Has a girl ever liked your Boyfriend/Fiance/Husband?

[tess_mess]

Hey everyone! Sorry I haven't posted much lately, I've been super busy with my classes. So I need some advice from you guys. M and I are still together (Over 2 years!) and head over heels. We live 2 hours apart and don't get to see each other as much as we would like to. M works at a store in the town in which he lives when he noticed this girl beginning to talk to him a lot. She worked as a clerk while he worked in the grocery department, stocking the shelves. The more she talked to him, the more she flirted until one day she announced to him that she talked to the manager and switched from the checkout department to his. Now she works with him everyday. There have been many instances of flirting but I'll tell you about the few that stand out to me so I don't bore you with all the little details lol.

One day, he walked by her and she stuck a price tag on his back. He turned around and said "Hey! That's not cool" she smiled and said "Then fight me over it" then my boyfriend said "Sorry, I don't hit girls" so she said "Fine, tickle fight. You and me" but he just laughed and walked away. That bothered me a bit.

Next, M was in the storage room when she came back and picked up a box of red velvet cookie mix and said "Hey, these look good!" and M turned around and agreed. She then said, "You should come over to my house and make them with me" so M said, "Oh yeah, maybe I can see what my girlfriend is up to and we can come over and hangout" but she responded with, "Oh yeah but if she can't then you can still come over by yourself." This one bothered me a lot because he made it clear he had a girlfriend but didn't respect that.

Ugh, sorry for ranting so much guys. I trust M 1000% and know he would never hurt me so I know I'm probably just being stupid. Plus he told her he has a girlfriend from the start but that hasn't stopped her. Has anyone ever had to deal with this or have any stories? I feel like you all can make me feel better because you're all so awesome

[Vetinari]

Next, M was in the storage room when she came back and picked up a box of red velvet cookie mix and said "Hey, these look good!" and M turned around and agreed. She then said, "You should come over to my house and make them with me" so M said, "Oh yeah, maybe I can see what my girlfriend is up to and we can come over and hangout" but she responded with, "Oh yeah but if she can't then you can still come over by yourself." This one bothered me a lot because he made it clear he had a girlfriend but didn't respect that.

Whether or not she respected it, HE (and he is the one you need to trust here) did mention you, and then didn't take her up on the offer. He also told you about it. If he was thinking of doing something underhand he wouldn't do that.

Jealousy (in my experience) is very destructive in a relationship. So is mistrust. If you trust him, and show him you do, then (in my opinion) he is actually less likely to stray. If you start to get all cagey and ban him from seeing her, and show him you don't trust him, then he is likely to start to resent you.

You ask for stories. I have been on the other end of this relationship. I was with a man many years ago when I was a student. Like you, I feel we had a great relationship, like you, he lived a couple of hours away. Everything was going wonderfully well, UNTIL my boyfriend discovered that there was another young man interested in me.

The young man in question had wanted to go out with me for ages, and I had turned him down, even before I met my boyfriend. However, because of past experiences, my boyfriend suddenly felt insecure. Instead of trusting me, he became jealous. He began to become more and more restrictive of me. He didn't want me to see this young man, and unfortunately the young man in question was a part of my group of friends.

My boyfriend gave me ultimatums. "If you go up to the flat where he lives, I will leave you." This was hard for me as one of my best friends lived there. I became unhappier and unhappier at all the restrictions (I was young and dumb, I should have put my foot down) but I kept trying because I was so afraid to lose him. We started to row all the time. Usually because I was objecting to all the restrictions purely because I resented them and knew they were unnecessary, but which he took to mean that actually I wanted to see the other man. I was terribly frustrated, and eventually got to thinking "Well I might as well have had the affair, because not having it hasn't helped him trust me". In the end, he left me, citing lack of trust.

There was never the slightest danger that I was going to stray with the other man. His lack of trust ultimately broke up what should have been a stable relationship. It's your boyfriend here that you have to trust. If he's decent, he won't stray, whatever this pushy woman does. So far, it seems to me, he has behaved impeccably, and he has told you all about it. My git reaction is that you don't have to worry.

[tess_mess]

Next, M was in the storage room when she came back and picked up a box of red velvet cookie mix and said "Hey, these look good!" and M turned around and agreed. She then said, "You should come over to my house and make them with me" so M said, "Oh yeah, maybe I can see what my girlfriend is up to and we can come over and hangout" but she responded with, "Oh yeah but if she can't then you can still come over by yourself." This one bothered me a lot because he made it clear he had a girlfriend but didn't respect that.

