"Abnormalcy" - (M; sci-fy/slice of life) [8/?]

[SterlingSilver]

A/N: Yes, so I recently watched the anime FLCL and really loved the idea of a supernatural portal through which one can produce any number of strange things. I've always adored absurdist films and literature, so I'm going to try my hand at it. This is probably going to be a sort of nonsensical work not meant to be taken seriously, so I hope you all enjoy it .. The plot will be influenced heavily by FLCL, but the characters are all my own~

Plot premise: a young man—after suffering what should have been a fatal head injury from an unidentified, foreign, falling object—gains the ability to open an cross-dimensional portal through his forehead.

Main characters:

+ Jude Price (18)

+ Liam Price (22)

+ Marley Wilkson (23)

This story will feature male sneezes only~ Also, I'll be trying something new! First person narration, present tense (bear with me, it's kind of an awkward tense for me to use xD). I wanted to finish this before posting it in parts, but I got too excited and posted anyway xD. If anyone likes this, make me finish! QwQ

Abnormalcy

Part 1

Yeah, so I'm Jude Price. Jude because of The Beatles, and Price because you get stuck with whatever last name your folks give you. I didn't ask for either of 'em, but there they are. They aren't so bad, except having to live a life where half your introductions to people involve an off-key chorus of "Hey Jude" isn't something I'm keen on. But whatever. People like that song, and then usually like me because of it. I'm down with that.

What I'm not down with is getting nailed in the head while trying to walk to school. It's hard enough rolling out of bed and slugging out the door. Now the universe's gotta make it a point to crack me with something metal while I'm climbing the sidewalk hill at the corner of Winzer and Liberty. I mean, it didn't hurt that much, and I'm an easy-going guy, but still...

It happened earlier this morning. I got on my Chuck Taylors and Mariners cap, which I always turn backward so some of my hair sticks out the hole. It's short and black, but soft. It's clean too, because Marley likes to touch it a lot. She's my big brother's girlfriend, so she's off-limits, but I keep myself single and smelling good in case she ever dumps him. I don't mind sloppy seconds, if it's Marley. But anyway, what was I saying?...

Oh yeah. Shoes. Mariners. My hoodie's not from a popular label, but it's baggy and worn-in. Feels good on my skin, even when it's kind of warm outside. It's October, tastes like autumn, and the breeze was just right early this morning. Hiking the hill to school wasn't so bad, until I heard this faint whistle from somewhere around me. I live on the outskirts of a large city, so there's a bus stop every ten miles and lots of sidewalks where you can see the sky across huge, flat land. The city's skyline is on the other side of me. I say this because it's easy to hear things out there, where the roads are only two lanes and kind of dusty.

The whistling got louder, higher, and I glanced around to find it. After a second, I realized it was coming from the sky. Looking up, I got a face-full of hard, cold pain. I didn't cry or nothin', but it wasn't like getting pinched or slapped. That's kid's stuff. What smacked me this morning hit me square on the forehead at what must have been six hundred miles an hour. It knocked me backwards onto my butt, then back, and the sky changed shapes and colors for a little while. In fact, for a couple minutes, I couldn't even move. The hurt was all I could think of, my head swimming and stinging from it. But it started changing.

My forehead slowly stopped throbbing, and started kind of itching. Not an itch I could scratch; it was under my skin somehow, and inch by inch, it moved deeper into my head. Past my brain, against the back of my skull, bumping there as if lost. It dipped down into my throat, which made me cough once or twice. After a pause, it migrated up and forward again, getting into my sinuses. I squinted up at the clouds, wrinkling my nose like I always do when I have to sneeze. And then I did.

"hht-...tsschh!"

People always make fun of me for sneezing "like a girl," but I can't really help it. Not my fault. It's not like I think about it and make it that way. But I digress. So after the sneeze, the pain or itch or whatever it was sort of vanished. At least, mostly. There's still a slight tickle in there somewhere, and I have this really awful mark on my forehead—right in the middle; it's this round, blackish spot. I'm pumped to show Marley, actually. Odds are she'll make a fuss about it in front of my brother, who'll tell me to suck it up. You know, now that I think about it, I forgot to look for the thing that clubbed me. I'll have to get to that this afternoon.

Right now I'm stuck in school. Eleventh grade isn't the worst thing in the world, but I could find better things to do. I got held back once in middle school, so I'm the oldest one in all my classes. It's third period, and lunch comes after, so we're almost halfway. I usually try and listen during class, but today I'm not in it. That thing this morning still has me a little out of it, and that tickle I told you about earlier is still floating around my nose. I keep wrinkling it, trying to get it out. Only feels like it's getting worse.

"hh-.."

Yep, definitely worse. I'm... well, I'm actually kind of shy, I guess. I've always been behind other kids when it comes to school and socializing; I'm not smart, so talking to people, especially the ones I don't know, is really hard. Doing something like sneezing in front of them is even worse. But as "girly" as they are, it's actually kind of hard to stop them once they—.... once....

"hht-tsssch!"

Aw, man. I tried to bury that one in my elbow, but it still felt loud even though no one said anything. One sneeze had done it before, but it won't now. That tickle is still in there, somewhere high up in my nose—

"hhtiscchh!"

—and it—

"hh'Tishhuu!"

—ugh! I can't stop! Why can't I stop?! I'm just keeping my face buried in my elbow, dang it. I don't even wanna look up. My face is all hot now anyway, and I'm probably snotty too. And this stupid itch just won't—... feels like something buzzing really gently just at the back—... crap—!

"Hehtishh! Heh-TISHuu!" Somehow, I jerk forward and hit my head against my desk.

"Bless you!"

"Are you okay?"

I want to die. Like, five people said "bless you" just now. If the sneeze wasn't loud enough, me blanging my head was. I sit up because I have to, my hands over my nose and mouth because there's mess, and all these people are looking at me. Maybe they're just seeing my bruise for the first time. I feel like I'm going to heatstroke because of how hard I'm blushing.

"Jude, do you feel all right?" Mrs. Lisdale is looking like I have a third eye. I sink down into my seat, and mumble something. I don't even know what I'm saying to her, my brain's so scrambled. As if I wasn't already hating life enough, that tickle is back again. Rising up like a prickling, electric ball at the back of my nostrils. Fuzzy, warm, teasing me as my eyes close and breath catches.

"TISSHHH!!"

I'm out of here; I can feel it's not the last sneeze. I stand up, and my chair squeaks on the floor. Through some miracle, I muster up some question about using the bathroom. Someone in the back of the class is snickering at me. My eyes close, and I reel back and give into another.

"hhet'CHIISHH!"

Uh oh. The one didn't feel right. For some reason, it made the mark on my forehead throb a little. Painfully, and urgently. Maybe because I had recently smashed it again on my desk, but my gut-feeling isn't agreeing with me. I don't wait for Mrs. Lisdale to give me the A-OK to excuse myself, and bolt out the door. Gotta make it to the bathroom... Gotta—... no!

"hii'KITSCHH!" Because I was running, that one made me stagger and bend over. Dang.. No one's loitering in the hall, thank goodness. With luck, no one will be in the bathroom either, and I can sort this out in peace. I don't think I've ever sneezed this much at one time, as evidence by how strong they're getting. My nose usually doesn't need to many to do the job, but I guess—

"..ehh-..'TISHHUH!"

—guess there's a first for everything. Ugh, my head.

I skid into the bathroom and slip into the nearest stall, but I don't take a seat. Most guys probably don't give a flip about sitting on a public toilet with his pants on. It eeks me out, though. From what I can hear, there's no one around, so I unroll some cheap-ply toilet paper and cage it over my nose. It feels like something's caught up there, so blowing it out would help. Still tickles even when I try.

"Mm'ishhh!!.. tssshhh!!.. ahh!" That smarts! It feels like my skull's cracking open. My eyes water from the ache as it dies away, and I find myself begging not to sneeze again. I didn't cry when I got bulls-eyed this morning, and I'm not crying now. Involuntary reaction.

...oh, man, was that the door?

[Skyler]

This is good, please continue!

[a red nine]

FLCL is one of my favorite anime(s? whatever) of all time, so to read something inspired by it is definitely a treat. The head portal can lead to a lot of engaging possibilities, whether in the context of fetish-related material or not. And the mystery behind what hit Jude has piqued my interest. I really like the inner voice you've given him, it's very distinctive, and the reading feels fast-paced because of it. Not to mention, his sneezes are quite cute, I'm sure many of us couldn't care less if they're 'girly'. Hope you keep it up, I'll be back!

[SterlingSilver]

A/N: Another part, wheeeee~!

please continue!

Thanks! And will do ;D

Hope you keep it up, I'll be back!

Thank you so such a kind review, Red~! You're the best QwQ!

Part 2

"Jude?"

Marley?! I forgot to say it before, but Marley and I go to the same school. Well, she doesn’t go, actually. She's a secretary at the front office, so we don't talk much. We definitely don't talk in the men's room. Can't just leave her standing there, though. I can see her Sperrys in the space beneath the stall door.

Still with the tissues over my nose, I say, "W-w-...what are you d-d-..".. I take a breath... "d-doing innn... here?"

Oh, right. That's kind of the reason I don't talk much. I have a really pronounced stutter. It's something I've had since I was little, and it's... I guess it's something people can't really understand unless they stutter too. It can be a prison, or just a quirk. For me, it's been both. Most of the time, it doesn't bother me unless it bothers another person. You can see it in their eyes when they watch you trying to speak, waiting awkwardly and unsure while you stumble through words. Mine's not as bad as they come, believe me. But it is noticeable, and it takes me a little longer to say stuff. Marley doesn't mind, though. Never has.

"I saw you running down the hallway like someone was chasing you. Or did you just really have to go?"

Man, she still melts me with lines like those. I'm going to marry a girl who just walks into the boy's bathroom to make sure you weren't taking a dump in your pants or high-tailing it from a bully.

"I-I-I-I... 'm fine." And I am. Totally am. Just sneezing, and splitting my head open. Maybe she can hear it in my voice, or see it when I shift my feet. Either way, Marley walks into the stall next to mine and pops up over the wall. She's standing on the toilet, looking down at me.

She's got this baby-doll bob with bangs, golden like cream corn. And these eyes like ice-crystals, with skin lily-pale and lips always pink. And here I am, with my dark brown eyes, black hair, and creamed coffee complexion. Me and my brother are three-quarters Mongolian, so we both look like her photo-negative. It's nice, though. I've always liked differences.

"Are you sure? Have you been crying?"

Ugh.

"Nnnnnno." I look up at her, and then she gives me this look of pure horror. First I'm worried my tone was too rough, but then she says,

"Jude, what's wrong with your head?!"

Oh, right. I said she was gonna make a fuss about that, didn't I?

"Some-something f-f-... fell from the sk-k-k-k-sky this mmmmm-.. morning, and hit me innn.. the h-h.. head."

When she bends further over the partition, I'm scared she's gonna topple right over and on top of me. I wouldn't mind heroically catching her, but it's not a good angle, and then there's the general nastiness of a school bathroom—

"Jude, what is that?!"

I'm not going to bother asking. It's the bruise, though even I wasn't expecting this much of a reaction. Maybe it was bleeding from the second blow I took earlier. Reaching up, I try to put a hand over my forehead to feel—

WHAT?... Mirror. Mirror, now. I clamber out of the stall and press both hands against the streaked slab of glass the school has up on the wall. Even through the foggy, dirty surface, I can see it. A horn. Well... maybe not a horn, but something long and rectangular is sticking straight out of me head. Like I'm growing a stapler. Marley puts her hands on my shoulders, but I'm too distracted to care much.

