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Secret Santa for Animeeze (The Office, Pam)


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Title: Secret Santa for Animeeze

Fandom: The Office

Disclaimer: I don’t own The Office. I wish I did, because I had a huge crush on Jim. Plus, then I could make this an episode for you instead of just a story.

Setting: Beginning of season 4, when Pam and Jim are secretly dating.

Summary: In the episode “Fun Run” Kevin is pretty sure Pam and Jim are dating. In my version, there are a few more clues than in the actual episode.

A/N: This was the only show I was familiar with on your list of favorite fandoms. So I hope you like it. Merry Christmas! Oh, and the italics are the talking heads (when they are talking to the camera)



Jim (Covered in scratches, with a butterfly bandage in the middle of his forehead): Uh, yeah, it’s been a little weird since Karen left, but it’s not like I’ve been alone. My parents are on vacation, celebrating their anniversary, and they didn’t want to board their cat in a kennel. So she’s spending the week with me. It’s been, well, it’s been something all right. She isn’t very nice. And she sheds everywhere. And scratches the furniture. And my face. Her name is Sunshine. So, yeah…”


Pam (eyes red-rimmed, staring off in the distance): Hehh…Ehhh….HEETSCHOO! I’m sorry, what was the question?


Jim looked up from his desk and gave Pam a sympathetic smile as she sneezed for the umpteenth time this morning. And, if he was being honest, since she had spent the night at his apartment and discovered her long-dormant cat allergy.

Dwight looked her way too, though in a decidedly less sympathetic way. “An average of 40,000 droplets are discharged from one’s mouth and nose during a sneeze, Pam. It is very rude to subject everyone else in the office to your droplets.”

“Ew. Dwight. Too much information.” Pam blew her nose and groaned as she threw the balled up tissues in the trash can.

Jim fought every instinct to walk up to the desk and rub her shoulders, an act that had made her practically purr in pleasure the night before.

“What happened to your face?” Jim was shocked out of his reverie by Kevin. The larger man hovered over his shoulder. He had a smug look on his face that Jim didn’t care enough to identify at the moment, as Pam was sneezing again in his peripheral vision and he was having a hard time focusing on anything other than the enjoyment he got from comforting his secret girlfriend, newly discovered last night when Pam when from zero to sneezy in ten seconds after stepping into his apartment.

“I’m cat sitting for my parents. I tried to pet her. She retaliated.” Jim shrugged. “I’m more of a dog person anyway.”

“I’m sure there’s something you could have done to make her feel more at home,” Kevin suggested, smirk growing. “Maybe opened a can of pam.”

“The cooking spray?”

The smirk faltered. “No, it’s like a ham thing. In a can. And it’s called Pam. You know, like Pam.”

“That’s spam.”

“Oh, that doesn’t work then. Never mind.” Kevin walked away with a disappointed look on his face. Jim turned his attention back to Pam, who was gearing up for another strong sneeze.


Pam: No,I’m really fine. I’m really allergic to cats, and last night I saw the sweetest little cat and she just rubbed right up on my legs and purred, and I couldn’t just not pet her.

Which would mean I’m still sneezing after petting a cat for like one minute. So no, um, that’s not what happened. I actually just have a really sneeezy cold. Except then Dwight would make a fuss and make me go home, and that would draw a lot of attention. Damn. Hold

on, let me think about this for a second….


Pam was completely ignoring the ringing phone. She had her chin resting on one hand, the other vacillating between pinching her nose in an attempt to stop a sneeze and waving in front of her face in an attempt to bring one on.

She yelped as Kevin suddenly appeared over her shoulder and announced ‘Pam!”

“Oh my God, Kevin, what?” she asked thickly, rubbing her nose roughly.

“I just came over to say hi,” he answered innocently. “Did you know Jim’s babysitting a cat?”

Pam inhaled very slowly to keep a blush from overtaking her face and giving her away. “Actually, I haven’t really gotten a chance to speak to Jim today. But I guess that explains the scratches.”

‘Yeah, it does. Is that the only reason you know he’s babysitting a cat?”

“Well, there’s also the fact that you just told me,” Pam pointed out.

“But that’s it? You didn’t know before. Like, that’s not the reason you’re sneezing?”

There was a beat of silence as Pam contemplated an answer. She made covert eye contact with Jim, who gave a small shrug.

‘What’s the matter, Pam, cat got your tongue?” Kevin chuckled. “Get it? Cat got you tongue? Because we’re talking about a cat.”

“I get it, Kevin. Clever. But I don’t…oh God…” Pam started fanning her face again.

Kevin opened his mouth to say something, Jim figured it was probably another pun, but before he could say anything he was interrupted by Jim saying “The hoagie in the fridge is for anyone, right?”

When Kevin ran to the break room to protect his sandwich, Jim pulled Pam up by her shoulders and led her out of the building. No

one paid them any mind, and as the door slammed shut behind them, Pam sank to the ground against the side of the building.

“How’s it going Bees?”

“I don’t think my nose has ever itched this much,” she whined over hitching breath.

“You could have gone home and showered,” Jim pointed out. “You’re the one who wanted round two of last night this morning.”

“I’m surprised you went for it, with the sneezing and all.”

Jim shrugged and smiled, rubbing her back as she rubbed her hands across her tickly face. “I love you. I’ll always go for it.”

Pam gave him a shaky smile, before her upcoming, and long-overdue, sneeze completely took over her face.

Long eyelashes fluttered over irritated hazel eyes as Pam completely gave into the tickle that had dominated her nose ever since she

had snuck over to her boyfriend’s the night before, the tickle she had done her best to ignore, the tickle that had spring up so many

times in the bedroom that it was almost operantally conditioning them, like Pavlov’s dog with the bell…

Hehh…Hehhh…” Pam’s abundant chest was heaving, the top button on her blouse straining with each overdrawn breath. “Hahh…

Oh God…ohh…here it comes…”

At the last moment, Jim stuffed a tissue in her hand and brought it up to her face.

“HEHHHTschHOOO! Hehh…hahh..heh…TSHCOO!!!”

The tissues were demolished, whisps of hair covered Pam’s face, and she was sniffling madly.

Of course, none of this mattered to the couple furiously making out, leaning against the building.

In the break room, Kevin chuckled and nodded to himself as he ate his hoagie and started out the window.

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Ahh, this is so awesome!! Thank you so much for this, it was an awesome story and how you wrote all the sneezy goodness was fantastic smile.png Kevin and his hoagie were hilarious haha!

Merry Christmas! :)

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