„One Termers“ in the forum – What do you think of them?

[Hedgehog]

Without telling any names, I’m sure, you all know what I mean – those members who sign up, validate, are very active for some weeks or months – writing observations, stories, everything – but then, they suddenly disappear. I wouldn’t say “forever” because we can’t know, but like… you haven’t seen them again for at least a year.

Now, I know that interests can change. So, you might be a member on a forum for a certain game or TV-show for a while; and then, you may find something new. But that’s a fetish; and you can’t just “change” it like a pair of shoes. What do you think happened to those who never returned (yet)?

Did they find a “better way” to live with their fetish and talk about it?

Did they find the “perfect partner” and don’t need this site anymore?

I know, it’s pure speculation; but I’m still interested in your thoughts.

I had some very long times of absence myself – the reasons were different – mostly time- or stress-issues; but sometimes also a certain fandom that I was caught in. And I’m usually quite passionate with things like that…

[Kuchafya613]

Personally, I go through rather lengthy periods of inactivity and it's partially due to how people use the site. If you're the type of person who posts obs and stories and posts frequently, then yeah, you'll use the forum all the time. Likewise, if you're the type of person who has a bunch of friends on the Forum, you'll be much more likely to visit. However, I'm the type of person who will occasionally comment on a post if I'm interested and have the time to do so; I don't post unless there's something that I simply must share here. And I've made a couple of amazing friends on the forum, but we've exchanged contact information and no longer communicate here. So I'll log on, catch up on what I've missed, and then disappear for a couple of weeks or months. I'm sure that some people are the same way, but with even longer periods of inactivity. Also, people could fear that other people will find out about the fetish and stop logging on, they could move somewhere with super spotty Internet connection, they could find another fetish that arouses them more...anything's possible.

[Garnet]

I agree with most of Kucha's points. For those who don't yet have PM's or alternate means of communication, who might be new to the site and discovering what they like and who they like, you see them around more frequently. More often than anyone experiencing any trauma (real life or mental/emotional) as a result of their fetish and peacing out, I suspect that many just find their groove with certain people and take their interactions either off-site or into private. 

I'm largely speaking for myself, there, too! I have very distinct hot and cold periods with the forum, with the "cold" spots being when I was close with another fetish or fetish-sympathizing friend and could vent my interests through private roleplay or story sharing. Right now I visit it almost every day, but only to monitor the multitude of large, ongoing roleplay PM's I have going with a few of the other members I've struck a close personal friendship with. The rest of the forum, while I skim the "New Unread Content" tab now and then, is largely background noise that I groom for occasional drama. All of my creative and fetish needs and maybe even capacities are otherwise met privately, where I can ensure personal enjoyment and quality control/people whose interests match mine. It's to the extent that I don't often feel the need to show anyone else my writing, visit the chat, etc. It's a bit sad because I did have a few more casual acquaintances that I feel that I've drifted from, in the community. On the other hand, all of my emotional needs are pretty satisfied right now, so the only reason I venture onto the public boards is to share a rare personal opinion or to post an even rarer story or art snippet. 

I've gone through this cycle at least three or four times with other close forum friends that I end up socializing with primary over another instant messenger or multiplayer game, so I expect this trend to continue!

Something else to mention, especially as of late, is that fetish communities rise and fall in popularity on other platforms. Blue isn't a favorite place for many, just the biggest target audience. The tumblr community especially has been booming lately. If I want discussion and humor more in line with my tastes and on a platform that naturally attracts less of the people I dislike on Blue, I'll 100% visit there first. There was a similar rise and fall of popularity and "one termers" several years back with Akutenshi's Green Forum. 

TL;DR: People find their groove and would rather explore it in more private/personal communities than the broader spectrum of the forum.

Edited December 30, 2016 by Garnet
cannot words

[•.*°•☆. Q .☆•°*.•]

Another reason that someone might make an account, post a whole lot, and then seemingly disappear is that many people join the forum fairly young, when they're first discovering themselves. Such a young person would be very! enthusiastic! about finding people similar to themselves, and as such would post and comment a lot, all over the place. There are loooooaaaads of reasons for those young people to suddenly vanish. Young people are sometimes impatient with the validating period, and start coming less or stop coming at all, for example. (Not that i see anything wrong with the validating period, myself. I think it is a good thing, and always have.) Even after validation there are reasons. Young people are more likely to have their computer privileges taken away if a parent finds them on a fetish site, especially in more conservative families. If a young person is on the forum and receives unwanted or confusing PMs from older forum members, they might feel intimidated or uncomfortable about coming back here, and decide to leave rather than to contact Staff, especially if they're new members and don't know if they can trust Staff yet, or are coming from other boards on the internet where Staff were untrustworthy. And it's also possible that the young person joining simply doesn't have the fetish as so much of a prominent aspect of their personality as i think many of us perennial forum members do, as well. If it's just something they find kinda hot and kinky, but they don't have a big focus on it in their life, they might log out one day and forget they even became a member here, or just not feel the drive to post about anything after the "novelty" of finding the site wears off.  

