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Nothing Gets By You (House MD)


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Fandom: House MD (so sorry David Shore for using your characters in a sneeze fic:razz:)

Characters: Wilson, House (Hilson)


Wilson extended his wrist, cracking it pleasantly. He had been sitting at his desk since 7 AM, completely swamped with old forms from recent patients, and his writing hand had started to cramp up. The clock read 11:21 AM. Twirling his pen in his left hand, he glanced out the window for a few moments, then returned to the file before him. He found himself getting distracted easily. Four hours straight of paperwork could do that to a guy. It was his own fault for procrastinating anyway, and getting it done today meant less work tomorrow. But, after he ended up reading the same line several times, he decided he needed a break. He raised his arms above him and stretched, and made his way over to the balcony space his office shared with House's. Speaking of the ornery diagnostician, Wilson could make out House through the glass, pointing his cane at his poor lackeys, probably yelling about how stupid they were. Wilson merely enjoyed the cool breeze, and the fact that he wasn't on the receiving end of House's tirade. After a while, his nose had a slight itch. He payed it no mind and faced the crisp air, until it produced a sneeze, and after a pause, another wet one. While bringing a finger under his nose, Wilson sniffled, and the conversation he had with House before he left this morning came back to him.


After a few minutes of House clinging to Wilson as he woke up, he slowly pried himself away from House, earning a whine from the older man. Wilson diligently prepared himself for another day as House lounged in bed.

"I can't wait for the she-demon to get on my case for being late. Again." House's gravelly voice drifted from the bedroom as Wilson finished up his daily grooming. "Doesn't she understand the pain of getting up?"

"Why don't you ever get out of bed at a reasonable time then?" Wilson retorted.

House pulled an exaggerated face. "Pollen's crazy high today. My head's killing me. So's my leg. Thus, the pain of getting up."

"Take a Claritin," Wilson responded dryly. "And it's still March, unless the cold air decided to take a break for you. Ragweed season isn't until later in the year."

House merely rolled his eyes and flopped back into bed. "You better take something too, Jimmy boy. I don't want to run out of tissues while you use them all for your gigantic nose."

"Don't need any. And unlike some people around here, I actually have to get into work on time. See you." Wilson flattened his hair in the mirror once more, gathered his briefcase and jacket, and left without another word, picturing House's mocking sneer.


Those kinds of conversations were nothing new, but Wilson wondered if the pollen count was actually high today. He thought back to when he had last taken a Claritin. The weather was still crisp, surely ragweed hadn't returned yet? He couldn't remember if it had been warm out in the last couple of weeks. The recent workload plus an increase in patients he had to oversee made him stay at work late into the night, leaving little time for self care. The beginnings of a sneeze tingled in his nose again, reminding him. His little reprieve had to be cut short unless he wanted to be an allergic mess, so he reluctantly returned to his desk and sighed at the stack of papers that seemed to grow in the few minutes he was gone.


House stalked down the hallways of PPTH, mood soured by a particularly stupid clinic patient. Apparently, a doctors orders of giving a child Motrin for a fever instead of infused-ginger-whatever the hell hadn't gone well with the mother and she demanded a "more competent" doctor deal with her whining spawn after he suggested where she could kindly stick her medical opinion. Even the sight of Cuddy's breasts as she told him off didn't do much to make him less pissed off. Why was he saddled with every moron that walked into the hospital, he had no idea. At least he had something to bitch about to Wilson, who he hadn't seen since early that morning. As he approached the oncologist's office, he heard a curious sound from within. Instead of barging in, he hung around for a few moments. A muffled "Hrrmmpch! H'ntch!" was all House needed to know that he was right about Wilson needing his allergy meds, and he swung open the door theatrically, arm flung wide open and what could only be described as a shit-eating grin on his face.

"I told you. Your allergies are bothering you aren't they."

"And where did you get that idea?"

House pointed an accusatory finger. "You just sneezed, twice in a row. I heard you."

Wilson waved his hands half heartedly. "Stop the presses, I experienced a normal bodily function!"

"Your face is flushed and your nose is pink, presumably from rubbing it, from all the pollen in the air. It's hot in here, normally you'd have the windows open since you don't understand the freedom of opening your top buttons at work." House thumped over to the couch, sinking down into it. "And there's... four tissues in your wastebasket, there were none earlier, and no terminally ill patients are on your work schedule today, thus, allergies," he said as he poked at the can with the end of his cane.

Wilson just squinted his eyes and shook his head. He would have said something to House's ranting, but the tickle in his nose he was fighting was starting to get the upper hand. He opted for rolling his eyes and returning his focus to the form in front of him.

"Do not stifle."

"Wha-hhah..." The abruptness of House's command threw him off. He hurriedly brought the back of his hand to his nose, the questioning sound he made seemed to vibrate his nostrils further as the tickle made his eyes water.

"Wouldn't want you to blow up your pretty little head holding them in," he said in a mocking manner. But House was intently studying Wilson's failing attempts to not sneeze in front of him. The younger man paused, shoulders trembling a bit and a hand in the air, before turning away and letting out a "H'nngtch! Ugh..." Wilson couldn't hold in the sigh of relief, and he reached for another tissue. House tapped his fingers on his cane thoughtfully. "Why give yourself a headache holding them in?" As Wilson tried to answer, House cut him off. "I can tell you're getting a headache. You're doing that thing where you rub the back of your neck."

"Nothing gets by you, does it."

"That's my job."

"Look, I'm a bit busy right now, and I need to finish these intake forms by 6 today, so..."

"What you need is some Claritin. Why don't you grab some, I seem to recall that we work in a hospital."

"I said I was busy..." Wilson's answer trailed off as he pretended to focus on the stack of papers before him House smirked triumphantly.