Out of all the strange things that happen to me, this one takes the cake. I probably should be running around screaming, panicking, but I've always been the type to be cool under pressure. This is bothersome, but hey, nothing to freak out about just yet. If it's cancer, we'll cross that bridge when it comes.

"Where did that come from? What is it?" Marley's all questions, but I don't have the answers for her. And her breath on my cheek as she leans over me is distracting enough. I swallow and wet my lips to buy time, tentatively reaching up to feel this horn-thing. I'm not sure I want to touch it.

"D-don't.. knnnn.. know," I say. When I touch it, I wince. Not because of any pain, but because the texture of it wasn't what I expected. It's slightly soft, and almost fluid. Curious, I push against it and marvel as it starts to slide back into my forehead, as if it had never been there. It hurts, like I'm shoving a knife into my brain.

"Jude, stop!" Marley grabs my hands to keep me from shoving it back in, which is both an annoyance and relief. I growl out a kind of "ahh!" when it slides out again into its full length. It hurts when I try to move it either direction. "You need to go to the hospital."

Not sure what's got me so sneezy today, but it’s relentless. I barely have enough time to cover my face before—

“hhe’TISSCHH!...ugh, sorry.” I keep my hands there for good measure, and I’m not as embarrassed as I was in the classroom because I know Marley never looks down on my for anything, unless I do something wrong. When she gasps into her hands, stepping back from me, my heart skips.

“W-ww… w..?” I can’t even get the word out, I’m so paranoid about it. After a second of staring, Marley takes a deep breath and moves close to me, studying a place above my eyes that I normally cannot see. The protrusion, or horn, is long enough to make out if I roll my eyes.

“It’s getting longer,” she remarks, rubbing her chin with her thumb. “When you sneezed just now, it grew.” She fixes me with this suspicious look, as if I know what’s going on any more than she does. I’m not so good about piecing things together; I’ve always been bad with logic games and murder mysteries.

“B-but…” With one hand I start pushing the horn back in again, and bite down hard on the fingers of the other. It helps me manage the pain. Marley isn’t too happy with me hurting myself, but I manage to shove the whole thing back into my head. In a way, it disappears. And I feel like sneezing again. Marley starts fishing around in her purse for something.

“hh-.. hhht-!” It tickles. Tickles like there’s something wispy stroking the inside of my head, my nose, relentless and waiting f-.. for me-.. to-..

Just as I’m gasping for a sneeze, Marley pinches my nose, brushes my hand aside, and slaps something on my forehead. It sticks there, surprises me.

“hih’txxtzz!”

Right in her hand? Really? Really, Jude? I’m not going to look at her. Can’t believe that just-… Well, she’s smiling at least. She fits a hand into my hair, since my hat’s in my backpack. No hats in school, you know.

“Your cheeks are all red, Jude,” she says, her voice smooth as Dairy Queen soft serve. Love that stuff. “You embarrassed?”

I reach up to feel my head, finding the unmistakable grainy surface of a Band-Aid. Man, she’s a genius. It’s one of those jumbo kind too, meant to cover big scrapes on your knees. Sniffling back whatever collected from that last sneeze, I use my hoodie sleeve to wipe at my nose. She rubs my head.

“It’s okay, I didn’t feel anything.”

It’s not the most reassuring thing. I appreciate the thought, though. I keep my fingers on the surface of the bandage. Nothing in my head feels different, despite the fact it’s still itchy in there. I guess I’m kinda curious about what’s happening to me, just like anyone would be, but what can I do? It’s not like I can go to the hospital—no insurance, and those visits are expensive. Smells like medicine and death in there too. When I sniffle a second time, moving my nose around, Marley tugs my hair so I look up at her. I’m pretty short for my age.

“Are you coming down with a cold, sweetheart?”

Marley and my brother have been dating since she was in the 6^th grade, so I know those pet names she calls me are just because I’m younger. She mommies me.

“Nnnnno,” I assure her. Let me just say that I’m about up to her chest when I stand in front of her. The fact that I keep my head up and eyes on her face is pretty darn impressive. Liam, my big brother, elbowed me in the head once when he caught me looking. I don’t like him mad with me, so I’ve trained myself to keep my chin raised when I speak to her. “Just annn.. itchy nnnose t-today. D-don’t knnnow why. Guess it-t-t-t-...t’s the air?”

Marley’s not appeased, and I try not to sniffle again while she’s watching. She lets me go by running her hand down the back of my head and resting it on my shoulder. The warmth there makes me go cold. One day, when I’m taller and more successful, maybe I’ll find a Marley of my own. I don’t want to take her from Liam, as impossible as that would be.

“Well, take care of whatever’s growing on you, chief,” she says, and she gives me this honey smile. “Looks pretty serious.”

And then she’s gone, just like that. Almost as if she never had come into the boy’s bathroom in the first place. It’s a miracle no one walked in on us.

“hht’jiizzchh!...tizzchhh!”

And there’s the class bell. Lunch already. Good deal.

[a red nine]

Now this chapter was definitely heavy with some FLCL referencing! Again not complaining at all, I really love that show, but it sure doesn't seem like anyone's about to pop out with a guitar and make things right again. It appears more like Jude and Marley are going to try to figure this mystery out together, with Marley being some mixture of Ninamori and Mamimi in how she looks out for him.

Jude is definitely unique from Naota though, and the glimpses you give to his home life make me wonder if his family is going to play any role in this horn business. I also wonder how long you're going to keep it going for, and if all the mysteries will be solved. Mostly I'm curious to find out what's tickling inside Jude's head though.

Still with the tissues over my nose, I say, "W-w-...what are you d-d-..".. I take a breath... "d-doing innn... here?"

It's something I've had since I was little, and it's... I guess it's something people can't really understand unless they stutter too. It can be a prison, or just a quirk.

... Oh my gosh. I have to admit this really threw me for a loop when I was reading. I was predisposed to assume he was talking through a sneeze, and then you explained his speech impediment. I'm sure a normal person would have thought it was a stutter before anything else. It made me hyperaware of the fetish's influence over how I read into things. xD

All that aside, I think you handled the weight of his stutter well, as something that bothers him but not something that needs an excessive amount of detail: it merely is what it is.

I'm going to marry a girl who just walks into the boy's bathroom to make sure you weren't taking a dump in your pants or high-tailing it from a bully.

Clearly this is a romance built to transcend time and space.

I wouldn't mind heroically catching her, but it's not a good angle, and then there's the general nastiness of a school bathroom—

Again, definitely imitating the romantic-mocking that's a constant in FLCL. Nothing can get to deep before it just gets funny. It's nice how you can match your writing style depending on what kind of mood you want to capture.

Well... maybe not a horn, but something long and rectangular is sticking straight out of me head. Like I'm growing a stapler.

A laugh ensues

“Well, take care of whatever’s growing on you, chief,” she says

"He who conquers the left side conquers the world, chief" My sister and I watch FLCL twice every year, so needless to say, the influence in this story just excites me all the more. I go bonkers not to quote it more often.

Jude is a very unique character who is three-dimmensional and well-planned and also has rather cute sneezes to boot. I imagine it can only pick up from here in terms of that, and I wonder what's going on inside his head, and what made it all happen. I wonder how far your references will go towards the original story, or if you'll have an alternative reasoning behind why Jude has head trouble. Are there going to be robots or something else entirely? Update when ya can, girl!

[SapphireSong]

Waaaah!!!! Black, this is so good!!!!

Haha, I meant to comment earlier, but I kept not having time. But seriously, this is fantastic! xD I'm not familiar with FLCL, but I love this. xDD Your characters are really interesting, and I love the voice you've got for Jude!! Just everything - his tone, the first-present perspective - it's a lot of fun to read, and I'm getting a really good sense of who he is from it. :3 This plot is very intriguing, too - what hit him? What's gonna come out of his head? I can't wait to find out!! xDDD

And dude. The sneezing. TwT So adorable!!! haha, I'm actually not usually very into "girly" sneezes from guys, but I LOVE they way you're writing Jude's. xD The spellings, his thoughts about it, his embarrassment... it's soso cute!!!! XDD I'm also really curious why it's apparently linked to the portal...... X3

haha, so yeah, I really hope you finish this!! I'm looking forward to more~

[Hissybella]

yumyumyum^__^

[Malachite]

Brilliant! Great! Awesome! You really have writer's talents, lass. Congratulations, and looking for continue!

[SterlingSilver]

Jude is a very unique character who is three-dimmensional and well-planned and also has rather cute sneezes to boot.

Red you spoil meeeeeee~~~ QwQ Such kind, long reviews from you!! <3

I'm so glad you're enjoying the FLCL referencing! I loved that show, but I didn't want to just rip it off, so it also means the world to me you find Jude to be engaging and original. He's one of the few characters I've come up with that feels legitimately real to me >w<. I really hope you continue to enjoy this story as it continues!

(Oh, and about that stuttering thing--now that you mention it, it DOES sound like he needed to sneeze while speaking! Haha!)

haha, so yeah, I really hope you finish this!! I'm looking forward to more~

EEEE~~~ SMILEY~! <3 TwT *tears of joy*

I'm so happy you like ittttt~!! You also leave thoughtful and sweet reviews <3. Thank you! QwQ

yumyumyum^__^

Haha! :3

Brilliant! Great! Awesome!

Thank you!

Part 3

School was a drag, so I spared you the indignity of slogging through it with me. The most eventful moment of the day was when Hiram Sanders started a fire during chemistry that singed his eyebrows off. Got me out of algebra, since it triggered the ceiling sprinklers. Math is the worst for me—all the numbers look the same, and I’m never fast enough. My best grade is in English.

My nose is clogged like a corked drain. The sneezing from the start of the day hasn’t stopped, and with every one my head feels heavier and heavier. I thought about hiking back out to my bus route to look around for whatever hit me this morning, but I feel too tired. Maybe Marley was right. I could have a cold. Or a concussion, judging by the way things are feeling right about now.

So now I’m on my way to Liam’s. Instead of braving the bus back home or walking all the way, I’ll usually head out to the garage and do homework until he closes. I’m hoping he doesn’t ride me about this flu or head injury…

“hht-tisssch!”

…-or whatever it is.

“..hih’tssschh!”

The breeze from this morning isn’t as pleasant—it’s catching in my clothes and making me shiver. It feels damp, making my nose run even though there’s nothing moving in my sinuses. Rock solid congestion.

“hih-.. hii!.. ‘TISchh!.. eck’CHIISHH!... ugh, dutts!” I sneeze in my hands, because I’m an idiot. And now I really wish I had a wet-wipe, or a sink. My pants’ll work well enough until I get to a bathroom. Liam’s place isn’t too far, thankfully. Just a little up the next block and to the left.

I haven’t told you about my brother yet, have I? He’s five years older than me, just twenty three, but he tries to act like he’s thirty. You see, our dad’s still back in Mongolia and our mom’s in heaven. We lived with an uncle for a while, then a cousin, but it never felt much like a family. Liam, when he turned eighteen and graduated, moved us right on out and into our own apartment. It’s tiny, stained, and smells like our dog. Her name is Royce, because that’s Liam’s favorite kind of car. He’s a mechanic, actually. Works at a garage in town, and comes home darker than he looked leaving that morning because of all the grease.

“…hh..iih’ksschh!”

Liam’s also the most nervous person I know. Not the weak and shaky kind of anxious, but the angry anxious. He’s always storming around with a scowl on his face, no matter how many wrinkles I tell him he’s gonna get. He chews on sticks of chalk all day, and all that dust over the years gave him this cough that never goes away. I think he chews because he’s scared. Asking him about it just makes him mad, though.

