Asexuality

[Kshu]

While it's probably unlikely, due to this being a website for a fetish, I was wondering if there were any other asexual people here. I identify as being heteromantic asexual, but I definitely like sneezing in what I would consider a fetishy way, or as fetishy as something can be for me lol.

Oh, and if you have any questions about asexuality, I can answer them too of course.

[Healer]

I'm similar. Heteroromantic, but I'm demisexual, meaning I'm capable of sexual attraction, but only with people who I have a strong emotional connection with. It's sort of halfway between asexuality and (in my case) heterosexuality. I tend to call myself asexual, though, since it's a lot easier to explain. But, similarly sneezing is definitely a fetish for me.

[dodge]

words for every kink nowadays... to answer, no, I'm not asexual as far as I understand it, but I go out of my way to hold people I have a strong romantic/emotional attraction to in an asexual regard. Feels dirty, I guess. I have more of a drink-tea-on-a-rainy-morning idea of romance than anything else. Too bad she doesn't want to drink tea with me.

why the asexual identification? Define "a fetishy way," lol.

[Kshu]

I don't feel attracted to anyone in a sexual way. I could be demisexual, which is not having sexual feelings unless you are emotionally attached to someone, but I have had no long, serious relationships in my adult years so I can't tell.

Haha, as for "a fetishy way" its kinda hard to explain. Somehow, I can kinda tell what I like and what a wouldn't like as far as all things sexual goes. And sneezing is definitely one of them. Put simply, the sneezing isn't exactly a sexual thing for me, its just kind of a "mmmm that was cute/hot" kinda thing.

[Jorm]

I've come to pretty much consider myself asexual or autosexual and I know a couple of other people in community who I'm friends with also ID on the asexual spectrum, so you're definitely not alone even though in a way it seems odd for people who are ace to have a fetish. I think, well I KNOW, that there's a lot of misunderstanding out there around asexuality and one of the misconceptions is definitely that it means one can't have a sex drive of any sort which is not at all true for all people who are asexual though probably it is for some.

[Kshu]

I think, well I KNOW, that there's a lot of misunderstanding out there around asexuality and one of the misconceptions is definitely that it means one can't have a sex drive of any sort which is not at all true for all people who are asexual though probably it is for some.

Exactly, that's exactly it. That's something I've been trying to explain to my Dad, who is kind of in denial, but I think that may be from a lack of understanding.

[purpleninja]

I definitely fall on the asexual spectrum...either that or my sex drive hasn't "come in" yet, though I'm pretty sure if I have the fetish, it should've come by now. I do experience attraction to people, just not the sexual kind. I long to one day have a boyfriend and kiss him, but that's it. I just have absolutely no interest whatsoever in sex. (not that I should at 13, but I digress) The weird part about this is that because of my attraction going to only the very-close-friends level, I'm "attracted" to both girls and guys, but it's just on that level. I'm not lesbian. I'm not completely and totally straight. I'm just...meh. I'm afraid that this will upset my future husband, for I presume the poor guy will want to have...intercouse, and I'll just be like...."meh." I'm afraid I'll hurt his feelings.

But, yeah, enough about that. To answer the question, the fetish is the only thing that gives me any kind of "feeling" at all. I get butterflies when I see a drop dead gorgeous guy (or girl), but that's only because I desire to befriend him. So I guess I'm pretty darn asexual.

P.S. sorry if this was all discombobulated. I'm only a month away from 14; I'm still trying to figure this out

[prisma]

I am totally asexual! I am so happy people are finally coming out about this sexual identity. It doesnt really get talked about alot. I would consdier myself aromantic. I like guys and making out but thats about it. I have no interest in sex. This festish is as sexual as it gets for me. That is how I would connect to someone sexually.

Edited January 8, 2013 by prisma

[alyssa]

Same! I do actually have a boyfriend but have no interest in sex at all, even sneezing I am more like Kshu and am more likely to just think 'aw that was cute' or think it's hot rather than think about sex... I was also wondering if anyone else was like this because pretty much all my friends are NOT LIKE THIS AT ALL! They're all really into all that and everything and I don't know i'm meant to talk about stuff like that with them when actually I just have no interest in it... Glad to know that other people are also like this!

[MyOwnPrivateSFC]

I consider myself a demi-romantic autosexual. Which is to say, I CAN have romantic feelings, but only born out of an already emotionally strong relationship, AND those feelings aren't sexual. I can also be attracted to people (and things, and situations), but not in any way that makes me want to, y'know, go out and do anything with them. It's a purely aesthetic attraction that occasionally leads into a vague desire for...well, something, but not "that"!

Also, to build on what Ouroboros said...I think I've actually seen data that suggests that people on the asexual spectrum are MORE likely to have--or at least admit to having--one or more fetishes. Makes sense, since asexuality is actually pretty poorly named (it's usually meant to mean a lack of attraction, rather than a lack of any sex drive).

Nice to have you in our not-so-secret club!

[Jorm]

I can also be attracted to people (and things, and situations), but not in any way that makes me want to, y'know, go out and do anything with them. It's a purely aesthetic attraction that occasionally leads into a vague desire for...well, something, but not "that"!

This pretty much sums it up for me. I like looking, but I don't want to actually have sex with anyone. Snuggling is much more enjoyable.

[resolution]

I definitely fall on the asexual spectrum...either that or my sex drive hasn't "come in" yet, though I'm pretty sure if I have the fetish, it should've come by now.

a lot of people here have had the fetish since they have been 8 or 9 years old so that isn't necessarily a guarantee.

[purpleninja]

good point. I've had this fetish since birth. Maybe it's the fact that all around me, other 13/14 year olds are getting their sex drives, and even though I'm an early bloomer, I'm not.

And after reading the few replies after mine, I have this to say:

Ha. lle. lu. jah. Hallelujah.

