back of the restaurant where a couple miniature versions of the normal tables were set up in rows. Rose had to give them credit—although they didn’t have chairs, they’d gotten the relative height of the table correct and they had overturned crates and buckets that served as seating. For a non-human planet, they’d done a nice job accommodating their smaller bipedal guests.

“I will bring you many things,” the tree said.

“Well thank you very much,” the Doctor said. He looked across the table at Rose, rubbing his hands together. “So. This is nice, isn’t it?”

“What does she mean ‘many things’?” Rose asked.

“No idea.”

“Oh well, love a good surprise,” she said, twisting around so she could look at everything in the space. When she finished looking around and faced the Doctor, she found him fighting another sneeze. Rose frowned. Whether the Doctor would admit it or not, something was obviously not right with him. His eyes were closed and he’d tilted his head away from the table. Hehh…Hehh… HehhAHHKT’sschhooo! “Bless y—” HAHHH’ntsschhhoooo! Hehh AHH… He raised his head and she lifted an eyebrow in question.

“Ahh…one more…HehhAHHTSSHHHooo! Okay. Done.”

“Bless you. Alright, mister. I want some answers.” She folded her arms across her chest.

“Okay, I’ll admit. It’s a bit unusual.”

“A bit? What else is bothering you?” she asked.

“Nothing. It’s just a few snee—”

“You don’t sneeze,” she said. “Not like this.” There were worry lines creasing her forehead and she was back to chewing on her bottom lip. In fact, her whole face was twisted up with concern.

“You’re actually worried aren’t you?” he asked as though the thought had just occurred to him. Rose rolled her eyes.

“Yes I’m worried. Why do you think I’ve been asking about it all day? Just to tease you?”

“Well…”

“I’m not joking,” she said.

“Right. Sorry. Um, let’s see.” He closed his eyes and mentally scanned his body. “Huh, my throat’s a bit…I don’t know…bit crackly I guess. And I do have a tickle right here,” he said, pointing the bridge of his nose. “Only not just there, like further back. I think that’s what’s making me…hehhAHHKT’sschhooo! Yes, that’s definitely what’s making me sneeze.”

“Bless you. Listen, after we eat let’s just go back to the TARDIS, okay?”

“Oh, Rose, I’m fi—” he said.

“Yeah, except you’re not. I don’t know if you’re catching cold or if you’re allergic, but somethin’ on this planet doesn’t agree with you.”

“Nah. Haven’t had a cold in almost a hundred years and I’ve been to this planet before. Never had this reaction.” Their waitress glided back over and set several small bowls on their table. Each was filled with a different colored liquid. All were steaming—almost like being served a piping hot rainbow. She placed two mismatched spoons on the table and left. The Doctor reached out for his but Rose grabbed his hand.

“I’ll make you a deal,” she said. “You make it through lunch and only sneeze twice and we’ll stay. More than that and we’re goin’ back to the TARDIS.”

“Four times,” he countered. She narrowed her eyes.

“Three,” she said.

“Fine. Three.” HehhAHHT’ssschhooo! He sneezed suddenly and immediately said, “That one doesn’t count though. We haven’t started yet.”

“Bless you cheater.”

TBC...

[a-tissue]

I like where this is going. I like it a LOT...

[Jorm]

I'm not sure I can handle this much adorableness. I may have to come back and comment again when I'm stopped flailing like some sort of giddy school girl.

[Akahana]

Ok...ALL OF MY LOLS!!!! XD That was so funny, it was amazing!! Good job~

[Hawkeye]

I LOVE IT.

*eagerly anticipates next chapter*

[LovelyLinda]

I love it. I think I'm addicted. Help. I need more. Soon. Very soon.

PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!

[TheCakeIsAlive]

Whether the Doctor would admit it or not, something was obviously not right with him. His eyes were closed and he’d tilted his head away from the table. Hehh…Hehh… HehhAHHKT’sschhooo! “Bless y—” HAHHH’ntsschhhoooo! Hehh AHH… He raised his head and she lifted an eyebrow in question.

“Ahh…one more…HehhAHHTSSHHHooo! Okay. Done.”

Cheater indeed. I do wonder how he's going to last through lunch... Wonderful story.

[Vongola Undicesimo]

Yayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayaya! I wanna take sneezy Doctor and smush him in a hug!

[Jorm]

One of the things I'm loving the most about this is that you've left it open and vague enough that reading it I'm left, like Rose, not entirely sure what the cause of the sneezing is which makes the whole thing so much more exciting and anticipatory. Is it a cold? Is he allergic to the tree people? Is there some sinister chemical based evil going on that he's allergic to? I'm all aquiver with anticipation! Also I love, love, LOVE the way you're spelling The Doctor's sneezes! Had you watched the clip of DT sneezing on set before you wrote this? Because your spellings are really reminiscent of his actual sound, which is really cool. And even without that fact I think the sound you're using is very suiting for The Doctor. And just, you have the whole general tone so well

[alyssa]

Hehe this is amazing I love how it's written and that you've left some unknowns in it up to this point! Can't wait for more

[alias]

Oh God. Oh sweet holy lord. Have I died? Have I died and gone to heaven?