“Hht-jzzchhh!”

Anyway, his back-molars are kind of worn down from chewing, and he has this little gap between his front teeth too. Marley told me once that it was “fetching, if you know what I mean.” Not too sure what she means, but I don’t judge.

“T’ZZSHH!.. jusd kill be..” I’d tell you more, but I can hardly think. There’s all this pressure in my forehead, and the tickle just gets worse and worse. It’s always hovering in the back of my nose, vibrating like the purr box in a cat. I’m looking forward to lying on the grease-stained floor of the garage, as cold and as hard as it is. Don’t care. Jude Prince is on his death bed, guys.

There it is. Thank the Great Maker, everybody. Holy crap. I stumble in and make a beeline for one of the automotive creepers (those boards with wheels you shimmy under cars with), but I trip over Liam’s legs before I can make it. I know they’re his because they’re stone still. You probably won’t believe me, but Liam’s got super strength. I know it sounds dumb, but he really does. It’s like he’s got an adrenaline rush all the time that’s equivalent to a stampede of elephants. When one of my baseballs rolled under a car once, he strolled right over, looked around, and then picked that sucker up. It was a Ford Expedition SUV. Picked it up like it was a bin of copy paper.

So my weight was like the brush of a feather probably, which is why he stayed still and I pitched to the ground. Now I don’t feel like getting up. I’ll just lay here. Was gonna do that anyway.

“Judy.” Liam’s voice is muffled while he’s beneath the undercarriage, but it’s just as deep and serious as it’s always been. Oh, and he sometimes calls me Judy. Regrettable, but not much I can do about it, you know? “That you?”

“Mmm,” I groan. I don’t feel like talking. It’s hard and I’m tired and—“hh’iitschhh!”—and that’s getting so, so old. The wheels of the creeper rumble against the smooth concrete, and then there’s hands on my shoulders. I’m hefted to my feet, weightless for a moment. He spins me around. I have to look up at him to reach his eyes, but I choose to just stare at his chest.

“You’re sick,” he accuses. That was fast.

“Nndd—”

“Shut up. I can see it on your face, kiddo.” His hand, rough with callouses and black with grease, reaches and cups my chin. He tips my head around, looking at all angles. He mommies me worse than Marley does. He’s just manlier about it.

“I—ii’tscchhuu!!” Liam flinches, and I’m suddenly hot in the face again. I sneezed on him, didn’t I? I didn’t feel it coming, wasn’t my fault, but geez, on my own brother, I’m such a scumbag…

“Chill out, you didn’t get me,” he gruffs. I did, I know it, but he’s noticed how embarrassed I am. I can’t hide anything from him. It’s like I’m one big tell. “And what did you do to your head?”

“S-sombethi’g…fell fromb the sk-ky,” I say. It’s not so hard to talk to Liam, since I do it so much. My stutter is always noticeably less with him. Makes him feel special, I’m sure. “Hid mmbbbe.. ind the hh-head.”

Liam stares, dark brown eyes studying me like gears in a lie detector. I used to have problems with bullying and while the bullies went away, the memories hadn’t. After a moment, he believes me. “You’re such a spaz, Jude. Only you.”

Only me.

“And blow your nose. I can barely understand what you’re saying, chief.” Liam thrusts a hanky in my face, and it’s stained from his fingers. It smells like oil when I put it to my nose, and that sensation is enough to get that itch to flare up something awful. Even has the gall to-…

“..heh..”

.. tease me, this one. I can’t—…

“..idyyhh..hih!..”

.. almost-!.. oh, jeez-

“ee’tshhhyuhh!!.. Owwwww! Damn it!”

The pain in my head pales in comparison to the sting across my cheek as my head whips to the side. Liam had popped me in the mouth.

“I don’t care how much your head hurts,” he growls. “You know Prince men don’t use those words.”

Feels ironic coming from such a tough guy, but I’ve known that rule since I was old enough to say those words. And I know what I get when I do. Enough of an ache in my jaw to remind me that talking like that hurts me as much as it might hurt other people.

I look up at him as he rubs my hair briefly, a silent apology for hitting me. His palm slides down to rest on my forehead, and I know he’s checking for fever. There’s not one. My head just hurts, feels full, and I’m honestly not sure how much longer me or my nose can t-..

“iip’ishhhh!!”

…-can take it. At least I managed to swivel for that one. Liam’s hand is still raised, in the same position before I tore away. I keep moaning, but I’m not trying to be a wuss. I can’t adequately express to you just how much agony comes with each sneeze. It feels like there’s a saw slitting through my skull, and each sneeze is another push-pull that cuts into the bone. Maybe I’ll black out. Liam’s a mother-bear when it comes to me, but I don’t want him spending his food money on a doctor’s visit. I try to buck up, especially since he’s looking at me with his eyebrows drawn in. Lips in a line before he licks them. He starts fishing in his overall pockets for something.

“…hurts that bad?”

Oh, shit. I’m crying. I only feel the tears when I reach up suddenly and touch them, the wetness clearing away the dirt left on my face from Liam’s slap. Hurriedly I turn around and scrub at my eyes. Do I always have to be like this? Liam could step on nails point up and shrug, and here I am, sniffling like a kid because of a headache. My brother finds what he’s looking for: his box of white chalk. He leans down a little, bringing it to his lips, and uses his teeth to pull a stick out. If it was a cigarette, all he would need is a light. After all these years, the dust really gets to him, and he coughs hard and barking into his shoulder. My eyes are still glassy by the time he’s done, but I’ve managed to pull myself together.

“Nnnnaw,” I assure him. “I’mm f-f-fiiih..hht’iiischhh!!” Liam grimaces in sympathy, perhaps some brotherly bond with me allowing him to experience a fraction of the pain that I do. Even though the garage is full of old cars and cycles, it’s literally Liam’s garage. He’s the only one here, aside from me. It feels like everything I do is that much louder, because of it.

Apparently, that one isn’t enough-…it’s-…

“..heh-.. et’jisschh!!... iish’shhh!”

Not those either. This itch, prickly and tingly as it goes, has got me now. My vision is blurred from either the sneezing, or the hurting; I can’t tell. Liam braces a hand on my shoulder, trying to steady me as I bend forward again and again.

“hht’tissshh!..ii’shhhh!!..hhd’jiishhh!...jjzzhhh!!... Ahh’djzzshhh!..”

Can’t-… breathe!..

“..Het’JJZsshhh!”

Just-.. snee-.. sneeze—…

“ITSHHUHH!!”

HURTS.. please stop.. please stop-…

“HUH-!.. HETT’ISHHHUUUU-ahhhh..”

Better. SO much better. Worlds and eons better. Feels like steam building up in my brain finally got a vent out. And that itch in my nose is gone too. Not sure what that was about, but at least it-

“…What the hell?!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: Just want to say thank you to everyone who is reading and commenting! Seriously, these wonderful remarks you guys make just motivate me to try and make it even more interesting for you all >w<.. Thank you all so much!

[Malachite]

Ooooh, we're treated with new part~

We're now officially at the point where I could skip, say, an episode of Criminal Minds to read this*

*And I really like Criminal Minds

[a red nine]

Oh man, okay I think I'm quite invested now, and I'll just go ahead and comment on some quotes to tell you why:

School was a drag, so I spared you the indignity of slogging through it with me.

Jude has a very distinctive voice. When characters have this kind of strong, recognizable presence, it always makes the sneezing parts that much more interesting.. xD But of course it does wonders for the story itself too.

Liam’s also the most nervous person I know. Not the weak and shaky kind of anxious, but the angry anxious. He’s always storming around with a scowl on his face, no matter how many wrinkles I tell him he’s gonna get. He chews on sticks of chalk all day, and all that dust over the years gave him this cough that never goes away. I think he chews because he’s scared. Asking him about it just makes him mad, though.

Wow, what an expressive character! I feel like I can picture Liam in my head, even without knowing what he looks like, if that makes any sense. These are the kind of traits that will make someone stick in your mind.

Anyway, his back-molars are kind of worn down from chewing, and he has this little gap between his front teeth too. Marley told me once that it was “fetching, if you know what I mean.”

Nothing much to add here that I didn't just say. I just found this particular blurb rather well-worded, I reread it a couple times.

It’s always hovering in the back of my nose, vibrating like the purr box in a cat.

What a poetic way to remind us of why this is on the board

Don’t care. Jude Prince is on his death bed, guys.

There it is. Thank the Great Maker, everybody. Holy crap.

More laughs ensue

When one of my baseballs rolled under a car once, he strolled right over, looked around, and then picked that sucker up. It was a Ford Expedition SUV. Picked it up like it was a bin of copy paper.

This part caught my attention. Either you included this detail as a way to hark back to the cartoon universe of FLCL where anything is possible, or we have ourselves an unreliable narrator. (Possible one who doesn't realize he's unreliable?) An interesting take for something on this website.

Oh, and he sometimes calls me Judy.

Personal quirk and funny

He mommies me worse than Marley does. He’s just manlier about it.

Makes an "aww" noise

“And blow your nose. I can barely understand what you’re saying, chief.” Liam thrusts a hanky in my face, and it’s stained from his fingers.

Aww, such a cute older brother, and he calls him chief too, that's so-

It smells like oil when I put it to my nose, and that sensation is enough to get that itch to flare up something awful. Even has the gall to-…

“..heh..”

.. tease me, this one. I can’t—…

“..idyyhh..hih!..”

.. almost-!.. oh, jeez-

“ee’tshhhyuhh!!.. Owwwww! Damn it!”

...

Better. SO much better. Worlds and eons better. Feels like steam building up in my brain finally got a vent out. And that itch in my nose is gone too. Not sure what that was about, but at least it-

“…What the hell?!”

Ahhh, what a cliffhanger to end on! I'm really looking forward to finding out how you plan to explain this. And all the other stuff that happens in between. These characters are easy to find yourself caring about, and so is the story. Eagerly awaiting more, m'dear!

[a red nine]

I'm really looking forward to finding out what happened to Jude, so I do hope you haven't been too busy! If you need to bounce ideas off of someone, don't hesitate to send me a message! And if you don't intend to continue, I'd love to at least know what your plans would have been!

[SterlingSilver]

We're now officially at the point where I could skip, say, an episode of Criminal Minds to read this*

I'm honored! *O*! I'm really glad you like it!

I'm really looking forward to finding out what happened to Jude,

Okay, FIRST of all~

THANK YOU for your continuous support! I always look forward to your long comments, and it means so much to me that you care!

I myself actually really like Jude as a character, but it's no fun if others don't like him too

Having you as a reader is one of my greatest joys as a writer ~

Also, I really appreciate your offer! I definitely want to finish this fic eventually, and you can bet you'll be the first person I ask for a beta and for advice~

You're the best, Red QwQ~ *huggle of love* <3

I just can't tell you how tickled I am that you love this story enough to comment as much as you do >w<~

So this part seems longer to me. Probably why it took me a while to write, haha~

Part 4

Liam's actually the one who said, “What the hell?” So it’s safe to say he's just as exasperated as I am about it all, if he sunk to the language he so detests. I know my fit was slightly excessive, but I guess it doesn't warrant profanity. Maybe it does, I don't know. It's just so nice to have all the pressure gone and the itch extinguished. I give my nose a few good rubs with my forefinger before straightening up-...

...-oh.. okay.. I guess.. Well, I know why Liam said what he said now, and it wasn't in reference to me. He was talking about the giant, tube-like structure a few yards away. It's smeared with what I think is pinkish blood and fluid, and judging from the wet stains on the floor, it skidded across the garage to its current position. I reach up to feel my forehead; the Band-Aid is gone. So is the horn-thing. Liam's chalk he had been chewing is broken to pieces at his feet. He's sheet white.

