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To accept or not to accept?


Wildwood

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Is it normal to feel like a jerk if I'm denying friend requests? Like, I'm certainly grateful that people have friend-requested me, but I have a thing where I do not accept any kind of friend request from someone I don'f know in real life. Even so, I feel kinda bad about it.

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No...ur not. Just like i dont accept every friend request on facebook. Either i dont know u or if i did and we were never close or friends, i dont accept. Dont feel bad.

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Is it normal to feel like a jerk if I'm denying friend requests? Like, I'm certainly grateful that people have friend-requested me, but I have a thing where I do not accept any kind of friend request from someone I don'f know in real life. Even so, I feel kinda bad about it.

You shouldn't feel bad at all... it's a perfectly sensible rule to not accept a friend request from someone you don't know in real life.

I've never been a huge user of Facebook, and I find it kind of ridiculous that some people collect hundreds of 'friends' who they do not really know, never see, and don't particularly like. rolleyes.gif

I must be getting old.wheelchair.gif

Edit: Oh wait, did you mean Facebook? Or were you talking about friend requests on the forum or something else? Whatever the situation, it really should be your choice whether or not to accept a friend request.

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Is it normal to feel like a jerk if I'm denying friend requests? Like, I'm certainly grateful that people have friend-requested me, but I have a thing where I do not accept any kind of friend request from someone I don'f know in real life. Even so, I feel kinda bad about it.

:hug: Don't feel bad about it. You are absolutely allowed to have your boundaries and if it is with here and someone doesn't respect those- tell staff- please!

I understand the feeling though, because I've had those feelings. Just try to remember that you can be friendly but still have clear boundaries that respect yourself too. Anyone who doesn't understand that is not the type of person that you would want to have as a friend anyway.

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I was just talking about forum friend requests, not FB. I just felt a bit bad since I kept denying requests, lol, thanks guys for the feedback :)

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I was just talking about forum friend requests, not FB. I just felt a bit bad since I kept denying requests, lol, thanks guys for the feedback smile.png

I thought that you may have meant here. I've turned some down too. Maybe I'm odd, but if I haven't even private messaged/ chatted (which obviously you can't do yet since you aren't validated yet) with a person, I find it a bit creepy to get a "friend" request from them.

Oh my gosh!! - I just realized that you only joined 4 days ago. Wow... that is just a little :huh: to have people "friend request" you already.

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Don't feel bad. I've turned several requests down for the same reason as you. In my opinion, it's very strange and almost a bit rude to request to be friends with members one hasn't bothered to get to know through chat, PM or lengthy interaction through board discussion.

If you want to be someone's friend, you have to put some effort in first. I thought that was just common sense. :blink:

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Is it normal to feel like a jerk if I'm denying friend requests? Like, I'm certainly grateful that people have friend-requested me, but I have a thing where I do not accept any kind of friend request from someone I don'f know in real life. Even so, I feel kinda bad about it.

Noone has to tell you how to decide whether you accept a friend request or not. A friend request as I understand it is an offer, not a command.

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Oh my gosh!! - I just realized that you only joined 4 days ago. Wow... that is just a little :huh: to have people "friend request" you already.

Ahaha, I felt the same way :blush:

It wasn't, like, a bunch of people. Only like 3 or 4. I expect it'll be fine now, though. Sorry if I seemed vain or something acting like I got a bunch of requests, heheh~

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Oh my gosh!! - I just realized that you only joined 4 days ago. Wow... that is just a little huh.png to have people "friend request" you already.

Ahaha, I felt the same way blush.png

It wasn't, like, a bunch of people. Only like 3 or 4. I expect it'll be fine now, though. Sorry if I seemed vain or something acting like I got a bunch of requests, heheh~

:hug: Aww... I didn't figure it was a bunch of people. And honestly you did NOT seem vain in the least. I'm just the type of person that it would sort of freak me out a bit, and I'm also the type of person who worries about offending people or not seeming nice- so I totally understand how even though your brain can know that it is ok not to accept, that you can feel unsure if you are coming across as cold or stand-offish (which, btw you are *not*). Just some encouragement- I've gotten a *lot* better about getting go of that "guilt" feelings with things like that, so there is hope :) (I always figure that hope is a good thing :) ).

