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Guilt (Z-nation)


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Ok, so I’m trying this again! I wasn’t too much a fan of my last start of a story involving the tv show “Z nation”, so here we go with the new!

QUICK BACKSTORY for those unfamiliar with the show:

Basically a group of people are 3 years into a zombie apocalypse. The basic goal throughout the show is getting Murphy to a lab in California to create a vaccine for the zombie virus. So  it’s their adventures along the way.


The characters I’m writing about currently are Addy ( young woman,23or maybe 26 years old?)

 Doc, (oldest character) ex drug addict/laid back, somewhat fatherly at least to 10k

Roberta Warren (ex member of the National Guard maybe in late 30s early 40s)

 Murphy (the only man known to survive a zombie bite, an ass, crazy in his late 30s?)

and Cassandra (22 years old, used to be very close to 10k until Murphy scratched her and she changed into like a half zombie, something weird and enslaved to murphy.)

and of course 10k (18 or so, calls himself that instead of his real name because he vowed to kill that many zombies after his father turned and he had to kill him) only Cassandra ever knew his real name before she was turned.

I guess there are spoilers…I haven’t even finished Season 2 on Netflix so I’m in the dark about things too!

 I just thought I’d share, because it never hurts, and maybe someone out there will share in my adoration of this sweet character.

 Also, I’m starting this at the episode that ended with the character “10k” just recovering from anthrax…he just might take a little longer to recover in my version… ;)




So finally!



“Couple hours before dark, we’d better get going...”

From her perch on the rim of the pick up truck Addy nodded in response as Warren went off to retrieve Murphy and the baby. The young woman wanted nothing more than to get out of the fog of anthrax and guilt that had encompassed their stay at that Mennonite farm.

The redhead reached over towards the resting 10k shifted with his back against the back windows of the cab.

“Alright, come on…”

The softness of her words matched the gentle touch of her fingertips to the sick boy’s shoulder. The kid turned his head to the side, drowsily opening his eyes where her touch had originated against the thin fabric of his shirt.


There was small lilt in her voice at his slight response to return from the heavy cover that the anthrax had held over him. Rousing a little more he heard Doc’s voice join in welcoming him back as he blinked everything slowly back into focus.

“Hey…” The kid croaked out. He was unwittingly endearing, his big eyes widening and the green of them emerging from the fog he had been. Another fragmented sentence drew out from his cracked lips: “Where’s…did she have the baby?”

“Yeah, Murphy’s having a moment with her”

Already focused on what was going on around him, they watched as 10k abruptly looked to the side in the direction of Warren and the rest.

Then again his attention jerked back to the sudden weight of Doc’s hand on his shoulder.

“Good to have you back kid.”

And then everything started moving around him…10k watched in a daze as everyone started loading up. He only started moving from his position when Addy’s touch returned to his arm and he lurched forward in response. He vaulted over the side of the truck bed before the energy of his movement had him stumble into Addy’s frame.  She steadied him by his shoulders, her hand impulsively catching his face just under his jaw stroked his cheek still heavily blistered from the anthrax.

“Woah there buddy, take it easy! I know the worst is over but still…”

Vaguely he nodded and smiled reflexively at the small moment of affection. Somehow he managed to set his frame up in the back of their starting truck, the SUV they still had as well leading the way forward…

10k focused on keeping his frame in a position that suggested togetherness; his guilt for having been inoperative for he didn’t even know how long had turned to a civil war brewing inside him...

His guilt lost before he realized he had surrendered, before his body had become its own apocalypse.


Sneezing and fetish goodness to come! Continue?





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Here I am again. Not giving up, lols


10k’s chest felt heavy.

Granted, all of his body had been aching in the last day and a half, but this seemed different. The kid felt more aware of things in contrast to before when the anthrax fever had taken over and blanketed his awareness just about to nil.

Speaking of “blanketing” …he really wanted one.

But that meant having to ask. And opening that door…

Well, he didn’t have the energy to face or worse admit to so many humiliating vulnerabilities at once.

Instead the young man rolled over and curled into himself, imagining his frame was enveloped heavily in some down comforter instead of exposed skin, that he was sinking into a mattress instead of the metal terrain of the truck bed beneath him, and weakly trying to convince himself that these few miles before dusk came around would allow him enough sleep for complete recovery…

It made sense considering that Addy and Doc were riding in the back of the truck bed as well, having made themselves bookends around him and when they told him to rest.

He could allow himself that much… right?

The vibrations of their conversations were welcomed white noise above him until everything jerked to a halt.

The heaviness in his lungs jerked too.

He was coughing suddenly, his body forcing him to only wake up fully to his own reality.

And that reality was a new storm in his lungs.

“Hey, hey bud!”

Addy’s voice somehow broke through his lung thunder as he felt Doc’s strong hands push against the small of his back to lift his frame up. Something solid pressed down on his lower lip and he felt the chapped skin tear against his skin a bit.

 But all that mattered was the flood.

It pooled into his mouth slightly metallic from the leftover blood inside his mouth, melting the rugged landscape of his throat for a few precious seconds…

Enough for him to breathe again.


His voice jumped out of him with an energy powered purely by his emotions. His body never seemed to apologize for him and a little illogically he found himself hating that.

His hands moved to his face, the thin fabric of his fingerless gloves finally covering his sputters. His nose started burning almost as quickly as his embarrassment.

He almost wished for the anthrax again.

At least then he hadn’t been part of the audience to his own infirmity.