I'm not sure what to do. In fact, I don't even know what just happened. Some kind of human-sized capsule just appeared while I was sneezing? There's no broken walls or ceiling, and I doubt it rolled through the door. Liam's looking at me now, eyes wide and pupils small. The last time I saw that look is when I wrecked his restored '68 Mustang while at the Laundromat.

"Jude," he says. His voice is all breathy, and he shakily starts feeling around his overalls again for his chalk box. I'm left standing, staring, wondering what he was going to say.

"What..?"

He's looking at me like I should know what, but honestly, I don't. Like I said before, I'm unnaturally calm about things. I don't mean to be, just like I don't mean sneeze like a teenage girl. I just do. I just am. After a second Liam realizes I'm actually in the dark about it, so he musters what looks like some serious resolve before walking over to me. Resting an arm on the top of my head like perch, he slips a stalk of chalk between his lips and gestures to the tube-thing.

"That just came out of your head."

"G-Get out of t-t-town."

"Naw, it did."

"Nnno way."

"Way."

We both stare at it, assessing it, and I sigh. Well, if it's from my head, I should be the one to investigate I suppose. As I step forward, Liam snatches me by the collar.

"Woah there, chief," he says in his baritone. "You've got some 'splainin' to do."

And so I do. I tell him all about the stupid thing from the sky, the sneezing, Marley and the bathroom (and his eye twitches a little at that part, heh~), and the pressure deep inside my head. We have to assume that if the tube-capsule thing did come from me, it must have been giving me a pretty bad headache. Because Liam and I have never been the most normal people, strangeness comes easily for us. After the initial scare, we're both accepting of the circumstances and approach it together. That’s family for you.

It's long, about the size of Liam when he's laying flat on the ground, and has one edge where the roundness tapers into a plateau. Once we roll it over properly, I see it's got this transparent plexi-glass material on the top. Or front. Whatever you want to call it. It's hard to get your orientations right on a cylinder. Using the edge of my sleeve, I wipe away some of the fluid until I can make out something inside.

It's a-.. a..

"hh'tschh!!"...

"Bless you," Liam says, and it strikes me that it's the first time he's done that today. But the nervous and angry way he says it is evidence enough to say how he feels about it. Big brother doesn't want me sneezing out another life-size tube. At least I only needed to sneeze once that time. Sniffling, I blink the bleariness away to confirm my suspicions.

"It-t-t.. 's a g-girl.."

The dark interior of her cylindrical jail makes it hard to discern accurate color, but I can see that her hair is gently curled and dark. She's got gorgeous lips too. Freckles. Oh hey, and boobs. She's not wearing anything. Now I'm completely convinced she came from my head.

"Jude, stop staring," Liam growls. "Impolite, man."

"I w-wonder if-f she's annn.. angel." Wouldn't surprise me if she was. She's beautiful enough. Shapely enough. You know, I wish there wasn't so much fluid to wipe off. It's obscuring my view. So yeah, Liam's blabbering about some sort of theory as to where she came from, and I'm going at this mess on the windshield. This would make a nice family portrait. He wises up to me though and snatches my arm by hoodie sleeve.

"Judy! Self control, you half-wit!"

"She c-c-c-came from mmmmy head! Annn-d-d don't even p-p-pretend you don't look-k at Mmmarley like th-"

Initializing...

"...Did you hear that? What was that?" Liam's up on his feet, storming around, eyes locking onto a single blinking light on the tube's console. He crunches on his chalk, reaching up to take it between two fingers. I'm leaning over her face, watching the tube illuminate from the inside. I feel like I'm in Tron. The lights start at the top and zoom down the sides, and the dim glittering reminds me of a Christmas tree.

Activating Wake-Up Protocol...

I can see the words now; they appear on a translucent screen within the plexi-glass, and they make little beeps as they scroll across the banner. Wake-up protocol? Was she waking up, then?

"Jude, sit back ma-"

OW.. "Holy shi-..tzu dog treats-..." I should get a medal for catching myself mid-pain like that. The freaking tube busted open like swing out kitchen doors, and I was so close that the left one smacked me dead in the face. So I'm back on the floor again, staring up with both hands over my nose. There's a fshhhhh of oxygen rushing into the airtight space, and entire area smells like a new car. Chemical-plastic-y smell.

I'm thinking about sitting up when she's suddenly kneeling over me, one hand on my cheek. The garage's lighting from above frames her perfectly—her hair is autumn red and her eyes are raincloud grey. I'm in heaven.

"Oh, I’m sorry! Are you okay?" She's got a killer voice too! It’s light, a little nervous, like she’s not sure what to do with herself in this situation. That’s okay, since I don’t have the faintest idea either. Man, she wakes up and the first thing she does is get all concerned about me. I can feel myself smiling. I'm trying not to, really, but it's hard to keep a poker face.

"I saw the glass hit you. Right in the portal area too, tsk.." She rubs a thumb against my head before getting up to her feet, and I realize that she actually is wearing clothes.

It's a light-pink body suit. Dang... well, she looks just as good anyway. Can't complain here. Liam's turned Doberman and puts himself between us, puffing up to intimidate. He's got more than a few inches on her. She's about my height, I think. She breaks out into a careful smile, folding her hands in front of her.

"Um.. A-Allow me to introduce myself," she says, tucking hair behind her ear. She sounds human, looks human. I want to think she's human. Gotta be human. Please be human-...

"I am the Cosmic Homebase Endothermic-portal Liason. But you may call me C.H.E.L.-"

Aw.. Not human, then. Android? I push up with my elbows and climb to my feet, keeping a hand over my forehead. The skin there feels solid enough, but it's still sore from the abuse it's been taking. My nose hurts too. I guess I should do a better job listening to her, since she's saying something important. Liam's looking all serious at her, nodding once in a while; and she’s gesturing with her hands, watching the floor as she gets her thoughts together.

"-Subject 0656566 was chosen to be a portal catalyst, and was tagged with a homing device this morning-"

I wonder how long she's been in my head, or where she's from. She looks just like you or me, from her bare feet up to the crown of her head. She's got a neat, red one-side headset and mic; there's a glowing white symbol that looks a little like an upside-down Q on the earpiece. Chel also has black, bold-frame glasses. She must have just put them on, since they weren't there before. With thumb and forefinger, she adjusts them.

"-hostile forces may be planning an attack against your planet, since the portal was created by-"

Mm, something about an alien invasion? Straight out of War of the Worlds, seems like. Today has been the weirdest day, everybody. I'm taking it all in stride, believe me, but there comes a moment when a guy has to ask himself, How much BS am I willing to swallow today? Is it three quarts? A gallon? I'm reaching my limit pretty soon, methinks.

"-but fortunately we were able to open a second portal connection-”

Okay, I’m not a fan of extended exposition. Makes things boring and complicated, so let me just recap this for you all. I’ll make it like a drive-thru: quick and easy—

+ What hit me this morning was some kind of alien malware that drilled into my head and opened an intergalactic portal—I am known as Subject 0656566.

+ Chel’s a sophisticated robot from an Order that watches out for… alien terrorism? I guess? I’m not sure about that one. Whoever they are, they hacked the portal for the sake of protecting Earth.

+ So the bad guys and the good guys have access to an all-purpose portal that I’m host to.

I might be jumping the gun here, but I think this is war.

"hh-.. 'tschhuh!"

I might as well have shot somebody, with the way Jude and Chel glance over at me. My cheeks rush hot for the third or fourth time today while I scratch my nose with the edge of my sleeve. Something resists me, some weight, and I find Chel tugging with two fingers at the cuff. I still have an itch, and it’s making my eyelashes flutter. She smiles gently, anxiously, shyly, and presses a single finger against the sore spot on my forehead—

“hht-.. hh..” .. Tickles-.. right in the middle-..

“So.. mm.. This portal is a one-way gate,” she’s saying, keeping the steady pressure. “And when one or both parties from the other side utilize it, he-”

“HIITSCHH!!...mm..” I manage to whirl away from her in time, doubling over from the force. That itch was a nasty one, but I’m spared the head-splitting ache. Must mean there’s nothing in the dock, from what I understand.

“The sneeze, or well… sneezes, are supposed to knock loose the materials sent through the portal. It is a one-way connection, so things can only exit,” she says.

“B-b-better out thannn.. inn’I always s-say.”

Liam cuts me this glare of ice. He wants me to take all this more seriously, I guess. Kind of hard to do that when everything seems so absurd and intangible. Besides, what’s the fun in getting grim about it? Chel’s kind of hot, and she’s got her hands all over me. More action than I’ve had my entire high school career. I said before that she’s my height, but I’m wrong. She’s actually got an inch or two on me. Not that I’m surprised, damn it.

Her palms slide up under my hoodie, and then yank up.

“Whuh-?” That’s all I manage, and me and her stagger a little dance while she wrestles me out of my outer layer. Being honest: I don’t like my hoodie off. It’s all I wear, and I feel safe when I’m in there. Like no one in the world can hurt me. Liam’s garage isn’t a good place to get shirtless, since it’s drafy and everything you touch is chilled. As Chel gets it over my head, I hear Liam surge forward.

“The hell are you doing to him?”

It’s all muffled, and I’m blinded by the cloth material, but I can hear good enough.

“I-… it’s… protocol. Synchronization protocol, sir,” Chel says. Liam’s got her scared.

“English, please.”

“…sir, I am speaking English—”

“In a way fucking humans can understand. Drop all the robot shit.”

“Liam.” I’m talking before I know it. “Easy.” No stutter that time! Small victories, kids.

There’s a tense silence, and I shiver once from the air. Don’t want to add pressure to the pot, but it would be nice if they could hurry it up. Sooner the sync is done, sooner I can curl back up in the folds of my sanctuary.

“0656566 has not yet been registered in the Monitoring System. The Riddock Galactic Order concerns itself with the safety of its portals, and has commissioned me to catalog and oversee his vitals. Too much portal activity will affect his health adversely, so it is important for us to ensure his protection. We cannot do this without the Monitoring System.”

Oh…

“Affect his health? How?” Liam’s on this like a hound on blood.

“Anywhere from mild side effects to death.”

Damn! She didn’t even soften the blow!

“N-Not to say anything like that will happen! That’s what the System is for. Don’t distress yourself.”

At first, I think she’s talking to Liam. But she’s not. She’s pulled up the hoodie a bit more so I can see, and is smiling that shy smile. Only then do I realize how tense I am. Guess I’m a little more freaked out than I thought I was about this… not that anyone needs to know. Liam flips out easy enough as it is. He needs me to be the cool-head in this family. Both of us look to him now, and he sighs. The stick of chalk moves from one side of his mouth to the other by way of his tongue.

“Does he have to live with this forever?”

“Negative, sir. Only a week in Earth time.”

The atmosphere changes. Just a week? Big brother and I relax on the spot. Good news. Good news, indeed. Though the concept of “Earth time” is a little disconcerting. Does that mean the alien terrorists out there relatively have me as a portal for longer than that? I decide not to ask, since I don’t think Liam’s thought of that yet. No reason to make more waves in a turbulent sea. Unless someone wants to throw up or drown, that is.

“All right, fine. Synchronize him, or whatever.” Liam waves her to her work like he would dismiss a gesture of kindness. He’s resigned himself to this, and so have I. With my hoodie off, bare chest and back out in the vulnerable open, I don’t know what I’m expecting. Maybe a series of shots? Some electric shocks?

