Advice Pool

[Sageacity]

I had a thought tonight about random mistakes made that I've gleaned lessons from. Personal 'proverbs.' So, how about a place to drop off said lessons for fun? It can range from serious to hilarious. Your choice, your comfort level, your wording. To specify, this is not aimed at any members, just something you wish someone would have said to you beforehand, or something you had wanted to say to someone of the past. Y'know?

For example: As triggered by workplace conversation.

If he/she/they don't know what they want and are not willing to be clear in their intentions, it's likely they're not up for a serious relationship. Being strung along isn't cool.

 

[SleepingPhlox]

I wish it hadn't then me so long to learn this one:  No matter how hard you try to please everyone and be nice and good and easy to get along with...there's always going to be someone who, for whatever reason, doesn't like you.  If you're satisfied that you're doing the best you can,chalk it up to "their problem, not mine" and just keep living.

[Hedgehog]

4 minutes ago, SleepingPhlox said:

No matter how hard you try to please everyone and be nice and good and easy to get along with...there's always going to be someone who, for whatever reason, doesn't like you.  If you're satisfied that you're doing the best you can,chalk it up to "their problem, not mine" and just keep living.

So very true...

[Chanel_no5]

Okay, I've been learning life lessons the past couple of years that could last me a lifetime...  I'm not sure if that means I'm growing up, or whatever it is, but yeah...

 I should mention that I still struggle with many of these myself. I know intellectually that I feel much better when I live by it, but it can be very difficult to change when you've kept a certain mindset for a long time. These are a few of the things I have learned lately that have been very useful, even though they can be hard to stick to when you're tired, sad, angry or just overstimulated.

 

Don't be afraid to ask for help. Don't be afraid to offer it.

Never compare yourself to anyone but yourself. It may be a small step for mankind, but a giant leap for you.

It's not dangerous to be bored sometimes. In fact, it's very good for creativity.

People's behaviour towards you says more about them than it does about you. Don't carry other people's issues. Take responsibility for your own.

If you've behaved like an ass - which you will at some point, everybody does - say you're sorry.

The way you treat people waiting on you - a waitress, a janitor, a cashier, et cetera - says everything about who you are as a person. Even if you're not pleased with the service, there are ways to say that without degrading the human being you're talking to.

If you're prone to anxiety, don't stop at the "worst case scenarios" - decide in advance how to handle the worst case scenario instead.

When you embarrass yourself in public - acknowledge it. Just say it. "Well, that was embarrassing", is enough. What are people going to say? Tell you it was embarrassing? You just said so yourself. Besides, people are usually so relieved they weren't the ones embarrassing themselves, most of the laugh is from relief. A friend of mine fell in the school cafeteria in front of everyone the first day of our senior year. She got up and turned to the freshmen, saying "Now you can relax, I just set the bar for embarrassment this year, you're welcome." She is my hero.

Try to be grateful for the small things. Not just "it could have been worse", really be grateful for what you do have. No happiness is too small to count.

Don't make decisions when you're hungry.  Trust me on that one.

 

 

 

 

[SleepingPhlox]

Oh @Chanel_no5 all of yours are so great!!!

[Joal 555]

1 hour ago, SleepingPhlox said:

No matter how hard you try to please everyone and be nice and good and easy to get along with...there's always going to be someone who, for whatever reason, doesn't like you.  If you're satisfied that you're doing the best you can,chalk it up to "their problem, not mine" and just keep living.

 

This is really good advice!

I've got a little better at putting it into practice, but there are still far too many occasions when I assume that everything is down to my own inadequacies

 

[bloom]

Have high standards for your relationships. Yes, you do deserve to be around people who make you feel happy, safe, and comfortable. No, you don't have to be around people who tear you down or make you feel comfortable or insecure (bar circumstances beyond your control). Don't be afraid to cut people out for toxicity. In most ways, being a little lonely is better than being surrounded by people you're only associating with because you're lonely. 

Don't be afraid of or feel guilty for prioritizing your own comfort and well-being over other peoples. You are the most important person in your life.