[SneezyHolmes]

Generally, I'll go through periods of intense interest/the need to be fulfilled fetish wise and will come here to either post my art or read any new content posted otherwise it's strictly for role playing. And if nothing's going on then I won't check back as often/for a while.

I think for a lot of people it's either the validation period that does them in or they simply drift away for private/personal reasons. Needless to say though, I've spent a long time wondering where those people go too.

[Pearlised]

I think it might have something to do with how novel this place would be, and how quickly that wears off too. 

You come here and discover all this stuff and all these people who she are the same interests and you're interested in contributing and being a part of your new community. But then the novel wears off and they find peace in knowing they can contribute if they want to, or they can just enjoy in the pre-existing content. 

I definitely think there's something to be said for sexual hot and cold points, too!

[TwinklingStars053]

I may or may not have been one of those people, I feel like I was. After I got validated, I disappeared for a while. In my case though, it was a matter of coincidence. Shortly after I got validated, I had to leave my home for a couple of months because of my job. I didn't log on because I simply didn't have the time to. Now that I'm back home, I'm able to log on again. Hopefully this helps answer your question.

 Honestly, there are lots of reasons why people might disappear. Maybe they got caught using this site and they're to embarrased to log on again. Or like Quing Nerd mentioned, if they're young, they got they're internet privilege taken away by a conservative family.

I agree with what others have already mentioned too.

[Seniorstatus14]

I kind of feel like TwinklingStars053 might be onto something. When I first joined the site, I was in high school and my parents would always read over my shoulders if they were in the room or worse, if I left my computer in the room when I went upstairs they'd use it to look something up and they'd view the browsing history. They're very overprotective/conservative. So I used to log on only after I knew they were asleep and then delete my history. 

When I went away to college it became easier to log on everyday. However, my introvertedness follows me online too. I rarely post. I log on, check my pms and respond, see if there's any new stories in the fandoms I like and then log off. Sometimes I'll post a blog or a new topic. Once in a blue moon I'll comment on things. Rarely I'll post a new story. 

Maybe, people are like me. Quiet online and offline. I'm an "active" user in the fact that I browse everyday but I'm not in the fact that I have long periods of time where I don't post a single thing on the site despite coming on everyday.

[chalkdust]

I am on more often or less often depending on life.  I also am not very artistic or a good writer so I am not able to contribute much.  I have been on the site for a long time but because I am not very creative, I haven't really made any personal connections here. 

[Kiwifruit]

I used to be a lot more active on here, these days I don't visit often. For me, being in a relationship sort of focuses my sexual desires onto my partner, so that I'm not interested in others. Therefore I lose interest in reading stories or observations and even parricipating in general discussion etc. I'm married now to a wonderful man who indulges me so I just don't feel particularly interested in the sexual parts of the forum. 

Socially, I keep in touch with my closer friends outside the forum now. I used to come in chat often, but I don't really have time these days and prefer to spend my free time offline. Plus I now use reddit as my go-to for boring moments when I pull out my phone

[LeapYearKisses]

I'm not a one-termer at all, having now been part of the forum for close to seven years (howwwww) but I think everyone else has really struck something with the young audience.  I wasn't "young" when I found the forum, in that I was about to go off to college, but I lurked for a few months because I was kind of afraid my family would find out and I was pretty naive and afraid (lol) about things that engaged my sexuality in a "real" way, like wavs, that were not just fanfiction I could pretend was something completely vanilla if someone caught me reading it.  There was definitely an aspect of self-monitoring for fear that my family would find out.  Then college happened and it was fine.

But I also really like to use the forum based around fan-content, so one of the reasons why I'll disappear periodically is because there isn't anyone else around who is in the same fandom as me.  And while I do create for myself, it's hard to be motivated to post a lot of content that you don't think anyone will look at.  Hence just enjoying privately.  Also I'm really bad at communicating with people, so sometimes I've left because talking to someone (not RPing but conversing) every day stressed me out even though I liked them a lot... This is why I don't have that many friends.

[Hedgehog]

On 8.1.2017 at 3:28 PM, Kiwifruit said:

For me, being in a relationship sort of focuses my sexual desires onto my partner, so that I'm not interested in others. Therefore I lose interest in reading stories or observations and even parricipating in general discussion etc. I'm married now to a wonderful man who indulges me so I just don't feel particularly interested in the sexual parts of the forum. 