Nope. Chel starts massaging me. Hell yeah. Maybe it’s her robot fingers (which are actually really warm, if you’re wondering), or what I’m guessing is her inhuman strength…whatever the reason, it’s like no massage I’ve ever had. Even though the air is cold, her hands aren’t, and neither is her body. Soon I’m up against her, pulled there and held there. Heat envelops me like a cocoon, all around me, and I feel like going to sleep. With one hand, she slowly tipping my head back so my hair brushes her collar and then chest—… I’m only telling you all this because I know you won’t tell anyone else, but this is the farthest I’ve ever got with any girl.

…then she kisses me. And her lips are just as soft as I thought they would be. And it doesn’t feel wet, which is what I was worried about. At least, until, something really fucking cold STARTS SLIDING DOWN MY THROAT HOLY SHIT—

…

I want to sob. Not pathetically sob, but angrily sob and lean back on my knees to the sky, begging the universe to know why I had to go through that. I’m on all fours now, hacking up my guts, trying to vomit up whatever she made me swallow. It’s not working. Liam’s on the verge of cracking her head against a hubcap, and I can’t blame him.

If a baby alien explodes out of my chest later this week, my tolerance for any and all women is going to hit rock bottom. First pass at a girl, and I get violated. And oh, great. I actually am sobbing. Damn my sensitivity. I’m just scared. Scared, and mad, because I feel cheated.

“hht-!.. hh’jischhh!”

And of course I can’t go two seconds without snotting myself up and sounding pathetic.

“That was sensory fluid! It’s completely safe, it just observes his body’s processes!” Chel’s defending herself and her job with all she’s got; Liam still wants to pound her face in. I should probably step in before he—

There’s a metallic screech of car death, and I glance up just in time to see a Ford F150 fly into the back wall and severely dent one of the garage doors. Too late. He’s might kill her now. Wiping my nose on my forearm, ignoring the slick against my skin, I stand up and call out.

“L-L-L-L-L-…” Deep breathe, Jude. Again. “L-L-L-L-!... LIAM!” The sobbing I’m finishing up isn’t exactly helping me articulate, and I have to commend Chel on her response times. She’d probably be crushed to death if she wasn’t so fast. Liam’s throwing his tools now, and the wrenches he’s lobbing go so fast, they’re breaking clean through cars’ outer-armor. Like bullets. I’m praying he doesn’t find a nail gun. I wish Marley were here.

“0656566 is very important! I would never harm him, please! It’s not in my programming!”

“His name is Jude, you bitch!”

Hands on my head now. I just want to go home. My face is still wet from tears and snot; the draft through the garage makes the places of wetness feel freezing, like when you get under a fan after sweating a lot. Yeah, no. I crouch down, face against my knees. This is too much for me at the moment. I’m going to mentally peace out. Sorry if this narration stops, but I’m not much up to telling you what’s going on. It’s loud, scary shit in here, and I’m just having to watch—

“EXCALIBER! CODE EXCALIBER!”

Chel calling for some kind of help-…? Oh, wait. That means-… I clench up. I have to sneeze. And no, no way I’m gonna. I know what’s up, and I’m not going to do this. It could mean pay time for my brother, an army of robots, or any number of apocalyptic situations. Wrinkling up my nose, I wedge it in between my knees. I’m not even going to start. It’s my body. I don’t have to sneeze if I don’t want to. It’s cake.

The metal’s still flying, and I’m impressed no neighboring stores have called the cops. Then again, it’s late in the afternoon and most of the Mom & Pop franchises have closed for the day. Liam’s just getting angrier and angrier, and the more he wants to beat you up, the harder he tries. From the sounds of the screams and pounding footsteps, Liam’s running after her. He’s just trying to protect me, I know that. Not his fault he has some severe complexes when it comes to guarding me. Some of it’s from our parents; some of it’s from the foster homes. Can’t blame him, and I’m not gonna.

I’m trying to distract myself from the tickle. It’s just growing and growing, rising up and farther back, reaching for my throat. Not breathing makes no difference. It’s burrowing, inflating, and I can’t-!

“…chuchh!”

It’s a breathless sneeze since I refused to inhale at all, but it empties my lungs to such an extent that I have to take in air. And that’s, of course, exactly what this portal thing wants. Now that I understand what’s happening, it’s frighteningly obvious what’s happening inside me. From some wormhole inside my skull, something’s emerging, and it’s tickling like nothing ever has before. An itch from a normal sneeze is bothersome, but at least it’s natural. This is a monster—my whole face feels like it’s tingling. And the only thing that can fix it is to just sneeze-.. and sneeze… and-…

“..hhh!!... tsschh!.. tschhh!.. hh-tscchuu!..” That pain in my head is coming back. Slowly, but surely. Deeply, it comes, and it makes me feel like my brain is swelling. I sit up to give myself air, since it’s hard to breathe when you’re all hunched over. “hh’iitschhu!.. IIK’shuuu!.. N’NNSHH!”

The crying from earlier isn’t helping. I actually could care less about the portal cargo; I’d give anything for a tissue. Liam must have noticed that I’m caught in a fit, because most of the noise dims down.

“EE’XTSCHHU!.. II’TSCHHUHH!..” Regular intervals. Can’t stop. Head hurts.

“HEH’TSCHUUHSHUU!...HETZZSHUU!!... EE’KSSHHUUUUU!!-ahhh..”

Halfway there-.. I can feel it, whatever it is, sticking out of my head. It’s heavy, but smaller than Chel’s traveling tube. Still sneezy and on the verge of another venting fit, I lean toward the ground. Damn. Whatever this is, it’s more than heavy. It’s Thor’s freaking Hammer.

The pain in my head is less than the time with Chel. I assume that’s because the object is smaller. It’s easier to handle this level of ache, but I’m cheesed off that I can’t seem to sneeze. It’s right there, on the edge of my nose, but every hitch of breath comes to nothing. I think it’s because, logically, the object is half out. Body doesn’t know what to do.

“Take it,” Chel’s saying. Me? I start to sit back so I can get in position to pull, but it’s impossible. It weighs so much I can’t move. But stronger hands wrap around it, and their hands that I recognize. Liam, with a grunt of effort I’ve never heard from him before, unsheathes the object from my skulls like a sword. Flopping back from the inertia, my nose gives into a last, “hh’tscchhuuh!”

“What is this?” Liam asks. Glancing up, I can see that the object is a three-foot long wrench, thick and made from what must be some alien metal. Heavier and more durable than any human alloy. Chel stands politely to the side, her hair a mess from running for her life. Liam’s all smeared in grease, and his are bloody. I guess some of that throwing ripped at the skin.

“It’s an All Thing,” she says quietly. “An object that few may wield. We were surprised to discover an Earth being had the potential to use one.” As she speaks, Chel edges over to me while Liam is busy with his new toy. Stooping, she cups one of my cheeks in her soft, warm palm. I don’t want to look at her.

“I apologize, Jude,” and her eyes mean it. “I… it did not occur to me to warn you. Human sensitivity and customs escape me sometimes.” Then she gives me a tissue and my hoodie. I consider this a clean slate. While blowing my nose and donning my hoodie, I listen to her talk more about the All Thing. Apparently it’s something that’s alive, in a way. Once a wielder holds an All Thing for the first time, it bonds to that person and serves him (or her, I’m sure) like a companion in battle. Liam’s mesmerized, and if you look close you can watch the metal move and change subtly around his fingers. The wielder has the power to turn the All Thing into anything, within reason. It’s a wrench right now because that’s a personification of Liam’s soul, or some deep stuff like that.

“C-Can we g-g-go home nnnow?” I’m looking pitiful, I bet, and I use this to my advantage. A couple well placed sniffles and an eye-rub has Liam packing up his tools and Chel at my shoulders. Sometimes being Asian, short, and dainty for my age has it’s perks—makes it easy to look young. And honestly I am really tired. My stomach’s jumpy from the violence and the cold liquid Chel fed me. After some dinner, screw the homework. I’m going to sleep.

[Malachite]

Aaaah, a long part <3

This is turning utterly interesting ^^ (I got to admit I was expecting Jude to be the holder of it).

Also, yaaaay, snot!

Well done lass ^^

[a red nine]

Wow! There were so many great things about this chapter. For one thing the voice: not only was it strong, but it stayed consistent. I find that some authors lose track of their character when something dramatic happens, but Jude's take-it-in-stride attitude didn't waver, so I was pleased to see that. And also, I laughed on many occasions, so many that if I noted them all I might have a review half the length of this story.

Liam's actually the one who said, “What the hell?” So it’s safe to say he's just as exasperated as I am about it all, if he sunk to the language he so detests.

This was the first of many laughs.

His voice is all breathy, and he shakily starts feeling around his overalls again for his chalk box.

This was a nice little detail. In times of confusion, Liam reaches instinctively for something that brings him comfort.

Resting an arm on the top of my head like perch, he slips a stalk of chalk between his lips and gestures to the tube-thing.

"That just came out of your head."

"G-Get out of t-t-town."

"Naw, it did."

"Nnno way."

"Way."

Something about this dialogue was just so humorous, probably because what happened was so out of this world, yet you ground your reader by still making Liam and Jude talk like a pair of brothers.

Oh hey, and boobs. She's not wearing anything. Now I'm completely convinced she came from my head.

She's got a killer voice too! It’s light, a little nervous, like she’s not sure what to do with herself in this situation. That’s okay, since I don’t have the faintest idea either. Man, she wakes up and the first thing she does is get all concerned about me. I can feel myself smiling. I'm trying not to, really, but it's hard to keep a poker face.

It's a light-pink body suit. Dang... well, she looks just as good anyway.

Chel’s kind of hot, and she’s got her hands all over me. More action than I’ve had my entire high school career.

Nope. Chel starts massaging me. Hell yeah.

I have to admit, it's actually quite refreshing to see a boy written this way. Not every guy is a drooling horndog of course, and neither is Jude, but it seems like a lot of books aimed at girls these days have Mr. Chivalrous as the hero, who only cares about personality, not tits. Jude is still only human, and I admire that you didn't try to make admirable - he's really just a normal guy. (And all the quotes listed above made me laugh too)

I'm leaning over her face, watching the tube illuminate from the inside. I feel like I'm in Tron.

Nice detail, very realistic to how the mind makes connections.

"Holy shi-..tzu dog treats-..." I should get a medal for catching myself mid-pain like that.

This is about the fourth or fifth time I laughed, I'm sure.

I'm taking it all in stride, believe me, but there comes a moment when a guy has to ask himself, How much BS am I willing to swallow today? Is it three quarts? A gallon? I'm reaching my limit pretty soon, methinks.

Just when I was wondering if even Jude feels like he can handle this, you throw in this line. A very well-illustrated one at that.

Makes things boring and complicated, so let me just recap this for you all. I’ll make it like a drive-thru: quick and easy-

*falls over because the wording and the voice go together hand-in-hand so brilliantly*

“English, please.”

“…sir, I am speaking English—”

“In a way fucking humans can understand. Drop all the robot shit.”

I can't keep track of how many times I've laughed

“Liam.” I’m talking before I know it. “Easy.” No stutter that time! Small victories, kids.

What a cutie

Sorry if this narration stops, but I’m not much up to telling you what’s going on. It’s loud, scary shit in here, and I’m just having to watch—

Good, great, now things are getting out of hand and I can feel like Jude is totally freaked out, but still in a teenage boy kind of way that doesn't seem odd or out-of-character.

“It’s an All Thing,” she says quietly.

