This therapist thing...

[Chanel_no5]

... I seem to always ALMOST reveal my fetish to my therapist. It's starting to get ridiculous. The forum and the people on here are big parts of my life, and my fetish is incorporated in many aspects of my life. It's hard to explain stuff in depth to someone and NOT mention the fetish in one way or the other. I don't want him to know because he'd be all "oh, let's fix it" and I don't want it to be "fixed", I like it the way it is. But it's hard to keep talking around things sometimes, so I keep wondering if I should just say it and get it over and done with. Today, I had ALMOST reached that level of "oh for God's sake, this is stupid, I'll just say it -"

...when he sneezed.

And I thought, uh, nope. NOT today.

 

Edited October 18, 2016 by Cemetary_no5
added a lost word and a lost letter.

[Anonymouse]

EESH. Welp! Any therapist who insists on changing something you love about yourself is not a good therapist. Hopefully if and when you do reveal this part of yourself, he accepts that you're comfortable with it and that it's just a part of your life.

[Chanel_no5]

Yeah, he's okay. It's just that... he'd be curious and wanting to know stuff, and... I just don't really want him to know about it, I just want him to be aware of it. I know it doesn't make any sense whatsoever. Gah.

[LeapYearKisses]

I think that makes sense, to want him aware and not have to share the details!  I mean, it's an important part of your life, but it's also a personal part, and there's nothing wrong with not sharing about it if it's not causing you an issue.  I was happy to talk to my therapist about it, but probably because I'd never really had anyone to tell about it before.  For her part, she wasn't interested in "fixing" it, but she was excited to learn more about it since it was important to me.

[Shamaël]

6 hours ago, Cemetary_no5 said:

I just don't really want him to know about it, I just want him to be aware of it.

Oh yes it makes sense! I understand how you feel about this. If it prevents you from talking about other things which are related, one way or another, to the fetish, and therefore to go further in the therapy, it can be very frustrating. (I have experienced more or less the same situation.) But I don't think a "good" therapist, one you have confidence in, will tell you that you have to "fix" something which is a great (and positive) part of your life...

[Shay]

I understand how you feel. I've been a part of this community for half of my life and before this forum even existed, so it is a big part of my life. There have been times in therapy or sometimes when just talking to family where I'd mention an online friend and they'd want to know where I met them or something else along those lines. I just developed the cover that it was a science fiction forum. I am a sci fi fan so no one would question it and it has the same initials as sneeze fetish forum. I think there was one occasion where someone wanted to know the specific site, and then I just said that it was a long time ago and the site no longer exists. Hopefully I'll never use that excuse with someone who knows how to use the wayback machine. Maybe I'd just say I can't remember the name.

Anyway, I don't know if this would work for you in the specific instances where you'd be wanting to mention the fetish and this forum, but maybe you could think up a similar cover story that would allow you to talk about the fetish without your therapist knowing what you're really talking about?

[Chanel_no5]

Exactly, I just want it to be... background story, somehow? I've told therapists in the past but all of them were clearly uncomfortable with it and that in turn made me uncomfortable, so... not really wanting that to occur. Plus it's mortifying when/if they do sneeze.

I generally just refer to the forum as an online message board/writing board, but the fetish aspect is more difficult. I can't really say it's a H/C thing because it's not for me, and just saying I have a thing for tough people being vulnerable isn't quite cutting it either. We'll see if I ever get tired of this and find the pros stronger than the cons.

[Shay]

That's cool that you've already got a bit of a cover story, but I can understand why it's not always helpful. I'm impressed that you've told therapists before. I've never done that and I couldn't see myself doing it unless it was causing significant distress in my life. There have been times when it did, but it didn't last long enough for me to feel the need to talk about it with a therapist. Anyway, I hope you figure out what you want to do.

[PistolPete]

Tell your therapist that you want to share something, but explain what your fears are about sharing first.  I have shared about the fetish with my therapist and it wasn't a big deal.  The bigger deal is knowing that you're withholding something because it gets in the way of the process.

[Former Empath]

I can definitely relate to this.  I told my former therapist, and I regretted it just because it made it so. completely. awkward whenever she sneezed.  Even though I had zero attraction to her and mostly prefer men and non-binary sneezes.  Ugh.

However, I'm in couples counseling, and I have told both my former couples counselor and my current couples counselor.  Except I haven't.  I explain that I have a fetish, and to help them understand the uniqueness of certain circumstances (like, say, listening to .wavs), I tell them it's like having a fetish for hiccups.  I explain that it's a fetish for something involuntary, but people can sometimes make themselves do it.  I explain I like the helplessness.  And I explain how there's a community largely built around the audio aspect.

Using the example of hiccups seems to really work.  They've never pressed me for what it actually is, and the comparison seems to help them understand things like why I would listen to .wavs, why I would RP with people, etc. (things that have come up with my partner).

As a bonus, people almost never get the hiccups, and even if they do, I never said I actually have a fetish for hiccups, just that it's "like" having a fetish for hiccups.  And then if they do sneeze, I give no reaction and they've never put two and two together.

Edited October 20, 2016 by Empathic Mystery

[Chanel_no5]

Ooooh... I like that. The hiccups thing - smart. It's close enough but not so close it would be awkward if the person does indeed get the hiccups.

I mean, my therapist is male and he is very aware that I'm only attracted to women. But... it still gets uncomfortable for me, which sets off the whole chain of discomfort if it were to happen. I mean, he doesn't know as it is, and it still gets awkward when he sneezes. Even though it doesn't even sound like sneezing, much less sneezing I'd be attracted to. And I, well... never sneeze in front of him.

[Shay]

That hiccups thing is a great idea. I may steal that one for myself someday if the need ever arises.

[RSB]

Eek I have worried about this issue before. (Which is made worse by the fact that I personally find the scenario a bit...um, stimulating. For some reason it mimics the attraction of say a professor sneezing for me).

I think the hiccup thing is a great substitute and probably not something he'll do during your sessions which helps. You could even keep it vaguer and say the fetish is for something like hiccuping or yawning, and never say exactly what it is or isn't.

Either way good luck!

[Alex6230]

Honestly for me I feel like that's something I wouldn't want to tell someone I'm not romantically involved in. I always thought it was a bit nerve-wrecking to get like "stimulated" in public but... to each his own. Maybe that's why you feel your therapist will want to try to fix it, I think you should just speak up about it to your significant other, if you've told someone important in your life (excluding family?) then perhaps that feeling of yours of wanting to tell him will subside.