2 hours ago, SleepingPhlox said:

I wish it hadn't then me so long to learn this one:  No matter how hard you try to please everyone and be nice and good and easy to get along with...there's always going to be someone who, for whatever reason, doesn't like you.  If you're satisfied that you're doing the best you can,chalk it up to "their problem, not mine" and just keep living.

This one is SO good - learning this is so incredibly freeing. 

[gingerdean]

 

"This too shall pass" is definitely some of the best advice ever given to me. It's gotten me through a lot of rough times. Sometimes when you're overwhelmed by a really rough situation or a  bad moment, it can cloud your perception to the point that feels like nothing will ever be okay again (or at least for me it can, and I know this is true for other people too.) There have been times that just repeating this to myself in my head has helped to keep me grounded, and reminded me that these feelings are just temporary, and I'm not going to feel this way forever.

 

4 hours ago, Chanel_no5 said:

The way you treat people waiting on you - a waitress, a janitor, a cashier, et cetera - says everything about who you are as a person. Even if you're not pleased with the service, there are ways to say that without degrading the human being you're talking to.

This is very true, and very important imo. Life is hard enough without making it even harder than necessary for other people. And as an extension to that thought- a little bit of kindness can go a long way. You never know what someone may be going through, and you never know how much a simple kind word or gesture might turn a person's day around.

 

 

[Melody]

In life you either let whats happened to you tear you down or you let it make you a stronger person. The choice is simple and it's entirely up to you. Either get bitter or get better. 

[MaiMai]

Sometimes, you don't know until you make a decision whether it's going to be the right one or not, but you still have to try. It's better to take a chance at something that might make you happy than stay somewhere you're unhappy just because you're too scared to do anything about it.

You don't have to have your whole life planned out, because you'll figure it out as you go, and nine times out of ten it'll be better that way, anyway.

Also, never try to outdrink the captain of a karate club. Even if you do win, it won't be worth the hangover the next day.

[March Hare]

"You do you" is the short version, but it means a lot of things.

It's both freedom and responsibility. It means you're ALLOWED to do things your way, but it also means you're SUPPOSED to. If you slavishly follow a fad or a dictate or a dogma that isn't yours, that you're not intrinsically motivated by, then that is on you. To acknowledge, to change, or to suffer.

Also it means that you have to KNOW "you". What do you want? What DON'T you want? Where are your boundaries? How will you enforce them? What are your own ideas? What ideas originating in others do you choose to adopt? And so on.

(Plus I think it means something else that probably belongs on the Adult board, but never mind that. *grin*) 

[bingochamp7]

On 12/22/2016 at 8:19 PM, Melody said:

Either get bitter or get better.

Well said.

Stop dwelling in the past. Don't let your past mistakes ruin your present and future possibilities.

[Sageacity]

Since I can't seem to quote people on mobile without making a long post of copy layered dip, wow. You guys have brought up the best ones. @gingerdean "this too will pass" feels like that is the mantra- with variation at times, is a reoccurring theme, for reasons.  And @Chanel_no5... yes, many yes'es. Especially the boredom bit, so long ong as it's channeled, hah. 

 

Here's another to add to the pile: There are very few materials one actually needs. New things do not always correlate with happiness, superficial possessions can weigh you down if you're not careful. There are better ways to feel that you are deserving of something. Better to be able to stand on you own feet and owe anyone as much as possible.

 

[PC B W/ U]

-Few things are ever as good (or as bad) as initially reported.  

-Have you ever noticed that whenever someone asks how to impress a man/woman, the only advice offered is "Be yourself?"  That's the abridged version; the full truth is: "Be yourself.  There's a very good chance it won't work, but since trying to be someone you're not definitely won't work, being yourself is literally the only option."  (By the way, on the rare occasions it does work, it's awesome).  

[Kaze Wo Hiku]

Paraphrasing something a friend of mine said tonight:

If you have a problem with someone talk to them that's what adults do. When you talk to someone it clears up many misconceptions you might have about said problem. Don't ignore it or the person.

I post this for my own benefit as well

[emy]

I witnessed my aunt go through different stages of Chemo and suffer. It taught me a lesson . Life is very precious. Every second matters. We often take it for granted. Be positive. Learn from every experience.