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Alice in Sneezeland (F, mostly)


Heathcliff

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Before we start...

I intend this to be an episodic story (featuring mostly F but maybe some M, I don't know) which will be updated with short episodes over time.

This story uses the Alice books as just a loose framework. Some elements will be taken directly from Lewis Carroll's Alice stories, but most will have little or nothing to do with them. This is why I have put it in 'original'. If members or staff think it belongs somewhere else, please let me know.

My Alice is over 18 (she is 19, in fact).

I make no attempt to write like Lewis Carroll does in the original Alice stories.

I hope you enjoy!

ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN SNEEZELAND

1. Alice

Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her mother on the bank, and having nothing to do.

"Aren't you glad you decided to come out for a walk with me, dear?" said her mother. "After all, it is such a lovely day."

"I don't see what's so lovely about it." said Alice, staring into the stream. The surface of the water twinkled with sunlight, but she was resolutely gloomy.

"Oh Alice, you can't spend the whole Easter holiday sulking." her mother glanced up from her sketchbook for a moment. "You're only nineteen, for goodness' sake... There are plenty more fish in the sea."

"Mother!" snapped Alice. "That is a singularly unhelpful thing to say."

"I'm just saying, it's not a good idea at your age to be so heartbroken over some boy." Her pencil skittered back and forward over the pad, tracing the shape of a tree on the opposite bank.

"I come home from college..." said Alice angrily, "...and the first day of the holiday, he tells me it's all over!" She sniffed wetly.

"I never thought he was the type for you anyway..." her mother muttered as she concentrated on her drawing.

"Oh mother... please!" Alice sniffed hard again; the congestion in her nose was stubbornly failing to shift.

"Don't sniff like that, darling..." said her mother, without taking her eyes from her sketchbook.

"I can't help it!" said Alice. The right-hand side of her nose began to tingle. She pressed a finger against it. "My hayfever's acting up... and I-" The tingling sensation filled her nose, and she knew she was about to sneeze. Just time to turn her face politely away from her mother, and-

"Aaaaah-TSShoooo!"

Alice sneezed openly, without bothering to cover her nose. The allergies were annoying, although the sneezes provided some relief from the irritation in her sinuses. Her nose began to tingle again... as her breath began to hitch for a second time, she suddenly wanted a tissue to catch her sneeze. But before she could start looking, it hit:

"AaaahSHOOO!"

This one caught the attention of her mother- who still didn't look up from her sketch, but said "Bless you dear..." absently. Alice's nostrils were now feeling embarrasingly wet, and she already felt a third sneeze building up. She needed a tissue; there were no pockets in the dress she was wearing, and the inside of her bag was a mess... she finally found a stray packet of tissues and put one to her nose just before she sneezed twice again:

"AaaahSHOO! EEEH-SHOOOO!"

"Oh dear! Bless you again, Alice darling." said her mother, looking round at her with a concerned expression. "I do hope you aren't coming down with something."

"I told you, it's just my hayfever." said Alice petulantly. She dabbed at her wet nose with the tissue. "It seems to be worse than usual this year." Alice stood up and smoothed her dress. "I'm going to go home."

"Okay dear," said her mother, giving the tree a judgmental look. "Give me a moment to pack up my drawing things."

"Don't worry," said Alice. "You stay and finish your sketch, Mother. I can walk back by myself." She sniffed again. "I could do with some time alone, anyway."

Her mother sighed. "Oh, very well, Alice. I'll see you back at home for lunch."

2. The White Rabbit

Alice walked on through the woods; despite her increasingly itchy nose, she decided to take a longer route home than her usual one. At this moment almost anything seemed better than arriving back at home, to the enforced cheer of her mother and father.

Alice was so wrapped up in her own thoughts that she did not notice the sleeping figure until she had almost stepped on it. She stopped abruptly and stifled a gasp; on the ground in front of her, lying asleep against the trunk of a tree, was a rabbit with snowy-white fur.

An unusual place for a rabbit to sleep, Alice thought... but probably not as unusual as the exquisitely tailored plum-coloured jacket and matching waistcoat that the rabbit wore.

As Alice watched, she suddenly felt the surge of another sneeze building up; she raised the damp tissue to her nose and attempted to stifle, but the sneeze emerged louder than she had hoped.

"Aaah.... SHPHmmmpht!"

The white rabbit's body jerked upright, as its eyelids flicked open. It glanced around with a quizzical expression.

"Oh no... Oh no!" said the rabbit in a trembling voice. He whipped a pocket watch from his jacket and gazed at it in horror. "Oh my ears and whiskers! Oh my lucky feet! How late it's getting!"

The rabbit was looking around, as if trying to remember which direction was the correct one in which to go. Alice decided it was now or never to speak to this mysterious creature, and stepped forward to greet him.

"Good day, Mr Rabbit. I-"

"Oh my goodness! Oh my stars!" exclaimed the rabbit. He turned on his heel and bolted for a gap in the trees. Before she knew what she was doing, Alice found herself running after the scampering white figure.

"Wait, Mr Rabbit- please!"

She pursued the rabbit through the trees, not knowing or caring where they went. The rabbit began to recite as it ran through the woods; it sounded familiar to Alice, although she did not think this was a particularly good rhyme.

"Violets are blue,

Roses are red,

If I get it wrong,

I'll surely be dead!"

Then Alice lost sight of the rabbit for a moment, behind the trunk of a big oak... and a moment later, it had vanished. Alice stopped, spluttering as she tried to find a fresh tissue to blow her nose again. She realised she didn't recognise this part of the woods, and was wondering how she would find her way back home... when she noticed the rabbit hole.

It was right at the side of the oak tree, between its roots. Alice bent down to look; the hole seemed very dark. Perhaps she could get a glimpse of the white rabbit. Just a little further...

...and then the world felt like it was falling forward, and Alice's adventure began.

To be continued.

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Yeeeeees I love Alice In Wonderland! <3 :) . Heathcliff, you have pleased me with this part of the story already :) Thank you for taking the time to write this, hoping their is more to come and if so I'd be willing to read it definitely :)

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it sounded familiar to Alice, although she did not think this was a particularly good rhyme.

*snort* :lol:

I love your writing style for this, Heathcliff, I can't wait to read more. The silliness is so compelling. :D

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  • 2 weeks later...

I love this in so many more ways than I can explain. Please continue.

Please make the Mad Hatter Alice's age. Maybe? Idk. Since Alice is like 19, if he was 19 too... Maybe I'm getting too carried away, idk. tonguesmiley.gif

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 1 year later...

Um, will you update anytime soon, it's been more than a year! I really like your descriptions of the sneezes. Actually, I like the whole thing in general!

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Sorry about this, I probably should have explained. I am very unlikely to continue this story.

When I was first writing this, I had a few ideas but didn't know how to tie them together. I had already let the story go without an update for a while, when I got a new job- now I have a lot less spare time and I have (for the moment) given up writing for the forum.

Sorry to those who wanted to see it continued. If someone else wants to write an Alice in Sneezeland story, please go ahead.

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