"This whole time, you could have waltzed into pharmacy and snag a couple of Claritin. But that would mean you were wrong this morning, and you hate being wrong in front of me."

House's needling was starting to get on Wilson's nerves, along with the incessant buzz lodged in his nose. He tried to find where he left off on reading while House noisily dug around in his pockets. Wilson took this opportunity to sneak in a few almost silent stifles behind his fist, though he knew nothing would get past House. It did nothing to alleviate the hazy feeling, it just felt like each muffled sneeze made the tickle come in waves. He sniffed strongly behind the tissue.


"What now..." Wilson looked up to see a blister pack dangling from House's hands, and a gleam in his eyes. "All yours, for one simple request. And it'll make you feel better."

"For the last time, we are not having sex in my office."

"You wish... I need you to sneeze for me."

Wilson was a bit taken aback, but he placed his pen on the table anyway and sighed. He wasn't going to get anything done while House was here, was he. There was no hiding anything from House anyway, so he might as well roll with it. "I've been doing that all day anyway."

House wiggled the blister pack some more. "Ah ah ah, you need to not hold it back. No covering either. Let it out. I'm serious about the no stifling thing."

"So... you're going to sit here and stare at me until I sneeze all over you," Wilson said dryly.


Wilson sighed again and pushed back the various folders and papers on his desk. The fog in his head made it harder for him to keep countering House's observations, and well, the allergy medicine was right in front of him, so what was one embarrassing sneeze to anyone... Not like House hadn't seen worse from him, who was now expectantly clasping his hands over his cane, looking pointedly at Wilson.

Wilson just shook his head and tried to hold back the urge to smother the sneezes. As soon as he relaxed his face, his nose twitched again with need. He inhaled shakily, eyes fluttering shut, and after a pause where House's eyebrows raised with each moment, Wilson almost brought up an elbow to his face to catch the sneeze when he remembered House's request, and instead opted to turn away from him. "Haahhh....Hhhreshhoooooo!" His head bobbed violently with the sneeze, and he found he had to sniff erratically to keep all the snot from dripping. "Ugh. This is why I hold theb in, it's gross," he mumbled thickly as he pulled more tissues from the box next to him, and took care of his streaming nose. He thought the one open sneeze would be enough, but as soon as he blew, more snuck up on him. "Huh...Hhuurshooo! Ueshooo!" He blinked back allergic tears,thinking he was done, but he succumbed to a fit brought on probably from all the stifling earlier. Though, Wilson couldn't think straight when every inhale ended in an increasingly louder and wetter sneeze. "Hehh-Heiiishoooo! HEISHOOOO!" The last one brought out a cough from the strength of it, but for once in the past few hours, his nose didn't burn as badly afterwards. He sighed with relief as he cleared his face, which was pink in the cheeks from his unplanned outburst.

"Happy ndow..." Wilson barely had time to toss away the tissue when he felt a leg press up against his thigh, a hand tilting his chin up, and then, unexpectedly, House was kissing him. Not a regular peck on the cheek or an over exaggerated smooch, but a sensual, open mouth kiss. He was surprised at first, but Wilson leaned into it, still a bit breathless, and House hummed appreciatively. He could feel hands snaking around his arms as they embraced. It's been way too long since they actually did this, Wilson thought happily. Needing to take a breath, they broke off, and now Wilson could plainly see the desire in his eyes.

And then he abruptly remembered where they were.

"God. Not now. Work, remember?" he amended when he saw House curl his lip at him. "I'll come home as early as I can today?" he offered.

"Spoilsport." Regardless, House tossed the promised packet of Claritin at Wilson before picking up his cane where it lay propped against the desk, and hobbled off. As Wilson popped the antihistamine in his mouth and chased it with a sip of his coffee, he wondered what made House so... forward all of a sudden. It really had been a long while since they engaged in anything other than chilling on the couch due to Wilson's recent workload and House's odd hours... Could have something to do with his insistence for Wilson to sneeze. He shook his head as if to chase away those thoughts. No use in dwelling on it now, he still had all those damn intake forms... "Is it just me or did this stack get even bigger," he mumbled to himself, the mood he was in was completely lost.


Authors notes: I just had to add to the giant pile of sick!Wilson fics in the world. I have somewhat an idea of how to continue this. But, it'll probably be 18+ (sorry LOL) Unless anyone has any suggestions you could shoot me a PM? I'm totally open to whatever.

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Awwwww, poor Wilson!  There aren't a lot of, or should I say, as much of, allergic!WIlson fics with people tending to torment House with this type of scenario (given the episode "Autopsy," at the very least, and it seemed that there was a lot of missed material in Wilson tormenting given season 7's episode "You Must Remember This").  I look forward to seeing any additional chapters/sections that torments the wonder boy oncologist. :) 

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25 minutes ago, cally said:

Awwwww, poor Wilson!  There aren't a lot of, or should I say, as much of, allergic!WIlson fics with people tending to torment House with this type of scenario (given the episode "Autopsy," at the very least, and it seemed that there was a lot of missed material in Wilson tormenting given season 7's episode "You Must Remember This").  I look forward to seeing any additional chapters/sections that torments the wonder boy oncologist. :) 

Actually, I was inspired by that episode. It's such a shame Wilson wasn't actually allergic to the cat. But his revelation of having ragweed allergies set my gears turning:P There needed to be more sneezy Wilson on the show damn it...

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Ahh Wilson!!  I love House MD and Wilson is my fave.  I agree with cally that allgeric!Wilson is a bit rare and underappreciated but I loveloveloved this.  Looking forward to reading anything and everything you put out torturing my favorite oncologist. 

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I enjoyed this quite a bit and would love to see more of it.

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