And I like the term you gave for this, and the All Things are very intriguing. I like the way you've deviated from FLCL to make something your own. Chel is clearly not Haruko, but the kiss is reminiscent of FLCL's romantic coming-of-age themes. The storyline got so intriguing this time around, but it wasn't hard to follow either. The explanations don't become boring or feel like exposition. It's really not typical for me to get wound up in a plot like this, I've only read a handful of authors that manage to tackle this genre will still putting in enjoyable fetishy stuff. I'm getting very curious about where this is going!

[EmeraldThread]

So I just sat down and read all of this in one sitting which I don't normally do. But this is so interesting!!! There's a lot I really like about this beyond just the sneezing bits (which are adorable and ldksfjsldjflsdfjsd yes btw). Since I read it all at once, I don't want to go back through four parts and make a bajillion quotes for everything I liked, so I'll be general and...attempt as many specifics as possible? Anyway.

The narration style for Jude - really intriguing. I just like his voice, and especially how the way you write him, it's like he's actually talking to us. Normally I'm not sure what I think of that kind of thing, but I like the way you do it. Like those parts where he breaks off when he has to sneeze? YES. Just...that's a yes. I'd never thought of doing that before until I skimmed this a few weeks ago, and I was like "Hey, that's cool!" And it's just so...perfect for leading into sneezes that interrupt stuff. xDD

Your characters in general are awesome, too, and they're so distinct and very much...themselves, if that makes sense. Like their little quirks, I like them. The way Jude sneezes like a teenage girl, and how Marley follows him into the bathroom because she cares, and my favorite one, how Liam chews chalk. As soon as you mentioned that, I was like "Huh. I like this guy." I don't even know what it is, but I think he's my favorite character. Maybe it's the caring older brother thing, and....well, mostly the caring and how he immediately notices that something's up when Jude goes to the garage. And the forehead feeling. And like...that...stuff...I dunno. I just like him. xD

Also, the sneezes themselves? Yes. Again. So good. X3 I don't even know what else to say, I just love your spellings for him so much because the way I hear them in my head is in line with my preference and it's just...you're awesome. This story is so interesting anyway, I'm really glad I read it and I'm looking forward to reading the rest!

[SterlingSilver]

This is turning utterly interesting

I'm so glad you think so! I hope you continue to enjoy, ne~ :3

The storyline got so intriguing this time around, but it wasn't hard to follow either. The explanations don't become boring or feel like exposition. It's really not typical for me to get wound up in a plot like this, I've only read a handful of authors that manage to tackle this genre will still putting in enjoyable fetishy stuff. I'm getting very curious about where this is going!

Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed~ QwQ~~

This is like.. this means the world to me~ I want to write in a way that pleases the community, but it also interesting all on it's own, so this made my entire week <3 Thank you so much for always commenting so nicely and so thoroughly~ I hope you continue to enjoy!

I dunno. I just like him.

Ahahaha~! I'm glad you like Liam~! I picture him to be a bashful, angry guy in my head, so he'd be furiously blushing at your compliments if he existed xDDD

But I love your writing as well, so it makes me so happy you commented! <3 I hope you continue to enjoy it~

A/N: So this part is shorter than the last, but it felt like an okay place to end it. I like to try and keep updates fairly often so I don't leave it too long, haha~

Part 5

Zombie. I’m Zombie Jude, guys. No joke. All three of us are crammed in Liam’s two-seater pick-up truck, me in the middle. The sun’s brilliant and orange, giving everything in the car a giant shadow. I can feel Liam’s shoulder and arm against my own, and it’s warm with familiar body heat. Chel’s warm too, but of course she feels foreign next to me. Still, I guess the garage got to me because I can’t seem to shake off that drafty, leaky wind that blows through the slits in the metal doors. Stuck to me somehow, and I squeeze my muscles as I shudder. It’s hard to keep my eyes open, and my hoodie sleeves are crusty from dried snot. It’s been one of those days. Hopefully Marley’s got something on the stove by now.

Liam occasionally glances at me sideways, checking my face for weakness. I’m not giving him any. Chel’s got one soft hand in my hair, fingers dragging on my scalp. Figures she’s in the mood again when I’m too tired to give a shit. It’s nice though… Like Mom used to do, or what I imagined she would have done…

She must have been really pretty, my mother. Me and Liam look like Dad, so I can’t find her likeness in the mirror or his eyes. In the pictures we still have, she’s got hair down to her hips. She was young when she went. Damn shame.

“Judy?”

…Mom?

“Baby, wake up for me.”

“Mmmb.” I open my eyes. I guess I fell asleep on the way home, because I’m on top of my bed now. “I’mmmb.. up.”

It’s Marley, and she’s perched on the edge of my bed with a bowl and thermometer. It’s dim, since the lights are off and the sun’s just about sunk out of the lavender sky. It’s the early night, when only the most eager of stars are out, and most of them are actually just airplane towers. My nose is packed solid from sleep and all the sneezing. It hurts my head to snort against it. She gives me this sad smile when she watches me wince.

“Your horn is gone.”

“Mmmb..”

Don’t feel like talking. It’s hard and I’m exhausted. Marley didn’t mean to, but now she’s got me thinking about the nutso stuff that’s happened today, and I’d rather pretend it was some other person who got hit in the head. Rubbing my hands over my face, I breathe in deep through my mouth, and somehow that’s enough.

“h’tschhh!”

“Bless you, hun.”

Oh, would she just shut up? I give her a look that asks, and she sits back in surprise. Crap…now I feel like a jerk. She didn’t do anything but come in to check on me and give me some dinner, and here I am, playing the angsty teenager. Real mature, Jude. No wonder you have all the luck with the ladies.

“S-s-s.. sorry..”

But she wouldn’t let me finish if I had more to say. A hand’s on my forehead, her icy eyes melting into glass.

“You don’t feel good, so you’re allowed to be a little moody tonight,” she tells me. “It’s about time you had your turn.” She rolls her eyes to the cracked door, and we both hear Liam clamoring around with cookware while grumbling to Royce. Royce is our mutt, if you forgot. It makes us both smile, but mine lasts longer than hers does.

“You feel hot, chief,” and she sounds quietly ominous, as if we took a wrong turn in the woods. I’m praying it’s just her own paranoia, because I really can’t take being sick on top of all the poop I’m already wading in. I’d drown and rest in a smelly grave.

“His temperature is 101.0983 degrees Fahrenheit, or 38.3879 degrees Celsius.”

Marley snatches her hand away like I burned her, turning her head to the figure at the door. It’s Chel, and she’s draped in one of Marley’s XL nightie shirts. It curtains her like a cocktail dress would. The domestic style suits her. I wish I was married, which is a weird thing to think all of a sudden. Damn this fever.

“How do you know that?” Marley’s wary.

“The fluid I orally inserted allows me to monitor such things.”

Charming, Chel. Really. Way to win over the humans. Ugh, man. My throat’s dry as a sundried corn husk. Feels like it’s been baked out in the heat the same way, and even when I swallow all the spit I got, it just stings. And that chronic headache is back. These are great signs. Royally screwed, tis I.

The girls are talking, but I’m too fuzzy to be an effective stenographer at the moment. I’m not going to risk giving you all muddy information. Been a while since I’ve felt sick; Liam’s (shocker!) the one who gets a cold every year, not me. I almost forgot how rotten it feels, and how much sick people want to sleep. My eyes itch too much to keep open.

“It’s a combination of the portal, the fluid, and fatigue,” Chel’s saying. “You will feel just fine tomorrow.”

Oh, she’s talking to me? Mm.. well, I heard her. No need for me to sit up and chat about it. The sooner we get to tomorrow, the better—

“Judy,” Marley’s saying from a long distance. “Don’t you want soup?”

No, no. I’m not hungry. Thanks, really, but please…

“JUDE.”

“Huh?” Mother of murder, my heart’s jackhammering. You think Liam would have the decency to fucking announce himself less loudly when I’m nearly asleep. He’s got a stick of chalk hanging out of his mouth like a lazy cig, hands on his hips and still greasy from work. The scowl says it all—he’s just worried.

“Eat something.”

Gotta pace myself first. Get my breath back. My head’s all swimmy from the jumpscare, and Chel’s rubbing a palm against my back. She’s attentive, this one. It’s not that I mind, but it’s sort of awkward to have an android-maid thing you’ve just met making such a big deal. The “fluid” she put inside me apparently links me to her, so I guess she can tell I was startled. Then again, I nearly pissed myself, so wouldn’t have noticed?

“hht-!.. HH’ktsschh!” Awesome. And if I wasn’t doing enough of-.. that..

“hhiitschh!”.. enough of that..

“iih’tschuu!” .. doing enough..

“Hiih’ikkshuu!!” .. doingenoughofthatalready—

“HII’TSHH’uhhh!” …

… Huzzah. Finished. And everyone’s looking at me like we’re on DEFCON 2. Wide eyes, frozen limbs, no one even bothering to bless me or anything. My BS tolerance is at an all-time low, guys. Sorry you have to see this.

“Wuh-wuh-wuh-.. WHY is everrryone l-l-lllooking at m-m-m-mmme, like I’mmmsome M-MIN-MONSTER?” I thump my fists on the mattress. Liam flinches an arm up, as if to ward off any projectiles that might fly out of my head. “Oh, really? R-R-REALLY?..” It really sucks to be mad with a stutter. I can’t get everything out, and after a couple tries, I usually give up out of embarrassment anyway-… “L-l-like I’mmm gonna h-.. huh-.. hh.. hyyt’ktschhh!”

Everyone in the room stiffens… it hurts. I’m not dangerous. When have I ever hurt anybody? The most dangerous person in the room is my big brother, who’s currently in an apron that says, “Suck my Hot Dog” on it. Jude Price is notorious for having a cool head and open hands. Shame my character gets shattered by some kind of alien software that I didn’t even ask for. Besides, I feel sick.

The silence isn’t comfortable. Let’s hope everyone leaves. I’m cranky, and now I’m all kinds of exhausted. Being angry is the most tiring emotion, I think. Everyone’s just watching me now as I wipe my nose with a tissue. They’re all a bunch of assholes. Did I not make that clear?

“Y-Y-.. You’re all a b-b-b.. b-bunch of assholes.”

There. That should do it.

Liam breaks out in a dark smile, almost always managing to make even the happiest expressions look sinister. It’s a real one though—the one he smiles when I’m funny. His biceps are thick, muscles slithering under his skin when he folds his arms.

“Bless you, chief” he says. It’s as close of an apology as I’m going to get. He’s still an asshole, but I’m more sulky than angry now, at least. And his response stirs the girls into motion. In moments, I have one on each arm.

“I’m sorry, baby,” Marley’s saying, kissing my head through my hair. Chel’s not vocal, but she’s got a cheek to my cheek. They’re not getting anything from me, though. Nuh uh. I may be a horny teenager, but I know when I’m being coerced to out of a rightful bad mood. I deserve to be cross with them, and ain’t nobody no how going to… oh, fuck!..

Sneeze is coming, and I’ll be… no, no.. I guess I really am dangerous, if I’ve got them this bad. Having a fit usually means I’m going to produce something unearthly. With both hands I clench my nose, keeping my nostrils shut against the air and my breath coming in careful puffs. Over the course of a single, the meaning of sneezing has completely changed for me. Crazy stuff, kids.

With my eyes squished shut, I don’t acknowledge anyone is staring until Liam asks, “Again?” He’s trying not to sound wary. Trying is the key word here, folks.

Chel’s got a warm hand at the back of my neck, kneading her fingers carefully into some nerve endings at the base of my skull… It’s.. ehh.. It’s helping the headache, actually, but it’s hard to concentrate on more than one problem at a time. hh… My nose won’t settle down, no matter how still I stay.