I never realized that other people felt the EXACT SAME way that I do! I feel like I did when I first found this forum. It feels so awesome to see that having absolutely no thoughts and/or interest in sex whatsoever isn't just some weird thing that only I have. I can have romantic feelings (I like to cuddle, too. And I wouldn't mind kissing a dude), but it usually stops there. I love that I'm not the only one. Makes me feel a whole lot better about this

Edited January 8, 2013 by purpleninja

[Kshu]

Well they say 1% of people are Ace! So there are a lot. I thought for most of my life that it maybe had not "come in" yet, I have only recently accepted that I am probably Ace. Now I am feeling more comfortable with the thought of sex, whether I want it or not because I would like to be married and please my husband. I am hoping that I am demi, but will not know till I have a long, serious relationship.

[doggo]

I didn't have any "effective" thoughts about sex before I had had quite a bit of it. How could I imagine stuff I had no idea what it was really like?. *shrug* Perhaps it's an aquired taste.

I feel we get so damn bombarded all the time by media images of people being sexually awfully active that completely normal things seem strange. Then we start putting labels on these parts of the sexual spectrum because that's what internet is good for.

Not meaning to dis anyone's sexual identity! But I feel it's the very natural state of sexuality to be a wide spectrum where individual people are not only scattered around, but move around a bit during their lives.

[Shay]

I switched to someone new for my psych med management and for some reason she felt the need to ask me about my sexual orientation. I hesitated for a moment before answering heterosexual, but it just didn't seem quite right. After reading this post I'd have to say that the term heteroromantic asexual probably fits me much better. I do have a long distance SO, so while we've been together for a long time we've never done anything more intimate than hugging. And really that's all I want is someone to hug and cuddle, but I just really don't have any desire to have sex with anyone. If I need a release, I'd much rather just take care of it myself.

[Hissybella]

Hmmm.. I'm a bit confused? Aren't fetishes supposed to turn you on? And isn't being asexual supposed to mean that you don't have feelings of sexual desire? I don't understand. Please clarify! D:

[Shay]

It doesn't nessessarily mean you don't have any sexual feelings, it just means you don't have any desire to have sex with another person.

[Hissybella]

oooh okay thanks. So you guys do experience sexual arousal?

[Shay]

Many do, but I certainly wouldn't assume that is true for all asexuals.

[Blah!?]

I think I'd fall into the "demisexual" category, or something similar. If I'm honest, I never really thought about it enough to properly sort myself, but I know I am some kind of asexual or another. That being said, I do feel arousal, but I've never really had much of an actual sex drive.

Also, I'd like to remind everyone that since this isn't the Adult Board, it would be best if the discussion in this thread didn't go too far into adult territory. I know a little bit is necessary to properly talk about this subject, but let's not get too detailed.

[Jorm]

oooh okay thanks. So you guys do experience sexual arousal?

I would be very surprised if there were many asexuals out there who didn't experience any sexual arousal. Sexual arousal is really a purely physiological thing. It's not uncommon for very young babies to show the physical signs of sexual arousal despite the fact that it's highly unlikely that they experience sexual attraction or drive. Arousal doesn't really have to have much to do with sex itself in a sense, as evidenced by this very fetish. Sneezing has nothing to do with sex, but for us it causes sexual arousal. I would say that medically speaking a person who didn't experience sexual arousal would be much more likely to have a physical disorder than to be asexual.

That being said from what I've seen a lot of people who are asexual do experience if not necessary less arousal less desire for arousal. By which I mean that apart from not wanting to involve another person in their sex life they also have less desire to self pleasure than non-ace people.

Hopefully I didn't get to 18+ there, I tried not to, but it is a little tricky given the subject.

[Hissybella]

Thanks!

You see, my asexual friend was a bit confused how there are asexuals on a fetish forum. '''

[AppleBlossom]

oooh okay thanks. So you guys do experience sexual arousal?

I would be very surprised if there were many asexuals out there who didn't experience any sexual arousal. Sexual arousal is really a purely physiological thing. It's not uncommon for very young babies to show the physical signs of sexual arousal despite the fact that it's highly unlikely that they experience sexual attraction or drive. Arousal doesn't really have to have much to do with sex itself in a sense, as evidenced by this very fetish. Sneezing has nothing to do with sex, but for us it causes sexual arousal. I would say that medically speaking a person who didn't experience sexual arousal would be much more likely to have a physical disorder than to be asexual.

That being said from what I've seen a lot of people who are asexual do experience if not necessary less arousal less desire for arousal. By which I mean that apart from not wanting to involve another person in their sex life they also have less desire to self pleasure than non-ace people.

Hopefully I didn't get to 18+ there, I tried not to, but it is a little tricky given the subject.

I completely Ouroboros, sneezing and sex are two very different things.

For me, being asexual is just about being not interested in sex at all. I just don't see the point in it. I understand love. Love and sex are two very different things to me. Love is a unique feeling that two people share.

Sex is meant to be used to reproduce. And that's just it for me. Having sex just for the feelings and sensations just seemed animalistic, it seems people cannot control their urges. Also with all the talk of paedophiles and the raping of children all around the world, I don't see the appeal of it.

And I've never had a boyfriend, so... That probably doesn't help.

Edited January 18, 2013 by AppleBlossom

[Shay]

Having sex just for the feelings and sensations just seemed animalistic, it seems people cannot control their urges.

I can definitely agree with you on this point somewhat. I don't necessarily think it's animilistic just to have sex for pleasure, but I do think it's animilistic when I see stuff on tv where people simply can't control themselves at start going at it in a public bathroom or closet or whatever. I have no idea if people ever do stuff like that in real life, but if they do, I honestly think it's rather pathetic that they have so little control over themselves.