_Daisy_ Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 Do these sites ever actually work? Or is it just a bunch of horny kids trolling for promiscuous sex? Link to comment
•.*°•☆. Q .☆•°*.• Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 From all I've seen and heard, I gather it's mostly composed of 4 sorts of people: sexual predators, horny teens, desperate middle-aged women, and people who are just curious about online dating. Link to comment
March Hare Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 If you want a datingsite that actually works, pick one of the ones that get advertised on national television or on the radio. Those are probably bona fide. If you want to be completely sure, do some online research on trustworthy review sites (if you know any) or ask around on FB (if you're on it). The ones I know are all Dutch, so they wouldn't be much use to you.By the way, maybe be a bit more careful with phrases like "trolling for promiscuous sex" (unless you meant 'trawling' as in fishing) and "desperate middle-aged women". Those are seriously thoughtless and gratuitous generalisations. Link to comment
_Daisy_ Posted January 22, 2013 Author Share Posted January 22, 2013 If you want a datingsite that actually works, pick one of the ones that get advertised on national television or on the radio. Those are probably bona fide. If you want to be completely sure, do some online research on trustworthy review sites (if you know any) or ask around on FB (if you're on it). The ones I know are all Dutch, so they wouldn't be much use to you.By the way, maybe be a bit more careful with phrases like "trolling for promiscuous sex" (unless you meant 'trawling' as in fishing) and "desperate middle-aged women". Those are seriously thoughtless and gratuitous generalisations.I'm not too concerned about semantics. If someone is having sex with a large variety of partners without any commitment...well, that is "promiscuous sex". I don't think there is anything inherently wrong with engaging in such activities-- it just isn't for me! If people who do engage in such activity are insulted when it's pointed out...well, then maybe they shouldn't be doing it...not because it, in itself, is wrong, but because they have some personal shame associated with! I don't think that there is anything wrong with having promiscuous sex. It isn't for me, but I wouldn't condemn someone who did enjoy it. I like vanilla, some people like chocolate...lol I just want to know where the vanilla is at! Link to comment
•.*°•☆. Q .☆•°*.• Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 I'm sorry if I have caused any offense, I should be more careful with what I say. To clarify, I do not in any way mean that all women between the ages of 45 and 55 are desperate for a relationship or dating partner - this is far from what I meant to say. I was merely citing that there may be some women of that age who do feel that all other attempts to become romantically involved have failed, and that some of those people may have a great desire for a partner, and that some of *those* people have been known to use online dating sites, from what I have seen, heard, and read. Link to comment
_Daisy_ Posted January 23, 2013 Author Share Posted January 23, 2013 I'm sorry if I have caused any offense, I should be more careful with what I say. To clarify, I do not in any way mean that all women between the ages of 45 and 55 are desperate for a relationship or dating partner - this is far from what I meant to say. I was merely citing that there may be some women of that age who do feel that all other attempts to become romantically involved have failed, and that some of those people may have a great desire for a partner, and that some of *those* people have been known to use online dating sites, from what I have seen, heard, and read.Hahaha, agreed. I mean, jeez, I'm only 20...and in many ways I feel this way. I would *definitely* categorize myself as being somewhat "desperate"...though not exactly middle-aged. Honestly, I don't know why anyone would take offense to that description. Of course, there isn't much merit associated with being desperate, but it's just one of many facets in a person's life. The trick is to not let it define you. Still, I think that it's important to acknowledge these traits in ourselves, "good" or "bad" (it's really all subjective...all that matters is whether or not *you* see them in that light) and not just try to come up with more palatable nicknames for them. Link to comment
Jorm Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 I've used OKCupid before and while you obviously get SOME assholes as you will with any dating site, most of the people I've talked to on there have been really cool. I've never ended up dating any of them, but I have become friends with several. Link to comment
March Hare Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 If someone is having sex with a large variety of partners without any commitment...well, that is "promiscuous sex". I don't think there is anything inherently wrong with engaging in such activities-- it just isn't for me!...and THAT is why I specifically objected to your word "trolling" and not to your word "promiscuous". Anyway, looking for dates online is not that different from looking for dates in real life - you've got to be prepared for assholes and creeps, you've got to know well what you want and what you're looking for, and you've got to be strong emotionally, because it's a gamble at the best of times. Basically, if you're ready, by all means go for it. Link to comment