Whether or not she respected it, HE (and he is the one you need to trust here) did mention you, and then didn't take her up on the offer. He also told you about it. If he was thinking of doing something underhand he wouldn't do that.

Jealousy (in my experience) is very destructive in a relationship. So is mistrust. If you trust him, and show him you do, then (in my opinion) he is actually less likely to stray. If you start to get all cagey and ban him from seeing her, and show him you don't trust him, then he is likely to start to resent you.

You ask for stories. I have been on the other end of this relationship. I was with a man many years ago when I was a student. Like you, I feel we had a great relationship, like you, he lived a couple of hours away. Everything was going wonderfully well, UNTIL my boyfriend discovered that there was another young man interested in me.

The young man in question had wanted to go out with me for ages, and I had turned him down, even before I met my boyfriend. However, because of past experiences, my boyfriend suddenly felt insecure. Instead of trusting me, he became jealous. He began to become more and more restrictive of me. He didn't want me to see this young man, and unfortunately the young man in question was a part of my group of friends.

My boyfriend gave me ultimatums. "If you go up to the flat where he lives, I will leave you." This was hard for me as one of my best friends lived there. I became unhappier and unhappier at all the restrictions (I was young and dumb, I should have put my foot down) but I kept trying because I was so afraid to lose him. We started to row all the time. Usually because I was objecting to all the restrictions purely because I resented them and knew they were unnecessary, but which he took to mean that actually I wanted to see the other man. I was terribly frustrated, and eventually got to thinking "Well I might as well have had the affair, because not having it hasn't helped him trust me". In the end, he left me, citing lack of trust.

There was never the slightest danger that I was going to stray with the other man. His lack of trust ultimately broke up what should have been a stable relationship. It's your boyfriend here that you have to trust. If he's decent, he won't stray, whatever this pushy woman does. So far, it seems to me, he has behaved impeccably, and he has told you all about it. My git reaction is that you don't have to worry.

Thanks for sharing your feelings on this topic! That was unfair of him to treat you that way. I think that maybe because this is my first serious relationship and he's my first love, I'm so worried about losing him and I'm making this all much bigger in my head. I wouldn't ever tell him what he can and can't do because that's not my place. I need to try to suck it up and realize that he loves me and would never hurt me. Thanks for your help!

[March Hare]

Poor girl. No, I mean, really. She is obviously always going to be the loser here. She wants him, but he doesn't want her. He wants you.

Keep telling yourself that, in those words. Keep telling HIM that, too - that you're sorry for her, that it must be tough, an unrequited crush like that. He'll agree with you whole-heartedly.

[YoriYori]

Knowing that your boyfriend is with you, that girl's behavior is pretty sad. It's great that so far your boyfriend has done his best to show that he's not interested in her and told her about you, but he might need to step it up even more and just tell her in plain words, "Listen, I'm flattered by your feelings but I have a girlfriend who I love very much and am very loyal to. I'm not going to do anything dishonest or that would jeopardize my relationship with her. I'm not that kind of guy. And I'd appreciate it if we could turn the flirting down and have a more professional working relationship." Or something like that...

I have a story...

When my boyfriend started dating me, there was actually another girl interested in him at the same time. We'll call her Y. My boyfriend, Y, some others used to go out to eat and drink quite often as a big group of friends. My boyfriend could kind of tell that Y liked him and he kind of liked her too, but she wasn't really ready to fully get into a relationship with him (something like hard to get I suppose... or looking for more options). Friend M was always encouraging friend Y to stop playing games and just go for him. Anyway, then my boyfriend met me. He was chasing me for a long time before I finally accepted. A few days later Y texts my boyfriend to confess her feelings. So he texted her back saying,

"I'm really flattered by your feelings but I'm with cherry now. I'm not the kind of person to cheat on the person I'm with. I really like cherry and don't want to risk my relationship with her, so I'm sorry but I can't meet you privately. But If you ever want to go out again with a big group of friends, as friends, with me and cherry, let me know and we can have a nice party and I'll introduce you!"

She hasn't really contacted him since. I appreciate that even though this was probably in the first week of our relationship that he just laid it down like that in black and white. Of course, he also expects the same of me. I have guy friends that I know kind of like me, so I'm not going and playing with them alone you know. But as a big group with my boyfriend coming along, he's OK with it.

I understand since your boyfriend has to work with her it won't be possible to decrease contact, but I think being super upfront with her might not be a bad thing.