THIS IS FANTASTIC! Brilliant. Absolutely incredible. This story gives me BUTTERFLIES! The best kind of butterflies that tickle your insides and make you squirm.

You have captured both characters PERFECTLY! They are so alive and true, and their interactions and dialogue are beyond spot-one. Seriously, who are you really? Davies? Moffat?

Not to mention that your writing is incredibly vivid and I can see the whole scene exploding before me like I'm watching an actual episode. In fact, I like this story better than quite a few episodes.

I can't wait for the next installment. Until then, I am going to reread these over and over and over again.

Thank you for this masterpiece.

[matilda3948]

You all are super sweet!! Yes, I have seen the (amazing, super-hot) David Tennant video and tried to, at least, capture the intensity of his sneeze. So glad you're all enjoying the story. I'll probably do another section or two with this one, but I'll write other Doctor Who stories since there are so many people who like them

“Bless you cheater.”

The bet turned out to be a moot point. A few spoonsful of the steaming hot liquid and the Doctor sniffed once, dropped his spoon onto the table and turned from the table. Hehh AhhHEHHH’ktchhoooo! HehhHAHH’tssschhooo!

“Bless you,” Rose said frowning. He nodded, but stayed angled away from her. Hehh Ahhh…Hehh HAHHH’ehhSCHHOOOOO! “I like my odds,” Rose said. He sniffed and rubbed his nose.

“Hey, I’m allowed three,” he said. She smirked.

“Yeah, like you’re gonna make it the rest of the meal without sneezing again.”

“I don’t give up that easily,” he said.

“I know.” She sipped another spoonful. “That’s why it’s gonna be so sweet when I win.”

“Hey, give me a little credit.”

“I am. That’s why I’m letting you finish eating before we go back to the TARDIS,” Rose said. His next witty retort was perched on the tip of his tongue, but the Doctor was afraid if he so much as opened his mouth he’d sneeze again…and she’d win. He settled for what he hoped was a dismissive eye roll. “I like this blue one,” she said, gesturing to one of the bowls with her spoon. “How’s the yellow dish?” Still fighting the tickle in his nose, the Doctor shrugged and nudged the bowl towards her. “Did you like it?” she asked. He nodded and her eyes narrowed—he never passed up an opportunity to talk…at length…about anything and everything. “What does it taste like?” She saw his nostrils flare slightly as he tried to answer her.

“Ihh Heh it’s sweeeHEHHH-IHHHHsssschhooo! Sweet.”

“Bless you. I’m not sure if you’ve been keeping track but—”

“That was four. I know. I really am fine though, Rose,” he said. She leveled him with a look.

“You’re really not,” she said.

“There’s no reason to cut our day short on account of a few sneezes,” he said. She opened her mouth to argue but stopped herself.

“Fine,” she said.

“Fine?”

“Fine.” The Doctor looked at her like she’d sprouted a second head but Rose just shrugged. “You’re a doctor,” she said. “You don’t think you need to go back to the TARDIS and figure out what’s making you sneeze and sniffle and get all hoarse—”

“I’m not hoa—”

“Yes, you are, but like I said, if you don’t think it’s important to figure out what’s causing it then I’ll let it go.”

“Seriously?” he asked.

“Absolutely.” She helped herself to a spoonful of liquid from the yellow bowl. “You’re right. This is sweet.”

“That’s the vitamin D,” the Doctor said. “See how they eat?” He nodded towards a tall table where several trees had rooted and were dipping their branches like fingers into the bowls. “Each bowl is a different nutrient that they need. There’s vitamin C, D, and E. potassium, nitrates, iron, all kinds of things. They absorb it though, don’t need spoons.” He frowned when he had to stop and clear his throat. Maybe he was getting a bit hoarse.

“Wonder if they can taste it when they absorb it that way. Like if they have taste buds in their branchy, finger things,” she said.

“Branchy finger things?”

“You know what I mean!” she snapped. He laughed and said,

“No they don’t have taste buds, but they do have a rather sophisticated system of sensors that run along the underside of their branchy finger things.” Rose threw a crumpled napkin at him. “They can sense what the lowest nutrient levels are in their bodies and absorb those components faster than the others. Almost like if your body knew you were running low on potassium it would make you eat a banana faster than any other food. Like, eat a banana at warp speed. Have I ever told you how much—”

“You love bananas? No I don’t you ever have,” she said.

“Right. Probably mentioned that.”

“A time or two,” she said with a grin.

“Still, I do lohahh…AHH hehh…HehhAHHHTSCHHooo!”

“Bless you,” she said, even though he clearly wasn’t done. The Doctor sat frozen with his hands poised in front of his nose and mouth. After sniffling several times he jerked forward with another sneeze. Ehh HAHHHKTSSCHHoooo!

