TheWolfOfStone Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 I know there are a few old threads for this...but I decided to make a new one. Post your favorite/worst jokes and puns here!Some of my favorites:Argon walks into a bar. The bartender says "we don't serve your kind, get out of here!" Argon doesn't react.Two men walk into a bar. Which is absolutely ridiculous, at least one of them should have seen it coming.I was wondering why it was getting brighter outside, and then it dawned on me.What did one cat say to the other? "Meow!"And here's a really long one:Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went out on a camping trip. They set up their tent and went to sleep.In the middle of the night, Sherlock woke Watson up. "Watson. Look up at the sky. Tell me what you see," He said."Well, I see lots and lots of stars.""What does that tell you?"Watson thought for a while. "Based on the position of the stars, it's approximately midnight.""And what else?"He thought for another while. "Oh, I don't know, jus tell me what you're getting at already!"It's elementary, my dear Watson! Someone has stolen our tent!" Link to comment
Thom Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 Stealing this one from a friend of mine:Q: What's brown and sticky?A: A stick Link to comment
MegOfAllTrades Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 "Why did the taxi driver quit his job?'"Because he was tired of people talking behind his back!""Why did the motorcycle fall over?""Because it was two (too) tired?" Fozzie Bear tells the best jokes you guys. ^-^" Link to comment
hugmebrotha Posted January 14, 2016 Share Posted January 14, 2016 Why did the chicken cross the road?To get to the other side, of course!Yeah. I created that in my mind. My humor deserves the ultimate praise. Link to comment
RosieGirl Posted January 14, 2016 Share Posted January 14, 2016 A friend asks me to stop making cat puns.I say in response:"Alright, alright, calm down, it's not a 'cat'astrophe".This reminds me of something that happened with my little brother! I was a panda for halloween, and I was trying to leave the house and he stopped me. He said "I can't let you leave, your costume could cause all kinds of PANDAmonium" Link to comment
LeapYearKisses Posted January 14, 2016 Share Posted January 14, 2016 How did Harry Potter get down the hill?I don't know, how?Walking. JK- Rolling.Borrowed from a friend of mine. Works best spoken out loud. Link to comment
cupcake Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 One a scale of one to ten, how obsessed with Harry Potter are you? About nine and three quarters Link to comment
TheWolfOfStone Posted January 16, 2016 Author Share Posted January 16, 2016 Oh, man. My friend has been annoying me recently with skeleton/bone puns. He's got a ton of them. A skele-ton. I don't find any of them to be very humerus or tickle my funny bone in the least. It's so irritating. Link to comment
SomethingClever Posted January 18, 2016 Share Posted January 18, 2016 I'm late to this party but bad jokes are my favorite and these are my favorites:What do you call a fish with no eyes?- A fshWhat's green and has wheels?-Grass. I lied about the wheels.What do you call an alligator wearing a vest?-an InvestigatorWhy did the hipster burn his tongue?- He ate his pizza before it was coolHow much does a hipster weigh?-An insta-gram Link to comment
Snufaleeze Posted January 18, 2016 Share Posted January 18, 2016 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6tDRBb0apDg Link to comment
blue Posted March 2, 2016 Share Posted March 2, 2016 woah. these are all pretty cringe worthy puns. don't worry though. I won't PUNish you for it. Link to comment
flailingartist Posted March 18, 2016 Share Posted March 18, 2016 What is red and bad for your teeth? A Brick Link to comment
Ashy Posted June 22, 2016 Share Posted June 22, 2016 Did you know milk is the fastest liquid in the world? It past-your-eyes before you even see it!! Link to comment
Red Ring of Death Posted June 22, 2016 Share Posted June 22, 2016 There were a few from Ellie (Last of Us) that I liked. - I'm glad I know sign language, it's become quite HAND-y. - I used to be addicted to soap but I'm clean now. - I heard about this teacher with crossed eyes... he had trouble controlling his pupils. And one of my personal favourite jokes in general that go over people's heads nowadays - A Roman walks into a bar and holds up two fingers. "I'll take five beers, please." Link to comment
FadedRose Posted June 25, 2016 Share Posted June 25, 2016 My brother said to me: "Hey, sis, if you had one more brain cell, it would be pretty lonely." Needless to say, I have a 4.0 and he does not. Link to comment
Rook Posted June 25, 2016 Share Posted June 25, 2016 a panda and cheetah are talking and he says "you wanna race?" the panda says "no" "are you chicken?" and the panda responds "yes" since he jjust ate chicken Link to comment
Joal 555 Posted July 2, 2016 Share Posted July 2, 2016 My lawn is chicken proof........it's impeccable Link to comment
PuddinPop Posted July 2, 2016 Share Posted July 2, 2016 Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because its pee is silent. Why did the coffee file a police report? Because it was mugged. I used to tell a lot of flamingo jokes. Then I realised... I don't have a leg to stand on. Link to comment
FadedRose Posted July 8, 2016 Share Posted July 8, 2016 I'm very patriotic. On a scale of 2,000... 2,000 being the most very patriotic person, I'd say I'm about 1776. Link to comment
Hawkeye Posted July 16, 2016 Share Posted July 16, 2016 When my friend told me it was time for me to stop pretending to be a flamingo, I had to put my foot down. Link to comment
CharliesGirl Posted September 4, 2016 Share Posted September 4, 2016 Did you hear about the new corduroy pillows? They're making headlines... Link to comment
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