Internet friends ever just disappear one day?

[Galaxy]

I didn't think this was a rant, rather just sharing of experiences, so that's why I didn't put it in the pit.

Okay, so basically, if you've seen anything of what I've posted the past few weeks, a friend of mine from the forum died, hails. I'm still mourning her death, but I have another issue that's extremely worrying to me; What if I never even found out?

Basically, once she accidentally emailed me from her irl best friend's account. And then when she was gone for a week or two, I remembered I had her friend's email, and quickly got in contact with her. From there, her friend (who I'll call Katie) got back to me and told me she tried to kill herself, and she was the go-between with hails and I so I could talk to her on the phone and things up until her passing a week ago.

What terrifies me is, if hails never made that fluke and emailed me from a different address, then I would have NO idea about this. I would just think she either abandoned me, killed herself, lost access to a computer, something...But I would never, ever have any idea what happened to this dear friend of mine. And this horrifies me.

I've been trying to roleplay recently to get my mind off things because it's just been such a beloved past time of mine. But all I can ever think of is: What if this person kills themselves, too? What if they're hit by a car? What if they go into a coma? What if this, what if that...

One of my roleplay partners understands my constant, aching worry, and gave me the numbers and emails to a few of her irl friends and family so I could contact someone in case I ever suspected something happened to her. But I understand I won't be able to expect this from everyone I want to be friends with online, and even if I could---am I really prepared to be so shaken by something happening to them as I am now?

What I want to know is--has anyone ever just suddenly stopped hearing from an online friend, and have no idea what happened? Did you look into it? Or have to let it go?

[PuddinPop]

This worries me too, Galaxy, it's not just you.

I have quite a lot of friends online, from this forum and elsewhere, and I have often thought "If something happened to them, I would have no idea."

I also think of the more selfish side of it too. If anything ever happened to me, my online friends would have no idea.

I do have some people from here on my Facebook, so they would be able to find out, but obviously, I can't trust everyone who I know online to be on my Facebook.

I understand it's a lot harder for you, with what happened to hails, you'll always have that worry in the back of your mind now, but unfortunately, there's not a lot that we can do about this.

You're lucky that you have the e-mail addresses of number of friends of your online friends, that's really good reassurance for you, but I don't think everyone would be able to do that.

I've stopped talking to people who I was friends with online before, but that was just for other reasons, like the lack of internet. It's never happened that someone stopped talking to me suddenly, so unfortunately, I can't help you on that one.

Just try not to worry Galaxy (easier said than done, I know) and try to get some form of contact with your online friends friends/family.

I'm sorry I can't be much more help

[MyOwnPrivateSFC]

I have worried about this. Fortunately, one of my best RL friends knows most of the places I hang out online, and so could keep most of my online-only friends updated, and (and this is just dawning on me right now) one of my other IRL best friend just so happens to know one of my (Red Forum) SF friends, so chances are I would be covered if anything major (either bad or time-away-causing) ever happened to me.

That said...yes, I have suddenly "disappeared" from friendships, for various reasons. And it has usually caused me pain, including the pain of thinking what the other person in the relationship must be going through not hearing from me. But sometimes, it has been the only thing I could do.

[bloom]

This is something I worry about on a regular basis, because I've had three online friends/acquaintances die.

Two were personal friends, one an acquaintance/well respected member of our community. The one I feel most comfortable discussing was really sick but he never went into the details of his illness with us because he didn't want anybody's pity. He went into surgery for something minor and never woke up. For him, we had to go digging a bit. He'd been missing for a bit and so we went looking. We found his obituary by chance and I was the one to confirm it was him because I was the only one who knew his birthday. We also contacted his father on Facebook (this is something you have to be tremendously careful about and I don't exactly recommend it, depending on circumstance) and we got back the loveliest response from him telling us things about out friend we'd never known. My husband wrote him a letter and Graph's dad read it at his grave site.

I know the names of most of my closest friends from here and have several on Facebook, so I'm reasonably sure I could sleuth something out if they disappeared. And I'm cavalier enough with my own personal info that a lot of people could do the same to me, plus I've explicitly told my husband that if anything happens he's supposed to go around and tell the communities I'm part of.

Galaxy, I haven't posted on any of your other threads about hails because I've had no idea what to say. I'm just so sorry. I wish there was something I could do other than express my condolences.

[Dusty15]

I too have worried about this, so what I'm getting from this thread is that it appears to be a common worry!

People I'm truly close with on here are my friends on Facebook, so they'd find out that way. But I've had RP partners outside the forum who would just up and disappear sometimes (one who I was really close with and I was really bummed and worried....I eventually tracked her down on another forum and saw she was still updating! Whew.)

I've often thought (morbidly) if I should have a piece of paper with my wishes...not like an actual will, but something that just says what I'd want...songs played, people contacted, etc.

I'm young and healthy, so I don't really feel like I should have it, but you never know.

[Hedgehog]

Things like this can happen every day. Even if you knew someone irl but they live far away from you.

I also lost some people I knew only via internet. One friend died after years of suffering form a dangerous disease; another one had a heart attack two years ago and has been in a coma since (no chance of recovery). Some other just *disappeared* and I have no idea what happened. And an old acquaintance of our family (who lived 500 miles away) also *disappeared* in a way we couldn't call him anymore (phone was dead) and the letters we sent came back. He was a widower who lived alone since the lost of his wife and he didn't have any children. So we didn't know anything. Only my sister was brave enough to contact his neighbors. And so we had to learn he already died half a year ago.

I know - these stories do nothing to comfort you. It's a common problem you depict. People get ill - people die. Or they just stop to contact you and *disappear*. And yes - as sad and tragic as it is - at least it is good you know what happened to your friend...

[Selene]

I'm really sorry to hear about what happened to hails and I wanted to tell you, how sorry I am, Galaxy for losing such a very dear and close friend of yours

I've had people suddenly disappear in the past, so I can definitely relate to your worries. Some of them never came back and I have no idea what happend to them, but since they never seemed to be depressed or suffering from any diseases, I like to think that they simply just lost interest (at least I always hope that that's the reason for their disappearing).

Other times, people vanished and I learned later on that they went through a rough time. I met my best friend online on another forum and we also became quite close once we've started roleplaying together. At some point, she suddenly vanished for about a year without any prior notice. I was incredibly worried and I still consider the day she suddenly re-appeared and told me what happened one of the happiest of my life.

Since then, I tried to gather emergency information, when I felt that we established a safe enough relationship in which it was comfortable enought to ask about contact details. Sometimes, I also tried gathering whatever I could from what they told me about themselves. Like names of relatives which were casually mentioned, or names of places they've been to. Not in a creepy stalker kind of way, but I just tried to be attentive to such details so that I had at least a rough idea where I could start looking for them, in case they'd vanish and I'd have a feeling that something might have happened.

Having said this, I also think that it is more than natural for people to vanish without any serious causes. Maybe they lose interest in a fourm/ roleplay / other online activity. Maybe they lost their internet connection or, even though it's sad, maybe they just don't want to talk to me anymore. I realise that all of these things are just as possible online as they are in real life and I usually try to stay calm, as long as there were no immediate signs of depression or danger around the other person.

[Mr Sneezy]

It is very sad when something like that happens.

a couple of people I was friendly with on this forum have since disappeared. I would like to think they have merely lost interest and moved on.