“ ‘Scuse me,” he said.

“Not like you can help it. You about ready to walk around some more?” she asked.

“Absolutely,” he said, rubbing his nose again.

The moment Rose got up from the table she lost her balance and nearly stumbled. The Doctor was at her side immediately and eased her back down onto her seat.

“Rose? You alright?” he asked crouching down in front of her. She pressed a hand to her forehead and blinked several times.

“Sorry, just got a bit lightheaded,” she said. He brushed the hair out of her face and scrutinized her face while placing a finger against the pulse point in her neck.

“Doctor, I’m fi—”

“When did it start?” he asked.

“It’s nothing. I’m—”

“Rose, when?”

“Started just a minute ago,” she said. “Felt fine until I stood up.”

“Take a couple deep breaths,” he said, rubbing her arm. “When you think you’re ready to stand up again I’ll help you.” She followed his instructions and nodded when she was ready. The Doctor wrapped an arm around her waist and helped her to her feet. Rose took a moment to steady herself and then nodded.

“Thanks. Better.”

“Come on. We’re going back to the TARDIS,” he said.

“What? No. I’m fine.”

“You almost passed out,” he said.

“I just got a bit dizzy. It’s nothing.”

“It’s not nothing. We’re going back and that’s final,” he said. Rose sighed and leaned her head against his shoulder. As they made it outside and started back towards the TARDIS, Rose rolled her eyes—she really should have thought of this sooner. She’d wasted hours arguing with him and this was so much easier.

Their walk back was quiet. He asked her she was feeling almost as frequently as he sneezed—which was getting to be fairly often. As soon as he’d shut the door of the TARDIS he helped Rose to one of the jump seats by the control panel and then quickly put them in the vortex. As soon as she felt the ship settle into space, Rose hopped up off her seat.

“Where do you think you’re goehh…Hehh going HehhAHHHKTSCHHooo!”

“Bless you. I’m going to go change and let you get to work figuring out what’s wrong with you.”

“Not before I look you over you’re not.” Rose just raised an eyebrow and waited until he figured it out. She watched his expression dissolve from concern to a mix of exasperation and embarrassment. “You lied to me?” he asked.

“Yeah.”

“I can’t believe you lied to me!” She took a couple steps towards him and gave him a quick hug.

“It was for your own good. Now get to work. I’ll be back in a couple minutes.” She was halfway to her room and could still hear him.

“You lied, you sneaky pink and yellow—”

“Careful!” she yelled. Rose smiled when she was met with silence.

The Doctor stood at the console, mouth agape, still stunned that she had fooled him. Hehh AHH…HehhAHHHKTSSSHHHoooo! Ahhh HEhh’HIHHHTSSCHHHHoooo! He doubled over with two huge sneezes. After two more false starts that left him sniffling and annoyed, he decided maybe he should get to work. He put on his glasses and began typing things onto one of the screens. He sniffed again as he read off the possible reasons for his symptoms. He grabbed a small plastic disk and pricked his finger, putting a drop of blood in the center and then slipping the disk into the computer so it could run some tests. Hehh’AHHSNTchhhhOOO!

“Bless you,” Rose said, coming back into the console room. “How’s it going?”

“Thanks. Should have some results in a couple minutes.”

“Brought you these,” she said, setting a box of tissues on the chair next to him. The Doctor looked at them as though they were truly a substandard life form. Rose caught him and laughed. “You gonna need them if you keep sneezin’ like this.”

AhhYIHHSTCHHOOOOO! He sighed and grabbed one, pressing it to his nose. “Not one word,” he said.

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” The computer chimed and scrolled the results of the Doctor’s blood test across the screen. He squinted and read them.

“No. That can’t be right,” he said. “That’s impossible.”

“What’s wrong?” Rose asked.

“Something’s got to be wrong,” he said, pushing his glasses up higher. “That simply can’t be right.”

“Doctor, what does it say?” she asked.

“It says I have a cold.” She just looked at him, failing to understand exactly why that was so impossible. “Just an ordinary, simple human rhinovirus—rhinovirus 216A to be exact.”

“Okay,” she said slowly.

“I shouldn’t catch a human cold.”

“Didn’t you say you had one before? Like a hundred years ago?” she asked.

“Well yeah, but, I mean…a human cold is so…it’s just so boring.”

“Wait? You’re upset because it’s borin—”

“I’m a Time Lord. I travel the whole of time and space. Go to the most exotic locations and the best thing I can come up with is rhinovirus 216A?”

“You’re mad, you know that right?”

“But I’m a Time Lord—it should be something weird like a new evolutionary bacteria, or a sentient fungus or sometheehh EHH…HehhAHHKTSCHHHHHooo!”

“Bless you. Well I hate to break it to you Time Lord, but you have an ordinary, boring, not-weird human head cold.”

TBC...