_Daisy_ Posted January 24, 2013 Author Share Posted January 24, 2013 If someone is having sex with a large variety of partners without any commitment...well, that is "promiscuous sex". I don't think there is anything inherently wrong with engaging in such activities-- it just isn't for me!...and THAT is why I specifically objected to your word "trolling" and not to your word "promiscuous". Anyway, looking for dates online is not that different from looking for dates in real life - you've got to be prepared for assholes and creeps, you've got to know well what you want and what you're looking for, and you've got to be strong emotionally, because it's a gamble at the best of times. Basically, if you're ready, by all means go for it. Hahaha! Yes...my own bias on the matter my have slipped through in my word choice. It's interesting to watch the development of these dating websites. It seems like there are a lot more people who are using them now not just because they are somewhat shy or feeling a little desperate, but because they just don't have time outside of work/academia to build these relationships in person. Not to mention, for people who do believe that there exists a "one true love" or "soul mate" (not saying that I do or don't), it's difficult to believe that you'll ever actually run into them without a bit of extra help! The internet can be sort of helpful in sifting through thousands (maybe even millions?) of people to find the few that you are really compatible with.That being said...there are still those who join these sites for their own agendas, and it is a bit risky...so I haven't yet decided how I feel about them as a whole...but I am excited to see where technology takes this medium in the future! Link to comment
March Hare Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 You know what the great thing about dating sites is, at least theoretically? They offer easy ways to pick and choose among people who appear to be to your liking. If everybody lists their preferences, ideally there's a lot less unsuccessful dating, because you know what you're in for before you meet someone for the first time. Plus, don't you realise how much of your life is lived online these days? Social media, e-mail, Skype, web-shopping, online banking... The difference between virtual and physical reality is simply not as enormous as it used to be, and it's going to get smaller. That's the way we're heading. Of course it's risky, but so is real-life dating, really. Of course you can't conceal your looks in real life like you can on dating sites, but as far as serious deal-breakers go, looks aren't exactly high up on the lists, are they? I mean, a proper psychopath will be able to hide his/her nastier side from you in real life as well as online, and talk is cheap in any way, shape or form. That's why, if you go in there, you've got to go with courage and emotional strength. Link to comment
_Daisy_ Posted January 25, 2013 Author Share Posted January 25, 2013 That is definitely true!I'm a little nervous...I met one guy on datemyschool who I really like. We've literally spent the last two nights talking for hours on-line, and I actually found myself experiencing moderate disappointment when he wasn't on today. On one hand, I really want to get to know this man better...he is so intelligent and writes beautifully, but I can't help but fear that it's too good to be true, you know? I mean, he's this 29 year-old grad student from Harvard (yes, HARVARD!), and even I am not blind enough to think that I have any talents or beauty strong enough to merit such an amazing person. Thus...I am forced to wonder what is wrong with him...or whether he even exists.I don't know...I guess it's like Maru-chan said...these are risks that exist in any type of relationship-- cyber or otherwise. Still, I don't know how hard I want to fall for (or fall for the idea of) this guy who lives states away and that I have never actually met before in person. Link to comment
March Hare Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 You're making a classic mistake of deduction there, you know. Someone who is beautiful and talented in whatever way, does not necessarily demand or require a companion/partner/lover/friend who is equally, or equivalently, beautiful and/or talented. Our natural preference for balance and symmetry always assumes they do, but it's not necessarily true. All that matters is whether this person likes you or not, and for what reasons. Maybe he sees something in you that you don't see yourself. I think it's going a bit far to assume that something's wrong with him, or that he isn't real, just because you value him so much higher than yourself. (If anything, it's probably only that he's considerably older than you. It's not a fair comparison to begin with, is it?) If he likes you, it's because you're likeable in his eyes. Does anything else really matter? Link to comment
_Daisy_ Posted January 25, 2013 Author Share Posted January 25, 2013 Well, I suppose that's true. I guess I will just have to wait and see...either way, it'll be a learning experience! Link to comment
doggo Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 I've used OKCupid before and while you obviously get SOME assholes as you will with any dating site, most of the people I've talked to on there have been really cool. I've never ended up dating any of them, but I have become friends with several.A friend met there a man who became first a boyfriend, then a father of her children and then a husband to her. I've met him and he's fantastic. She had to move to another country to be with him though, but it seems to have been all worth it.Happy hunting. Link to comment
Tangerine Posted January 27, 2013 Share Posted January 27, 2013 I've used OKCupid before and while you obviously get SOME assholes as you will with any dating site, most of the people I've talked to on there have been really cool. I've never ended up dating any of them, but I have become friends with several.I've used okc on and off for the past 2 or so years. Generally the guys that talk to me are really nice and engaging, and I've met many in person and dated a few. But still no luck finding the someone I really connect with.Does anyone have any experiences using other (particularly well-advertised) dating sites? I'm starting to think about trying another one. Link to comment
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