Heaven (Lucifer; M)

[Spoo]

I just finished binge-watching this entire show in less than a week (if you know where my priorities are, please let me know so I can get them back!) and now it's all I can think of.  This was too short to be a proper fic and a little longer than an average drabble, but I decided to stick it here in Drabbles anyway. Set somewhere early on in Chloe and Lucifer's partnership, so season 1-ish? That sounds about right.  

Enjoy!   

~*~

 

Heaven

by Spoo 

 

“The body hasn’t been here long by the looks of it,” Detective Chloe Decker pointed out, gesturing at the motionless figure that lay in a crumpled heap at her feet. “In fact, I think she might have been in the process of—seriously? What part of ‘not tampering with evidence’ don’t you understand, Lucifer?”

The tamperer in question didn’t so much as spare a fleeting glance in his partner’s direction; he was far too busy going through the small stack of CD’s that had been found a few feet away from the corpse on the floor.

“Not bad taste, really,” he observed, wiggling Radiohead’s ‘Pablo Honey’ at Chloe. He flipped through two more CD's in the collection and then made a theatrical noise of disapproval when he came across one album in particular. “I take it back. She had awful taste. If anyone’s a victim here it’s me for being subjected to the atrocities that ARE the Backstreet Boys.”

Chloe looked torn between snatching the CD’s away from Lucifer and smacking him. Maybe she’d combine both tempting urges and smack him with the CD’s. “Can we please get back to the actual victim?”

Lucifer bent down to return the CD’s to their former place and then stood into his towering height again. “It’s not as though she’s going anywhere. Are you, darling?” he asked, glancing at the dead woman. “Hmmm. Surely there’s something in this ghastly bedroom that can redeem a terrible choice in music.”

And ‘ghastly’ was putting it mildly, he thought. The room itself was in a dreadful state - as though it had been previously inhabited by an overgrown middle schooler hellbent on remaining in the 90’s. There were colorful Lisa Frank posters upon every wall, along with Beanie Babies and other childish trinkets lining tables and shelves. There had to be something worthwhile in all of the--ah.

“Hello,” Lucifer purred slowly, catching sight of an incense holder. “This looks as though it doesn’t fit in. Wouldn’t you agree, Detective?”

“Lots of people like to burn incense,” Chloe noted, folding her arms across her chest as she failed to see Lucifer’s point. "It's not exactly as uncommon as you think."

“I’m well aware of its popularity. In fact, I find it odd how often it's used in a fair number of religious rituals,” he mused. “No idea why. It’s not as if it entices the Holy Spirit.”

Plucking one of the unlit sticks from the open pack, Lucifer sawed it an inch or so below his nostrils. As expected, the scent that met his nose was the last thing from inviting. In fact, it was so uninviting that he set it down almost immediately with a cringe.

Chloe huffed and turned back to the body, because somebody had to do their job around there (since Lucifer was clearly occupied inspecting everything else but the reason they’d been called to the scene). She had just crouched to get a closer look at the gash on the victim’s neck when a sudden, sharp intake of air successfully stole her attention.

Lucifer, who was still standing where she’d last seen him by the incense, had frozen in place. There was a distant look in his dark eyes, like he was confused about something. Either that or he’d seen or thought of a crucial detail in the murder.

“Lucifer?” Chloe called him, and when he didn’t respond she tried again, louder: “Lucifer?”

That seemed to get through to him. At least enough to have the man looking at her through filmy, squinting eyes. “Sorry, I seem to be experiencihh…hh!”

In the time it took Chloe to process what was happening, Lucifer was already snapping to the side and bending into a loud, uncovered sneeze.

“HUHHR’ESCHHHh’oo!”

Chloe blinked. Had she ever seen Lucifer sneeze before? She couldn’t recall a previous event, so this must have truly been the one and only time. “Bless you,” she said, surprised to even find herself saying the phrase.

Lucifer sniffed in the aftermath of the unfamiliar action and scoffed. “Pointless phrase. It does nothing to keep your damned soul away from my evil clutches.” He rubbed at his long nostrils, which arched and flared at his own attention in their vulnerable state, and then shivered slightly. “In any case, that was a rather stimulating first.”

“First?” Chloe echoed. “Are you trying to tell me that you’ve never sneezed before?”