“The portal is not active.” Her voice is really soft. Almost sad. “His body is only irritated. Nothing to fear.”

Yeah, take that! Assholes. Ohh-uh— “uhh’tischh!.. uhh’tschhuu!” I got my hands out of the way to sneeze freely over my lap, and I can’t stop myself from groaning afterward. Chel’s fingers press more firmly against my neck, and the pressure in my head drains a little. Marley’s face and slumped posture tells me she’s feeling replaced and put out, so I lean a little against her shoulder. She’s an asshole today, but I forgive her. I’d be an asshole too if I didn’t.

Feels good to close my eyes again. Chel’s mini-massage has got me going limp. I’ve always been the guy who can fall asleep anywhere, you know. People joke it’s because I’m a calm person, but I think it’s because I’m trusting… I trust that I’ll be okay when I go to sleep on a bus, or at a desk, or in a park. It’s not the smart thing to do; I mean, I got mugged once… But a life without trust is a lonely and boring one. At least, that’s how I see it… yeah… that’s how I wish Liam… would see it…

…

…

… ugh, sticky.. sticky, all over me. And why’s it pitch black?.. Oh, my eyes are closed. Still pretty dark though. What’s.. clock says it’s.. what is that? A three or a five? It’s early. Why are you awake, Jude?.. Ahhhh-!

“ack’tschh!!” That’s why. And didn’t Chel say I would feel better tomorrow? It’s tomorrow, and I feel worse. Anyone out there who remembers what having the flu is like will know that I’m talking about—weak, shaky, cold, nauseous… I’m a corpse, buried in sheets. Sweat’s just everywhere. “hhuh’jdiishh!”

The sneezing isn’t helping anything at all. I’m already light-headed, so it’s just—“hck’kdishhh!”—exacerbating that problem. Not to mention this itch doesn’t feel like a normal sneeze itch. It’s something nasty: a feathery softness touching all along the inside of my face, leaving me muzzy. Hard to de-.. describe, I-.. it..

“eyyh’djsihshh!!”—feels big, is what I’m saying. Like, something’s caught in the core of me, and it’s tickling, so I-.. vent-.. “hh’gshhuu!.. Tshih’uhh!”.. Geez, they’re wet. Must have gotten congestion overnight, and now… well, you know what I mean.

Sorry I’m not on point, like… I.. there’s just, I can’t really think so good. It feels like everything I’m touching is coated in a sheet of ice, and it burns. The kind of cold that’s so hot, or the hot that’s so cold, it’s not itself. Going to be honest here –

“Eht’KSCHH!”

– I’m pretty scared..

[Malachite]

And the story continues great! <3 Thank you! Thank you! You're wonderful!

[SapphireSong]

AWWW!!! Dude, like, I've been following this religiously, even though I haven't been able to comment in a while. But ASDFJDGKDLJL I LOVE THIS STORY. I just... I can't even, like... dude. xD;;; Let's see.... coherent feedback... let's try this. xDD

First of all, your characters are SO good, I love them!! They're each very unique, and believable, and I love how they each have their own quirks. Jude is probably my favorite, because like... he's so cute, and funny, and I feel really bad for him, yet he's being so awesome about it all that I feel less bad about enjoying his misery..? xDD;; But Liam is awesome, too - bashful and angry is an adorable combination, and I love how much he cares for Jude. Marley, too!! She seems like a really cool girl, and both of them are lucky to know her. xDD And Chel is really really interesting - I'm not sure how I feel about her yet, but for who/what she is that we know so far, she's absolutely perfect and I look forward to seeing more of her.

Second, your perspective/writing style. BLACK. This is one of the most interesting stories I've read, because your style is soso very distinct and just... perfect. I love how you're writing this perspective-wise - you do a fantastic job of putting us into Jude's head (poor guy ^^;;;; ), so that when I read this, I feel like I actually am him. His thoughts/perceptions of everything are so awesome, too - he's got a way of looking at things that's just so... him. I don't even know how to describe it, but I freakin' LOVE it. xDD

Third, the plot!!!! OMGOSH, I mean.. the whole portal thing... and stuff... it's so good, and I'm super interested to see how this all plays out!! You've done a wonderful job of taking a concept and developing it so well, making it your own, and making it riveting. Kudos to your plot-writing skills.

Last but not anywhere near least - the fetishy stuff. The fetishy stuff.

Dude. What are you doing to me, I can't even like... dude. xDD;;;; I mentioned before that I don't usually prefer girly sneezes for guys, but... you make Jude's.... hot. I mean wut. xDD;;; The poor guy's just... so miserable.. and I feel bad, but the way you describe it... and his fits... and his spellings..... asdfdhfkaljfklkl I love it so much. Andandand now he's like... actually sick/feverish, which is something that always gets me.... and... I can't wait to see what happens next TwT

So yeah.. xD;;; Thank you so much for sharing this with us!!! I'm really looking forward to more.

[a red nine]

Blarghhh! So it seems you have not only the ability to intrigue me but also the ability to turn me into a pile of emotional goo. That was so cute, I just sat here smooshing my cheeks with my hands and being all like ahhhhhh! I'm kind of out of it tonight, likely due in part to this story, so I'm sorry to say I have nothing intelligible to add. Just lots of screaming and giggling and general mushy delight.

"Rubbing my hands over my face, I breathe in deep through my mouth, and somehow that’s enough.

“h’tschhh!”

“Bless you, hun.”

AHHHHHHH it's so cute I bury my head in the sand

“How do you know that?” Marley’s wary.

“The fluid I orally inserted allows me to monitor such things.”

Charming, Chel. Really.

I laugh but also yo, creepy but interesting? I get the feeling we'll learn more about this once Jude is well (which, well, I personally don't feel needs to happen anytime soon...... even if Chel said he'll feel better tomorrow *pout*)

“hht-!.. HH’ktsschh!” Awesome. And if I wasn’t doing enough of-.. that..

“hhiitschh!”.. enough of that..

“iih’tschuu!” .. doing enough..

“Hiih’ikkshuu!!” .. doingenoughofthatalready—

“HII’TSHH’uhhh!” …

… Huzzah.

Oh you can say that again.

The most dangerous person in the room is my big brother, who’s currently in an apron that says, “Suck my Hot Dog” on it.

My friend and I have lately been discussing funny things that belong on aprons, and this certainly makes the cut.

They’re all a bunch of assholes. Did I not make that clear?

“Y-Y-.. You’re all a b-b-b.. b-bunch of assholes.”

There. That should do it.

Glad to see even when Jude's sick as a dog he's still snarky as heck

I trust that I’ll be okay when I go to sleep on a bus, or at a desk, or in a park. It’s not the smart thing to do; I mean, I got mugged once…

Jude you're a success story to us all

And then all that sneezing in the end... Gweeeee. Oh I've been needing something cutesy to read for a while and this fulfilled my requirement immensely. All that fever stuff... yeah I'm officially a mush pile. Thank you for making this chapter so just fluffy and great, it was exactly what I needed! But I'm looking forward to learning even more about Jude's situation in the upcoming parts too.

[SpookyBoi]

This is strange yet incredible in its own way. Keep going.

[SexualOddity]

Oh gosh! I LOVE this. I don't even know what FLCL stands for, so if there are references they're flying by me, but I love your characters. They're realistic and believable and the scenario is fascinating. Plus, there's something really oddly hot about the cause and effect of the portal being activated and the sneezing, and about this foreign entity being present and his body having to sneeze and sneeze to expel it. Just the whole helplessness against the process... yum.

REALLY enjoying this, and hoping for more!

[SterlingSilver]

And the story continues great! <3 Thank you! Thank you! You're wonderful!

Thank you! I hope you continue to enjoy it! Your reviews are always appreciated QwQ~

Oh I've been needing something cutesy to read for a while and this fulfilled my requirement immensely. All that fever stuff... yeah I'm officially a mush pile. Thank you for making this chapter so just fluffy and great, it was exactly what I needed!

UWAAAA~! Yaaaaay! I wanted that chapter to be fluffy and adorable, so I'm really glad that came through >w<~! Thank you for the long review as always, and I'm so, so glad you are still enjoying this!

This is strange yet incredible in its own way. Keep going.

Ahahahaha! Both two adjectives I am proud to have associated with this story~ Thank you!

REALLY enjoying this, and hoping for more!

Thank you for the review, SO! I hope I continue to please >w<~

A/N: Hello there everyone! Sorry for such a late chapter, but school has been so busy during finals. I'm hoping to have lots of time to work on this and even finish it maybe over Christmas break. So, I'm kind of really bad with action-y stuff and huge plot moments, so hopefully this chapter isn't a complete flop x'DDD. Plus, it's a little hard to write it in present-tense first person when there are important things happening. Anyway, if this chapter is dumpy, I promise the next one will be better!

Part 6

Gotta get up. Stand up, Jude. Do it. Do it now. I need to, I know I do. But I don't want to try. Everything hurts, dammit. Like my whole body has a headache. Can't find the flashlight I keep by my bed for blackouts when we don't make the bill. When I hear something clatter down behind my night-stand, I know what it was. Geez, is everything going to go wrong tonight?

Oh, well, no wonder. My hands are shaking so bad... I didn't notice, but now that I hold them up to my face, I—..

"Hik'KSCHUU!.. AHH!" My body throbs, everything in it too big for my skin. I'm half-out of bed, hanging from a snare of sheets. Oh, fuck, I can't even think-... Call for Liam. Get him here, he'll fix it.

"Ik'SHUU!..EH'KSCHH'yuu!...LIA'HACKSHH'uhh!...LEE'IEE'KSCHHH!"

Can't breathe. "HIH'XTSCHU!"

Can't get the name out. "HEH'KXTCHHUHH!"

The world's burning, fire coming—"ETSSSHUUH!"—from me. Dig nails in,—"HTSSCHHH!.. HIHTSSHHU!"— come on. Pull for the door. Eyes watering. Tunneling vision. I'm dying. I'm off—"ICKSHHUUHH!"—cially dying. And here it comes-.. the one to do me i-..ihh..

"ih-hih-hih!... HEH'TZZ'CKSHUU!! UHHHH!!"

AIRBORNE-

"Holy SHI-!.. OWWAAHAH!!"

... okay, guys, sorry for the inconvenience, but I was just Jackie Chan-ed into what is now left of my room. Aside from the incredible pain of being wha-bammed into dry-wall, I feel ten times better. My fever broke like a stick over a knee. In fact, with most of the walls gone in here, there's a delightful breeze. There's all the good news.

Bad news is, if I'm seeing this right (which is totally debatable, since I've been through an ordeal here) there's a hulking, spidery metallic thing standing by my door, shaking off brain fluid from its undercarriage. The walls facing the outside of the building structure are gone, and I'm lying in a heap of powdery plaster and shattered furniture. So that's what came out of me, huh? Now I'm not surprised I had the flu because of him. He's huge and complicated, at least eight feet tall. Must have been quite the task to get him through the portal.

Judging by his sinister, buggy legs, tinny clicking noises, and glowing eyes, I'm going to assume he's not from Chel's organization. This is probably a package delivered with love to Earth from Alien Terrorists. Aside from the whirring of the spider's circuits and the frequent thudding of ceiling plaster falling to the ground, there's not a noise. Looking up, you can see the sky. There's more stars here in the outskirts of the city, rather than in the thick of it.

Spider guy is still getting his bearings, so I don't think he's seen me. I'm suspecting the earthquake-like crash from his landing has woken others up, but no one's coming. Am I dreaming this? Is this actually happening?

