Telling your SO: Pros & Cons

[Sophie<3]

Hi everyone!

For a while now, I've been debating whether or not to tell my boyfriend about my kink. I'm pretty sure I don't want to tell him, or at least not yet. But - maybe by some strange Freudian mechanism or something - I've noticed that I often forget to wipe my laptop's history. Plus, my boyfriend likes reading my stories, and I often have to do a quick check for on-topicness before sending/ reading something to him. So lately I've been wondering what would happen if he just discovered it. And I found myself thinking that maybe it wouldn't be the worst...? Anyway, that's why I decided to compile this pros and cons list for myself and everyone else. Feel free to comment on it or add to it! (I've put the reasons that are most important for me personally in bold.)

 

Pros:

- No more hiding. No more stressful moments of almost getting caught.

- No more lying. I hate being dishonest in any way when I'm with him, and occasionally, small lies can't be avoided. Like when I spend the night writing on-topic fic, he asks me what I've been doing and I have to make something up, because if I tell him that I wrote he story, he'd be really interested in reading it.

- He could beta my sick fics!

- Maybe he'd agree to... take part in it. Which could be amazing in several ways.

- My ex knew about it. In a way, it feels a little unfair that now he knows this intimate thing about me and my current boyfriend doesn't.

- Sometimes I think that... I want him to know me. All of me. And it would be wonderful if he could accept this weird part of who I am.

 

Cons:

- He might be really disturbed by it or not know how to handle it or something, which would be horrible.

- Sometimes I really enjoy the innocence of him not knowing about this. Like, when he sneezes or blesses somebody or something, I want to see his natural behavior. Obviously, if he knew, I could never have that again.

- In a way, it's cool to have this little secret.

- Once I had told my ex, he kind of developed a mental block about sneezing in front of me. :/ I feel like the same could happen to him.

- Though I trust him completely, telling him something like this would obviously give him a lot of power over me.

 

[Shamaël]

Hello Sophie!

I don't have much to add to your pros and cons, since I was feeling exactly the same before I told my boyfriend (except for the beta, because I can't imagine him reading my stories... it's way too personal for me).

And I feel bad to write this on the forum, because my boyfriend is really amazing and I love him, but sometimes I wish I had not told him. I mean, most of the time I prefer it this way, because I don't like to lie to him, but it obviously changed his behaviour. He sneezes a lot and he didn't develop a mental block (for which I am grateful), but now he is a bit too much aware of what it does to me, if you see what I mean. You talk about "the innocence of him not knowing", and that's exactly what I have lost. For instance, I loved the way he apologised after a sneezing fit, because he was embarrassed - but now he doesn't do it anymore. And he indulges me, and yes, it is great, but in the same time I can't manage to explain him what I like, so it's not as satisfying as I would have thought. Because now that I have said the most difficult (telling him about the fetish), I just can't go into the details. I'm completely stuck. And I feel bad because I'd like to tell him but I just can't...

Anyway, I competely understand your hesitation. I hope that, whatever choice you make, you'll be satisfied with it. And maybe your subconscious will decide for you, if you forget to wipe your laptop's history!

[Snowball]

I told my boyfriend about a year ago, and I'm really glad I did. When I told him, he said he was glad I did because it made happy to know I felt comfortable enough to share such a personal thing with him. At first, I was really shy about it and we didn't really talk about it much afterwards, but after I few months I got a little more confident about it. He has tried to indulge me, but has had no success with inducing. Now that he knows, he often gives me a mischievous little grin after he sneezes, which I think is cute   Also, before I told him, he would stifle his sneezes and cover them most if the time, whereas I preferred his unstifled, uncovered sneezes. Now, he lets them go all the time which I love!

Based on my own experience, I would say go for it, but only if you feel ready.

[pixiefurby124]

I told my girlfriend at the time, and it just started out as this subtle thing.

When we were making out, she leaned over to the side and sneezed (cutest, sexiest thing ever) and I mentioned I thought it was cute.

Later that week when we were making out (we made out alot), she did it again and I asked her if maybe she roll with it into some foreplay.

I did it in very small amounts but she say how much it turned me on, and heavily bought into it.

She wasn't able to induce well, but could fake a sneeze to an almost perfect degree. 

Near the end, even though she did not have the fetish to begin with just faking a sneeze was enough to get both of us going pretty well.

I guess what I'm trying to say is you can go slow or fast, and discovering how it affects your physical relationship over time is fun.

Totally your decision however, best of luck and let us know what you choose!

[HowFitting]

I've thought about telling my SO many times over the years but still haven't as I am afraid of making him self conscious, or embarrassed and all of the other reasons Aliena mentioned on her con list. I can see how it could bring everything up a notch (or a lot more!) but the potential benefit doesn't outweigh the risk to me personally.