He felt his hands being pulled away from his face, Addy’s touch turning his palms face up. He tried to jerk them back hating his grossness, but the lift in the young woman’s lips distracted him.

“No blood 10k! Congrats!”


10k’s dry response was coincidentally hoarse against his throat, “I’d let you shake my hand, but…”

“And there’s some of that sarcasm back from the dead!” Doc’s voice rung out to the side of him, and 10k heard a groan before realizing it was his.

And before he could give himself his own consent, the kid’s gravity had him curled against the mountain peaked terrain of the truck bed. Warren’s voice joined the group, 10k realizing once again that they had stopped moving.

 Once more he let the voices roll over him, praying that dusk hadn’t found them yet, irrationally wondering, hoping if he pretended the sun was still a part of their sky that his recovery period would be able to continue…In that frame of mind, things blurred and all he felt was the slight warmth at the right side of his face radiating form Addy’s thigh beside him. He imagined falling into it but suddenly his nose burned just too much.


His sneeze felt so violently foreign to him; it came in the three parts that expanded painfully in his ribs and tightened his stomach so hard it hurt; the ending being a desperate last exhale. At the release he froze still, mortified.

“Give us some warning next time dude!” Addy burst out laughing.

10k could hear Doc’s voice soaked with amusement, “You’ve got quite the sneeze kid!

  He dug his face back into the warmth of Addy’s thigh again, not caring if the action was awkward anymore. He’d already accomplished the height of that from his sudden expulsion. His body ached suddenly with heaviness and the prickling his eyes forced him to keep them shut anyway.

Suddenly fingers pushed through the tide of his hair along his forehead with a softness he couldn’t understand. He only knew it felt good as warmth from his opposite side clamped gently on his shoulder…

He felt his being drop into the small displays of affection.

And maybe that kind of falling was ok…

Until somewhere above him Warren’s voice broke through the haze.

All the kid heard was:  “- we can’t be dragged down with all this…”

And apparently that ambiguously worded fragment was all he needed to hear-

He felt his heart hit rock bottom.


If anyone comments, that would make my day! Thanks J



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Here's a part 3 of how many more I have no clue! Hope anyone likes this :)


“Hey you’re in luck!”

The kid’s head jerked up at Addy’s voice from behind him. Turning slightly from his where they were sitting, he watched her vault over the guardrails of the bridge they were under before coming to kneel in front of him.

“W-what you mean?”

His voice cracked mid question and he wondered how he’d ever convince anyone he was back to health when his body kept betraying him.

His answer was a deep green bottle with a ripped label triumphantly placed in front of him.

The cuts in his lips cracked open again when he smiled but he couldn’t help it.

“Hey, thanks-”

“Hey hold up there Mister!”

The liquor bottle was jerked away from his reach along with his smile and Addy couldn’t help the amusement in her tone. She looked back over her shoulder where the others were stationed for the night before refocusing on the kid.

“First of all- this isn’t for drinking. Do you really want Murphy or Doc finding out about this? Warren and I found this and some other things a drugstore a mile away...to clean you up a bit…And SECONDLY, do you think I’d give alcohol to a minor???”

“Funny. I’m almost 18.”

“And you’re sick as a dog, so you’re vulnerable enough without getting intoxicated.”

Her voice was teasing and well-intentioned but she saw his face wince quite drastically at her words; she had triggered something inside him so greatly that his blossomed smile just fifteen seconds ago had become a ghost.

It already haunted her that she didn’t know what she had done.

She heard him sniffle and that brought her back to life.

Suddenly she was pulling random things out of her bag-unfolding a swatch of fabric, from some past shirt, or towel, or something…

And the stinging started and immediately turned numb.

10k knew it should hurt with Addy’s liquor soaked cloth cleaning the heavy anthrax blisters along parts of his face, but all he fell into was the soft pads of her fingertips hinging along his jaw as she dabbed against the wounds, the softness of her breath so close to his face, like he wasn’t grossing her out, and the forgiveness of her touch as she drew the unrepentant dried blood from the crevices of his skin.

A picture of his late mother drew across his vision; he wondered if she had ever touched him like this…the apocalypse hadn’t taken her because the world fifteen years before had stolen her first.

Addy’s touch had anchored gently along his lower lip where more metallic red had washed up into the corners of his mouth, but within that second he jerked away, gasping. He jerked his nose into his elbow and gave in, eyes prickling for more reasons than one.

“Heh’tssh!  *gasp* “Hih’ ishh!”

He drew his elbow down, just as Addy opened her mouth before the prickling came back and he shook his head before bobbing one last  “Hep-tchuu!”  into his arm.

Bless you! You ok there?”
The concern on her face only made the young man flush more; once again Addy witnessed her words knifing him in ways she wished she could stop…

His response was deeply sniffing back congestion and vaguely nodding his thanks saturated in his embarrassment.

She watched his eyes dart fearfully to the others in the group: Doc was already snoring, leaned up against the sloping incline just a few feet from where they were under the bridge. Warren was sitting by the small campfire engrossed in something…and Murphy…

He was with Cassandra.

10k couldn’t let that feeling soak into him and suddenly he was lurching up, grabbing his sniper rifle and stammering a thanks to the bewildered young woman.

“I’ll keep watch, I slept earlier.”

He stifled another sneeze that made his nose almost hit his kneecaps but he kept going, heading to the border of their camp, wanting to leave everything behind him.


I have no clue if anyone reads this, but I like writing it so I’m keeping on haha. Thanks for reading this if you are here J












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