That's the most wonderful reason for being "less active" here now, I could imagine.

 

Also - thanks to everybody else who's answered till now. There are a lot of very logical reasons.

Edited January 10, 2017 by hedgehog

[Juniebee]

I made an account on here but barely used it for a few months. Then, my dad put this K9 filter thing on my and my brother's laptops, jsut to protect us from creepy websites, and he unlocked anything we asked him to unlock ( as in, it labelled tumblr as porn, so I asked him to unlock it). For almost a year it was the main reason I couldn't use the forum, until one day I pretended I was looking for a fanfic that was on thsi site ( I was not logged in) and asked him to unlock it for me. He didn't suspect a thing. Then a few months after that I became comfortable on here and became an active used. The thing is , my parents are conservative, but I don't really use this website as porn, but its more tha it would be hard to explain that to them. But I think it was more that he wasn't suspecting anything, if he was , he would have seen the word " feitsh" and been on to me. It was more me being afraid of being found out and getting in trouble than knowing I would get in trouble. That was a  reason I wasn't on here for a while. 

So my point is, my guess is with young people that not necessarily that they got found out, but more that in some roundabout way they can't access the forum for a months so they don't use it. 

[Juniebee]

^ I should note that the " K9" period was before I actually got comfortable and active here, I'm just citing that a similar thing could have happened to someone who suffers sudden inactivity. The ironic thing is that, in general , my parents are really trusting with internet/computers and I've had my own laptop for a while, personally, but not all young people are that lucky. So it may not be that they were found out and punished, but maybe they were found out and it was embarrassing they couldn't log back on for a while, or a router proxy rendered the site inaccessible to them, or now they're sharing their dad's computer because there's broke so they aren't comfortable logging on. I always think it's family related when it's a young person. 

And SeniorStatus14 and anybody else talking about browsing history- I only *ever* use this site on incognito mode....

[notreallyhere]

I may be one of those one-termers.

For me it's a function of how paranoid I am at any given time about someone finding out who I am, vs my desire to share, post or respond, vs my desire to read sf-y stuff, vs real life. 

I almost always use this site incognito, so it's just quick reading through. I don't log in to post unless I really want to respond, or have something to share.

I'm also pretty quiet, so this doesn't happen that often. 

Edited January 11, 2017 by notreallyhere

[Shamaël]

On 30/12/2016 at 2:02 PM, hedgehog said:

those members who sign up, validate, are very active for some weeks or months – writing observations, stories, everything – but then, they suddenly disappear.

I can't speak for those who have left the forum, but one of the feelings I have since I am on this forum (I signed up 3 months ago) is a great relief because I can at last share my feelings with people who understand me (I mean, my boyfriend knows and sometimes indulges me and it's great but he doesn't really understand, if you see the difference). I have repressed it  for so long that everything comes out of me at the same time, now that I can express it. I don't know if I make myself quite clear, it's difficult to explain. But maybe, with the time, the need to express it decreases, and, for some people, completely stops - because they have been able to let it out and that was all they needed?

[Knicker14]

I find it hard sometimes to get alone time to use the forum and be active. most of the time I log in have a look around then get interupted.  My guy knows about my fetish but ive never told him about the forum (yet) and family/friends dont know. 

[sneezewuv]

On 12/30/2016 at 9:38 PM, Seniorstatus14 said:

However, my introvertedness follows me online too. I rarely post. I log on, check my pms and respond, see if there's any new stories in the fandoms I like and then log off. Sometimes I'll post a blog or a new topic. Once in a blue moon I'll comment on things. 

Same here. I rarely post and I come on pretty much every day. In fact this post is probably my first in a few months.

[Stegosaurus]

I am guilty of this in many different areas. Even my own Facebook account lies dormant for months at a time, at times. I try to be active, but sometimes I go through periods where I just want to close myself off for a while. I do have a couple very good friends, and they always know how to reach me, but I do go through periods where it's easier than others.

 

I'd never heard of the phrase "sexual hot and cold" points before this thread, but I like it, and if I'm interpreting it correctly, I think there's a lot of truth to it. My fetishes play a big part in my life, but usually in waves. I'll go through periods where I'm very active and enjoy contributing as much as possible to my respective communities, but then I'll become somewhat sexually dormant for a while. It's my understanding that this is common for people like me (ASD).

 

Of course, my recent absence has been purely mechanical, as I've had several relatives in my life requiring urgent medical attention and multiple surgeries, so I've spent much of the last few weeks in hotels near hospitals, often without my laptop, and in a state of mind that does not encourage sexual exploration.

