Being in a "normal" relationship

[Dontyouknowwhoiamyet]

K guys, I know most of you know me on YouTube and I'm not new to the community I just forgot my username and password lol. I am the point in life where I want to embrace this fetish fully... Like I'm done being in a "normal relationship". I need another half of me that makes sense and it's so frustrating to me. Sometimes all this isn't enough, like I need IRL. Most of you know my situation with the narcissist I live with that I won't be living with for long. I know most of us struggle in these ways... Has anyone ever been with another one of "our kind"? I'm just so over going with the flow..... Advice, words of encouragement, whatever i just want to hear from you guys... Thanks

-Jen

[CharliesGirl]

Ive tried to make this work IRL and it unfortunately didn't work out. I still have hope that it can happen though. Discussing the fetish with a potential mate makes me feel amazing all over, and it's very easy for me to lose myself in it and ignore any and all warning signs because it feels so good. Am I going to close the door on it? Probably not. But I am going to better protect myself from getting hurt. I hope you have better luck than I do. 

[Dontyouknowwhoiamyet]

I totally agree with you on the warning signs and being so into someone and the fetish can become blinding... Thank you so much for taking the time... Can you message me?

[Stegosaurus]

Being with someone who shares your fetish, particularly if it's a rarer one like what we have, is nice - I'm lucky enough to be, for the most part, in that position. My wife and I have been happily married for nearly a decade, and we met through a fetish site. Having something that unique in common gives you something strong to bond over, even when you're different in so many other ways.

However, I also have many fetishes she most certainly does not share. She doesn't mind me having them, and even discusses them openly with me, and sometimes I share material I find with her, just to show her what I like and how my mind works. She likes to be included, but isn't expected to do anything she's uncomfortable with.

In your situation, I can't say much, because I don't know you, but I am sorry to hear you're in a bad situation. You seem to know it will improve soon, so I'm glad to hear that.  Having the courage to know what you need and going and getting it, that's such a gift.

All I can say is that, even if your other half does not share your quirks, they should at least be openly understanding about them and comfortable with them. I'm interested to know how things work out for you. I don't think I have access to private messages, but I want to wish you all the best! It sounds like you know exactly what you want.

[CharliesGirl]

I'd love to message you, but you can't receive messages yet, according to your profile 

[Dontyouknowwhoiamyet]

I do know what I want but there are dynamics that hold me back... Like my kids. My biggest fear is getting old and regretting what I did in my life or what I didn't do. I don't want a monotonous life. I am sporadic and am a free bird. I just want someone to fly with me...

[James (ellamalaka)]

I've considered trying to find someone that I can share my peculiar interests with but it seems increasingly unlikely at this point. Like, I would almost literally have to hook up with someone from this site.

[3-26]

This sounds familiar to me because I've felt similarly in the past.  The compromise I made with myself was to use a dating site, which helped me find someone compatible with me, even if he doesn't share this particular interest of mine.  He's wonderful, and it works, and I don't have to ask myself whether I just like him because I'm afraid I'll never find anyone else who shares the interest (because he doesn't share it).  That being said, you have to do what works for you.  Good luck with it all!

[March Hare]

You need a dose of Dan Savage.

A "normal relationship" is a thing that does not exist. YOU and your partner make it what you want to be. Your partner doesn't need to have the fetish in order to be able to hear and enjoy your talk about it, indulge you, fulfill your every fantasy. All your partner needs is an open mind and a GGG (good, giving and game) attitude.

Of course, all of that has to go both ways. If your partner has a fetish of his/her/umf own that you are ethically and practically able to indulge, and you won't, then it won't work.

Keep your eyes and mind open. Leave your partner and start dating, but keep in mind that your kids are your first priority always until they're mature enough to move out and start their own lives.

 

[tma]

On 11/24/2016 at 6:35 AM, March Hare said:

keep in mind that your kids are your first priority always until they're mature enough to move out and start their own lives.

I know this all too well.  They've basically been my main deciding focus with certain things in particular.

Anyway... for me personally (at least at this point in my life) having someone to "play" with who also respects me as a person is really all that I need, and that doesn't need to come in the package of a "relationship".  

I completely understand the thinking about leaving though.  Really and truly.  And I can relate to the worry that I might miss something or regret something not taken.  But at least at *this* point for me, I haven't really figured things out enough so I muddle through.  I'm not really a "free spirit" per se, just sometimes would like to have certain things that I generally think that a decent amount of couples take for granted, and I used to (even though there were some issues).

 

Anyway... sorry for the long ramblingness and for the being stupid and turning it into me.

I just do understand some of the points that you seem to be wrestling with.  I do agree that compatibility as far as the fetish might *seem* like a "cure all" at times, but it really isn't.  If your relationship really isn't working, and you feel that you need to leave and that you can do that- then go for it.  But, I don't know... i wouldn't leave a relationship (especially a very long term one) just to go into another one.  I sort of feel like a person needs to have time to evaluate what they left, figure out what they need, center themselves, (if they have kidlets) make sure that kidlets are transitioning at least a bit, and **then** go into it.

[Dontyouknowwhoiamyet]

Thanks so much guys! Yes my kids definitely come first and I don't want to go into shorter relationship for a while. I do need time to evaluate, I've been brainwashed for so long by him. He is not a nice person. I have to leave this relationship for my kids. It's scary, so scary right now. It's just nice to know I have this community as my family. Xoxo

[MegOfAllTrades]

Yeah, if I can help it I never want to be in a "normal" relationship ever again. This fetish, and the other ones I have, are a very important aspect of my life and therefore I want someone, who even if he doesn't share some of them, to at least be accepting and willing to compromise, instead of being repulsed, which I have had happen too many times at this point, My current boyfriend and I actually met through a fetish site (not for sneezing) and I warned him first-hand to run away while he still could  when I told him he then proceeded to tell me how cool it is to him and had me explain everything for the next couple of hours lol

[Dontyouknowwhoiamyet]

Megofalltrades, that's so awesome! I feel the same way, the fetish is a huge part of me. My current boyfriend thinks "I chose to have it and can choose choose to get rid of it" it sucks, he's not into it. The one time he did sneeze for me I had to practically beg him then it was such a turn off and letdown lol I'm really happy for you!!

[CharliesGirl]

Man, that really sucks that your boyfriend isn't into it  

[Dontyouknowwhoiamyet]

I know, it kills me, how can I be intimate with someone who is not in sync with who I am even a little...

[haymaker]

I am in a long term relationship with a non-fetishist. They know about it and accept it, but the the subject is never discussed or aired and I think we are both comfortable with that. However, I will always wonder what a relationship with another sneeze fetishist would be like.

I am attracted, not necessarily by the sexual side, but by the amazing degree of empathy that would organically exist between two such people. What a relief not to be in the closet anymore, but to share this secret, discuss it openly, and be understood.

Obviously it would not be enough to sustain things on its own, but what an incredible thing to experience between the right two people.

It is extremely unlikely that it will ever happen to me now, but if i was an unattached teen or twenty something, I'd be hoping to date someone here and if nothing else came from it, make a good friend.

Edited December 2, 2016 by haymaker