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Oh my gosh!! - I just realized that you only joined 4 days ago. Wow... that is just a little huh.png to have people "friend request" you already.

Ahaha, I felt the same way blush.png

It wasn't, like, a bunch of people. Only like 3 or 4. I expect it'll be fine now, though. Sorry if I seemed vain or something acting like I got a bunch of requests, heheh~

:hug: Aww... I didn't figure it was a bunch of people. And honestly you did NOT seem vain in the least. I'm just the type of person that it would sort of freak me out a bit, and I'm also the type of person who worries about offending people or not seeming nice- so I totally understand how even though your brain can know that it is ok not to accept, that you can feel unsure if you are coming across as cold or stand-offish (which, btw you are *not*). Just some encouragement- I've gotten a *lot* better about getting go of that "guilt" feelings with things like that, so there is hope :) (I always figure that hope is a good thing :) ).

I'm the same way a lot of the time, hehe~ *hugs back* Thank you :)

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I think you are absolutely within your rights Lady Salem, and I don't think you should feel bad at all.

Frankly, I would question the motives of any member who sends out "friend requests" to people they haven't previously interacted with and/or to new members who have only joined a day or two before.

It's a personal decision of course, but I wouldn't recommend accepting in either of these circumstances.

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Frankly, I would question the motives of any member who sends out "friend requests" to people they haven't previously interacted with and/or to new members who have only joined a day or two before.

I dunno. Could be their way of welcoming a new member to the forum.

Anywho, what everyone else said Lady Salem. There's nothing wrong with denying friendship requests. I do admit, I also feel bad about denying friend requests. It makes me feel mean. But, now, we can all see that clearly I am not a mean person ;)

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I dunno. Could be their way of welcoming a new member to the forum.

There are plenty of other ways of welcoming new members to the forum. I think as a community we are generally pretty good at that. In my opinion it should be done in public areas first to give new members a chance to settle in and feel comfortable in their new surroundings (especially as it is a fetish forum), before they are approached by complete strangers.

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I dunno. Could be their way of welcoming a new member to the forum.

There are plenty of other ways of welcoming new members to the forum. I think as a community we are generally pretty good at that. In my opinion it should be done in public areas first to give new members a chance to settle in and feel comfortable in their new surroundings (especially as it is a fetish forum), before they are approached by complete strangers.

Kk.

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I, too, chose to restrict my forum "Friends" area to those I've chatted with/written with/etc. rather than anyone and everyone.

I think the Forum has 'Friends' as option so you've got an easy launching pad from your own profile to see what those you've Friended are up to! I figure it's an easy link to those I check up on for new posts/topics/etc. most frequently.

How others use the function, obviously, it up to each individual!

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Huh, forum friends? Is that a thing now?

You're definitely not a bad person. Just a wise one. :)

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It came with the new software I think, Maru.

I agree with the general consensus, I'd be weirded out too if I had just joined and a bunch of people I'd barely met and never really spoken to directly sent me a friend request. I have sent and received (and approved) friend requests on here, but like others have said, only for people I had interacted with significantly and felt I had really gotten to know. It certainly nice that people want to be friends with you, but friend requesting without getting to know you on the forum first is definitely not the best way to go about it. You definitely aren't doing anything rude or mean by not accepting the requests. :hug:

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I like being friends with people, but that's just me :P

I'll admit, I have one or two people on here who I haven't interacted with personally, but they added me before I was validated, so I didn't have to approve them and I just haven't had the heart to delete them :laugh:

95% of my friends on here I have actually had interaction with, be it in Chat, PM, Skype etc.

I don't think you're doing anything wrong with denying these requests. You're entitled to who you have on your profile, and I see no problem in declining these requests ^_^

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Speaking personally, I tend to send friend requests *before* sending a message. Like...I feel weird sending a message to someone who I'm not "friends" with. But that's mainly because I've had a lot of great friendships start because I struck up a conversation with someone I hadn't talked to ever before.

That being said, everyone's different. You shouldn't feel bad for rejecting a friend request. There's no sense of obligation.

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