“Not in this form, no,” Lucifer answered. A wicked grin displayed his eyeteeth as another ticklish sensation sparked to life somewhere deep in his nose. “Tell me, does it always feel so good?” And before Chloe could answer, he was again overtaken by yet another powerful sneeze. “HUHH’EHSCHHHh’uih!—ohhhh yes, that’s absolutely sinful. To what scent do I owe such pleasure?”

Reaching for the pack, Lucifer read the label that encased the bundle of incense; the thrilled smile on his face dimmed and disappeared altogether once the name became clear to him.

“Heaven,” he deadpanned. “Of course it’s bloody 'Heaven' scented.” He set the incense down, sniffing again, and walked over to finally join Chloe by the body. She was still looking up at him in disbelief, and he remedied it by saying with a final sniff: “If you’re quite done staring at me, Detective, I believe we’ve a murder to solve.”

 

END.

[Leafeon78]

Aww this was really good thanks for writing this. 

[Garnet]

Oooh boy. I've never seen and know nothing about this show, but you do a bang-up job of making this fellow very attractive. I always love your writing, Spoo, even the drabbles that leave me wanting more! Also, guh. Those spellings? To die for. (No pun... intended?)

I might have to give this show a peek now. Thank you for sharing!

[AngelEyes]

Oooh. Devilishly delightful! LOL

[HideAndGoSneeze]

On 8/21/2017 at 0:25 PM, Spoo said:

“Tell me, does it always feel so good?” And before Chloe could answer, he was again overtaken by yet another powerful sneeze. “HUHH’EHSCHHHh’uih!—ohhhh yes, that’s absolutely sinful. To what scent do I owe such pleasure?”

Reaching for the pack, Lucifer read the label that encased the bundle of incense; the thrilled smile on his face dimmed and disappeared altogether once the name became clear to him.

“Heaven,” he deadpanned. “Of course it’s bloody 'Heaven' scented.

I DIED. This whole thing is so ON POINT!! <3

[AngelEyes]

Ok. It's all your fault! I was intrigued. So I started watching the show. Yesterday. I'm halfway through the first season! Lol. Definitely Hot!

[Sneesee]

I have never watched this show, but I seriously LOVE what you wrote!!! Amazing!!!

[Spoo]

7 hours ago, AngelEyes said:

Ok. It's all your fault! I was intrigued. So I started watching the show. Yesterday. I'm halfway through the first season! Lol. Definitely Hot!

OMG, YESSSS!  Isn't he just amazing? So cheeky and hot.  

 

Also, thanks to all who commented!  Especially those who have never watched the show before.

[bangbang]

I have owed you a comment for this for DAYS. I've also never seen this show (but I agree that his nose is incredible) but this was amazing. I love your spellings, as always (they're so masculine and chesty and booming and ugh they fit perfectly) and I love their banter. And I ESPECIALLY love him enjoying the sneezes - that's such a delicious detail, especially when he calls the sensation "sinful" askskdjcjejf kill me now. 

Love that the incense is called Heaven. HA. 

Your stories are always so amazing and detailed and I LOVE IT. 

[Rook]

JUST GONNA SLIDE INNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

OH HOLY HELL OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDDDSNESS YOU ARE AMAZING

[RemedyBane]

that was actually pretty funny and spot on. YOu play Luci well. I hope there will be more parts or drabbles in the future? love it  <3 

[March Hare]

So I just got into this show a couple days ago...

and GOOD NO WAIT BAD GOD DO YOU DO IT JUSTICE.

How are you such an expert at capturing the tone of tv-show banter, Spoo my darling? This is so, so, SO exactly what I want. In fact, I am almost tempted to ask you for the favour of entertaining the notion of writing a Lucifer fic with me. I mean, really, this.

You can write Lucifer if I get to write Amenadiel

[HideAndGoSneeze]

1 hour ago, March Hare said:

So I just got into this show a couple days ago...

and GOOD NO WAIT BAD GOD DO YOU DO IT JUSTICE.

How are you such an expert at capturing the tone of tv-show banter, Spoo my darling? This is so, so, SO exactly what I want. In fact, I am almost tempted to ask you for the favour of entertaining the notion of writing a Lucifer fic with me. I mean, really, this.

You can write Lucifer if I get to write Amenadiel

YES. MORE LUCI LOVERS!!