Want to Move Out of Parents' House

[Celeb Obsessed]

Hi, everyone. I'm somewhat of a strange case: 27 years old and still living with my parents. (I was a late bloomer socially and romantically, so this is not surprising. lol) I finished 4.5 years of college, 2.5 years of grad school, and 1.5 years of a long and agonizing job search before I finally landed my first full-time job this August. So now it's myself, my parents, and my 25-year-old sister living together. Two weeks ago, my parents and sister went to Russia. They didn't take me because I didn't accrue enough vacation time yet, which I was pissed about at first. After they left, I spent a couple of days sulking and wallowing in self-pity before I realized that living alone is paradise. The house was always clean and free of my parents' clutter, the TV was off, the phone didn't jangle every five seconds, I didn't have to tiptoe around while my dad showed my sister these annoying, thought-provoking Russian movies that needed her full attention, I was free of my dad's constant insults, and I was calmer and happier than I've ever been in my life. I know how to cook, keep a clean house, do laundry, etc., so I feel like I'm ready to leave. However, my mom is very much opposed to the idea because: 1) I need to pay off my school loans (about $12K now) instead of wasting money on rent 2) I'm standing in line for a studio co-op apartment, and I'll need to put away money for that 3) Moving is a very big hassle, and there's always the risk that I won't like my new apartment and/or roommates and 4) It would only make sense if I had a boyfriend and we needed our space. She says if I take the plunge, she won't help me in any way, which is upsetting because I would be very stressed about doing this without her moral support. I was never rebellious, and am generally a compliant daughter, and hate being on bad terms with my parents. Any ideas on what I can do?

[SterlingSilver]

Ouch, that's a rough situation, Celeb :/..

I am not in your position, so my advice might be weak, but I will tell you what I did to deal with a similar problem.

I am also a compliant, generally "late blooming" child who is living at home for college and until recently had no plan to move out (and no idea what I was going to do after graduation aside from grad school). I thought about attending grad school at the same college for my undergrad and hope for a good deal, but my teachers think it would be good for me to go to another school. I've lived in the same house my whole life, and have experienced very little independence.

So, when I got a boyfriend who lives far away, I decided I wanted to try living with him this summer.

My parents thought it was a joke, but one night I sat down and did a very rational pro/con list.

Like, what's good for me to stay here? What's good for me to go far away?

What issues will arise from each, and how can I solve those issues in some sensible way without ruling out the option entirely?

I then "pitched" a presentation to my parents concerning the matter, and after I was finished, they agreed that me leaving for the summer was a wonderful plan, and even wanted to help with money if I needed it.

So maybe if you gather a tangible, realistic alternative to your parents' home, and then make an almost professional pitch out of it, they will be more inclined to listen to you once they see you are very serious and have thought it all out

Best of luck!

Edited December 25, 2013 by BlackScatter

[SomeOfMyFavs]

Have you worked out a budget? Have any emergency fund? Option to move back if unforseen disaster strikes? Yes not paying rent allows you to pay down debt faster it is a big plus. Maintaining an amicable familial relationship and personal sanity is also... Would you be better served staying at home a bit longer or moving out? Roommates can be wonderful or complete horror stories...

Just some 4am ramblings... Much to ponder... I know the usd doesn't go very far in NYC if you are located there (Co op studio made me think of it) but there are areas cheaper than others...

[Garnet]

Honestly, if you only have $12k worth of school loans to pay off, I'd say you're doing pretty damned well Mine were in that neighborhood before I decided to go back to college for some ungodly reason, now they're... yeesh.

Anyway, although rent-free living is amazing, there's definitely something to be said emotionally and socially for having your own place. I moved out of my mom's house at 26 to be closer to my new college, and while my budget is very tight, I can't see myself ever wanting to move back in with her. I live with a roommate that I happen to get along incredibly with, and I can't tell you how much my romantic and social life has opened up without my mom constantly hovering over my shoulder. God knows I love her, she's great, but even when they don't mean to, parents can really stunt your development.

That said, do be realistic about it. As suggested, draw up a budget and see what's realistic. Does your job provide health insurance and other benefits? Can you do an income-based loan repayment program? Figure out what your monthly grocery, gas, etc. bills will be in addition to rent and see if you can swing it. It's unfortunate that your mom won't help support you at all, but only you can decide what's best for you.