 

At the end of it, though, I always enjoy coming back and being able to interact and share with people. I'm not intimately familiar with anyone here yet (not personally - I do know some people by sight), but I hope it's only a matter of time before I make some good friends here.

[starsoup]

I go through brief periods on this site and then don't come back for a long time for two specific reasons.  First, it's fun to be away for a while and then come back to lots of new things to read.  Second, you really have to commit yourself to getting validated.  I get why, but I always run out of steam and don't want to spend that much time reading PG stuff, I mean, it is a fetish site after all.

[Medowsweet]

Ooooh noooooo!!!!  I AM ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE!!!!

I have also lost 2 friends here who I RPed and Chatted with for like 300 repetitions and then they suddenly vanish, never to be seen or heard from again!  That made me so sad!  

Anyway, here is my PERSONAL reason for being "One of THOSE people"

I am a very busy single mom.  I work full time and I am raising a 6 year old kid alone.  It's super hard to fit everything in.

I tend to go through a series of mini obsessions.  Could be a TV show or movie, could be art, role playing, health, politics, getting a new dog, whatever.

Usually whatever my obsession is takes up all my limited time.

When I got my puppy all my internet time was in dog training and puppy stuff.

When I got into art I spent my free time drawing and painting.

Then I got into a TV show and community about that (my private fantasies also revolved around that but didn't turn into full blown stories)

Been arguing politics on some forums lately, and spent my time researching my point and crafting cleaver responses.

Been into diet, fruits, veggies, and clean eating and went through a phase researching that.

Mainly I never lose this fetish, but I am Demisexual with a fairly low sex drive, so I can go a long time without thinking about it, or if I need a once-a-month fantasy I have my old standbys, characters in my head I dearly love that have years of personality, stories, and work that have gone into them.  

I have occasionally snuck the fetish into mainline role playing in subtle ways, or I may pull up a you tube video with headphone before falling asleep- but the fetish becomes a very small part of life.

Then I get a story idea or somthing triggers me and I come back with a vengeance because this phases in as my current "main hobby".

[Hankysneeze]

This is a easy answer....we all have life's and jobs outside the forum. I would love to spend all day chatting to other fetishists and posting, however needs must , them bills won't get paid ? 

[Hedgehog]

@Hankysneeze I somehow have the feeling you don't understand my post (or don't want to understand?). I've never awaited someone being here all day or every day. I spoke about members who are active for some weeks / months, but then you never see them again.

[Hankysneeze]

4 hours ago, hedgehog said:

@Hankysneeze I somehow have the feeling you don't understand my post (or don't want to understand?). I've never awaited someone being here all day or every day. I spoke about members who are active for some weeks / months, but then you never see them again.

I do understand, don't take my answer personally, I wrote the reply from my point of view, those that post then completely disappear may have had life changes that make them disappear. No hard feelings hedgehog ?

[Prodigy]

As someone who used to be a regular for many, many years (and even a moderator, for a season of my membership), the most applicable answer I can personally give is that my life/lifestyle has changed. I was quite young when I joined the forum. Everything was new, I had a lot more time on my hands, and there was this vast sea of material I hadn't yet discovered. It seemed like the community was much more active then, or maybe it was the novelty factor that kept me occupied and constantly finding something new to read. The membership was certainly smaller, the more regular users more active. It was like a safe haven for weirdos who liked this kind of thing. Before YouTube, we had to actively seek out TV shows and movies and set our VCRs to tape some of the more infamous clips. If you wanted something custom, there were avenues to get that, too, but you'd need to have a VHS mailed to you and there seemed to be quite a lot of mail fraud going on in buying/selling/trading. 

Nowadays, my life is very busy. I choose to contribute in different ways, but occasionally overshoot my own comfort level and then I go into hiding again. My personal life is hectic at the best of times now that I have a home to run, and kids to care for, and a marriage that requires upkeep. So not only do I not always have the time to "enjoy" the finer points of Forum life, my energy is also at a premium, and with small children around I am rarely alone. 

I certainly don't think I'm alone in this. Many of the old names have faded away, probably still reading as guests or signed in anonymously from time to time, but otherwise finding themselves feeling a bit of a "generation gap" between how the good old days used to be, and the new crop of regulars that have taken over. And depending on what really "turns your crank", you can find material on YouTube without ever accessing the Forum, or indeed just popping in as a guest to take what you like instead of reciprocating with participation. It sounds selfish, but it's an unfortunate side-effect of so much material being out there now as opposed to created and shared only within these walls.