Ugh, crap. There's some plaster dust up my nose. It's a true sneeze itch—not one of those portal tickles. Makes it harder to resist-... "hh-"... If I move or breathe, I'll make a noise. But if this is a dream... what am I afraid of?

"hh'tschhh!" Ahhh... it feels good to sneeze naturally, with that tingly after-relief from—.. Oh-.. Well, he's looking at me now. And not going to lie, the little metal pincher things at his mouth are kind of terrifying. He's got two arms with crab claws at the end, both extended as he hisses, raising up higher on his many legs... Skittering over to approach me-.. oh, geez, you know, I really don't want him on me. Wake up, wake up, wake up-

"L-Liam!?"

He’s here. Don’t know how long he’s even been here, but he’s here. Unfortunately for everyone except Marley, Liam sleeps in the nude, so he’s bare-balls and all with only his All-Thing and his chalk. The wrench is thicker, heavier, than it was when it first came out of me. Chel said before that it could shift according to Liam’s needs and emotional cues—he’s probably kind of pissed.

Surging from the door, Liam holds his large wrench like a bat, undeterred by the spider thing. In fact, he’s acting like it’s no bigger than his thumbnail. But that’s Liam for you. He’s a monster when you wake him up too early. Spider thing hears him coming and turns to meet him, but it gets a club to the head. Some sparks fly, and a few mechanical parts chip off. Liam stumbles forward with the remaining momentum and sucks on his chalk, switching it from one side of his mouth to the other. The wind ruffles his hair and mine. At once I feel completely safe, and I let out a breath I don’t realize I was holding.

“Jude,” Liam growls. I raise my head, feeling some of the roof rubble trickle down the back of my night shirt. Meeting my eyes, gaze fleeting, he runs his hands along the shaft of his wrench. I feel a smirk on my mouth. I’m not going to say what that reminds me of…

“Can you stand?” Even though his voice is even, we’re both watching the spider thing. It’s recovering from the blow faster than either one of us expected, and its glowing eye-bulbs train on Liam now. Using my arms, I try to start pushing myself up. It doesn’t feel like anything’s broken… if something is, I’m screwed to high heaven.

The alien bug lunges for Liam with an unholy screech, sounding like a saw through plywood, and Liam ducks away with just barely enough speed to avoid a hit. It’s like Beowulf fighting Grendal, all natural and whatnot. Except it’s in some weird, futuristic realm. It would be a movie, if it didn’t feel so real. I’m on my feet and a little sore, but I can move. If you say I’m lily-livered to leave Liam fighting this thing alone, you come over here and help. I slip into the hallway and run headfirst into Marley. Pretty sure the crown of my head squished into her boobs, and I know right away she’s not wearing a bra. Hello ladies.

“Jude!” She takes my cheeks in her hands, taking stock of any injuries. I know I’ve got a scrap or two, at least. Adrenaline’s fueling me, burning like oil inside me, so I can’t feel a thing. I’m shaking. “What’s happening?”

From inside my room, which is now for all purposes a terrace, there’s more commotion. Clangs of metal on medal, and Liam’s grunting out quick, barking shouts as he tests his strength. My big brother isn’t Superman, but he’s the next best thing. The closest the world will ever get, I bet. Another breeze gusts into the hallway, and Marley shudders. Both hands on her arms, I keep her from moving. Neither one of us really speak; I think we’re afraid. It’s only now that I hear the constant, annoying barking coming from further down the hall.

“Liam locked Royce in the bedroom,” Marley says. Figures. Liam loves that dog, and so do the rest of us. Even though she knows what’s going on, no one wants to chance Royce getting hurt by a burglar or something. Though the one time we actually did get robbed, she tore a piece of the guy’s ass off, practically. Ha~.. I feel myself smiling, even though this isn’t the time, and then Chel busts out of the broom closet nearby. It’s where we keep coats…and brooms.

Marley jumps and squishes me into her chest, from which I do not try to escape. “What were you doing in there?!” She sounds hysterical for a second, but that’s understandable. Her boyfriend is fighting an alien in the other room. Chel dusts herself off, still wearing Marley’s night shirt.

“It was kind of you to lend me your furniture—” I’m assuming she means the couch. “—but I do not sleep. I wished to standby in an unobtrusive area. Unfortunately, the door sticks.”

Oh, yeah. I locked myself in there once. That door definitely does stick. Liam was supposed to fix it. Chel comes to me and looks me over, checking me just as Marley had. Though she is concerned mostly with my forehead and whatever might have come out of it. Lips pursed, she seems displeased as she rubs her thumb there. Nothing tickles, thankfully. Sneezing out that monster seemed to clear me out for the moment.

The only sound coming from the other room is a consistent, metallic wanging. Like someone hitting a pipe over and over, crushing it a little more each time. I don’t realize I’m walking towards the room until Chel’s hand holds me back, cautioning me.

“He is a Wielder. Only he can fight.”

Oh, really? So I suppose because Liam has the All-Thing, he’s the only one of us who can make a dent in those creatures. Makes enough sense, seeing as he already has inhuman strength. I didn’t get to see the alien bug in much detail, but I’ll say this: I would probably be human jelly right now if I fought it. Marley buries her face into the top of my head, and I feel some wetness. She’s crying silently. I don’t draw any attention to her, and only rub her arm with my hand.

Liam emerges from my room just a minute later, wrench over his shoulder. It’s huge in size by now, and his expression hasn’t changed from one of angry determination. He stands in the hall looking one way, then down the other, spare hand on his hip. He’s chewing, and I know for a fact he’s eating his chalk. Swallowing, he coughs hard enough to throw up a lung immediately afterward. But he wipes his mouth on his wrist and approaches, never missing a step.

“It’s dead,” he says, like it was just a cockroach none of us wanted to touch. Liam’s head to toe in some oily, greenish fluid, and he follows our eyes. “Oh, I crushed its head and filling came out. Don’t think it’s toxic.” Pushing past us and into the hall, he heads for the bathroom. “The whole block is standing outside, so pack it up.”

Marley calls to him, limbs still stiff with some fading shock. “Pack?”

Liam had ducked into a doorway, but he leans out. One hand smooths through his wet hair, his chest gleaming with the lubricant of the monster. “Yeah. You think we’re gonna wait around for the feds to show up?”

My stomach feels cold. We have to blow town, and it’s my fault, isn’t it? In fact, I really don’t have to ask. It’s definitely my fault. There’s no other reason we would leave. I barely feel Marley leave my side, already hurrying to pack the essentials. How all four of us are going to fit in a three-seater, I don’t know. Chel stands near me, awkwardly fiddling with her hands.

“You don’t have to worry,” she assures me. “There was nothing in that robot that will have lasting adverse effects on your brother.”

Gotta give her props for trying, but that’s not exactly what I’m worried about. A sigh drags out of me. This is still only day one. Six more to go. I’ll probably end up killing somebody before then. Sorry again, guys. You’ve been listening to me spew a lot of crap the past few hours. Just this guilt. It’s crushing. Maybe running away and hiding out for the rest of this week is a good idea. True, if I sneeze out another Spider man it’s game over, but it’s better than burdening what I have left of my family with it. Nobody asked for this. Liam already didn’t ask for a needy little brother. The least I can do is make it easier on him.

There’s a hand on my shoulder. Liam’s brown eyes, warmer than usual. I must have been standing in the hallway for a while. His grip is tight, just a tiny bit painful, and he gives me a little shake.

“Jude,” he rumbles. I feel tears rise in my eyes. Dammit, control yourself. Be strong, you little shit. Look at Liam. He’s stronger than a million of you combined. “Jude, listen to me.”

Crouching down a bit, he rests both hands on either side of my jaw and neck. The towel around his waist slides slightly, but stays put. His hands are tough like always, but have a plushy quality from his time in the hot water.

“Not your fault, buddy,” he says. My throat chokes. Not a sob, it was a cough. This is easier with my eyes closed, but Liam won’t have it. “No, look at me.” I do, because he asks. Why does it feel like the world is ending? Maybe because it actually is.

“Not your fault, and we’re gonna fix all this.” His tone is measured, calm, and honest like usual. I know he’s not lying. What Liam says always goes. “It’s no problem. I’ve been meaning to take a wrecking ball to this dumpy place anyway.”

He makes me laugh, kind of. How he can do that even now, I don’t know. It lasts for all of about two seconds before Liam breathes the wrong way and turns his head to cough again. Rattling through his chest, it sounds like he’s barking. One of those nasty sounds—dry, but all the worse for it because it probably hurts. He’s quick to recover.

“Get what you need, and we’re gone.” Then he stands and disappears. There’s already sirens outside.

[a red nine]

*abruptly kicks down the door*

I CAME AS SOON AS I FINISHED MY FINALS I'M HERE NOW I'M HERE TO REVIEW THIS PUPPY

Thanks for the review on my story by the way! Moving on -

Ahh the brothers! Ahh the fight! We didn't even see it in full yet I still felt all the tension! And I'll go more on about Liam and Jude in the end.

And here it comes-.. the one to do me i-..ihh..

"ih-hih-hih!... HEH'TZZ'CKSHUU!! UHHHH!!"

Ah yes we're off to a very fine start mhmm

... okay, guys, sorry for the inconvenience, but I was just Jackie Chan-ed into what is now left of my room. Aside from the incredible pain of being wha-bammed into dry-wall, I feel ten times better.

Nice voice here and wording choice, fluid

Now I'm not surprised I had the flu because of him.

Can't wait to see what else gives him the flu... Hre hre..

Ugh, crap. There's some plaster dust up my nose. It's a true sneeze itch—not one of those portal tickles. Makes it harder to resist-... "hh-"... If I move or breathe, I'll make a noise. But if this is a dream... what am I afraid of?

"hh'tschhh!" Ahhh... it feels good to sneeze naturally, with that tingly after-relief from—.. Oh-.. Well, he's looking at me now.

*v* cuuute... I always liked it when authors choose to make distinctions between kinds of sneezes, even if it's not necessarily accurate. Just adds to the overall cuteness

Unfortunately for everyone except Marley, Liam sleeps in the nude

The humor strikes again and it is as golden as ever

Liam holds his large wrench like a bat

Hmm sounds familiar now

If you say I’m lily-livered to leave Liam fighting this thing alone, you come over here and help.

Bravo, so many characters these days are all about action. This is really more realistic. It makes Jude a good voice to hone in on

Pretty sure the crown of my head squished into her boobs, and I know right away she’s not wearing a bra. Hello ladies.

Oh Jude, never change

Liam had ducked into a doorway, but he leans out. One hand smooths through his wet hair, his chest gleaming with the lubricant of the monster.

I really like the contrast between Liam and Jude as brothers. Jude is always sick and doesn't fight and is younger but is our voice, and Liam is clearly this more heroic figure yet we see him in the limelight, literally a brain and brawn comparison. It's not something you usually get with brothers, at least not this drastically, but it makes me worried because if it's two boys in this position, usually the stronger one has to die so the younger will mature... I hope Liam doesn't die because he's really growing on me! He was pretty cool in this chapter, not gonna lie. It's apparent why Jude looks up to him.

My brain is fried from essays and exams, so sorry if I sound totally out of it. The plot is getting thicker now and I'm only getting more interested now that I can sort of see what direction it's going in. I love the cast of FLCL, and your characters really stand up on their own while still reminding me of them in their own way, which makes this read so nice. I hope your finals went well too and look forward to chapter seven, whenever it gets written!

[Malachite]

WOOOO-HOOO! For a moment I was worried that you haven't been into the mood for writing... Thank you!