o.k. so in the past...

[Klingon]

o.k. so in the past I had mentioned that I've been working on a story and the problems associated with it specificly due to copyright stuff. well I'm honestly not sure if what I have so far is any good or if I should give up. I had asked a friend on here for her opinion and any constructive criticism or ideas about it but frankly she was not really any help. so I've decided to share what I have so far and see if anybody has idea's that can help make it better. the intention being if I can ever get in contact with the copyright owners and get permission then publish it. with the typical copyright acknowlegments and all that. it's not intended with the idea of money or anything like that! just an idea I had that won't let go of me.

o.k. so the specific premise is that during the middle of the Klingon, Romulan, Federation war against the dominion in 2373- 2375, a Klingon cruiser the Kartok, takes part in a battle against a Dominion fleet. however due to the energy weapons both sides are using a rift forms and the Kartok and crew ends up going back in time to Earth and crashing off the coast of Japan in the year 1588. it's from the perspective of the Kartoks first officer (second in command) Commander B'Larra. so that is the gist of the story. the following is what I have so far I'm hoping that you will help me with idea's to improve my writing keeping in mind this is only the beginning of the first draft. here's what I have so far:

 

 stardate 51265.4 in the Xanedine sector along the Klingon, Federation and Romulan border. a cloaked bird of prey is on patrol. in the holodeck the ships first officer Comander B'Larra in training with her Bat'leth. she crouches down in the ankle high mist covered grass, her weapon at the ready held in both hands across her body, her senses keen and alert as she searches for her enemies through the thick foliage. she moves slowly carefully the smell of her enemy filling her nostrils, her hearts beating. with a squealing roar the creature rushes at her and swings it's sword downward, she counters by stepping forward and raising her bat'leth upward it's crescent shape catching the creatures blade. using all of strength she turns her bat'leth and pushes the creatures sword off to the left and slams the forward edge of her bat'leth into the creatures face, stunning it and knocking it to the ground on it's back. she swings her blade in an arc bringing the blades down with all her strength impaling the creature. with a loud squeal it disappears. the second creature rushes toward her from behind attempting to stab her from behind, but she's to quick and turns to her right, out of the way of the creatures attack. she thrusts her right arm forward burying her bat'leths blade into the creatures torso and it disappears. "computer end program" she calls out and a door opens with a loud clang. Commander B'Larra walks along the hall way to the bridge ignoring the metallic clanks of her feet on the metal floor and another door opens. she steps onto the bridge of the ship and with a nod of her head acknowledges the Lieutenant at the tactical station before greeting the captain.

 

[Garnet]

Can I be honest with you, here? I've seen you bring up this story here a couple times before, and with limited response. You are really and way into Klingons. Most users here are probably not. I'm gonna venture to say that that's a pretty specialized interest that you would find a better audience for in a more hardcore Trekkie community. They would have more insight into this matter than a casual snezfucker whose interests are all across the damned map. Not to disclude it, but the chance of finding someone here who is exactly as knowledgeable and committed to this species as you are is slim. I'm a big fan of the original series and even I will admit that I don't really know what's going on in your sample text, from the jargon. 

The way I see it, there are two ways to explore this idea of yours. First and foremost is as a fanfic, a staple of the internet. Some are bad, some still haunt me years later for their wit and craft. That's the give-and-take of the medium, but you're at least always guaranteed an audience. Fanfic.Net and Archive of Our Own are by far the most popular hubs for this type of craft. Second is as a published novel, which I admit is a bit of a stretch. I know that the Star Trek universe is huge and sprawling and has a lot of ghost writers probably padding out its various novel series, but I don't know how forgiving the scale is with fan-authors. Probably not very, considering how much unofficial fanfic is out there floating in the cyber-ether. This brings me to my next point, which is what is to stop you from developing your own sci-fi historical shoot off? Klingons need not apply.

You can recreate a Klingon-inspired (without being a carbon copy, obviously) alien and space explorer feel meets ancient Terran history without too much effort. Then you dodge the inconvenience of fussing about copyrights. More than that, you don't limit yourself to a single fandom's graces, it's more accessible to everyone. You gain a whole new unexplored path of development that you get to define. I realize that this is uncomfortable for a lot of authors who are used to and enjoy playing within the limits of a pre-established world, but I still encourage it! Using fandom stuff as a jumping off point is great.

[SleepingPhlox]

Hello, die-hard Trekkie reporting for duty.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the copyright holders for Star Trek related works are very, VERY protective of the copyright.  You've heard about the fan-made movies and series that had the copyright hammer come down on them hard, right?  The chances of getting something published under the Star Trek name are slim to none.   I'm not trying to crush anyone's dreams or anything, I'm as big a believer as anyone that if you want something hard enough you should work your ass off to get it, just letting you know what you're up against. 

If I may offer a bit of advice, join a fanfiction site such as the ones Garnet mentioned above me, and start putting work out there.  Put work up here.  Put work up every place you can find.   Your style could use a bit of refinement.  I do not mean that as an insult in any way, shape, or form.  Anyone pursuing greatness in any type of craft should always be continually improving at what they do.  Always.  Write short stories, write chapter stories, it doesn't matter as long as you're always writing.  Constantly ask for feedback and take it. Start to find a style that's yours and learn to own it.  The ideas are there, and you have the start of something interesting, but you can work on improving it into something great.

I hope that helps.  I certainly hope none of it came across as discouraging because it was intended as quite the opposite.

 

[Klingon]

no actually phlox it was appreciated a lot and I already know how paraborg (paramount studios) is. Garnet I have heard what you said several times about creating my own race and stuff problem is it doesn't work. even if I called them something else fact is the weapon designs language and ship designs are purely Klingon and my story doesn't work any other way. don't get me wrong it was a good idea and I may at some point create my own world as you and others have suggested. it just doesn't work for this one. part of my problem too is I don't truly know or understand Japanese culture of the time. (or even modern for the matter) I want to show them in an accurate way yet respectful. I do not honestly know how Samurai would react to an alien race, particularly a warrior race, and I don't know where I could research it I've tried various places online. but they all where more a modern era view, then an accurate view from the time frame.

[Bondi]

In terms of research, you could try Wikipedia as that might give you a general view of how things are, and then take it from there. You could also look into purchasing some history books that talk about Japan in the era that you want to write about. There might be some resources for you at the library, as archaic as that might sound, it might be helpful to look into that.

Anyway, I think I was someone who has suggested you just make up your own alien race in the past, and I genuinely think that it might be more workable than you might think. I don't know what your writing process is like, but a few of the stories that I've written came out very differently in the end from how I originally envisioned them, and I think that they're all the better for it. This next example is probably a bad one because most people despise the work in question, and I can definitely understand why, but it's relevant to the point I'm trying to make. Frank Miller originally conceived it as a Batman story, but as he got further into the story, he realized that the character, while superficially similar, is a different character and that it couldn't be a Batman story. So it became it's own standalone story, arguably a really horrible one, but that's a matter for another discussion. You might find that if you tweak aspects of the alien culture and technological capabilities enough, the story works just fine. If you don't want to make up your own universe from scratch, then use the Klingons as a model and then change them where appropriate to make it your own thing and it could prove to work a lot better than you currently think it does and then you won't have to deal with any pesky copyright issues when you want to try to get the thing published, or self-publish it, whichever you choose to do.